DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.
Chapter 9: In The Final Year
Lily was in hospital for almost a full two months, leaving James alone to try and get the hang of this parent thing. Somehow, between him and Sirius and Remus, who had abandoned their place (Remus was rooming with Sirius again following another undeserved dismissal) for his for the first month, they managed to figure out what to do. Peter, who was notorious for his aversion to anything that depended on serious attention, dropped by from time to time, but never stayed long.
James had left Godric's Hollow for the time being, preferring to be at the London flat so as to be closer to Lily. Every day, he took Harry in to see her, still worried by how sickly she still looked.
Lily didn't seem to take note of her own frailty, breaking into a radiant smile and a laugh whenever he and Harry walked through her hospital room door, talking animatedly to James as she held Harry – still with James' support. He smiled and laughed while he was there, but once he was back home, he fretted and frowned over her.
One evening in late September, after their visit with Lily, James was lying on the bed on his stomach, Harry lying on his back in front of him. As he let Harry grab onto his finger, it suddenly struck him that Harry wasn't too healthy, either, still. He was almost two months old, surely his grip should be a little firmer by now? Making a mental note to ask the Healer tomorrow when he took Harry in for his examination, he continued to worriedly inspect his little baby son. Was he flushed? His little emerald eyes a little glazed? He seemed warmer than normal to James…
He wasn't going to wait until morning.
James watched Healer Awre worriedly as the middle-aged man gently went over Harry with his long fingers. "And he's how old, you say?" he asked softly, frowning when Harry caught one of his fingers.
"Just under two months," James replied, cringing when Harry let out a feeble cry of pain at the Healer gently pressing a spot on his little stomch.
"Was he premature?" Healer Awre asked, frowning at Harry's cry.
"Yes, two months," James said. 'Merlin, don't let anything be wrong…' he pleaded silently. All those frowns couldn't be good…
Healer Awre stood up straight again. "Who was the lead Healer at his birth?" he asked abruptly.
James groaned in frustration. "I don't know, every Healer in the bleeding hospital must've been there!"
"You don't remember any name at all?"
"Uh…" James tried desperately to think back to that long night and day. Meanwhile, Harry started up his weak cries and James scooped him up off the examination table. "O'Malley? Maybe?" he offered, cuddling Harry close. "Why?"
Awre went over to the filing cabinets in the corner, tapped one with his wand and said clearly, "Ryan O'Malley." He opened the drawer and took out a folder. "What's your son's name?"
"Harry. Harry Potter," James said, standing up and walking around to try and sooth Harry. "Why?"
"Well, I'll be honest with you, Mr. Potter, I'm baffled," Healer Awre said, still looking over the file. "It looks to me like just a case of infant fever, easily treated. But there are other symptoms that don't match up with a fever: sensitivity, which normally comes from an injury except I can't find any evidence of that…"
James made a sound of outrage. "I have never touched my son in that manner!"
"I'm not accusing you of anything, Mr. Potter. Like I said, there's absolutely no evidence of an injury. Has his grip and his cry always been this weak?"
James nodded. "Since the day he was born." He still kept Harry's bassinet in his own room, terrified that he wasn't going to hear him in the night if Harry woke up.
"See, and I've never seen a case like that, never, and I've been in this field for forty years."
James watched Harry for a moment. Then it struck him just how unique his son was. It had been an absolute miracle… "Could it have anything to do with the fact that my wife had suffered the Compliance Spell twice?" he asked softly.
Healer Awre looked at him. "Mr. Potter, that's impossible."
"I know," James said, letting Harry grab his finger. "We never could figure out why it reversed." Merlin, if it was Slughorn that had done this to his son, he was going to kill him…
"Well, if that's the case, Mr. Potter, your son's case is one-of-a-kind," Healer Awre said quietly. "I don't have a clue how to treat the rest of it. Best I can do is to tell you to treat the fever. Give him a cool bath when you get home. I'll get you a prescription for Fever-Reductor, you can mix it in with his bottles."
"Thank you, Healer Awre," James said.
"Bring him back in if the fever doesn't fade within a few days," Healer Awre said. "But if it doesn't fade, Mr. Potter…"
James shook his head. The Healer didn't have to tell him that he was walking into dangerous waters.
"He looks a little flushed, doesn't he?" Arabella fussed after the Order meeting that night.
James, a little tired of hearing that as Remus and Sirius and Frank and Alice had all just finished saying the same thing, sighed and repeated that Harry had a touch of infant fever (Alice was keeping Neville a good distance away, he noticed) and the Healer had said that it should fade in a few days.
"When's Lily supposed to be back home?" Dumbledore asked quietly.
"Sometime this week," James replied, worry in his voice. Lily still wasn't back to full health, but the Healers were quite insistent that they needed her out, there was nothing more they could do for her, any way.
He picked up Harry when he started to fuss again and tried to push that nagging little voice out of his head.
He could hear Lily's happy laughs from their bedroom, making him smile briefly. When he had left to go get some dinner ready, Lily had been playing with Harry on the bed. He had wheedled a promise not to try to do anything strenuous out of Lily, so she was lying down on the bed again, though she complained about having had enough bed rest to last the rest of her life.
Lily was clearly glad to be home with him and Harry. He had yet to see her smile fade, the glittering happiness in her eyes flicker. And it wasn't that James wasn't thrilled that she was home again, but he still fretted over how thin she was, how pale she was, the slight tremor in her hands.
After James had put Harry to bed, he rejoined Lily, grinning when she immediately sidled onto his lap. "How are you feeling?" he murmured, sliding his arms around her waist. Merlin, she was so gorgeous…
Lily kissed him softly. "A little cold," she purred, "and a little tired."
"Mm, well, let's see if we can't fix either of those," James said.
Lily yawned as she woke up, happily snuggling into James' side. Merlin, she had missed waking up with him. "James," she whispered. When he didn't even move, she repeated, "James," and started sliding over him to kiss him.
That got a response, as James groaned in his sleep. Satisfied that she still had the touch, Lily settled herself down on his chest, watching him sleep for a moment. Merlin, she loved how firm his chest was… Could she have ever imagined, all those years ago, that she'd find herself here? It was an absolute miracle.
A tiny little whimper from Harry's bassinet made her eye James one last time. He was clearly fast asleep – if she just got up, took Harry out and sat right back down, he couldn't get mad for that, right? Well, it was worth a shot.
Carefully, Lily slid back off of her husband, sat up and waited for the brief dizziness to fade. Grabbing her dressing robe, she put it on and made her way over to Harry. "Hi, Harry," she whispered as she picked him up. "What's the matter?"
She settled him securely into her arms and went back to the bed, resting her back against the headboard and pillows. "What's the matter, little boy?" she cooed softly as Harry whimpered again, waving his little arms. "You hungry? It's time to feed you, isn't it?" She shot another look at James, still sleeping deeply. She knew the Healers said not to switch him to breastfeeding now that she was home, they said she wasn't strong enough, it would sap her energy; but she hated to wake James. And she knew she wasn't going to be able to make it out to the kitchen herself.
She'd chance it. Harry was whimpering more urgently now. With one last glance at her slumbering husband, Lily moved her robe enough to let Harry catch onto her and brought him up. Her little son immediately stopped whimpering and started drinking greedily, occasionally stopping long enough to breath.
"Yeah, there you go," Lily whispered, rocking him slightly.
"Lily," came James' sleepy grumble as he sat up. "Lily, you're not supposed to be – "
"Hush, you," Lily ordered softly, a small smile on her face. "I'm fine." The smile widened when she felt him slide behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her neck. "Isn't he beautiful?" she asked him.
"Absolutely," James agreed. "Perfection incarnate. Just like his mother."
By the time her overprotective husband let her out of the flat for any length of time, Christmas was quickly approaching.
"Happy birthday, James," she murmured through a kiss on the evening of December 7. "I'm sorry there's no presents for you this year."
"You and Harry are presents enough," James assured her. "But don't overwork yourself at the meeting tonight, and we'll call it even."
"All right," Lily agreed, eyes sparkling at the prospect of leaving the flat for the first time since September.
"Lily!" Alice exclaimed in delight as James, carrying Harry in one arm, held open the doors of headquarters for Lily. "Oh, Lily, it's so good to see you back again!"
Lily smiled and laughed as she sat down with Alice to catch up. She reached to take Harry from James, but Sirius had already absconded with him, threatening not to give him back.
After the meeting was over, and Lily still wasn't quite sure how it came about, James and Frank got into 'my son can do anything your son can do' argument, which turned rather silly in a short space of time.
Alice laughed and looked at Lily, shaking her head as she resettled her sleepy baby on her lap. "Can you believe two buffoons like that gave half the genetic code of these little angels?"
Lily laughed softly as Harry, who was still wide awake thanks to Sirius and Remus, gave her a grin that was so much of James. "I can."
"Lily!" Persia called, waving her arm frantically across Diagon Alley. "Lily, over here!"
"Have a good afternoon, angel," James said, giving her a quick kiss goodbye. "You're sure you don't want me to take Harry?"
"Are you kidding?" Lily laughed. She nuzzled her son's cheek affectionately. "It's Mummy time. We'll be fine, James, don't worry."
"All right," James agreed. "I'm at the Ministry if you need me."
"Lily!" Dani ordered. Lily laughed again and headed over to where her two friends were standing in a little huddle.
"Oh my goodness, Lily, look at you!" Persia exclaimed when she reached them. "You look so good!"
"Hi, cutie," Dani cooed to Harry, seizing the little 5-month-old immediately. "Look at you, rosy cheeks…"
"Hmph," Persia finally said. "No fair. I can't even get Rick to propose, and you got James Potter to propose before you're even done school, and you get a baby."
"And an adorable baby he is, too," Lily agreed, reclaiming Harry. "Come on, let's get inside before he gets too cold." The three friends laughed and ducked inside the restaurant.
Finding a table near the window so that they could see if Sarah or Janet was going to show, the three women shed their cloaks, Lily laughing when a wiggly Harry made her work to get his little infant's cloak off.
"So are you still in London, Lily?" Dani asked. "I know James moved back into the city when you were in the hospital, Tom was telling me about it."
Lily sighed and resettled Harry on her lap. "I managed to convince James that we can move back out to Godric's Hollow after Christmas. I like it better out there, it's quiet."
"Merlin, he looks like James," Persia commented suddenly, watching Harry as he giggled at the attention and bounced happily on Lily's lap.
"I know," Lily said. "I love it."
"He's got your eyes, though," Dani added.
"Really?" Lily laughed, tickling Harry. "I hadn't noticed. It's not like everybody says that. Or that James points it out three times a day. Right, Harry? Yeah…"
"Hi, girls!" came Sarah's voice as she slid into another seat. "Janet said she'd be along shortly, she was just going to pick up her niece from her brother's house. Apparently she forgot that she said that she'd babysit when she agreed to come today. So Susan's along for the ride."
"They must be just beside themselves with grief," Persia commented. "I mean, her other brother and his wife and three kids, all killed?"
"I don't think the oldest one was even 10," Dani agreed. "And her sister, Amelia, being in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, too? Probably feeling guilty that she couldn't save them, and at Christmas, too…"
Lily sighed and half-listened to the conversation. It had been so hard to imagine the darkness descending on her world when she had been inside her safe, happy flat for months. The world had been happy, just because she only had James and Harry there, and it was hard to remember the darkness when her little boy gave her that big grin, just like he was doing now.
"I can't believe he'd show his face in public," she heard Sarah say contemptuously, and she brought herself back to attention. "After what he did to you, Lily? He's damn lucky he escaped Azkaban."
Oh. She was talking about Slughorn. Looking around, Lily felt her stomach freeze into little knots as she saw him coming in with some younger adults – men, she noticed – probably old members of the Slug Club.
"Oh, if he dares come over here, I'm going to sock him a good one," Janet announced, arriving at the table with a curly-haired blonde girl about Harry's age, maybe slightly older, on one hip. "Nice to see you, Lily, you look good. Did you know that he came to Amelia's and my flat the other day, wanted to 'extend his sincerest condolences' for Edward and Diana and the kids. Well, 'Melia told him where to stuff his 'sincerest condolences' and slammed the door. She doesn't like him, thinks he just wants to feel important because she's a shoo-in for Head of Magical Law Enforcement once Bartemius Crouch retires." She took off her cloak and Susan's. "Susie, don't wiggle so. She's staying the night at my place, Amelia and I decided to let Robert and Bernice have a break. Besides, she's adorable, isn't she? Like a little angel."
"How old is she, any way?" Persia asked. "She can't be that much older than Harry."
"She'll be a year old in May," Janet said cheerfully. "Harry was born in July, wasn't he, Lily? I suppose that means they'll be classmates in about ten years."
"I guess," Lily laughed. "Merlin, that's so far down the road, I'm not even thinking about school yet." It had bothering her lately, this nagging feeling that her time was coming to an end. She didn't want to think about it, didn't want to think about leaving, dying, now that she had Harry to fuss over.
"Well, if this doesn't look like a schoolgirls' reunion," came Slughorn's pleasant voice as he appeared behind Janet. He looked a little startled to see the displeased glares from the young women. "Miss March, Miss Zacharias, Miss Sinclare, Miss Bones," he paused as he looked at Lily, "Miss Evans."
"Mrs. Potter, actually," Lily replied coolly, concentrating on Harry, who was trying to crawl all over her.
"Ah, yes, I thought I'd heard a rumour of that," Slughorn said. "And this is…"
"My son," Lily said, a triumphant smirk threatening to escape when she saw the thunderstruck look on his face.
"Ah… yes, well, meeting some old students for a drink, must be going," he muttered, taking off with another dark look at Lily and Harry.
"Did you see the look on his fat face when you said that, Lily?" Sarah laughed. "As if he didn't expect you to be married."
"I think it was the baby that threw him off, actually," Dani spoke up. "Didn't seem too pleased… Lily?"
But Lily was playing with Harry, laughing as she steadied him on his feet and his little fingers tried to pluck at her face. "I know, sweetheart, I don't have glasses like Daddy for you to pick up and throw… can I have a kiss?" Harry shrieked with laughter as she kissed his nose lightly.
"He's going to be so spoiled, that little boy," Persia laughed.
"He already is," Lily replied. "Between James and Sirius and Remus, honestly…"
"James?" Lily asked softly one night, as she was feeding Harry for what might be the last time: she had to start weaning him soon, he was getting pretty close to the year-old mark.
"Yeah, angel?" James asked, taking Harry from her once he was done drinking. He rubbed Harry's back until their little son had fallen asleep, then lay down and settled Harry on his chest, letting Lily snuggle into his side.
"James, can we try for another one?" she asked.
James looked at her momentarily. "Precious angel, are you sure about that?" he asked softly. "Remember how much trouble you had with Harry?" He sighed and kissed her lightly. "It's not that I wouldn't like to have another baby, Lily. I just don't know that I'm quite ready to go through all that drama again. Angel, it took you nearly half the year to recover."
Lily sighed. "Just a thought, James, that's all," she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'd still be happy with just Harry," she added.
Again, Lily was hit with that annoying, stabbing, nagging feeling like the end was drawing nearer. She was being ridiculous, she told herself firmly. The end was years and years away yet – well after Harry was grown. She was being paranoid because of her Sight. All those years of Divination, seeing death omens in tealeaves and Merlin knew what else were finally getting to her.
Sighing again, Lily watched her two men sleep, remembering that vision of this precise scene she had had so many years ago. Then, finally, she dropped off to sleep.
Lily smiled as she watched Remus coaxing Harry into a standing position outside on Harry's first birthday, snuggling herself up against James' chest. Sirius was supposed to be by later, same with Peter, but for right now, Remus had Harry all to himself and he was evidently going to take advantage of every minute.
Harry wobbled slightly on his little feet, but managed to stay standing. He shrieked with delight and looked at Lily and James.
"Yes, I see you standing, Harry," Lily called. She laughed when Harry started to lose his balance and landed on his well-padded bottom, looking quite shocked. Remus laughed and scooped Harry up again, setting him back on his feet and letting him cling onto his fingers.
"A-a-a-and one foot," Remus said, as Harry, eager to be loved upon and doted upon and having figured out that learning to walk would definitely result in love and doting, stepped one foot forward. "And the other. The other, Harry," but Harry had tumbled down, having tried to take two steps with the same foot. "Close," he comforted Harry, who was looking crestfallen and threatening to burst into tears.
"Hey, what's going on?" Sirius asked cheerfully as he Apparated in, shaking his hair out of his eyes.
Harry shrieked with delight again and reached his arms out. "Sius!"
There was a startled silence for a moment before Sirius laughed and snatched Harry out of Remus' arms. "Ha! He learnt my name first!" He grinned, tickling his godson and Harry's mad giggling filled the air.
"No, please, Hagrid, give him to me, I'm his godfather…" Sirius' voice was grief-stricken, trembling, desperate.
"Sorry, Sirius, can' do it. Dumbledore's orders, he's ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's."
"Sius!" Harry was screaming, sobbing, struggling to escape from Hagrid's huge arms. "Sius!"
"Please, Hagrid, I'm begging you…"
"Dumbledore said 'no', an' that's the on'y answer yeh'll git outta me, Sirius!"
Sirius' voice broke as he started to sob. "Then, can I at least hold him, Hagrid?"
"Siddown, Sirius, yeh look abou' dead, yeh'd drop the tyke." Sirius crumpled to the ground, still staring at the devastation in front of him. "There," Hagrid finally said gruffly, depositing Harry in his lap. "Jus' for a while, mind. Don' go gittin' no funny ideas of runnin', neither."
"Sius," Harry sobbed, clinging desperately to Sirius' robes. "Sius…"
"I know, Harry, I know," Sirius soothed, rocking the little boy gently. As he rocked his godson back to calmness, he brushed the hair away from his head to reveal a brilliant red lightning bolt.
Lily came back to the present with a start. Sirius had joined the mission to teach Harry how to walk with Remus, the two men coaxing Harry into trying to walk to each of them.
"What's the matter, Lily?" James asked her softly.
Lily sighed. "Nothing." That nagging feeling of impending doom returned, stronger than ever. They didn't have much longer, she and James.
A shout of triumph sounded from Remus and Sirius just as Peter Apparated in.
Harry had managed to take a few steps towards Remus, though he was stopping to make sure everybody had seen him do it. Then he wobbled again and lost his balance.
"That's what you get for showing off, Harry," Sirius laughed as he scooped him up again.
"James, Lily, can I have a word?" Dumbledore asked quietly.
"Yeah, sure, sir," James replied, passing Harry off to Sirius. "One moment."
"Mind you don't keep him up all night, now," Lily warned Sirius, who grinned and widened his eyes innocently, pointing at himself in a clear 'Who, me?' gesture. "If I get a cranky little boy back tomorrow morning, I will not be happy with you."
"Relax, Lily, I'm not about to keep him up all night," Sirius waved off her remark, settling Harry into his arms. "See you tomorrow." With that, Sirius quickly took off before Lily could add more instructions. One of these days, he was going to make good on his threats and he wasn't going to give Harry back in the morning.
"What is it, sir?" Lily asked, returning to the warmth of James' arm and looking at Dumbledore. Headquarters was completely empty save for them.
"I'm afraid I don't have good news," Dumbledore said seriously. "I've gotten word from a reliable source that Voldemort is coming after you."
"How reliable is this source?" James asked sharply after a moment of shocked silence, tightening his grip around Lily's waist as she felt her heart go ice-cold. All those months of trying to convince herself that she was being paranoid… all for nothing.
"Almost as good as hearing it from Voldemort himself," Dumbledore replied quietly. "I'm sorry, James, Lily. You need to start thinking about going into hiding."
"How in Merlin's name does somebody hide from Voldemort himself?" James asked shakily, as the severity of the situation began to hit him. Harry… Merlin, he needed to keep his little son safe. But how?
"I would suggest the Fidelius Charm," Dumbledore said, "but do think extremely hard about who you would choose for Secret-Keeper."
"Sirius," Lily said to James softly.
"Don't even need to think about it – " James started to agree, when Dumbledore interrupted sharply.
"Think, James. Somebody's turned traitor, somebody close to you. I don't know who, but somebody's been passing information to Voldemort for at least a year. I wouldn't be leaving Harry with anybody until this is resolved."
"I don't believe that Sirius would betray us," Lily said softly that night as she nestled into James' side on their couch. They had opted to leave Harry at Sirius' for the night, it would've raised too many suspicions if they'd gone to take him back now. "I don't believe that for a moment he or Remus or Peter would change sides."
"But who else could it be?" James asked, worry in his voice. "There's nobody else who knows enough about us to be giving Voldemort anything useful in information. Not even Persia and Danielle."
Lily bit her lip and buried her face into his shoulder. "I hate this war," she sobbed. "I hate this."
"I'm confident that Sirius isn't the traitor," James said to her quietly, kissing her gently. "I'd know, if he had changed sides. I'd know, I'm sure."
"I'm sure you would, too," Lily agreed.
"We'll ask Sirius tomorrow when we go pick up Harry," James whispered to her. "Is that all right with you?"
Lily nodded, worry still plaguing her mind.
"What's the matter, angel?" James asked, catching her under him and watching her eyes worriedly.
Lily felt the tears spring into her eyes. "We're not going to make it, James," she said softly. "I've been sensing it for months. I told myself I was just being paranoid…"
James kissed her gently. "Don't dwell on that, Lily. Maybe you were just being paranoid. Think about Harry. Think about watching him grow up. Don't think about dying now, because it's not going to happen."
"That's just it, though, James, I can't even imagine it. I try and I can't even picture him any older than he is now." Lily started to cry, letting James gently whisper soothing words into her ear, soft little kisses landing on her face. "I can picture other children older, but I can't see Harry any older."
Lily listened to the low, indistinct conversation downstairs as she laid Harry down on her and James' bed for a nap. Stretching out on her stomach, she gently rubbed her thumb across his soft, delicate little baby hands as they clung to her fingers; watching his rosy little baby face as he slept without a care in the world so long as he was clean, dry, fed and adored. What she wouldn't give to have that peace, just for a while.
"What's going to happen to you, Harry?" she whispered softly. "My sweet little baby boy, are you ever going to know how much Daddy and I love you?" She kissed his little nose, smiling as he whimpered slightly and wrinkled his face. "Sweet little Harry… I know you'll survive. I've seen it. But what's your life going to be like? I wish I could see you, just once, when you've grown up."
Lily gathered Harry into her arms and cuddled him close, sitting up and letting him resettle himself in her arms to continue his nap. She couldn't seem to stop the tears from escaping. The feeling was so strong, it threatened to overwhelm her.
James appeared in the doorway, face pale and worried. "It's done," he said quietly, sitting down next to her. He reached out and smoothed down a wayward tuft of Harry's hair. "What I wouldn't sell to have that peace," he murmured. "Life is so simple for him. Look at him – he's not worried about traitors and dark magic."
"As long as he can eat, sleep and play, he's happy," Lily agreed.