TV was like cancer for your brain. It rots it inside out, upside down, sideways, and underneath. And like everything else that is deadly to your health, it is completely addictive. You will watch things you wouldn't want to watch just because it is on TV.

"Christ, Heero man, I'll change the channel. Just, please, stop making that face," Duo laughed, flicking the sickeningly sweet Spanish soap opera away and landing on an infomercial.

"… and this whole set can be yours for only $19.95!"

"No way Bob! This whole set? Is that legal?"

"Yes, Jan, it is!"

"Oh God!" Duo moaned, changing the station again. "I don't know how one person can channel so much hate and anger into one compact glare."

"Lack of sex," Hilde said from next to him, eating popcorn.

"Hadn't thought of that one," Duo said. "Ooh. She's hot."

"Out of your league," Hilde said.

"Okay, at first, your cute little quippy comments were funny, now they're just annoying."

"Why do you have to be so defensive, Duo?" I asked, setting Hilde up.

"Lack of sex," Hilde responded, leaning over him to look at me with a nod, taking the cue.

"All right. That's it," Duo exclaimed and turned on her.

The remote went flying, the popcorn scattered and there was a scream as Hilde scrabbled to get away from Duo, but he was too quick. She shrieked with laughter as he tackled her. I sighed, watching them. They were idiots.

"Oh, wow. Now is such a bad moment to walk in on," Sally said from the door. "Sorry. I guess knocking might have been an idea, huh?"

Duo grinned up at her. "Come on, Sal. You know you want in on this."

"No thanks. I think I'll pass," she laughed.

Wufei walked in behind her. He gave Hilde and Duo a look, snorted and gave me a small nod. "What is that?"

"Duo," I replied. "Tea?"

"Thank you."

"Hey! I resent the fact that the entire act of foolishness before your eyes is summed up into my name," Duo said, pulling himself out of the pile on the floor. He helped Hilde up. "She was part of this too. In fact, she started it."

"Sugar?" I asked, half to provoke Duo and half because I needed to know if Wufei took sugar in his tea.

Wufei shook his head like I knew he would. Duo gaped at us.

"I was defending my honor. Wufei, of all people, I thought you'd understand that," he exclaimed, outraged at our lack of interest.

"What could she have possible said that was so offensive?" Wufei asked as Sally sat beside Hilde.

"I said, 'lack of sex,'" Hilde responded.

I handed Wufei a napkin, which he took.

"Would you stop playing Suzy Homemaker over there? This is a serious issue," Duo pressured, whining at me. "Jesus, I should buy you an apron."

"You're cranky," Sally said to him, taking the glass of water I handed her.

"Lack of sex," Hilde remarked with a nod.

Duo lunged for her and she squealed, shielding herself behind Sally.

We went out. To where was a mystery, but out nonetheless. Duo set off as if he knew where he was going and the rest of us followed, too lazy to make an argument. Sally and Hilde were talking amongst themselves. Bits of their conversation caught my ear.

"Eyes," Hilde said.

Sally gave a pleased moan of approval. "Eyes. Yes, eyes are nice. Dark, light, small, big, round, almond-shaped… eyes are nice."

I listened more intently. Wufei from next to me gave me a quick glance. He was listening too. Duo was looking ahead, looking for somewhere to eat. But I knew Duo, Duo wasn't stupid. Far from it. He was taking in every word.

"I like hair," Hilde said.

"Yeah, I guess, but hair can change any second."

"Shaggy hair. Hair that flops and makes you want to touch it. It makes you want to wash it. Like in those shampoo commercials. All sensual and sudsy."

Sally laughed. "Asses. Am I sick for thinking a guy has a gorgeous ass?"

"If you are, then I am too. Asses are nice. Two days ago, I went to the bank to deposit for the week and the guy standing in front of me had a great ass."

They went into detail on what the man's ass was like exactly. At that point, Duo caught my eye and made a slight gagging motion. They then moved on to who they knew who had nice asses. The electrician that came once to Preventer headquarters, James, one of the frequent customers of the scrap yard…

"You know who has a surpisingly nice ass?" Sally said.

"Hmm?"

"Quatre. I mean, he's thin, almost… gawky, but, to use Duo's expression, hot damn that man has a nice little backside."

"Oh yeah. Trowa has a superb ass. But, I guess you'd expect that with all the athletics he was into, being in the circus and all. Hey…"

There was silence for a second and then hushed giggling. I realized what was going and Duo caught my and Wufei's eye. They were checking us out. I could tell Duo was resisting the urge to prompt them.

He leaned over to whisper, "I feel like I should drop something and bend over."

I gave a small smile.

"So," Sally said loudly and we knew we'd been caught. "What do you boys like about girls?"

"I don't know, what do you expect us to say?" Wufei asked.

"Bobbies," Duo responded with a curt nod. "Big ones."

Hilde slapped the back of my head. "That was on behalf of all the small-breasted community."

Duo laughed and rubbed his head. "No, actually, I've never been a boob man. Big boobs are overrated."

"Sleep with me," Hilde said in an overly serious voice.

I saw an army of emotions run rampant over Duo's face for a moment before he clamped down on them and gave his usual smile. "Remind me when we get home."

"So, what do guys look at?" Sally asked again.

Wufei looked down at her for a second too long. I hid a smile. He shrugged. "It depends."

"What do you mean it depends?" Sally didn't sound mad, just curious. She was never one to be overly sensitive.

"Well, I mean, physically attractive is physically attractive and you can't deny that. But there are different types of attractiveness. There are some you don't even waste your time with because that's all they are, a waste of time. Like her for instance."

We all looked across the street at a young girl dressed in an overly short skirt with a low cut top and heels she could hardly walk in. She was very pretty, and had a gorgeous body, but the idea of her repulsed me. Wufei had pegged it perfectly.

"But I personally find the mouth very… enticing," Wufei responded.

"I'm not sure what my favorite feature is. It depends on the girl," Duo responded, sagely. I nodded my approval.

"Okay, so what do you think my best feature is?" Hilde teased and batted her eyelashes. "I bet it's my height. All long legs and willowy torso."

"You're eyes and your nose," Duo said quickly.

"My nose?" Hilde said, bringing a hand up to the feature in question.

"Yeah. It's a little pixie nose. It's cute. And your eyes say more than your mouth does. You express yourself with them. And as for your height, which you so brutally attacked, I think it's perfect. If you weren't small, I couldn't do this right." Duo wrapped her up in a tight hug and she was almost lost in his arms and shoulders. She laughed into his chest and gave a playful smack to his arm.

"He's right," I said. "For once."

"I resent that," he shot back.

"And Sally's?" Hilde asked.

"Wufei already said it, her mouth and her voice."

"Nice to know," Sally laughed.

"Hey, what about us?" Duo asked.

"These two don't want to know," Sally objected, waving a dismissive hand at me and Wufei.

We both stopped and turned to face them, blocking further progress. Duo laughed and stood in line with us.

"I think you're wrong," he said.

Sally laughed as well and shrugged at Hilde. "All right. You all three have gorgeous eyes."

"Smile," Hilde responded, pointing at Duo. Wufei was next and then me. "Arms and hands."

"Hands?" I repeated, slightly offended. "Why does he get smile and I get hands?"

"True, you do have this mind-blowing smile. But, hey, that's a compliment. Man." Hilde took one of my hands and examined it. I stared at her perplexed. "I mean, Jesus, they're really sexy. The way you use them. And they're nice and calloused and rough, like a guy's hands should be. Like if you used them to work hard at something, but they can be so perfectly gentle and when you're working at the yard or something, the way they move when you're fixing something or putting it together. Or when you cook, it's like water, all fluid and smooth."

"Okay, so back to my gorgeous and captivating smile," Duo interrupted and began walking again.