My eyes snapped open to a room as black as pitch. It was silent, completely silent, but I always knew. Maybe it was the smell, maybe just the presence, but I always knew. My feet touched the cold, wood floor of my room, but I got up without thinking about it. My eyes grew accustomed to the dark and in the hazy gloom, my furniture took shape. I made my way to the door, pulled it open silently and walked out into the hallway. The pictures that hung on the wall stared at me.

There was a picture of me and Duo when we first opened the yard. There was another of the five ex-pilots. Quatre and Trowa working on a motorcycle was hanging beside Heero scowling at a laughing Duo. There was another of me sitting atop Heero's shoulders, Wufei looking up at me as I held up a makeshift ping-pong trophy. But I didn't glance at the pictures. From the hallway I could see the downcast head, clutched in the anxious, white-knuckled hands.

Duo could be invisible. During the wars it was what made him so dangerous. After the wars it was what made him such a great practical joker. He knew how to move without making a sound, he knew how to disappear. He did it subconsciously too. One second he was in the kitchen behind you, complaining loudly about how there was no munster cheese for his sandwich and the next he was in his room, looking for something in his drawers.

I too had learned to step without making a noise during the wars, but I had to want to do it. I tread silently towards him, shifting my weight. His eyes were clutched tight and pain flitted across his face. My heart lurched in my chest.

"Duo?" I said softly.

His head snapped up at my voice and his blue orbs drowned me with emotion. I gave a sad smile. He reached out with one rough hand and took my own, tiny in comparison. He examined it as if it were something important, tracing my fingers with one of his then closing his hand tightly around it. He stood, making my look up at him, and the slowly pulled me to him in a loaded embrace. I held him tightly, his face cradled at the nape of my neck and he let go of a shaky breath.

"Come on," I murmured, not taking my arm from around him.

I led him silently back down the hallway to the end, where the door to my room lay. I pushed back the covers and he curled into the big king-sized, pulling my down with him. I curled to match his position, seeping into the grooves his body had made and he held me close, arms wrapped protectively around me. His breathing became heavy and steady. I fell asleep soon afterwards.

Duo was surprisingly awake and gone when I woke up. He was making breakfast, which was both surprising and dangerous. I rushed out into the kitchen at the smell of Canadian ham, prepared to yell and see a wall of flames where my countertop used to be. Heero looked up at me from his chair and offered me a mug of coffee. I sagged and accepted it, plopping into a chair.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"I came running out when I heard the stove being turned on and Duo cursed because he'd just finished burning himself."

"Wow, what a wake up call."

"Uh, my finger's fine by the way. Thanks," Duo spoke up.

We teased him, but Duo was a surprisingly competent in the kitchen. He didn't cook often, but when he did it was very good. He was better at barbequing more than anything, but he could handle eggs and ham. There was a semi-heavy silence in the air that none of us wanted to disturb.

It had been six years to the day. We were always closed this day and the next. The anniversary of the Eves War, and then the Mariemea Incident, was a bittersweet one for most. It was a loaded one for all of us, especially for the Gundams. Heero had an unreadable look in his eyes as he stirred his coffee. Duo was very focused on making breakfast and he didn't bother with trying to make small talk. He just sipped his coffee quietly, a forlorn look about him, his face eerie without its usual smile. But he was the best actor the world had ever seen and when he did talk, it was with his normal tone and his normal attitude, which made me wonder whether or not he was really like this at all sometimes. When was it a front and when was it Duo? I pushed the silly thoughts aside. I knew Duo, I knew when it was a front, just like I knew when he woke at four fifteen in the morning.

He handed me and Heero each a popped-egg sandwich with a dismal little smile and sat between us to begin eating. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it was a heavy one. It was an understanding silence. A sad silence, a silence full of compassion of the burden we shared, a silence full of memories. A guilty silence.

I glanced over my shoulder and there, as I knew it would be, sat a faded red overnight bag by the door. It was worn with years of abuse, threads snagged and broken over its shabby frame. One of the black straps had ripped apart and had been mended. There were no logos, no initials. It was just red, muted and telling and filled with just enough to get one person by for one night. When I looked back, Heero met my gaze briefly and in his eyes, I saw what there once was. Not a man, not a boy, a soldier: dedicated to his mission, tortured by his kind compassion. Every year, Heero traveled down to Earth for night to visit Marshal Noventa's grave. He went alone. I never asked what he did or said there, and he never told me, but that was fine. We all carried our demons. The ex-soldier shifted slightly in his chair, putting down the now empty coffee cup.

"Leaving?" Duo asked, wiping his mouth with a crumpled napkin.

Heero gave a curt nod and turned to look at me. He stood in front of me and ran a rough hand through my hair, gently cupping the nape of my neck. He leaned forward and softly pressed his lips to my forehead in a sweet, lingering kiss.

"Bye Hilde," he whispered against my skin.

"Bye," I breathed.

He turned to Duo and the two men stood straight, facing each other. Then they exchanged a brief, fierce embrace and the next second Heero was closing the door behind him, the red bag clutched in his hands.

Duo he turned, his eyes clashed with mine. There was a heavy hollow look in them that sent chills up my spine and he sent me a smile that lacked everything a smile should have.

The house was absurdly quiet and it frightened me. Then a faint noise that it took me a few moments to recognize. The faint, almost inaudible click of the front door being closed.

"Duo."

Fear gripped me. No, I knew this would happen. Every year it got worse. Every year the nightmares began earlier and earlier. Every year, the smile lost a little more of its luster. Every year Duo, my Duo, the real Duo, broke away more and more. I shot up out of my bed and ran for the door. I threw it open, ran out into the hallway and glanced at the elevator. It was going down.

"Shit," I cursed, pushing the button frantically as if it would help.

It ascended painfully slow, as if taunting me. I was loosing precious seconds. Seconds I couldn't afford to lose. Finally, the doors dinged open and I catapulted inside, pressing the ground floor button. I tore out the door. It was raining.

I burst through the gate and into the pounding rain. It was falling in thick sheets. I was soaked instantly. My eyes scanned the hazy, hard to read street and I found him. He was hunched against the falling water, hands in his pockets and head hung low. I struck out to catch up to him. He wasn't far and I called out to him.

"Duo! Stop it and come back!" I yelled at him.

He slowed and I slowed, stopping a few feet from him. He turned to look at me and his eyes… his eyes were drowning. Drowning in pain and sorrow and the past… But he was still annoyed, angry that I followed him.

"Go back inside, Hilde, you're getting wet," he demanded.

"Don't do this Duo," I said to him, ignoring his comment. "Don't go out there like this."

He was not in the mood. "What's going to happen? I'm going to get hit by a truck? I think I'm a little smarter than that, Hilde."

"No, but if you go out there, I'll lose you."

He scoffed at me, running a hand through his wet bangs. They flopped forward again. "Are you seriously telling me that you're afraid I'm going to get lost in a city I know better than the back of my hand? You're not going to 'lose me.'"

I was pissed now. "Don't you tell me that I can't lose you. That's bullshit! I almost lost you once, what's to say it won't happen again? I'm not talking about getting lost here Duo, I'm talking about losing you! When you came back to me…" I was crying now, my tears mixing with the rain. "After the wars, you came back, but you weren't you. You were almost gone. There was nothing. Do you even know what it was like? Waking up and having to look at your shell?

"It was war, Duo! We all did things we aren't proud of, things that we didn't want to do. We all took the lives of others, and yeah, it's something that we'll have to live with for the rest of our lives, but we don't need to make it the rest of our lives. You think they would have cared? Hell no! They wouldn't have given a shit! They wouldn't have lost a moment of sleep over it. They would've killed you! They would've gone home and bragged about how they killed one of those rebel Gundam pilots, and they would've been treated like heroes. By this time, they wouldn't even remember your name, your face, when they killed you. And I hate them Duo, I hate them because they're still winning! They're still killing you, little by little, more and more.

"I gave everything to bring you back, but if you go out there… if you go out there, I don't think I'll have enough to give. I might never get you back again, and I can't live with out you Duo. What am I going to do if you leave me? So yell at me, scream at me, hit me, hate me, I don't care! But if you're going out there, I'm going with you."

He was staring at me, lingering traces of anger in his face. Then suddenly he lunged forward and pulled me to him. His mouth crashed roughly against mine. He was gripping tightly just below my ear, his other hand grasping the fabric of my jeans. He didn't ask for permission, he just parted my lips savagely with his tongue and ravaged me. I kissed him back, just as roughly, but submitting to him, to his need. I held tightly to his shirt. With one little movement, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me effortlessly back to the house.

We barreled inside, sopping wet and not caring. We should have been freezing, but we weren't. We were on fire. He slammed me against the wall and I gasped, the kiss broken. But he found my mouth and kissed me once more. My legs still wrapped around him, he kept me pinned to the wall, his hands roaming over the wet fabric. He gripped a breast, firmly, but not roughly and broke his mouth from mine to kiss my neck and my collarbone. I gave a deep, pleasure-filled little moan. He set me down on the floor and yanked my shirt up and off, ridding himself of the most cumbersome barrier, then bent his head and kissed my wet chest.

It was frenzying. I clawed at the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head as he wrestled with my bra. He never got it undone because I pushed him up and around, walking backwards down the hall, our tongues still intertwined. He worked hurriedly on the snap of my jeans, heavy with water. He pulled away for a moment, just long enough to bend down and rip the pants off. I stepped out of them and my shoes, continuing backwards.

He thrust me against the doorframe, his hand grabbing my thigh and then moving up it. He twitched a finger into the wet fabric of my panties. I returned the favor, undoing him of his pants. He kicked them off blindly and squirmed out of his shoes with some difficulty. Mostly having to do with the fact that I had firmly grabbed him and was teasing him over the material of his boxer shorts.

Once the shoes were off it was as it he were free and I rewarded him with a well-measured squeeze. His mouth fell from mine, his head drooped, and he half gasped, half moaned. I did it again and this time he snapped his head up to meet me like an animal, pressing his mouth to mine and pushing me back into my room.

He finally managed to get the bra off and fell to the uncovered flesh of my breasts. With a quick, rough shove, he pushed me back onto my bed and crawled on top of me. I wiggled as he pulled down my underwear and then pulled his own off.

It was ecstasy. Pure and utter ecstasy when he slipped inside. I didn't have to tell him anything. He knew what rhythm, how fast, how hard, hard, but not hard enough to hurt me ever, which spots. I moved with him, against him.

Our breathing had quickened, as had our pulse, and I heard his whimpers, warm and moist in my ear. I was crying out freely, gouging his back with my nails. But he didn't stop, he gave more, until I tightened around him and then he bent his head to deliver a little kiss at the curve of my neck and went just a little further, just so that it was on the edge of pain, but definitely over the line to pure, pure pleasure, and then he let go and I yelled, and we both sagged.

He was lying on top of me still, but supporting his weight so that he didn't hurt me. He whispered my name once, twice, a third time and then he turned his head to place a slow, gentle, sweet kiss on my lips, nonetheless passionate, but all the more exciting for what it meant. I kissed him back, just the way he did, reciprocating his meaning. He was satisfied and he rolled off of me to lie beside me, still breathing hard. Once our breathing was normal again, he rolled onto his side to look down at me as he propped himself onto one elbow. With his other hand, he gently stroked my hair, taking in every detail of my face.

"You saved me you know," he whispered. "You always do."

I woke up the next morning, happily curled onto my regular pillow. It was a cold morning and I was neatly wrapped in my blankets. My eyes snapped open when I realized that I was still naked. I rolled around to look at the spot next to me where Duo was the night before. The spot was empty now, still marked with his impression and his scent. I gave a slow sigh.

I was an outlet. I knew that he hadn't meant to use me, but he'd needed to so badly he couldn't help himself. And besides, I had let him. Anything for a friend… Bullshit. I didn't want a friend, I wanted –

There was a quick knock on the door and then it was opened. "Hilde, I was wondering if you knew-"

Heero stopped suddenly as I gasped and clutched the covers up over me, looking extremely guilty despite the fact that I was alone in the bed. He blinked once and opened his mouth to speak when the door to my bathroom opened and Duo stepped out, buttoning his jeans. He stopped dead when he raised his head to see Heero in the door. Then he looked over at me, shifted uncomfortably and shrugged at Heero. He gave a small laugh, accompanied by small, very adorable, tilt of his head. Heero glanced from me to him and back.

"I'll come back later," he said finally and closed the door behind him.

I let out a sigh. "Well, if you wanted to keep this one-night stand secret, I think we blew it."

Duo's head snapped over to look at me. "One-night stand? Was that was it was to you?"

He sounded mad. I floundered. "Well, no… not… I don't know. I thought you-"

"Shut up," he said, shaking his head angrily and walking to the edge of the bed so that he stood directly in front of me. He cupped my face gently with his hands and looked down at me seriously. "I knew what I was doing last night Hilde, and I thought you did too."

"I did, I just-"

He cut me off. "I don't want to hear it because I know what you'll say and it pisses me off that you even think that way. You need to know that I've been crazy about you for a really long time. You have to know that. Look, this is all I want Hilde. I want you to stay with me. I'd do anything to keep you. But I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want to do." He paused, looking me over almost sadly. "So what do you want?"

What he said rolled around in my head. He wanted me.

"I want…" I paused. "I want… to know if you took a shower yet," I said with a wicked smile.

He was surprised for a moment and then his smile twisted to match mine. "No. Why?"

"Because you must still be all sweaty," I answered, seemingly innocent. "I am."

His grin widened and he pulled me out of the bed, kissing me, and backed into the bathroom, shutting the door.

It wasn't so much a shower as it was an excuse to reaffirm ourselves of the decision we'd just made. When we were done, he pressed his forehead against mine gently, looking into my eyes. The water from the showerhead poured over him and down onto me. He softly caressed my cheek with a calloused thumb.

"Does that mean you'll stay with me?" he asked.

"You moron," I said with a smile, kissing him quickly. "I've always been with you."