[Afternoon, but is black because of the dark forest]
Jacques and Octavius are flying in a dark forest to reach a small cabin in the center of the woods.
Octavius
Duh, duh, so where we going Jacques?
Jacques
I told Cinderella that she was going to look irresistible tomorrow, as always I will keep my word; there's only one woman in the land that can pull off a promise like that.
Octavius
Uh, that doesn't answer my question.
Jacques
Barbra, you idiot!
{Jacques slaps Octavius across the face}
Octavius
Oh, the lady who was fat.
(Stupidly chuckles)
Jacques
You're the one to talk, chubby.
Octavius
Hey, I'm not chubby. It's a disorder, I can't help it.
Jacques
Yeah, and that disorder is called obesity ya fat ass. Now come on we're almost there.
{Octavius continues to fly behind Jacques with a long face}
{Jacques knocks on the door}
Octavius
Duh, duh, what if she isn't here?
Jacques
She won't, she's here.
Octavius
But what if she isn't?
Jacques
She's gonna be here, she's on old women with nothing better to do than wait for someone to knock at her gosh darning door!
{Barbra answers the door}
Jacques
"Hey Barbra"
{Barbra smiles}
Barbra
Jacques, Octavius. Oh it's been such a long time, where have you been all this time- so good to see you. And where is my loving Bruno? Come in, come in.
{Jacques and Octavius walk in through the door and into the cabin}
Octavius
Duh, duh, Bruno's not here.
{Jacques hits Octavius in the stomach, Octavius gasps}
Jacques
No shit Sherlock.
Barbra
Oh Jacques, be nice.
(Laughs out a cute little sound while covering her mouth)
I can see that you haven't changed.
Jacques
Yeah, I left Bruno to look after Cinderella; make sure she doesn't do anything stupid- like back out.
Barbra
Back out of what Jacques?
{Barbra walks over to sit on her couch and Jacques and Octavius follow and sit across from her}
Octavius
Duh, duh, well ya see, Jacques killed the-
{Jacques rolls his eyes and covers Octavius' mouth}
Barbra
You killed what?
Jacques
Nothing, look the Princess died. I swear I had nothing to do with it; I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
(Glares at Octavius)
She died of illness.
The King is throwing a ball so that the prince can find a new bride. We need Cinderella to look like the center piece of that ball, and that's when you come in.
Barbra
(Speaks fast paced, as if not breathing) [Cheerful and enthusiastic]
Ooh a ball? I haven't been to one of those in ages. And Cinderella, well I've lost count, how many years has it been since I last saw her? Oh she was so young, I don't think she'll even remember me. My word she was so young, I remember I was doing a cute little magic trick for her when I was watching her for her father; bless his soul.
She gave me the title of her Fairy Godmother, since she hadn't one of her own and all,
(Laughs behind her hand)
And then her father had to marry that wicked woman. I told him not to marry her, that she wasn't what she seemed, my exact words,
"She may be a rose but she has found a way to hide her thorns, until someone touches her stem.", but did he listen- No!
Oh my poor Cinderella how I should have tried harder to drive him away from that wicked old beast. Christ forgive me, for I have sinned.
(Makes the gesture of The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit quickly while bowing her head)
And she was so peaceful when she was a little girl, and she took after her. . . Fairy Godmother oh, how I hope she hasn't changed. She was very peaceful you know? Why I remember a time when-
{Jacques rolls his eyes and moves his head from side to side}
Jacques
Barbra!
{Barbra looks at Jacques in shock and then smiles innocently}
Barbra
Oops, sorry go on dear.
Jacques
I need you to be that Fairy Godmother again for her. Make up an amazing magical act and use your wand again. That'll fool her. But she needs to look magnificent, and under no circumstances can she learn that you're a witch.
Barbra
But, I'm a good witch.
Jacques
Good witch, bad witch, it doesn't matter. The point is, you have to look fairy like, and make sure you give the magic a time limit, so that she gets pressured into it and doesn't stall too much to talk to the prince. And you have to appear tomorrow night, before they leave to go to that ball; unless you want to provide top notch transportation.
Barbra
For Cinderella consider it done, but it'll cost you.
Octavius
But, we don't have any money.
{Jacques smacks Octavius at the back of the head}
Jacques
Shut- up ya fat ass.
Octavius
(Holds his stomach and looks at it pitifully)
I'm not fat. . . I'm fluffy.
Jacques
What do you want Barbra?
{Barbra pulls a wand out of her sleeve and uses it against Jacques, and transforms him into a human.}
Barbra
You both will assist her in the ball to guarantee that she'll be successful and snatch the Prince's attention, and because I've done more for you than asked; Jacques will assist me tonight. Just like the night you convinced me to look after our precious Cinderella before he married again.
{Octavius looks at Barbra, angrily and taps his foot}
Octavius
Hey, what about me? I want fingers too.
Barbra
No, you still need your wings. I'm putting you on a quest to tell Cinderella and Bruno that Jacques is staying here with me until the ball.
Jacques
Hey, that's fine with me.
{Octavius flies over onto the coffee table}
Octavius
(Gives a sloppy salute)
Duh, duh. Okay a quest, I'm on it.
{Octavius flies through the door and exits the scene}
{Barbra climbs onto Jacques and leans against the arm of the couch}
Jacques
Lets get started.
{Jacques grabs Barbra and kisses her}