(fade to the palace throne room)
Danny: I just don't know what to do with you Diana.
Diana: Dad I said I was sorry-
Danny: Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time! This is like the 17th time you ditched a concert! You can't just keep doing that!
Diana: I've done it 17 times I assure you I can do it some more.
Julia: Well you're not going to! That concert was to be the pinnacle of my distinguished career. Now thanks to you I am the laughing stock of the entire kingdom! I hope you're happy!
Diana: Actually I am very happy.
Danny: Diana you do realize that I'm going to have to punish you right?
Zachary: But it wasn't her fault!
Julia: Oh really? Please explain.
Zachary: Well she would have been on time if it weren't for that shark.
Danny: Shark?
Zachary: Yeah but we were fine. Diana went all Shark Slayer on him and he swam away. And then if Anthony hadn't of kept going on and on about all those little trinkets Diana found-
Danny: Who's Anthony?
Zachary: A seagull.
Danny: Seagull? You went to the surface again didn't you?
Diana: Way to go Zachary.
Danny: So you DID go to the surface! Diana! I told you never to do that!
Diana: Chill Dad! Nothing happened.
Danny: Yeah well it could have! You could've been seen by one of those humans or worse! You could've been caught and been turned into tuna!
Diana: Like some human would want to turn such a pretty thing like me into tuna.
Danny: It could happen! That's why I'm forbidding you to go to the surface.
Diana: What? Dad! Quit treating me like a child!
Danny: You're 14 years old Diana. You ARE a child.
Diana: Yeah well I'm a responsible one! (Diana leaves, crying)
Julia: (sighs) Teenagers! So stubborn, so naïve. How could My Chemical Romance ever have written such an amazing song about them? It just doesn't make sense!
Danny: Do you think I was too hard on her? She's such a delicate thing.
Julia: Her? Delicate? I don't think so! Why Diana never listens to anyone and she just has to follow what she believes in! Why does she have to take after her mother?
Danny: (sighs) Sometimes I wish her mother was here. Diana needs a motherly figure to look up to.
Julia: Totally! She's just so out of hand these days. Why if she were my daughter I'd show her whose boss!
Danny: Really?
Julia: Oh course.
Danny: Diana does need constant supervision.
Julia: Damn right she does!
Danny: She needs someone to watch over her and to keep her out of trouble.
Julia: Oh yeah!
Danny: And YOU are just the crab to do it!
Julia: What? You can't be serious!
Danny: Oh I'm serious all right.
Julia: (groans)
(cut to Julia walking down a corridor)
Julia: How do I get myself into these situations? I should be doing more important things right now like going to the mall!
(Julia sees Diana and Zachary sneaking off and follows them)
Julia: What is she doing this time?
(Julia follows them into a cave and sees Diana's collection of human things)
Julia: Whoa.
Zachary: Diana are you okay?
Diana: Does it look like I'm okay to you?
Zachary: No.
Diana: That's because I'm NOT okay! Dad's being a jerk! He never listens to me! Never! (picks up a fork) Sometimes it seems like you're the only one that understands me. (kisses the fork)
Zachary: Diana, you're talking to a dinglehopper.
Diana: Don't judge me! Now if you don't mind I'm gonna break out into song.
(singing) Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Zachary: Yes.
Diana: Well it's not!
(starts singing again) Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Zachary: Apparently a lot.
Diana: (singing) Lookin' around here you'd think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty
But no one cares
No big deal
I need more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
(Whad'ya call 'em?)
Zachary: Uh, feet?
Diana: Oh yeah! singing Flippin' your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down a
What's that word again? No really what's that word? I forgot.
Zachary: A road?
Diana: Nope.
Zachary: An alleyway?
Diana: No that's not it.
Zachary: Um…a street?
Diana: That's it! (singing) Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world
Zachary: Why?
Diana: Because I just do!
(singing) What would I give
If I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Zachary: But there's sand down here.
Diana: Ignoring you! (singing) Betcha on land
They understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Zachary: What the heck does reprimand mean?
Diana: Shut up! (singing) Bright young women
Sick o' swimmin'
Ready to stand
And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions
And get some answers
What's a fire and why does it
What's the word?
Zachary: Um, glow?
Diana: Oh wait I got it. (singing) Burn? When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world
Julia: (taps on Diana's shoulder)
Diana: Oh hi Julia.
Julia: Diana, what is all this junk?
Diana: It's not junk! It's my collection thank you very much!
Julia: Oh, your collection. Well I gotta go rat you out now.
Zachary: What? Are you gonna tell the king?
Julia: Yup.
Diana: Julia don't! He would never understand! Plus he would kill me!
Julia: That's exactly why I'm gonna tell him. All this human stuff is corrupting your mind. It's not healthy. I think you might be sick. (grabs Diana's hand) Now come on. I'm gonna make a therapy appointment for you.
(a ship passes by overhead)
Diana: Hey, what's that? (swims toward the surface)
Julia: Diana? What are you doing? Juila and Zachary follow her
(On surface. Fireworks in the sky around ship. Diana looks on,
amazed. Julia and Zachary arrive.)
Julia: Diana what are you doing? (sees the ship and the fireworks) Holy crap! Diana! Get back here!
(Diana swims over to the ship and looks around. Cujo finds her and barks at her)
Alex: Cujo! Come here boy! (whistles.) Cujo runs over to Alex Hey boy, whatcha doin? (pets Cujo and Cujo licks him)
Diana: (stares at Alex) Whoa.
Anthony: Hey Diana! Whatcha doin here?
Diana: Spying on humans. Now go away.
Anthony: Oh cool! I want to be a spy!
Diana: Shut up! (continues to stare at Alex) Oh wow, isn't he cute? No, cute isn't the right word. He's hot!
Anthony: Which one? That really hairy one?
Diana: No, the blonde one petting the really hairy one. Oh I just want to go over there and run my fingers through his soft hair! His beautiful hair! And do you see his eyes? They're so…dreamy…
Anthony: Yeah, yeah, he's gorgeous. Now come on.
Diana: No way! I ain't leaving him now! I don't even now his name!
Mr. Lancer: Silence! Silence! It is now my honor and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Alex with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.
Anthony: You hear that? His name is Alex. Now let's go.
Diana: Shut up! I want to hear this!
Alex: Oh Lancer you shouldn't have.
(Large, gaudy statue of Alex is revealed. Cujo growls.)
Alex: No really Lancer, you shouldn't have. You really shouldn't have.
Mr. Lancer: But I specially ordered it myself! And there are no refunds so you better like it! Of course it was originally going to be a wedding present.
Alex: Don't start that again! I've had it with you and all your spiffy dressed friends saying I should get married to some spiffy dimwitted princess. If you think I'm going to marry some spoiled royal brat you can forget it! All the girls you made me date are all spoiled brats and they are never going to get any better.
Mr. Lancer: It's not just me and my 'spiffy' friends Alex. Your parents want you to-
Alex: Screw my parents!
(Lightning and thunder appear and the sky grows dark.)
Mr. Lancer: I think they heard you.
Alex: Crap.
Sailor: A hurricane's comin!
Alex: No duh! Everybody to their stations! If you don't remember what your station is then you're screwed 'cause I have no idea what they are. That's supposed to be your job.
Anthony: (the wind blows him away) Ah! Diana!
Diana: What?
Anthony: (being blown away) Nevermind…
(The ship crashes into a huge rock. Everyone is in lifeboats except for Alex and Cujo)
Mr. Lancer: Alex! Forget about the dog and get your butt in the boat!
Alex: Not listening! Cujo! Come here boy! (Cujo runs up to him. Alex picks him up) Ok boy, here's what you need to do. I'm gonna throw you into the boat and Mr. Lancer is going to catch you. Got that?
Cujo: (shakes his head and whines)
Alex: Quit complaining! You're getting in the boat! (throws Cujo into the boat)
Mr. Lancer: Alex! The ship is gonna blow up!
Alex: What? (sees a whole bunch of gunpowder barrels about to catch fire) Oh crap.
(ship explodes. Alex is nearly drowning when Diana finds him)
Diana: Oh my gawd! My hotty-hot prince is drowning! I can't let a beautiful thing like him die! (Diana grabs Alex and takes him to safety)
(cut to the beach. Diana is sitting next to an unconscious Alex)
Diana: Is he dead Anthony?
Anthony: It's hard to say. (puts his ear against Alex's foot) I don't hear a heartbeat.
Julia: That's not where his heart is moron!
Anthony: Nobody asked you!
Zachary: So is he dead or not?
Diana: No, look! He's breathing! Yay! He's so beautiful when he's out cold.
(singing) What would I give
To live where you are?
Julia: No! No singing! Stop it!
Diana: Shut up! I can sing whenever I want!
Alex: (wakes up and sits up next Diana and stares at her)
Diana: Uh…hi?
Alex: Hi…
Diana: Oh my gawd he talked to me!
Alex: What exactly are you? (looks at Diana's tail) Oh wow…
Diana: Sorry about this but- (hits Alex in the face and knocks him out) Bye! Diana swims away
(Mr. Lancer and Cujo run up to Alex and wake him up)
Mr. Lancer: Alex! There you are! I thought you'd been killed! (pulls Alex to his feet)
Alex: A girl- rescued me…no, she wasn't just a girl she was a mermaid! And then there was this-this seagull with sunglasses and-and there was this crab yelling at them…
Mr. Lancer: That's it, you're getting more therapy right now. Come on. (drags Alex inside the castle. Alex looks back at Diana sitting on a rock)
Alex: (rubs his eyes) Maybe I do need therapy.
Mr. Lancer: That's the spirit!
Julia: Ok, we're all just gonna forget about this. This whole thing never happened, you wanna know why? 'Cause I'm not gonna tell anybody and you're not gonna tell anybody. That way we'll all still have our lives.
Diana:
(singing) I don't know when
I don't know how
But I know something's starting right now-
Julia: Stop with the singing girl!
Diana: (groans)
(fade to Vlad watching a projection of Diana)
Vlad: Haha! I can't stand this! This is too easy! The little princess has fallen in love with a human prince!
Vulture ghost 2: How exactly is that a good thing?
Vlad: It's all just apart of my plan. You'll figure it out soon enough with any luck. Just wait till King Phantom finds out about his little girl's dirty little secret.