(fades to Diana's dressing room)
Kelly: Diana get out here! I need to fix my hair!
(Diana comes out humming to herself and smiling)
Terra: What is with her?
Kelly: What do mean? I don't see anything wrong.
(Danny comes in)
Diana: Morning Daddy! Isn't it just a great day? It's so good to be alive! (swims off singing to herself)
Kelly: Oh she's got it bad.
Danny: Got what? What has she got? Is she sick?!
Kelly: Chill Daddy, Diana's not sick. She's in love!
Danny: Diana? In love? Really? Could it be true? Oh my gosh it's finally happened!
(cut to Julia walking up to Diana who is sitting on a rock outside)
Julia: Diana what's wrong with you? You've been acting really weird every since you saved that guy.
Diana: (picking petals off of a flower) He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not…(notices that she ran out of petals and breaks the stem in half) He loves me! Yes!
Julia: Diana stop it. You know those things never work.
Diana: Don't care. (picks another flower) Oh guess what. I'm gonna see him again tonight. I know where he lives now and he knows what I look like.
Julia: Sorry to break it to you but he thinks you were just a hallucination. And most importantly he's human and you're not. Trust me, you're little fantasy is not gonna work out no matter what you do.
Diana: Still don't care. (picks petals off of the flower)
Julia: Fine. You apparently don't want to listen to me so I guess I'll just have to speak your language.
(singing) The seaweed is always greener
in somebody else's lake-
Diana: Quick question!
Julia: What?
Diana: How come you get to break out into song and I can't without you yelling at me?
Julia: Because I'm special that's why.
Diana: Oh yeah you're really special all right.
Julia: Can I finish my song or not?
Diana: Only if you'll let me break into song and not yell at me.
Julia: Fine.
Diana: Thank you.
Julia: But guess what.
Diana: What?
Julia: You don't sing any more songs in this thing.
Diana: I don't? What?
Julia: That's right!
Diana: I didn't know that! You tricked me! The deal's off!
Julia: You promised! No going back now! Now as I was saying-
(singing) The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else's lake
You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more are you lookin' for?
Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea
Zachary: What is Julia doing?
Diana: Singing and thinking I'm actually listening to it.
Zachary: Well I was going to show you something but if you're busy-
Diana: No I'm not busy. Let's go! (leaves)
Julia: (singing) Each little snail here
Know how to wail here
That's why it's hotter
Under the water
Ya we're in luck here
Down in the muck here
Under the sea
(notices that Diana is gone) I'm gonna have to put a leash on her or something.
Seahorse: Julia! There you are! I've been looking all over for you! The sea king wants to see you.
Julia: What?
Seahorse: Yeah, he said it was something about Diana.
Julia: Oh shit he found out!
Seahorse: What was that?
Julia: What? I didn't say anything. Go away!
(cut to palace throne room. Julia is walking up to Danny sitting in his throne)
Danny: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be? (Notices
Julia) Oh Julia! There you are. I need to speak with you.
Julia: (nervously) So I've heard.
Danny: Are you okay Julia?
Julia: (shaking nervously) Yeah! Totally! I'm just peachy!
Danny: Oh okay. Well anyway Julia I'm concerned with Diana. Have you noticed she's been acting weird lately?
Julia: Weird? No! Not at all!
Danny: Oh well everyone else has. I know you must have noticed.
Julia: Well I-
Danny: Julia, you don't have to hide it anymore. I know what's going on.
Julia: You-you do? Crap!
Danny: What was that?
Julia: Okay fine! I admit it! But just know it wasn't my idea at all! It was all her! Not me! I told her to stay away from him and that all that wouldn't work out and that you wouldn't like it and that you would find out sooner or later which you obviously did.
Danny: Found out what?
Julia: That she's in love with that human boy! Duh!
Danny: Human boy? WHAT HUMAN BOY?
Julia: Huh? I thought you-Oh! So you don't know! But I just told you didn't I?
Danny: Yup.
Julia: Crap.
(fade to Diana and Zachary entering Diana's human collection cave)
Diana: Okay Zachary, we're here. What do you want me to see?
Zachary: That. (points to the statue of Alex)
Diana: Zach! The statue! You found it! Oh I love it! And it looks just like him too. (swims over to the statue) It even has his eyes. His gorgeous brown eyes that you could just lose yourself in. (talking to the statue) Why, Alex, run away with you? Of course I would. What was that sweetie? Oh you bad boy…(turns around and sees Danny and Julia) Daddy! What are you doing here?
Danny: Julia told me.
Diana: Did she tell you the part about me saving that human?
Danny: Yes. She told me everything.
Diana: Julia! You said you wouldn't tell anybody!
Julia: I'm staying out of this.
Diana: That's the only smart decision you've ever made you backstabbing bitch!
Danny: She also told me that you talked to the human! Why on Earth did you do that? Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Diana, you know that! Everybody knows that! How could you be so stupid and forget that?
Diana: But I had to save him! He would of died if I didn't!
Danny: I don't care! It would be one less human to worry about.
Diana: You don't even know him!
Danny: I don't have to know him. They're all the same.
Diana: Aren't you the one that said that I shouldn't judge people?
Danny: This is different Diana!
Diana: No it's not! And guess what. I'm gonna run away and marry this guy and there's nothing you can do about!
Danny: No you're not! Have you lost your senses girl? He's a human, you're a mermaid! It'll never happen!
Julia: That's what I've been saying.
Diana: Shut up Julia!
Danny: Diana, I've had it with you. If this is the only way you're gonna get what I'm saying through your thick head then so be it! (takes out his triton)
Diana: Dad, what are you doing?
Danny: (starts blasting all of Diana's things)
Diana: Dad! Stop it! This is no way to get a point across! Ok fine! I'll listen to you! Just stop it!
Danny: (points his triton at the Alex statue)
Diana: Oh no… not that! Anything but Alex!
Danny: (blasts the statue)
Diana: (falls to the floor crying) I hate you Dad! I hate you all! I hope you die!
Julia: (to Danny) She doesn't mean that your majesty.
Diana: Yes I do!
Julia: Ok maybe she does.
(Danny leaves and Julia and Zachary try to comfort Diana)
Zachary: Diana, it's okay.
Diana: No it's not Zach. It's anything but okay.
Julia: Diana I-
Diana: No! I'm mad at you! Go away! (starts crying again)
Vulture ghost 1: Poor child.
Vulture ghost 2: Poor, sweet child.
Vulture ghost 1: She has a serious problem.
Vulture ghost 2: Very serious problem.
Diana: Hey shut up! I don't need therapy!
Vulture ghost 2: That's not what we're talking about.
Vulture ghost 1: We know what's wrong. And we know someone who can help you.
Diana: You do?
Vulture ghost 1: Yes. Vlad Plasmius the sorcerer.
Diana: What? Vlad? But I can't I-
Vulture ghost 2: Did we mention your appointment would be free of charge?
Diana: Free? As in I don't have to pay anything?
Vulture ghost 1 and 2: Yes.
Diana: Okay I'm in.
(cut to outside)
Zachary: Poor Diana. She's so sad right now. And it's all your fault Julia!
Julia: Oh shut up Zachary!
Zachary: No YOU shut up!
Julia: No, you!
Zachary: You!
Julia: YOU! (sees Diana pass by following the Vulture ghosts) Diana where are you going?
Diana: I'm going to see Vlad.
Julia: Vlad Plasmius?
Diana: How many other Vlads do you know?
Julia: Diana you can't! Vlad's crazy! No really! He is!
Diana: Well then why don't you go tell my father? You do that anyway!
Julia: Diana! Ugh! Zachary come on!
(They arrive at Vlad's cavern and go inside)
Vlad: Come in my dear.
Diana: Who the heck are you?
Vlad: Plasmius. Vlad Plasmius.
Diana: Why do you have tentacles?
Vlad: Because I'm half octopus that's why.
Diana: That's freaky.
Vlad: Do you want to be a human or not?
Diana: Yes please.
Vlad: Alright then. First I'll make a potion to give you legs and then you'll be with your prince forever.
Diana: Is there a catch here?
Vlad: Yup.
Diana: Should've guessed. Maybe I shouldn't have come.
Vlad: Oh honey, don't say that. Don't even think it! You need me. Helping poor unfortunate mer-folk is what I do. It's my specialty. Boys, play that funky music!
(Vulture ghost 1 starts playing electric guitar and Vulture ghost 2 starts playing drums)
Vlad: (singing) I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a change
And I fortunately know a little secret
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely and depressed
Vulture ghost 1 and 2: Pathetic!
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me crying,
"Will you help us, Vladdy, please!"
And I help them?
Yes, I do
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls
(speaking) Ok here's how it's gonna go down. First I'll make that potion I mentioned and it'll turn you into a human for three days.
Diana: Why three? In every movie the time limit is usually three days for something. What's the significance of three days? Why not a week?
Vlad: Shut it. Now listen closely, this is very important. Before the sun sets on the third day you gotta get this guy to kiss you.
Diana: The kiss of true love?
Vlad: What? No. He just needs to kiss you.
Diana: Could he kiss me on the cheek?
Vlad: No. It's gotta be on the lips.
Diana: But that sounds kinda hard.
Vlad: It won't be. Anyway, if he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day you'll become a human for the rest of your life and you guys will live happily ever after.
Diana: Cool!
Vlad: I'm not done! But if he doesn't kiss you before the sun sets on the third day you'll turn back into a mermaid and you'll belong to me.
Diana: I'll be your slave?
Vlad: Yeah pretty much.
Diana: But I don't wanna be your slave.
Vlad: Well then get him to kiss you!
Diana: Fine. Jeez.
Vlad: So have we got a deal?
Julia: Diana don't!
Diana: I ain't listening to you anymore Julia. So I'm gonna do the exact opposite of what you tell me. Ok Vlad, we have a deal.
Julia: Why you little-
Vlad: Alright then. Oh, I almost forgot. We haven't discussed payment yet.
Diana: Payment? But you're little Vulture friends said this would be free of charge!
Vlad: Yeah. They're really good liars. Haven't you noticed?
Diana: Uh huh. Well what do you want from me?
Vlad: Not much, just your voice.
Diana: My voice? You ARE insane. You can't take my voice you creep!
Vlad: Do you want to be with your princey?
Diana: Yes! Yes I do!
Vlad: Then give me your voice.
Diana: Oh fine. But how are you gonna? -
Vlad: Oh don't worry about that. I've got it taken care of. Start the music again boys! (the Vulture ghosts begin to the play the instruments again)
(singing) The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?
They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy person
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad
But true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll!
Hey boys I think I got her now,
The boss is on a roll
(Diana signs the contract)
Vlad: Yes! You poor unfortunate soul.
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to me crying,
"Will you help us, Vladdy, please!"
And I help them?
Yes, I do
You poor unfortunate soul
(speaking) Now sing!
Diana: Sing? What am I supposed to sing?
Vlad: It doesn't matter just sing anything.
Diana: But if I start singing Julia's gonna yell at me. Oh wait, she made that promise that I could sing whenever I wanted and not yell at me so I can sing. But Julia, you said that I didn't have any more songs! You lied again! You lied about lying you- (While Diana is talking Vlad takes her voice. Diana's lips are moving but no words come out. Diana realizes this and starts screaming but no sound is heard)
Vlad: I got it! Ok stand back! (throws a bottle of liquid at Diana and it breaks turning into a cloud of smoke. Diana is turned into a human and is carried to the surface by Julia and Zachary)