DESIDERATUM

(n.) Something that is needed, or wanted

As time flows further, the older we become our intelligence also grows. By the time we reach an age where we would be considered intelligent, we would have already made many crass choices that spark regret. When Sasuke was a teenager, he couldn't regret meeting Naruto, but what he did regret at that time was never expressing a farewell when it was his time to go.

The thing with memories they fade and people are forgotten because memories are too delicate, and sometimes our brain chooses to forget things out of convenience not respecting the idea of emotional attachments to certain memories.

At the moment, Sasuke was only ten years old now. It had been about four months since he had arrived, and fall had crawled in, promising winter to follow very soon.

Ever since the first day he arrived, things had been distant between Naruto and him; whether it was because of the other children or that Naruto was doing this deliberately didn't matter because Sasuke was annoyed Naruto hadn't spared any interactions with him. On rare occasions however, there were the rare moments when they talked- argued.

To an outsider they seemed to hate each other right to their little hairs, when in reality, both enjoyed their burning debates because it gave them a challenge, rushes of adrenaline would excite their brains.

That being said, some arguments were fun, some were not whenever they would bring up family.

Sasuke had nearly forgotten about Itachi, his older brother he couldn't wait to strangle.

His plan to get back his older brother to torture him was still a solid plan of his, but he still craved company which Naruto would have been perfect since he was so amusing to rile up, the other children that seemed too attached to him were plain annoying.

During his stay, it wasn't long for Sasuke to realize the mistreatment towards Naruto. The caretaker always 'forgot' to ask if Naruto was here, in return it seemed like Naruto was never around enough for Sasuke to meet with him for a conversation. Naruto would step in the building once every week, but it would only be for sleep on the rainy days, he never said a word in the house which was eerie to Sasuke, Naruto was the type to be loud and mischievous, quiet was not an adjective to describe him.

If Sasuke was lucky, he'd get a glance from Naruto, a sparkling sapphire with crusted ice around the middle would meet his shaded oily black eyes; at the moment they reach eye contact, air turned to lead when he breathed, and his thoughts would scramble around for decisions to take, what words to say to capture Naruto's attention, in the end Sasuke would end up silent and motionless.

Another two months had walked away, and the mornings began with frost coating the tips of grass, roofs, and windows like a scab, slowly mantling into morning dew when the sun risked, naturally this meant the temperatures dropped. With arctic weather came intense fevers to weakened immune systems.

Sasuke didn't care very much if others caught a fever and were bedridden for a few days, but what ate at the back of his head was the image of Naruto dying from the cold. It had already been a full month since Sasuke had last seen him. The normal expectations when you exit outside at the edge of winter, you'd see others wearing coats or heavy jackets and some warm clothes underneath; Naruto wore the same thin, unclean, ripped shirt paired with summer shorts that were a bit loose on him, he didn't have shoes.

Many times he had attempted to enter the forest that were skeletal remains of leafy trees, but due to potential stalkers he knew, he was usually dragged away by a few girls.

The caretaker as usual didn't take much notice, enraging Sasuke enough to flush his cheeks in anger.

How can she stand sitting around like everything is okay? Does she even care of Naruto dies?

Of course he would later remind himself that she wouldn't have cared of Naruto had been killed by one the other kids at the orphanage.

She'd probably tell them "Good job".

He thought to himself as he settled in bed, restless to Naruto's unusual absence, pulling the heavy blanket up to his neck, trying to coax his toes and fingers to warm up.

After three hours of lying on his back, he couldn't sleep, his imagination kept jumping around to possible deaths of Naruto. It was mentally torturous.

So he threw off the bed covers, immediately hugged by the chilly temperatures due to poor heating, and clumsily putting on socks, sweaters and a jacket before slipping into snow boots and sneaking out the window, careful to keep his roommate sleeping; his roommate was a heavy sleeper, lucky for him.

Sasuke didn't expect snow, everything was dusted with a layer of ice dust. The snow was still very fresh and new so with each step Sasuke took, the snow would cling to his feet, taking off the thin layer to reveal grass in the shape of a footstep.

Snow tangled on his skin when it landed on his face, melting to water, sapping the heat away from his body like a leech; in a matter of minutes, he couldn't feel his face from the frigid snowflakes and wind.

The streets were poorly lit with flickering streetlights which were far away from each other, but that want his focus, it was to the forest that was swallowed by shadows. Sasuke's sight was limited as the darkness gave him a distorted view on his direction. Carefully he walked in, mindful of the mutated roots from the trees. Moonlight danced in rays through the tall trees, the tree's branches resembling limbs from a human.

The missing sounds of birds and Cicadas was eerie, the replacement of these sounds were the sharp whistle of winter, and the grating squeaks from swinging trees,

It seemed all life was abandoned in the forest.

Breathing was harder on winter's biting air, it burned his nostrils and dried his throat to breathe it, but he refused to give up even when the snow soaked his ankles.

Eventually he found the proud oak tree, creating despair in Sasuke since Naruto was not there. Hysteria was building up, and Sasuke could no longer hold on to rationality and calmness, Naruto was in trouble and it was Sasuke's fault because he was too afraid to approach Naruto.

"Naruto! Answer me if you're here!" he hollered, hot puffs of air escaping in the form of smoky carbon dioxide. Blind to everything but his goal to find the child with golden locks of hair, not caring of the thing sticks hitting his face, scrapping it sharply to draw out some blood, ignoring the harsh tugs on his clothes from bushes he ran through; darkness surrounded him in claustrophobic panic.

If he had protected Naruto this might not have happened, Naruto was…!

He was…

A half frozen river with a limp body halfway sunk in water. Ice water. The da blond hair was a dead giveaway that it was Naruto, especially the few spikes of hair that refused to flatten.

Sasuke almost ran until his rationality had caught up. Winter and water equalled ice, he needed to be careful, Sasuke had been eight he fell into his family's pool during winter; the moment he plummeted into the water, ice needles stabbed every millimeter of his skin, constraining his control over his body he nearly went to cardiac arrest from the amount of liquid that forced its way in his lungs.

If he was going to save Naruto, he needed to be careful around ice.

He stepped carefully, avoiding tripping hazards before reaching Naruto's shaking body. With a closer inspection, and with the aid of moonlight, Naruto's legs had been tied to heavy rocks. The new rips in his shirt told Sasuke that someone–most likely a bunch of older kids– did this.

Hypothermia. As if possible, the forest was no longer a scary place, Naruto being dead was far more horrifying that each hair on Sasuke stood on end, shivers crawled around him like a parasite, poisoning him with fear.

"Naruto…!" Without thinking clearly, he ran knee deep into the water, ignoring the gelid water biting, draining the warmth away from his frail body. Nimble fingers trembled from the chaotic clash of emotions he had nearly forgotten about.

Naruto barely responded to Sasuke's call with a twitch of his eyebrow, his breathing was alarmingly slow, his body felt cold, heat seemed to have abandoned him from the freezing water.

The sickly feeling of terror to the idea of losing someone close; Sasuke couldn't lose him, if he lost someone important to him again he wouldn't be able to recover. Why did he get close to Naruto?!

"Please…I…I'm sorry," Sasuke began, slightly unsure what he was apologizing, his numb fingers burned from the cold when he tried untying the knot around Naruto's legs. It wasn't undoing itself, no matter how hard he tried to pull it out–it almost seemed as if the knot was tightening.

"I'm sorry I didn't help you in the first day." He finally managed, discovering that this was his regret that held him back from approaching Naruto. Anger rose, towards himself because this horrible incident had to happen in order for Sasuke to realize the heavy value Naruto was to him.

Quickly he switched to moving the rocks off of his legs, feeling his strength drain from his heavy need to sleep and cold.

The water was a liquid nitrogen compared to winter's breath. Fingers pressed under heavy rocks before pulling up to move it. Slowly it was rolling off.

"Please, don't die, I can't lose another person…I don't want to be left alone in this horrible place."

Sasuke found his face feel like his soaked feet, he was sobbing heavily, panicking and scared Naruto was dead since there was no response.

Immediately he moved to the next rock off his knees.

"I know we've said a lot of bad things to each other, but…I need to tell you, I like arguing… Ever since I lost everything, I was so alone no matter who surrounded me, but you're different. So…So take responsibility and don't die." It was an impossible demand, but he was still so childish, and so desperately wanted to believe this wasn't the end.

He used the last bit of his strength to pull off the last rock before checking Naruto's chest for breathing. His skin was tinted with blue but his lings were still working.

Sasuke guided Naruto's arm around his neck so he'd have an easier time to drag Naruto back to the orphanage house.

Naruto's body began to evaporate Sasuke's body heat, but Sasuke was glad to give some warmth to him if it meant Naruto would live.

Sasuke made it ten meters before another dreadful obstacle had brought itself to light.

He had no idea where he was going in the forest. When he scavenged for Naruto, he was in a blind crazed run for the exciting blond boy, not taking careful observation of his surroundings.

From what Sasuke knew, he was in pretty deep since before he had often traveled in the forest to get time for himself (Not like he was stalking Naruto, mind you.) yet he had never come across a river.

A bloodcurdling howl echoed in the forest and Sasuke's blood seemed to have turned to ice. Wolves.

Oh God, we're going to die by animals of we don't freeze to death.

On the edge of crying because he had failed to save Naruto, he noticed a fox standing in front of him again. Once amber eyes had confirmed eye contact with him it skipped ahead of him, stopping every few jumps for Sasuke.

It wants me to follow…? Sasuke asked himself, not putting much of a fight against following it since foxes were better than wolves.

The fox led Sasuke out on the streets. He had never been so happy to see homeless people sleeping under streetlights, he turned his head to the right to thank the fox, but it disappeared again.

Confused he stood there for a brief second in mild disbelief. Had the fox want Naruto and him to be friends?

Was it the same fox buried by Naruto? If so that would have meant that the fox was a g-

Naruto murdered, his body shifting a little. By his instinct, he laid Naruto softly down, stroking some stray hairs off his forehead.

"Naruto?" Nervously asked, hoping Naruto would respond.

The flaxen haired boy nodded, his skin regaining some of it's healthy golden color, making Sasuke wonder if he was naturally tanned.

"Sas…Y-You c-ca…me."

"Of course I did you loser, who else has to watch you?" he laughed, out of relief that Naruto had replied, it seemed like he was going to be okay.

"Tch… Bastard, I h-heard…you when you…p-p-pushed…those rocks o-off." Naruto's voice was cracked and shaky, as if he was trying to hang on to consciousness.

Sasuke paused in motions for a moment.

"I see." All he managed to reply.

"Y-You… Sound…Sounded like…O-One of those g-girls c-confessing their love."

Always trust Naruto to ruin good moments.

"You were delirious." Sasuke attempted to lie to Naruto to save himself from being teased, his face turning a beet red.

"H-Heh, I hope you're w-wrong…" Naruto wheezed with difficulty "I was h—happy when you said you cared for me." The pale lips shivered a moment "You were surrounded by everyone, loved in—"

Teeth chattered frantically "Instantly c-cause you ain't a f-failure like me."

Sasuke wasn't sure what Naruto was trying to explain, but Naruto's eyes were a burning blue, as if someone had threw in the empty icy eyes of his into blue fire, thawing the ice away to reveal a deep sapphire surrounded by a passionate fire. Sasuke was captivated.

"But you didn't…tre-treat me like one, you accepted me… when you rejected everyone else." Blond lashes decorated with frost fluttered in attempt to keep them focused

"It made me happy that we were rivals." His voice died away, too cold to escape his lips.

Naruto's eyes closed and became stiffly quiet like the snow around them.

"Don't go, Naruto!"

Everything was clear to Naruto now. Hypothermia had eaten away at his core, heat barely thrived inside his body anymore; it had deserted him.

How ironic, a few days back dying wasn't a huge problem for Naruto because he didn't care, he was prepared to embrace death because it would have relieved him from living; he endured pain his whole life, eager for the afterlife so when it came he would have finally be granted peace.

Now, he was terrified to the idea of dying. Sasuke needed him. Naruto needed him.

There was something out there he could accomplish.

He didn't want to die. At least not yet, Naruto still needed time to argue about pointless things with Sasuke.

He wanted to live, but the sharp breeze of winter slithered in his veins, squeezing life out of his heart.

So cold… Dark. He thought, mildly scared if it weren't for Sasuke squeezing his purpled hand, trying to warm him with his jacket.

He wished they were friends earlier, sorry that he had been so stubborn, and somewhere deep down, he knew Sasuke was sorry too.