EPOCH
(n.) A particular period of time in history or a person's life.
Shadows seemed to dance around me, the presence of a familiar ghost kept me company so I wouldn't be alone, I looked up and saw Sasuke. It snowed like heavy rain, and I began to open my mouth, unsure what I was conveying to him, but it was likely the truth of some sort since it felt like the turmoil inside of me poured out like smooth silk, and I was at peace; no longer was I panicking, I let go but the tinge of regret tugged at me before I blacked out and woke up.
Strong smells of sterile disinfectants flowed in my nose, it didn't sting to my surprise, as if my senses were accustomed to the sharp smells.
A tall lady with straight hair expressed a shocked face until it changed to a relaxed smile, before turning a little tense.
"Where am I…?" I asked, squinting at the bright lights around me, even though I had a fairly good grasp of my location. The room was white and I was wearing a blue patient gown. My eyes hurt from the reflected lights but I was able to recognize that I was in a hospital. The sheets covering my body felt soft yet it did a poor job of keeping warmth than cardboard if that was possible.
"In the hospital. My name is Shizune. Do you remember your name?"
Unsure how I had jumped from lying in the snow to a hospital I nodded and answered. "Naruto Uzumaki."
She smiled and also nodded, taking out her clipboard to scribble some information.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, putting down her clipboard and thing pen on a nearby desk.
"Um… I'm okay…But what happened?" I was slightly dizzy, and a bit skeptical of the stranger's concern, unsure if she had good intentions.
"Well…" She bit her lip and glanced at me, she was hesitating from telling me the truth it seemed, but I just wanted the truth, all this confusion was frustrating.
"Lady, I know you're worried about how I'm gonna take it, but I have been through worse so could ya just tell me already?" I exasperated impatiently, slightly guilty because she was only worried for my sake.
She took the clipboard again and lifted some papers to scan the information, her lips worded some of it before she began to explain.
She met my eyes and I noticed she had a rather clean face. Her eyes were wide with a genuine glow in them, she seemed the type to be overly honest with her expressions, from what I could tell she was sincerely worried about me.
My shoulders relaxed a little, my heartbeat calming slightly.
"You suffered from hypothermia for over an hour which caused you're body heat to decrease below 35 C. Due to the exposure of water, you're body underwent shock which disabled some functions of yours. It's a miracle you lasted as long as you did without any permanent damage. When you arrived here your body―mostly your hands and feet were severely damaged from frostbite…" Her voice was cold steel as she read out the information, professional and cold until what was likely the last sentence. The information didn't surprise me, I figured I would have suffered from hypothermia and frost bite and the like.
She took a deep breath and continued, her eyes slightly narrowed, she looked slightly upset, my heart almost skipped a beat.
"You went into cardiac arrest shortly after you're friend had found you, he had the good sense to wrap you with his jacket, then an adult man called the ambulance. You've been out in a coma for a week, for now you're to stay here until you recover."
It didn't feel like a week, it just felt like I jumped cut into the hospital, she must have been joking, no way was I in a coma, laughter was a tempting reaction for me but instead my body froze.
Shizune gave me an earnest look, her face clearly painted with guilt even though there wasn't anything to be sorry for her, I wondered how she survived being a nurse with how sensitive she was, from my knowledge―limited as it may be― the medical field was intense and emotionally tiresome.
Eventually she awkwardly left, her expression remained regretful.
The window close to me offered a bit of comfort, it was sunny, the thin blanket of snow sparkled like diamond dust, it calmed me; I was gone for a week, but I was alive and that was all that mattered to me.
Normally I would have been reluctant to stay but my body was uneasy and refused to move, forcing me to rest longer. Police came by to investigate the poor treatment from the orphanage. Naturally I was glad to tell them even though they were rather bulky looking, they were fairly scary (I admit.).
Few days later, I was informed I'd be moved to a healthier environment, which meant I was finally leaving the orphanage.
Only I didn't want to leave Sasuke or the forest.
But maybe I deserved this, to leave and find new purpose for myself, this was a good opportunity for me. When it was time for me to go, excitement and anxiety jumped inside of me.
As I packed my few belongings I turned to Asuma to ask where Sasuke was.
The bearded man was named Asuma, he enjoyed smoking a lot from his pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He grinned and ruffled my hair in a rough manner. He was the only cop I found myself comfortable to be around so his gesture was comforting to me.
"The kid's fine if that's what you're askin'. From what I hear, he got adopted by a rich couple which is exceedingly good luck."
"Why hasn't he visited me?"
"Well…Apparently he moved somewhere pretty far, Konoha if I'm not mistaken."
My gaze dropped to my feet, disappointment filled inside.
Asuma quickly noticed my sudden change of attitude and knelt on one knee to my eye level, his hand patting my head
"Hey sport, don't be so down. Listen, this is…part of growing up." He explained, though it didn't connect to me how this suffering and abandonment was part of growing up, when all of this was plain cruel.
"I don't understand Asuma." My voice was cracked and tight.
"Well…To be simple, you don't grow up until you lose friends and gain new ones. Growing up means to go through harsh things with courage. It makes you stronger, so you can protect others."
Soon I gave up, choosing to ponder over his words despite the distracting emotions that stirred inside of me to the information regarding Sasuke, I wanted to say goodbye at least.
"I'm sure you'll like the new orphanage, my old friend owns it so I'm sure you'll be treated a lot nicer there." Asuma chuckled, standing up once again to drive me to my new destination.
"Are you sure?" Fear began to fill up inside of me when I thought back to the last month in my old orphanage. I was chased out a lot during that early winter by the older kids, they got irritated that I continued to return to the house for warmth that they knocked me unconscious and left me to either drown or freeze to death in the cold streams of the river.
Sasuke came to save me, but I knew my absence was a burden to him, the fact he hadn't bothered to visit was proof.
Was I abandoned again?
I settled in my new place. Home wouldn't fit an orphanage, but it was warm like one. The owner was this creepy ass pale guy. He had long black hair and his eyes reminded me of a snake. He liked to be addressed as Orochimaru, he was a gay man. His lover was Kabuto, some guy who liked to study medicine and help treat sick children.
Although Orochimaru was initially scary looking, he was just a nice man with odd quirks in reality.
When I arrived he gave me a tight hug, blabbering passionately about how he could empathize with me, promising to treat me better here. My experience with adults made me withdrawn when it came to Orochimaru and sceptical of his promises, but eventually I gave in after a week or two.
Promises seemed to have been a serious thing since he did keep his promise. Treatment was good there, the other children enjoyed playing with me, eager for me to be on their team when we'd play games, making me feel like I had purpose, I felt included.
It was as if I stepped into a different world, no one hated me; even if the couples looking for children tended to avoid me, eventually whatever reason there was for me to be hated, it seemed to have been forgotten because adults began to approach me after a good while.
Happiness was a first, yet I felt like something was missing, and I knew it was because Sasuke had thrown me away.
Just like hate, time seemed to be an ointment to the tight ache whenever I thought of Sasuke. Little by little, Sasuke meant less and less to me as I made new bonds with others, grasping the wondrous sensation of companionship.
By the second and third month, I had become popular among my male friends and barely had time to myself, Sasuke was only a passing thought now.
Asuma was right when he said I had to lose bonds to grow up; my friends got adopted because of their enthusiastic nature, which led to being adopted by new parents while I got left behind because of my reluctance to be warm towards adults.
"Don't let it bother you too much, a real parent will be able to see past into your good side." Orochimaru would insist, giving back some confidence, affectionately stroking my head in a motherly way.
Quietly I folded the laundry with a couple of other kids, mildly muttering about which of the girls we'd consider cute, I didn't participate since I didn't much interest in females since I arrived.
Content with my current life, I found myself completing a full year at my new orphanage since my near death experience. A year since I last saw Sasuke.
Everything was dark again.
The ugly sweater with a pink cat in my hands had dropped, my arms falling uselessly at my sides.
When I woke up from my coma, Sasuke left without a word of goodbye or any possible contact, it seemed so cut and cold from him; I needed an explanation from him, to see his face, one last smile. That's all I wanted.
At the previous orphanage Sasuke had reduced some of the attacks towards me using his few resources and skill, did all of that mean nothing? Was that why he left so eagerly?
Even if everything he had done for me was out of selfish reasons, I still needed to repay him for treating me as an equal from day one, for choosing to decide I was better fitted to be his friend than any other kids at the orphanage.
No matter what reasons he had for being kind to me, he deserved something back.
All this time I had been pitying myself while I had chosen to be ignorant to Sasuke's problems, to his past that seemed to have affected him so horribly that it stained a good chunk of his personality.
I was so selfish.
This happiness shouldn't have been given to me. Sasuke was hurting all that time and I never even asked, he protected me and even cared for me in his twistedly kind way, and I never gave something back despite the trouble I must have given him.
My throat tightened to the point of rejecting saliva, my teeth clenched to the point of hurting and everything seemed so dark.
I didn't deserve any kindness.
My friends Choji and Shikamaru picked up on my mood and confronted me.
"You've been handling the laundry roughly, what's bothering you?" Choji asked, his light brown hair in a slight mess as he turned his face to me. His eyes were laced with concern.
Shaking my head I continued folding, further denying the truth in me. "Nothing, just uh, I got…"
Crap, what could I lie about?
"You got…?" Choji urged me to continue.
"Diarrhea!" Now I was just improvising like some moron, might as well just go with it.
As expected there was long stiff silence followed after my panicked outburst, hot embarrassment flushed my cheeks as I continued.
"So there! Yeah…Um…" my words tripped over themselves when Shikamaru gave me a raised eyebrow, he was always too smart for his own good, especially now. Fuck.
"You're sure about that…? I mean you don-"
Choji thankfully interrupted Shikamaru. "Anyway! Remember what Kiba said he was gonna do yesterday?" his soft voice interrupted with a high pitched excitement.
Shikamaru sighed before giving up, going along with Choji's attempt to steer the conversation to a less awkward one.
"Yeah, he was screaming about, it was annoying since I was trying to nap on the roof."
Relief covered my face, I guess friends really know how to consider feelings. They were kind to me because they wanted to be, I didn't bribe them or blackmail them to act like this, it was nice, refreshing even.
Choji grinned, his eyes were suddenly mischievous. "He did it."
"You're kidding me, Orochimaru is going to kill him once he finds out."
"I'm not, he actually collected poop, and spelled out 'big' on our neighbor's doors! Go outside and check, they're still there!" Choji howled in jumping laughter, Shikamaru also joined in a toned down chuckle.
Slowly, I closed my eyes, smiling just lightly.
Letting go Sasuke would be my step forward, his life was constantly changing like mine so he must have forgotten about me, so I needed to move one, but I wouldn't forget him, he had been part of the biggest change in my life, he'd be etched in my heart.
All this, was my life now, so I needed to enjoy it, I've had enough of misery.
"Naruto! You feeling okay enough to check out Kiba's prank?"
I looked up to Shikamaru and Choji, already up on their feet, eager to ditch laundry folding with me, waiting for me to join them with their arms extended for me to reach.
Naturally, I grinned at them and took both of their hands, lifted to my feet, I exclaimed with eager excitement "Hell ya, I'm not gonna be beaten by Kiba's weak prank!"
So I exited through the front door, leaving with my new friends into the bright sun looking forward to new opportunities, not caring of the consequences.