Katniss POV
Peeta has managed to save me once again. I see the pain that my episodes bring him. I am worthless. I am causing this pain. I can never be the same Katniss as before. That Katniss was dented by the pains of my father's death, my mother's betrayal, and the pains of starvation that lingered in my frame. That Katniss was dented, but reachable. This Katniss that I have become is shattered, never to be repaired. I can not put Peeta through this pain, the pain of me. He is perfect and should find someone better, who can bring that boyish grin that I love so much to his face. I should leave, just meet up with my father in another would be better, for everyone.
I pick at the sweet, warm, slightly-burned cinnamon roll Peeta made for me. The flaky crust and gooey center melt in my mouth as I elicit a moan. I haven't tasted anything good since, well since before.
"Katniss?" Peeta says my name in question, breaking my cinnamon-roll-happiness coma.
"Yeah?" I ask, trying my hardest to be as normal as possible.
" Wha…" Whatever Peeta was about to say was cut off by the loud ring of my front door. I look to Peeta and find the same questioning curiosity lies in his face. Then we hear pounding on the door. My eyes go wide and the haze starts to creep its way into mind. I fight it with everything but it still keeps coming. Its like my subconscious wants to drag me back into that hell. I'm not afraid to let the tears fall this time because I know this my own minds creation. I am terrified of the men that my mind will once again conjure up to hurt me. Then I feel a hand, strong and calloused, pulling me back into reality. This single touch on the side of face pulls back the layers of haze and pain, saving me before it was even able to hurt me. And when I open my eyes, I am not surprised to see the crystal clear blue eyes of Peeta staring at me with worry. He quirks an eyebrow and I nod in response. He begins to pull his hand away from my face and leave, but before he can I grab his face in my hands and press my lips to his. He responds immediately, pushing his tongue deep into my mouth. I could taste the lingering cinnamon and sugar in his mouth. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and I whimpered at the action.
"Yo brainless!"Johanna… At the sound of her voice Peeta pulls away, breaking the oh so perfect kiss. I instantly want to mame her into a wordless puddle of skin and bones. "You couldn't have broken away from lover boy over here for a minute to let us in?" she exclaims as she throws her hands in the air gesturing to Peeta and I's current position. Peeta looks at me with that boyish grin that is just so perfect and instantaniously my anger at Jo has dissipated into nothing.
"Kiiiiiiityyyyy!" I hear Finnick purr as he and Annie round the corner. Finnick looks like the third grade boy, ya know the one who needs to lay off a few pounds, looking at Sae's six-layer-double-decker chocolate cake. Annie on the other hand looks very timid and at first I am a little amd that she couldn't just be like the others and treat me like a normal person, but then I think about how I would act if I was in her shoes. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have even come today. God I'm awful person.
"Finn." Peeta answers, adding a nod in Finn's direction, for me since I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to respond.
"Kat you missed SO much." Jo nearly yells as she hops up and plops herself directly onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and effectively pushing Peeta's arms away from my waist. I look to see his cheeks tinted a very scarlet red. I giggle at his current state of embarrassment.
"Katniss! Are you even listening to me?" Jo asks while snapping her fingers in front of my face. Now Peeta and I match.
"What Jo?" I reply even though I don't really care, I know she is just trying to keep things normal, and I appreciate it greatly.
"As I was saying, Glimmer and Cato went around the school asking people to pray for you and even built you your very own shrine in front of your locker." I scrunch my face at her words. Did people really think I was dead? And why did Glimmer of all people make a shrine for me. What were the words whore, seam slut, or bitch on their because thats all she ever called me when I went to that school. Jo reading into my opinion continues, "I know right I mean that bitch."
"Don't worry though Kitty, Johanna here decided to teach Glimmer and Cato a lesson in front of the whole school. Finn says with a wide grin stretching from ear to ear. At his words I give a pointed look at Jo.
"Explain." I say, keeping my glare strong.
"Well, ya see there was this school wide assembly were they offered grief counseling to anyone who needed and like that was that. It was a very awkward affair, but then Glimmer stumbled her way onto the stage, a weeping mess, and started to say how we should all go to counseling and that she was and how great you were and how you didn't deserve what and I quote "what little time Katniss had gotten in this life". This blew me so stood up and screamed at her about all the times she had practiclly told you that she thought you should die, and about all the crap she said about you, and then I called her the biggest bitch this side of Hell." At this I actually started laughing. I can picture it now, Glimmer pretending to care for me and then in comes Jo, fearless, retelling the crap she did and then my favorite:a very flustered Glimmer staring shocked at what Jo had just disclosed to the entirety of the school.
"It was something else Kitty." Finn says slightly reminiscing. I see his eyes and for the first time ever, I see true sadness in his eyes. I have not once seen anything that remotely resembles sadness let alone what lies in his eyes. I turn to Jo and see the same sadness. I see that they are remembering a very time, the time I was gone. Then it hits me:
"You all thought I was dead too." I look up and see blank eyes, the tops of heads, a tear running down Annie's face. And I run. I leap from my perch on the counter, causing Jo to fall to the ground and I run. I run from everyone. I run to my room and lock the door. Seconds later I hear Peeta knocking on the door and calling out for me. I ignore him and get my boots. I turn back to the door and I can tell Peeta is starting to be very afraid as he has taken to slamming the door with his fist, screaming for me to open it. I look for ways out. I just need to get out. To get away. I look to my window and see my way out. I climb through the shards of remaining glass careful not to cut myself and I leap to my adjoining roof. From there I leap to the ground and finally I can truly run. And that is what I do. I run. I run deeper and deeper into the forest. I run untill I can no longer hear them scream my name. I run past trees and through ditches. I run. I run until my lungs ache. I run untill my stitches begin to come undone. I run until it feels as though my ribs are breaking all over again. Then I break. I fall to the soft grass beneath me and cry.
I don't know how many hours had passed before I simply ran out of tears. I know that it is dark. That is it. I realize very quickly that I do not fully know where I am. this is not Gale and I's usual hunting grounds because there does not appear to be a significant water source nearby. Slowly, I stand and stretch my legs that have been pulled to my chest for at least 8 hours. Oh no, I have been gone for more than 8 hours. Peeta. He must be freaking out or he may even be looking for me alone. Both scenarios scare me. I am a terrible person and Peeta truly deserves so much more than me. I am nothing and he is everything. He is gorgeous and I am ugly. He is fit whilst I am scrawny. He is whole while I am shattered. Maybe I should stay out here. Not go back. He would move on. He would find someone better. Jo, Annie, and Finn already thought I was dead so why not make it true. It would be so easy to just die. I look around me. I could very easily jump from one of the branches. And so I begin my ascent. Climbing about 35ft up, surely this would be high enough. Right? I walk to the end of the branch, and I am ready. They will all be better without me. I am nothing. I close my eyes. I raise my arms to my side. And just as I am about to jump. I hear the telltale sounds of crashing leaves. And I retreat back to the base of the branch, I do not want to be seen. Surely none of them would think to look up, let alone this high up. But then I see a frantic Gale. And all he does is look up. He knows I feel safest up here and he knew that was where he would find me. Damn him.
"Catnip?" He asks after a few brief seconds of eye contact. They must not know what I was about to do. They just can't. "What are you doing up there?" He asks clearly trying to gauge why I would be this high. Think Katniss, THINK.
"There was a grizzly." I respond simply. I mean it could be possible. Once Gale and I were forced to go 25ft up to avoid the claws of a grizzly, so it was plausible.
"Oh," I see his face rid itself of worry. I can tell he believes me, "You'd better come with me, lover boy all but had a heart attack. I still don't understand why you're with that asshole I mean come on he acts like a girl 90% of the time and you were taken because of him and…"
"GALE! Shut the fuck up. You have no right to say any of that let alone the fact that it is all lies." I yell while making my way down the tree. Once I hit the ground I turn to him, "If you say anything like that again I will beat you into a pulp. Now let's go." Wordlessly, Gale leads me through the labyrinth of trees and at the clearing I see him.
Peeta POV
I sit at the edge of the forest as my deepest darkest fears begin to overwhelm my whole being. Katniss must truly be dead this time. What if she did it herself. I cannot live without her. I just got her back. it hasn't even been a month since I was able to hold her again. What if she is gone? I feel the steady stream of tears that never seem to lessen when Katniss is away. I hear Annie crying behind me, wrapped in Finnick's arms. I feel so much jealousy at the scene of them. They are happy, they have no demons. Shit none of us have demons when compared to Katniss. Jo is sitting wordlessly on a big pile of dirt. I think her choice of seating is some weird kind of self-punishment. I start to turn to look back at her when I can hear the faintest of feat. Snapping my head up and in the direction of the sound. I see her. She is alive. Katniss is alive and appears to be okay. I bolt from the ground to lift her in my arms.
"Please don't ever do that again." I plea in a whispered tone.
"I am so sorry." I hear her whisper back and is very evident from the strain in her voice that she is holding back tears. I pet her hair, like a child in an effort to comfort her. When this doesn't work, I readjust her so that i am holding her bridal style tightly to my chest. There she burrows her head and begins to let silent tears flow down her face.
"Thank you Gale." I say quickly looking up to meet his angered, jealous glare. I quickly turn to the guys.
"I think it might be best if you guys came back another day." I say as nicely as possible. I do not want to hurt their feeling I just think Katniss doesn't need to face them right now.
Jo nods quickly and runs off, not another word. It is evident she is hurt or blaming herself, or both. Annie and Finnick don't say a word either, although their nods were calmer and a bit more understanding. I watch as they slowly walk away, hand in hand, in the direction of Finn's car. I start to walk back up to the house when I hear footsteps behind me. I turn with Katniss, in my arm's to face the footsteps.
"Gale? I figured you'd left." I say trying to keep the distaste from my mouth for Katniss' sake.
"I am gonna stay with her until you go home bread boy." He replies menacingly.
"Gale, I live here now." At my words Gale's face falls for a split second, but rapidly changed to that of pure anger and hatred I know is directed purely at me. I decide to continue. "She needs me Gale. I will protect her, and watch over her. I promise."
He scoffs at my declaration. "I am NOT letting you stay alone with Katniss. She needs me, NOT YOU. You are just a phase, a nothingness along her eventual timeline to me. I am her endpoint Peeta, not you me. Katniss Everdeen will be Katniss Hawthorne and we will have children and you little bread boy will be beggin women for any sign of affection. Katniss and I will have the perfect life, WITHOUT YOU."
"Gale," I start, trying my hardest to stay calm, "Do you even listen to what Katniss wants, or do you just not care. Katniss has told me repeatedly that she never wants children, because she is scared that they will be taken from her. She doesn't want to get married because she saw what it did to her mother. And even if she did want to get married I am sure it would NEVER be to an asshole like you."
I have no time to react before I see Gale's fist ball and rear back, preparing to hit me straight in the face. I close my eyes awaiting the pain. But it never comes. I hear the sickening crack and I feel the blood, but when I look up, I see it is not my blood. I look down at the lifeless figure that now lays in my arms. No...
I stare incredulously at Gale. His face is blank. He hit her. I look at down at her face as a steady stream of blood flows from her nose. Her eyes are still closed. I thought she was asleep. Why couldn't I tell she wasn't asleep? The girl I love is once again in my arms hurt because of me. All my fault. I turn away from Gale and start to head inside. I can hear him muttering to himself: "She… She …. Why would she do that?". I don't even look back at that sick asshole. I quicken my pace, seeing the stream quicken, and the pool of blood beginning to form on her stomach. I lay her down on the couch and run to get a wet rag. I am back at her side in an instant. And when I am back i see her eyes. She looks scared, terrified even.
"Hey, hey its okay. Gale hit you. I need to clean up the blood from your nose to see how and bad it is. Your safe Katniss I promise." She nods warily in response. I immediately begin to run the cloth under her nose in an effort to staunch the blood flow. I see her wince when I try and wipe away the blood from her nose. I try to lighten my strokes. After another 10 minutes, I have been able to stop the blood and can now fully see her nose.
"How bad?" She asks quietly. I think it was supposed to be a joke but it lost its luster when she saw the look on my face.
"It is definitely broken. That asshole! He was mad at me, why the hell did he hit you?"
"I moved."
"What? Why would you do that?" I asked staring blankly at her expecting face.
"He was going to hurt you." She answered simply, as if it made all the sense in the world to her. It was because of moments like these that truly made me believe that Katniss loved me. I took the sides of her face in my hands and pushed my lips forcefully against hers. Our mouths melded together effortlessly. I could taste the cinnamon rolls that still lingered from this morning. I slowly crawled on top of her so that her body was placed perfectly beneath mine, never breaking the kiss. My knees held her thighs in place as my hands held firmly to her face. Begrudgingly I pulled away because I know Katniss needs to do things like this slowly. So I give her a grin, and pull away.
"Peeta can we not go to the hospital? I just I can't go there tonight I want to stay here...with you." She asks so innocently.
"Of course but we will have to go somewhere tomorrow to set that cute little nose of yours." I say as tilt mmy head down to give her a light peck on her beautiful lips. I flip us so that she is lying on top of me. I play with her hair, her beautiful long dark hair. I draw patterns on her lower back and eventually I feel her fall into a deep sleep atop me.