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Chapter 15: Gratitude

"Peldor joi." Mobara folded up his piece of paper and set fire to it, tossing into the rocks and watching it burn. It was a greeting, but none of them were going and hopefully no one was coming.

They didn't have the correct leaves to burn, either. And it wasn't even a fire pit. But Teal'c knew that the celebration of the holiday, however pale, was important to his Bajoran comrades. There wasn't a lot to be thankful for, but there were always troubles to leave behind. Two Bajorans were still scribbling out their lists on the renewal scrolls.

Teal'c looked down at his. It was empty, save one item.

One of the significant acts of the festival was the writing of one's problems on renewal scrolls, which were then tossed into a fire. Symbolically, one's troubles burned to ashes. The Bajoran Gratitude Festival hadn't been held on Bajor for a while, as far as Teal'c knew, but he didn't keep up with the holidays really. There were too many battles to fight, too many prisoners to free. Speaking of which… He picked up his writing implement and added to the list that the Bajoran resistance was without a leader.

If they were able to free Li Nalas from this prison camp tomorrow, perhaps everything could be changed.

"Teal'c?"

He lifted his eyes from his paper and saw Kira handing him a match. He took it and stared at it.

"Too many troubles to list?" Gantt wondered. He hadn't yet burnt his paper, either.

Teal'c shrugged. "Yes," he answered. "Far too many." A trouble he couldn't explain; a fear he could not face. When he wrote it down, he realized just how much it disturbed him. He wished that burning this piece of paper would do more than just symbolically take his troubles. He needed that taken literally. But there was no way, not in this universe.

So he would have to do what good he could and then…

"Here's to some distant hope that… someday things will be better…" Kira muttered, setting fire to her own page. She turned her eyes on Teal'c. Young eyes.

At twenty-four or twenty-five, Kira was the youngest member of the Shakaar Resistance cell, except, perhaps, besides Gantt. Teal'c hadn't quite figured exactly how old he was. But he had to be older than Kira, since she got the most ribbing for being so young. She had been twelve when she joined. Lupaza had thought her too young then and… Teal'c wondered if she were too young now.

"Someday," Teal'c echoed, striking his match on his page. He tossed it onto the rocks next to Kira's and watched them burn. "What was on your list?" he asked unobtrusively to end the silence and quiet his anxieties.

"Too many to list," Gantt laughed. "I guess that's true for lots of Bajorans, though, huh?"

"Cardassians," Lupaza hissed, tossing her burning page into the pile and crossing her arms over her knees.

"Hear, hear," Shakaar agreed. "Empty stomachs."

"No soft beds," Mobara added.

"Broken weapons," Latha growled.

The others all chimed in with their own small troubles, large troubles. Families, friends in labor camps. Sore muscles. Broken hearts and minds. For Bajorans, the list went on and on. "Like I said," Gantt sighed. "Too many to list."

They all fell silent again until Kira whispered, "Fear."

All eyes turned to her. On this day of all days, were they all afraid? They were about to try something audacious. It might very well get them killed. They were courageous. But they were afraid. Even Teal'c could admit that. Everyone else, after a moment, nodded in agreement, too.

"What about you, Teal'c?" Shakaar asked.

"Yeah," Mobara agreed. "We all shared one."

Teal'c sighed and looked down at the ashes of his list. His paper was gone, but the problems remained. He could have written that he was so far from home he didn't know the way back, but he didn't. He didn't view that so much as a problem anymore, but as a reality. An opportunity. He could and would rise to the occasion. He worried about his friends on the other side of the galaxy as they worked on a way to get home, and wondered if they worried about him. And then there was the lack of leadership in the resistance. The lack of a rallying cry. The lack of strength of character, the lack of men and women willing and able to fight.

But all of it paled in comparison to the one thing written above his hopes for Li Nalas. He couldn't tell them about it, though: they wouldn't understand it. "Aimlessness," he sighed.

Shakaar nodded in agreement, and his followers all did the same after. "Well, tomorrow we have an aim. We have a goal. So get some rest, everyone. Tomorrow is going to be… a big day…" He looked around, his eyes lingering momentarily on Lupaza before turning his back to the group and lying down on the hard rocks beneath them. One by one, the other members of the resistance cell followed his lead and laid down to rest.

Except Kira. Teal'c had found, after a year and a half with the Shakaar resistance cell, that she was very much a woman of her own. She did as she would, but followed orders and never lost sight of the good of the group. Tonight, it was for the good of the group that she stayed awake. They were in enemy territory…

"Aren't you going to sleep?" Kira asked. A moment later, she corrected herself. "Rest?"

"Two pairs of eyes are better than one," Teal'c pointed out. "I do not require 'rest' at this time."

She nodded, rested her chin on her drawn-up knee, and then took a deep breath. "What did you really write?" she ventured quietly.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at her. "You would not understand."

"Probably not," Kira agreed. "But there's no way anyone can help you unless you say something."

"There are bigger things to worry about," Teal'c answered.

"There are always bigger things to worry about…"

For a moment, Teal'c had the thought to simply tell her: his symbiote was nearing maturity. He thought about admitting that he was worried about what would happen to him should it be allowed to age. What would happen to this universe? Of course, that couldn't be allowed to happen. Teal'c would have to kill the Goa'uld before that happened. And that would mean… that would mean that Teal'c would follow shortly thereafter.

"There is not much time," Teal'c said finally.

"Before what?" Kira asked.

"Before I… before I must move on again."

"You're not very good at lying, either," Kira confided with a small smile. She didn't smile often.

"I will think on my problem and perhaps a solution will present itself," he promised. They both looked at the pile of dark ashes swirling in the light breeze. "In the meantime, there is nothing I can do about it."

"No one can add a day to his life by worrying," Kira agreed with a nod. "Old Bajoran proverb…"

Teal'c nodded. He would have to leave soon, though. He would have to find Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, and Major Carter before something drastic happened. Perhaps they might be able to find a solution. But in the meantime… he hated to leave the Bajorans. He simply couldn't. Not when there was something he could still do.

He shook his head and sighed. Some "Gratitude Festival."