Alison had only left Ramon's because he kicked her out. And he kicked her out because it was 1 am. Felix had gone to bed an hour or so before and Ramon practically had to shove Alison out the door growling, "We both have to be up in like 3 hours Alison and some of us need our beauty sleep!"

She walks back to the dorm, and despite their earlier conversation, her roommate is indeed dead asleep. On top of her covers. On top of papers. Still wearing her clothes. Alison takes the throw blanket off the foot of her bed, and covers Cosima with it.

When she finally slides into her own bed, she finds a swirl of thoughts assaulting her mind. However, it's not the coxing terms and principles that she and Ramon had been drilling all evening that are keeping her up. More unsettling, it's her conversation earlier with Cosima's that ricochets in her head- too loud to ignore.

Conversation about fluttery feelings, heat, and electricity between two people. The issue is that Alison is feeling these things… but with a girl... which doesn't exactly compute considering her last 19 or so years on this earth. There has to be another explanation right? Maybe she just had a connection with Beth was all.

Of course 'connection' was the word Cosima had used.

Well, so what? She thinks, staring at the darkened ceiling. That connection was the reason she decided to trust Beth, why she wanted to get to know her better, why she wanted to be her friend, right? She wanted to be around her because of that connection- those startling feelings of excitement and comfort. It was why she was drawn to Beth in the first place.

Drawn to… otherwise known as, attracted to?

Alison almost cringes at the word and then wants to slap herself silly for even the passing thought of wanting to cringe.

What is wrong with me? Why be so upset by this? This is not the end of the world, right? I mean, would it be so weird- So farfetched to consider being attracted to a woman? Sexuality is a spectrum after all… And there is certainly nothing wrong with being gay. Not a thing. There's nothing wrong with Cosima, or Ramon or Felix or anyone.

Alison sighs into the dark. But this is different- is this different? Well, this is my life. The life I've planned out, down to the letter, since I was 12 years old. I planned for high school, and theater and work, then going to college and getting a career in my field... I have a 10 year plan.

And it's there in the dark that Alison realizes that nowhere in that 10 year plan did she factor in a relationship.

The realization slaps and she thinks about this hard… How could she have not even considered it? Well, she muses, thinking of the few boyfriends she's had and how little she cared about them, Considering those were my options it just wasn't a priority. She had just assumed she'd get married to a nice man, have some kids, and move to the suburbs. Live the dream.

Well, the dream Mom always talked about. Alison's mom had spent Alison's entire childhood pushing this dream. Their family had always struggled and it wasn't until just before high school that they were able to move into their now "nice suburban neighborhood." She had obsessed over it and told Alison that the dream- the husband, Suburbia, children- THAT was what success looked like.

Well, I can still have kids if I'm with a woman… Still get married... Still have a nice house in a good neighborhood and- Holy Moses WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE? I just want to figure out what this thing is with Beth!

Alison's alarm blares, startling her. She groans, but forces herself to get up. Forces herself to go to crew practice, even though she finds herself suddenly confused and unsure about so, so much more than just her coxing ability.

Beth is screwed. Screwed because it's Friday and she hasn't heard from Alison and if she doesn't hear from her by start of practice tomorrow, she really failed. Failed everyone. Failed all of it, in so many ways.

It took everything she had to get herself to practice this morning. She was NOT looking forward to another day of going to the boathouse just to erg. It certainly didn't help that her stomach was queasy from the stress. It also didn't help that she hasn't been sleeping. Sleeping issues weren't something new, but the fresh layer of worry makes it feel that much more raw somehow.

Up ahead, Beth sees Sarah exit the boathouse. She catches sight of Beth and walks to meet her half way. "What's up Childs? You look like someone ran over your dog."

"I didn't sleep well…" Beth mumbles as Sarah turns and falls in step beside her.

"Well there's a little surprise waitin' inside that I bet will put some zip on your step…" Sarah smirks, holding the door open for the other rower to enter.

Beth sighs, and is about to retort that she is not in the mood for surprises when she catches sight of said surprise and stops dead in her tracks. Sarah, arriving beside her again, leans her elbow on Beth's shoulder. "Yeah, Pinky showed up this morning. I knew you'd be excited."

Beth is aware that Sarah's waiting for a reaction, so she buttons up all the things she wants to say- to shout- and instead goes with a well measured, "That's great. We really need a coxswain." Sarah sighs, disappointed, and Beth ignores her- ignores everything really- and just lets her feet guide her in the direction of the girl in question.

As Beth approaches, she sees Alison talking to Coach S and handing in the same forms Beth had given her just days before. Beth has about a million thoughts and feelings running through her. She's relieved but also nervous, but also excited?

She comes up on the pair talking rather quickly- so quickly in fact that when she arrives at Alison's side, the girl actually startles at her arrival. "Oh! Beth! Hi!"

"You're back…That's…great." It's all Beth can manage, her brain still trying to catch up.

Beth watches as Alison blushes. Why is that so cute? And she replies with a quieter-than-expected, "Yes. I am...I'm here..."

There's a beat pause which Coach S seems happy to break. "Well, now that we've established that Ms. Hendrix is indeed living, breathing and here- let's get on the water, shall we?"

Both girls' heads whip to the older woman.

"What today? Right now?" Beth says it but Alison looks just as alarmed.

"Yes, right now." Coach S looks back and forth between the two, settling on Alison. "You said you'd been working with the men's coxswain right?"

"Well, yes, but-"

Coach turns to Beth, "And you said you'd help her through it all right?"

Beth runs her fingers through her hair anxiously. "Well, yeah, and-"

"Well then it's settled." The older woman concludes, crossing her arms. "Get hands on. Beth will get the cox box for you. I've already set up the launch. Have them warm up on the water and I'll catch up to you. Here's the lineup, see you a bit." She hands Beth the piece of paper and without another word, the Irish woman turns and heads down to the docks- leaving the two girls with mouths agape.

Alison whips her face to Beth. "I'm not sure I can do this. I-I mean I know the calls it's just- I wasn't ready and-"

Alison is wringing her hands as she stammers and Beth almost instinctually grabs them to hold them still. Alison's fingers are warm and small under her own cold ones.

"Look," Beth says, cupping the other girls' hands. "You can do this. I'm literally going to be right in front of you. Now these guys, they might give you a hard time. They do that. You just need to stand firm, and even if you don't know something, just SOUND confident and you'll be fine. Got it?"

When Alison nods her bangs fluff out and Beth is almost glad her own hands are otherwise occupied because honestly, she's having some very strong compulsions to brush Alison's bangs out of the girls' eyes for her and-

Nope. Nope. Let's stop that one there Childs. And why are you holding her hands? Stop touching her!

"Alright," Beth regroups, dropping Alison's hands. "Come with me. I'll get you a cox box so we can hear you over the speakers, and I'll talk to the group."

Alison nods again, and Beth prays the girl is able to vocalize words by the time they have to move the boat or they're all in trouble. Beth turns and heads to the locked cabinet with the cox boxes. Her heart still hasn't slowed down. She feels like she just finished rowing a 6k and wonders if she still feels like this, and rows at the same time, if her heart might actually explode. She grabs the equipment out, untangling the slightly twisted cords for the headset and connector cable. She takes a long slow breath and tires to shake off the jitters.

God Childs get a grip. Get this stupid little whatever crush thing under control. You are the steadfast leader of this team and should not be the nervous-by-association mess you are right now. Alison is beside her, still silent. Here goes, Beth clears her throat.

"Alright ladies listen up! Today's your lucky day because today- we get back on the water!"

Whoops and cheers let out from the girls around, and Beth lets it go for a moment before making a motion for them to quiet down. "Okay, okay settle. So here's the lineup: Sarah- Bow, Helena- 2, Danielle- 3, Janis-4, Katija-5, Stubbs- 6, Rachel-7, and yours truly as Stroke." She smirks and winks, getting a chuckle from Helena and a steely look from Rachel. "And," Beth continues, mentally sending up a wish to the heavens for this to go well, "Let me officially introduce our new cox- Alison Hendrix! I'm am counting on you giving her the same respect you'd give me…"

"That shouldn't be hard…" Sarah sneers.

Beth ignores her, instead turning to Alison, "So, care to get us up and going?" Beth heart hammers in her chest, she may pass out. Oh please, please, please know what to do… she silently begs the new girl. Please?

Alison pauses a second, before looking raising her eyes to meet the rowers circled around her.

"Alright- let's get hands on ladies!" She smiles lightly, but her voices is firm. Commanding. And the rest of the crew actually listens, making their way over to the boat. Alison trails behind them a step and flashes Beth a tentative thumbs up before turning back to the task at hand. Beth breathe a sigh of relief before joining them at her place on the boat. Thank god… she thinks. Maybe this won't be so hard after all.

Alison is a seasoned actress, and she convinces herself if she just runs her lines- like she rehearsed- today should be fine. So far, so good. She uses the commands Ramon told her and that she read about, and manages to say all the right things because the rowers bring the boat down to the dock and place it in the water without a hitch.

It's actually fascinating, to see eight people respond to her every word, immediately, in unison, and she can see what Ramon was talking about the previous day- that it can be a bit of a power trip almost- having eight people respond to your every command.

She's not there yet though. Not feeling powerful in the slightest. Not even close. As the girls move away to get their oars, Beth steps up to her and takes the cox box from her hands. She squats down on the dock, the boat resting quietly in the water next to it, and motions for Alison to do the same.

Alison hadn't known what to expect when she met up with Beth today. Part of her was hoping maybe she had just been so anxious about crew, so overwhelmed, that all those exciting, scary feelings surrounding Beth were more to do with that rather than some connection.

That theory had been busted almost immediately upon seeing her.

If anything those feelings were more acute, more crisp, even more apparent today than earlier in the week. The butterflies in her stomach had somehow grown into bats, or maybe pterodactyls, and Alison is worried that the flush in her cheeks is going to make her look almost sunburned. Despite this, she follows suit and kneels down on the dock next to Beth to examine what she's doing.

"Alright, here's how you connect the cox box to the boat," Beth says and Alison is acutely aware of how close they are. "So, for today it's just a microphone- no worries about what the numbers mean- for now just worry about getting a feel for the steering…"

Alison tries to listen, but most of her attention is focused inward. She's at war with herself. There are just too many things, too many conflicting things happening at once. Trying to analyze and ignore feelings- trying to keep a safe distance and yet feeling like she wants to get closer and see what happens. All at the same time. She manages to tune back in long enough and find some words. "What if I crash the boat?"

"You're not going to crash the boat. It's really simple- Pull the cord this way you go right, this way left. From your perspective this side's port, this is starboard." Alison nods, only feeling slightly assured. "Hey, you'll be fine. Trust me. Oh, and here, the Pièce de résistance…"

Beth picks up the head set, turning towards Alison so that their faces are no more than a half a foot apart. Beth moves to put it on Alison, but pauses, as if unsure if it were okay. Alison is holding her breath for some reason, but manages to nod. Beth blinks in understnading, and the corner of her mouth twitches up, a hint of a smirk. "Here, let me..."

The rower brushes bangs out of the way, feather light, and fixes the headset on Alison's head. She feels a swoop in her stomach as Beth's fingers brush her cheeks. She's not sure how much redder she can get and she hopes the semi-darkness of the morning masks the blush creeping up her face. Beth's fingers, cool to the touch, linger just a moment before disappearing again and Alison head is fuzzy as she finds herself wishing for them to return.

"There," Beth says quietly, pulling back an inch assessing her work. "NOW you look like a coxswain." There's a pause, and for a moment they're just looking at each other. Nothing is happening out right, nothing observable at least, but Alison can feel it. Like the force that draws two magnets or the static buildup right before the lightning strike- the space between them feels charged. She wishes desperately she could understand what that look Beth is giving her means as well, but just as quickly as it's there, Beth blinks, and seems to shake it away. "Um... I'm going to go grab my oar and we'll get going." She smiles quick, before standing up and doing just that.

Beth is gone, and that charged potential with her. Alison fiddles with the head band and microphone, feeling a bit silly- like a telephone call bank operator or a something like that. Beth is back, and the team is ready so she calls out the commands and everyone hops in.

Rowers adjust foot stretchers and Alison is very nervous. She fiddles with steering, checking odds and ends, and things she doesn't even understand. She's biding time until Beth slides up close to her, placing a hand on her foot. "Hey- you're going to be fine." There's something in Beth's easy smile, that makes Alison almost believe her. "Just remember, be confident, and don't take any of their shit." She winks, almost knowing how the swearing ruffles her. "Really though, you can do it."

Alison nods, and manages to eek out a small smile-for Beth's sake- though she doesn't even believe that herself.

"Alright all," She starts into the mic and works on mustering the same voice she used with her most difficult diner customers or even the children she used to babysit. "All hands on the dock, push off in two. One- two!"

Alison is surprised and delighted when 8 hands do exactly what she ask- all moving as one, and pushing the boat gently away, giving them clearance to start rowing.

After a moment of gently drifting, she realizes that nothing else is happening. They're all waiting for instruction. She looks to Beth, who nods in encouragement.

"Oh, alright. Lovely. Let's see…um, bow pair, could you please row us away from the dock a bit?"

In front of her, Beth closes her eyes- almost as if bracing for something- and a moment later it comes. She recognizes the surly English accent, that cracks the quiet morning- reaching her all the way from bow.

"Please? Ya'ear that Helena? The Duchess asked us if we would be ever so kind as to row for her? Should we acquiesce?"

Alison thinks she hears Sarah's sister mumble something like "What is aqu-i-ess?" before Alison takes a deep breath and tries again. "Bow pair, row…?"

"Yes, your highness!" Sarah's voice yelps back to her. There are chuckles from others in the boat, but they do start to row- much to Alison's relief.

The rest of the warm up goes uneventfully- everyone listening to her until all 8 of them were rowing at once. She notices Coach S pull up, and signal for her to have the boat stop so she could tell them what drills they would be doing today. She raises her hand- motioning to the coach that she got the message- and clears her throat again before saying "Okay, way-enough!"

Before she even realizes what's happening, the boat comes to a screeching halt- almost sending her flying forward out of her seat.

She hears laughter- God I'm sick of that laugh- from bow seat again. "I think someone forgot to say 'Simon says'!"

The girl with the blonde bob hairstyle- Raquel? Rachel? sitting right behind Beth, peeks her head out, scowling. She levels an icy, detached gaze Alison's way as she intones, "Are you a completely incompetent? You have to give us some warning… You may do well to try an 'in two' in the future…Or perhaps a different sport entirely?"

Alison blushes, hard, and sets her jaw. She glances to Beth, who takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly- as if to encourage her to do so as well. She thinks she can see the little bit of doubt in her eyes though, and honestly if they weren't in the middle of the river, Alison would not think twice about leaving right now.

The coach pulls her launch boat up next to them, and explains the drill of the day- very straight forward timed rows, each 3 minutes long. Alison was very grateful for something simple. She does take that deep breath, and has to keep reminding herself to do so.

For the rest of practice, Alison was very careful, very precise with all her calls but even then- even after making each call just as she and Ramon and she had practiced- it still didn't stop the degrading comments from Sarah in Bow seat, the barely stifled chuckling mid boat, or that Rachel girl's over exaggerated sighs of contempt. Alison knew this would be rough, Beth had told her so, and she had expected some push back… but this outright hostility and- and RUDENESS was something else entirely.

Ms. S made a motion- I was time for Alison to turn the boat around and for them to head back to the dock for the day. Alison felt resigned. She had already done the math- exactly how many minutes until she could be back to dry land, and back to her bed and to forget this whole nightmare. She feels a familiar sting behind her eyes, tears threatening to leak out.

Before she turns them, Beth slides up towards her. Alison's already decided that no amount of encouraging smiles, even if they are from Beth, are going to make this better.

But that's not what she gets at all.

When Beth scoots up and there is no encouraging smile. In fact, Beth looks furious. "Okay, listen," she whispers, so the mic or Rachel doesn't pick it up. "I don't know you very well but I do know this- you need to get your shit together."

Alison's eyebrows shoot up into her bangs. That… was not what she was expecting.

"Yeah, that's right," Beth continues. "Like I said, I haven't known you very long, but I don't think you're the type to take this kind of abuse. SO, this is not the time to get upset- this is the time to get Pissed. Off. So get your shit together, lay the smack down on these idiots and show them who's boat this is!" She hisses, before sliding back into position. Waiting.

Alison feels something inside her crumble. Pieces inside her seem to just fold in on themselves like a house of cards. Beth yelled at me. Beth told me to get my sh- stuff together. She yelled at me!

Alison knows she's stronger than this but she can't seem stop it and one big fat salty tear leaks out- which she hastily wipes away. She has never, ever felt this low. Not even when she accidently fell off the stage in her 8th grade production of Grease. She bites her lip and manages to eek out commands for them to turn.

Once the boat is facing the right direction, she sighs. There will be time to pick up the cards when she's back on land. She'sabout to get everyone moving towards home, when she hears it.

She hears it- cool and crisp, from seven seat.

"Let's do hurry it up Ms. Hendrix. I have a lot to do today and I'd rather have any more of my time wasted this morning, with your continued fumbling around…"

Something inside of her just… snaps. Her face flushes again and her hands clench, but this time it isn't because she's anxious or worried or upset. This time, Alison Hendrix is indeed Pissed. Off.

Beth must have seen this change, because what started as a slightly empathetic look on the rower's face has slowly turned serious.

Alison grips the mic and holding it even closer to her mouth.

"That. Is. It." She growls low, and her eyes are nothing more than slits. "I have something to say… and I'd like it if you all can listen for a moment…"

"What? No 'please' for us?" Sarah jeers from Bow.

Alison huffs out an angry breath through her nose, like a bull preparing to charge, as she starts again, spitting her words into the microphone.

"You know what? No. There will be no please. I joined this team because you guys were desperate- you couldn't find anyone else to help you so I decided out of the goodness of my heart, to step way out of my comfort zone and help. I have worked very hard to learn everything I can about this sport and worked VERY hard at doing a good job. This is my FIRST DAY mind you. All I want is to get the same respect I give you all, in return. But I haven't. I'm the one saving your behinds and if you're not going to respect me, better at least respect THAT. This in mind, BOW SEAT and SEVEN SEAT,-you both are going to row us back to the dock by yourselves."

"That," Rachel grits out between clenched teeth, "Will take an exceedingly long time…"

"Well then, I guess you'll have an exceedingly long time to figure out how to muster up a little more respect for me then," she seethes. She sits up a bit straight and barks right into the mic, "BOW SEAT! SEVEN SEAT! Sit ready, and ROW!"

There's a pause. And for a moment, Alison thinks she's hammered the last nail in her coffin. But then, she sees Rachel's oar move and take a stroke. And at the other end of the boat, Sarah's oar falls in with her.

Alison hears some muttering from bow, and can practically feel Rachel glaring at her. Adrenaline is still coursing through, she adds, "No talking in the boat!- Or I'll make you drop down to just rowing with just arms…"

She was met with no reply. Only silence.

They held that silence too, all 9 girls in the boat and for a while the only sounds were of the two oars chopping through the water. Alison waited. She waited for quite a bit before she dared to meet Beth's eyes.

When she did, she was surprised. Beth was beaming at her.

Neither of them say anything until they dock. Alison gives the commands for everyone to get out, and the rowers comply. "Thank you," She says into the mic before climbing out herself. Rowers grumble, quietly pouting as they remove oars and carry them up. Alison sets to work unhooking the cox box, bending over the boat to do so, when she feels someone next to her.

Beth leans down close, and Alison can feel the rower's breath on her ear, giving her goose bumps.

"Nice work, Ali," Beth grins, before leaving to put her own oar away.

Ali. Her heart skips a beat and she knows it's probably not proper to be smiling this hard after being so coarse in the boat, but she can't help it. Not a bad first day. Not bad at all...