"Dude, can I please just go back to my dorm now? I'm tired, and still gross from crew and if you really wanted me to go to this party you'll at least let me shower and take a nap first..."
Sarah had shanghaied Beth directly after they returned to campus, dragging her to Felix's under the pretense of helping set up for the party.
"No way- I'm not lettin' you sulk outta here and disappear. I'm not lettin' you outta my sight..." Sarah flops down on the couch next to Beth, having finished stringing the last of the gaudy Christmas lights she'd hung for decoration- much to her foster's brother's dismay.
"Are you bloody kiddin' me with these lights Sarah? Looks like St. Nick's rubbish sale left overs threw up on my décor..."
"And what décor is that exactly?" The punk asks, picking up a garish orange and purple vase from the side table.
"Thrift Store Chic. It's all I can afford, but it's better than, than-" he gestures anxiously at the lights above his head. "Than this tripe."
"What do you think Beth?" Sarah asks, turning to her friend. "The lights are good, yeah?"
Beth smirks, "No, they're ugly as sin Sar. BUT, they definitely make it a bit more festive, so sure. They're okay."
"God, I can't bloody believe this..." Felix lets his hands drop to his sides in defeat and stomps off to the kitchen to check on the Jell-O shots they'd made earlier.
Alone again, Beth makes another attempt to leave. "Seriously though, I'm post-race level dirty Sarah. I'm gross and I need a shower. PLEASE, let me go back to my dorm."
Sarah rolls her eyes, "Fine. But I'm coming with..." Beth huffs to this, but Sarah ignores it and keeps going. "Listen you- I know there's more up with you right now than you're lettin' on. I'd hafta be blind not to see the weirdness with you Alison. I just don't want it to keep you from havin' a good time, okay?" She smirks. "Anyway yeah, let's get goin'. I need a shower too..."
"What, you going to follow me in there too? I'm flattered Sar, but I think we're better as friends," Beth jokes as they gather their stuff and move towards the door.
Sarah smacks her playfully, and as they reach the door it opens before them- admitting Ramon, with giant case of beer in hand. "You guys headed out already?"
"Yeah, gotta get Cinderella here ready for the ball," Sarah jokes, dodging Beth's halfhearted smack back.
"Okay, we'll see you later then." Ramon sets the case down before adding, "Hey, it looks great in here. I love the lights."
Both girls barely hear Felix's "You have to be kidding me?!" bellowed from the kitchen over the sound of their laughter and the door closing behind them.
Alison somehow manages to hold it together. She's almost thankful she has work that afternoon to keep her occupied until the party. At the moment it's much more convenient to let the complex substitutions from the order at table 8, hijack her thoughts instead of Beth.
Eventually, her shift comes to a close. Despite the advanced notice she gave her job, they still only let her out about an hour before the party was supposed to start. Alison rushes back to her dorm as quickly as she can, wanting to make the most of her time to be able to get ready- both outfit and thought wise.
Digging through her clothes, she's slightly disappointed. The polo shirts and button downs she normally loves just don't scream "party" to her tonight.
Alison hears the lock turn, and look up as door opens and Cosima walks in, hand entwined in Delphine's who follows quickly behind.
"Oh hey, you're back!" Cosima greets her brightly, though slightly surprised.
"Oh. Yeah..." Alison is still riffling through clothes.
Cosima hops on her bed, legs folding comfortable under her. "I don't know why, but I thought you were going to be gone until Sunday." She shrugs, "Anyway, how'd it go?"
"Oh, we won," Alison says distractedly, still digging around as if she expected some new outfit to appear.
"That's amazing! Congrats dude! –OH! And Please tell me that in your post-win euphoria you and your rowing crush found time to uh, celebrate..."
Alison looks up to see Cosima's waggling her eyebrows suggestively around the last word. The coxswain sighs and flops defeated on her own bed, hands raking down her face. "No. Well, sort of, but no... that's the problem. We went to the van, because I needed to-" she stops, knowing that saying needed to change my clothes was only going to cause more questions, "-never mind. Anyway, she kissed me, but then all of a sudden was like 'sorry' and I started to try and say, 'no it's fine' but then she got weird, and we then were interrupted and now I have to see her at this party and I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" She takes a deep breath, realizing she hadn't been for the better part of that explanation.
She looks over again, to see Delphine has sat on the bed next to Cosima, and both are looking at her like she's lost her mind.
Cosima's the first to pipe up. "Alison, I'm sorry to say, but this girl... she sounds like way too much work..."
"What?" Alison says, sitting up.
Cosima shrugs. "I'm just saying, I know you're like super into her and all, but she sounds kinda unstable. Wishy-washy right? Maybe you should cut your losses and-"
"-NO." Alison glares at her roommate. "No, I'm not just going to cut my losses just because there are few bumps in the road. Especially now. If I can just speak to her I could explain and..." she pauses, thinking. "I mean, what you're not getting is... Beth is just... She's amazing, okay? She sweet and funny, and kind, and yeah she has some problems- who doesn't- but she's working hard on them and I...it's just... it's not every day you meet someone that makes you feel special like she does, and makes me feel, like she does, and when I'm around her I feel like... like there's no place I'd rather be and no one I'd rather be with.. and... just...yeah."
"Well then," Delphine begins, in her thick accent. "You will just have to, uh, keep at it, oui?"
"Yeah, totes." Cosima adds. After a moment of consideration, she continues, "And you know, if you get desperate you can always just start flirting with someone else in front of her. Jealousy has a way of motivating people to action..."
"I'm not going to do that," Alison shakes her head. "That's a terrible thing to do and besides, she's still under the impression I don't like her. I think that would make it worse."
Cosima shrugs, "Just saying, that could be a last ditch Hail Mary pass, you know?" The dread haired girl hops off the bed, to peer into the clothes draw Alison was riffling through. "But, I think we can both agree then, that the best course of action at the moment is making sure you look devastatingly hot for this party then, right? You need to look so hot that you won't need a backup. But this stuff-" she gestures to the contents of Alison's drawer, "-isn't going to work. Come on, let's see what I have for you..."
Alison nods, and follows over to where Cosima is already pulling out shirts.
Beth doesn't want to be here. She doesn't. she's not planning on having more than one beer if she can help it, and she's already told Sarah she's not staying more than a minute past their agreed upon time of midnight. Shen's not.
And she's not talking to Alison. Well, not about what happened. Not tonight, at least. She's rehearsed it in her head. She's just going to politely tell Alison that she doesn't want to talk about this right now...
...Or I might shatter into a million pieces.
People have been trickling in since 9, and now- half past 10- almost everyone is here, and the party is in full swing. Beth sips the beer she's been nursing since 8:30 or so- now room temperature, flat, and disgusting- and surveys the scene. Sarah and Felix are next to the stereo, continuing to argue over the music. As a result, the playlist has vacillated from house beats with endless pumping bass lines to punk rock singles with barely intelligible lyrics.
Helena doesn't seem to mind the music though. She continues to gyrate and spasm like a vertical seizure on the dance floor around Jessie, who- for some delightful reason- seems to really enjoy that and is dancing along. Beth stops watching though, when dancing somehow gives way to a make out session, right there on the dance floor.
No one seems to pay them any mind, not that they would care if someone did. They're the only ones on the makeshift dance floor anyway. Paul and Art are locked in some sort of endless tournament/pissing contest over who should claim the title of Beer Pong champion. Last she saw, Stubbs was doing Jell-O shots with Ramon in the kitchen- at one point spit gagging green gelatin onto his face in response to the some joke of his probably. Katija and Janis are engaged in some sort of heated conversation about... well who knows, since they're both speaking German. And Rachel... well she is just circling the outskirts of the party like a shark, and now and again drifting closer to the beer pong table and eyeing Paul up and down like he's a surfer with a leg cramp.
Others mingle around her but the only thing Beth is painfully aware of is the absence of one specific team member. Beth wishes silently that Alison would just show up already because waiting and not knowing when she'll arrive, is almost worse.
Helena comes over to grab another beer from the cooler next to Beth, sweaty from... well could be a combination of things at this point.
"Hello Elizabeth," Helena says, smiling in a way that would be bone chilling if you didn't know how sweet the girl was.
"Hey Helena. I see that you and Jessie are, uh, getting along well. How'd that happen?"
"What do you mean?" Helena asks, shoving a handful of chips in her mouth. "Jessie is nice. I wanted to dance with him, so I did. I wanted to kiss him, so I did."
"Just like that?" Beth laughs in surprise.
Helena isn't laughing though. She's looking at Beth a bit confused. "Yes. Why?"
Beth more serious, "Oh. Nothing...It's just that, I mean, what if he didn't like you back?"
Helena smiles and shrugs, "Then he would not. But he kissed me back. Maybe we will be married someday, who knows." Helena grins again and moves to go, but stops. "You do not look like you are having fun. Would you like to dance with us too?"
Beth smiles, "No, but thanks Helena."
Helena shrugs again, "Goodbye, Elizabeth."
Simple, Beth thinks, as she watches Helena make her way back to Jessie. Can it really be that simple? Why can't I ever let it be that simple?
"Childs!" Art calls from the Beer Pong table. "You're up! Get ready for an ass-kicking!"
Beth smirks and discards her warm beer as she makes her way over, "In your dreams Bell!"
When Alison enters, the party is at full swing. It's clear that there are a lot more than just the rowing team here, and she has to push her way through the crowd to even get into room properly. She no more than places her purse down on the couch, when Ramon and Felix greet her, shots in hand.
"Hello- and don't you look gorgeous!" Ramon says, giving her a side hug, and handing her a shot.
"Thanks," she says, taking the shot glass handed to her. She has no plans on drinking a lot tonight, but she knows that Ramon won't let her just turn it down. So, she goes with it. A little liquid courage can't hurt either, she thinks, knocking it back.
It burns on the way down and she winces. She opens her eyes to the sight of Felix dragging another rower from the men's team over to them.
"Alison, someone for you to meet. Thought you guys might have a nice time together tonight..."
"H-hey again. We met the at the diner, that one time?"
Donnie is sweaty and nervous and just looks like every fiber of his being is vibrating with awkwardness. Alison sighs, this is not what she needs right now. Still she manages to be polite. "Yes. I recall. Hello Donnie." Donnie mumbles something quietly leading Alison to say, "Pardon?"
"Isaid,CanIgetyouadrink?!" He yelps, nervously.
"Oh!" She startles. "Uh, sure. Thanks."
"GREAT!" He says, running off in the direction of the kitchen.
Ramon turns back to Alison, "Weeeeeeeeell? What do you think? I remembered you guys spoke that night, thought you'd might be interested, you know, since you didn't mention anyone else dating wise lately..."
"I did say that..." she nods, racking her brain for an excuse to run away, while scanning the crowd. Finally, she spots her- Beth's at the beer pong table, watching a game in progress. "Oh, I'll be right back..." She doesn't wait for a response before she begins pushing her way through the crowd.
Reaching the table, she taps Beth on the shoulder. Beth turns, and is obviously surprised to see her there. The rower's expression quickly settles, but it doesn't escape Alison the way Beth's eyes quickly run up and down her body- or the nervous way she licked her lip before saying, "Hey, you made it. Uh, you look... great."
Alison resists the urge to blush, and instead does a little mini twirl, showing off the outfit more. Cosima really did come through clothes wise. The sleek black skirt and red tank top were well beyond her normal comfort zone but she had determined to own them tonight. No bashful, unsure Alison here. So instead of blushing, she simply grins, confidently. "Thanks. I'm glad you like it."
Beth nods, and shifts her weight foot to foot, unsure of where to go next. Alison doesn't waste time, "So... you think we could talk a minute? You know, alone for a sec?"
"Look, I'd rather not. Not right now at least..."
"Well, it's about, uh, earlier today..."
"I know, and yeah we probably should, I just..." Beth searches for the way to say it, "I don't want to do this right now."
"Beth," Alison starts, as frustration starts to poke through. "I'm serious. We need to talk and-"
Alison is cut off by Helena who tackles her in a hug as Sarah lopes over after. "Hey! Here's the coxswain of the hour!"
Alison, addressing both Manning sisters, gasps "Is this a new thing with you two? Attacking me?"
"I have a feeling we're not the only ones in the room interested in tackling you," Sarah says waggling her eyebrows, eerily similar to the way her roomate did earlier. Before Alison can reply though, Donnie returns and is so eager to give her the drink he fetched, he almost spills it all over her. Alison puts on the smile she reserves for her most obnoxious and rude customers and manages a flat, but polite, "Thank you Donnie."
Sarah rolls her eyes, and shoves him aside though with a "Donnie, shut it for a sec," and then yells a "HEY! LISTEN UP!" to the room at large, clanging two empty bottles together to grab the group's attention.
Felix silences the music as the rest of the team's attention is gathered. "AHEM!" Sarah starts, "I'm sure our fearless Capt'n will have something more articulate to say after me, but I wanted to say Cheers to our new Coxswain here! And WE FUCKIN' BEAT ST. A'S!" Whoops and cheers follow, Sarah waiting until they've calmed a bit before she turns to Beth. "Anything to add O Captain My Captain?"
Expectant eyes turn and Beth looks uncomfortable for the briefest moment before she shrugs lightly, and clears her throat as well.
"Alright... um, let's see... Well, we all know there is no better way to ensure victory than putting the hard work into preparation... And that's what we do- we work hard. I know nobody likes 2-a-days, erg assignments or any workout assigned that ends with 'complete until failure'... but we do it. I believe that hard work pays off, and we saw that today." She smiles, and takes a sip of her drink before continuing. "Sometimes though, it doesn't hurt to have a little luck too. And that's where...well that's where Alison came in.
We were so lucky, that we got a coxswain when we did. God knows we couldn't have afforded any more Manning Sister escapades in steering- so thanks Ram-o for that." The group chuckles at this as Beth continues. "But when we got to know her, it became clear that we weren't just a little lucky... From the moment she first arrived at the boat house, Alison has done everything she could to become the best coxswain possible. From research on types of calls, to learning everything there was to know about how boats worked, to embarrassingly memorizing all our 2k PR's..." collective groan "I've seen her put in as much, or even more work than her rowers have..." Beth pauses a moment, considering. "But we all know coxing is more than the calls..." Everyone nods solemnly to this. "A good coxswain needs to bring the fire. They're the matches that ignite us, and that's what she is. Today, she brought the fire and we smoked the competition." Beth grins and finally meets Alison's eyes. "To Alison!" Beth says, raising her beer bottle. "For bringing the fire!"
Rowers swarm Alison, celebrating. Helena squeezes her tightly again, Janis slaps her back muttering "Fuckin' A, man. Fuckin' A..." and Stubbs- already looking fairly drunk- pats Alison's shoulder affectionately, her giant grin eclipsing Alison's view for a moment before moving back towards the kitchen. Rachel golf claps lightly on the side before returning her attention to the windows (weird).
Eventually, she is able to make her way to the person she most wants to hear from.
"That was very nice of you to say all that..." she begins
"Well, I meant it," Beth shrugs, looking off to the side for a moment, adding, "I don't lie either Ali..."
Alison chews her lip for a moment. "Beth... you don't even have to talk- I just need to tell you something because you've got it all backwards and twisted and-"
"-Hey Beth do you have a minute?" Paul slides up to the pair quickly, interrupting. He adds, to Alison, "It'll just be a sec- Captain stuff..."
Beth hesitates a moment before nodding. "Yeah. Give me a sec" to Paul and then "I'll be right back- it'll just be a moment..." She starts to walk move towards Paul when Alison's hand shoots out grabbing her shirt.
"Wait- are you serious right now? I've been trying to talk to you and now when Paul-" drops to a whisper "who you don't even like- when he comes around you're going to drop me? You're seriously going to talk with him, and not me?!"
"It's not like that, it's just team stuff probably. I'll just be a sec and-"
"-No." Alison says, cutting Beth off and shaking her head. She glares, glares at Beth, and crosses her arms "No, I don't think so. I'm tired of making the overture and just- just waiting- until you're ready or whatever. So when you want to talk about what needs to be talked about, you can find me. I'm going to go and try and have fun." And with that, Alison spins on her heal and heads out into the crowd.
Beth feels like she's been socked in the gut. She almost makes a move to follow her but Paul taps her on the shoulder again. Beth grits her teeth, more frustrated with herself than Paul, but follows him all the same. "Okay, fine. What do you want- you have my attention, so what's up? Did S and Carlton suddenly want us for Sunday practice tomorrow? Because that's going to be a lot more vomiting than erging if so.."
"No- nothing like that. I just... I just needed a minute. We need to finally talk."
"Are you serious? Am I on hidden camera? Is there an echo in here?" She growls, looking at the ceiling.
Paul sets his jaw, ignoring the outburst. "No,- but we are doing this now."
"Fine! " Beth growls at him. "What then? What do you want me to say Paul? -That I was stupid and a flirt and lead you on? Well I'm SORRY okay? I didn't mean to lead you on- I had no idea you liked me like that and-"
"Bullshit Beth. You knew I liked you."
"Fine! Okay! But I really didn't mean to lead you on or whatever." She sighs, finally meeting his eyes. "Yeah we flirted, and flirted more, but... I don't know why or what happened. At the party I was drunk and you were there and part of me was just like 'yeah, that sounds good right now' but when we started to...well it just... I just realized that I didn't want that. And when I realized that I didn't want that, I didn't want to lead you on, and that's why I stopped..." Beth takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "But you know what? That does NOT excuse what you did. Even if I did lead you on intentionally- which I didn't- there is no excuse for-for- like running around and saying all that totally hurtful stuff you did! There's no excuse Paul!"
"I know."
Beth's anger screeches to a halt. "Wait, what?"
He shrugs. "I said I know. I know there's no excuse of that. And yeah I was hurt- I was pissed even! I mean... I really ,really liked you Beth- but you're right. I shouldn't have spread the rumors, I shouldn't have called you names and-"
"-Called me a 'cold fish'?"
"Right. Right. And I've wanted to apologize to you, a million times since then, but I never got the chance. You never let me get the chance to do that. So that's all I wanted to talk about. That's all I wanted to say tonight- that I'm sorry, and that I hope we can put all this behind us. I'd like to, if you'd be willing to..."
Beth in shock, pauses. "Thank you. And I'm... I'm sorry too. And I'm sorry we didn't talk earlier..."
There's a moment of silence, an awkward beat before Paul chuckles. "Wow. That took almost a year longer than it should. Art's going to pee his pants in excitement I think. He's been on my ass about this forever... I think he just wanted us to get along well enough again for us to BOTH be on his bowling team..."
Beth laughs. "What can I say, he knows talent when he sees it... But yeah, it'll be nice to move on... OH!-" Beth starts, realizing something. "Speeeeeeeeeeeaking of moving on... I heard a little something about you with a certain blonde from our team perhaps pairing up?"
"We are not talking about that," He says, sipping his beer. "God we're friends for like 7 seconds and you're back up in my business. Geez Childs, jealous much?" She smacks him and he laughs.
"Sorry, but no. I am curious though... do your lips freeze when you kiss her? What else's freezes, 'cause Ice Queen there-"
"-NOT talking about it." He laughs again. "And I'm not asking if you're interested in anyone because frankly, I don't want to know." She laughs "Also... well I'll just say that whoever it is will be lucky to have you affection."
Beth smiles. "Man, Duncan's really got you by the ball man, all this sappy stuff?" She jokes.
"You have no idea." He mumbles. "Anyway, yeah. Gotta go reclaim my beer pong title. See ya round Childs..."
Alison's pissed. She's pissed because she starts to think that maybe Cosima was right. Maybe Beth just isn't able to overcome her own stuff. She shouldn't have to keep going the 90%, keep putting herself out there over and over, if Beth isn't able to go the last 10%...
Her thoughts swirl- an angry combination of frustration and the slight buzz she has going. She decides to do just what she said she'd do- have a good time tonight. Or at least look like she's having a good time tonight. She's earned it gosh darn it- she lead this team to victory!
She spots Donnie next to the keg, and marches over to him, determined.
"Hello Donnie."
Surprised, he dribbles some of the beer he was sipping, on to his shirt. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand quickly, and stands up straight. "Oh, hey Alison. I-"
"-Would you like to dance or something?"
"Uh, to this?" He asks, pointing skyward, indicating the music.
Alison realizes it's still playing something that could probably double as the soundtrack to the movie SAW II, and shakes her head. "You're right, sorry. How 'bout we just...talk..." She smiles her most winning smile, the one she breaks out when she knows she's going to be stiffed for a tip at the diner. The one that people can't resist.
"Uh, sure! Of course!" He nods emphatically.
"Lovely."
"Cool. So have you heard about that new movie "Catalyst"? It's the one with Jean Claude Van Damme. It looks so intense! It's about this guy who blows up dangerous volcanoes and-"
Alison zones out, letting Donnie continue on. She thinks of Cosima's advice again, and though it goes against her better judgment, maybe her roommate has a point- jealousy could be effective? It works in movies right? So she grins again, reaching out to touch his arm slightly, before sneaking a glance in Beth's direction to see if the rower is looking.
As it turns out, Beth is looking, but all satisfaction Alison might feel is wiped away by the look of pure devastation on the rower's face.
Good, she thinks, though it does nothing to quell the queasiness in her stomach. She turns back to Donnie- still prattling on about something- before concluding this was just not her. She iss not this person. She doesn't play these stupid games.
When she looks back though, she's just in time to see Beth slip out the door, leaving the party.
Oh god, I've made a terrible mistake. "I have to go," She mumbles, more to herself than to her company.
"Wait now? But we were in the middle of-"
"-Sorry, uh," She looks back up at him. "I'm sorry Donnie. I really do have to go..."
"Well, I mean, can I see you again? I, uh," He clears his throat, stands up straight, and if Alison didn't already feel terrible about her behavior to Beth, this was almost worse. "What I'm saying is, would go like to go to dinner with me sometime?"
It's sad, and she knows this isn't going to end well. She knows what it takes to put yourself out there and, at the same time, she can't let him go one with any false hope. "Donnie, I like you. You're a really nice guy... but there's someone else and I really want to give it a shot with them. They're very special to me and I... I'm sorry I just can't. I'd still like to be friends though? If you'd like that?"
His face falls flat, and the hurt is quickly masked with a look of resignation that stabs Alison in the gut. She realizes that this is not the first time (nor the second, third or fourth) that he's probably heard this speech.
"Yeah, sure. No problem. See ya..." he says. He shrugs, but his shoulders return to a defeated slope as he walks away.
Alison sighs. She does feel bad, but there's not time to linger. She turns quickly to gather her things but ends up walking smack into Ramon, who had been standing quietly behind her. Felix, who was standing next to him as well, smirks down at her, "The jig- as they say- is up. I knew you were hiding something, so confess!" Felix dramatically throws his arm up, wobbling a bit, before grabbing Ramon's shoulder to steady himself.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ramon asks,quietly. "I wouldn't have set you up with D-man if I'd known... dude's had his heartbroken to many times..."
Alison rolls her eyes, "I don't have time for this right now Ramon..." She pushes past the two boys and begins hunting for her purse near the couch she set it down on.
Ramon turns and follows, "Hey- your my best friend! Can you see how it's more than a little upsetting to learn that you not only lied, but that there's some person you feel so strongly about but didn't care to share?"
Alison tosses pillows aside in frustration. "It's not like that. I fully intended on sharing if something came of it, but at the time it was pretty up in the air..."
"And what- it's not up in the air anymore?"
"That is why I have to go. I have to go so I can fix this...Ah-HA!" She finally finds her purse (under the couch cushion for some reason) and make a move towards the door.
Ramon hops in front of her blocking her way. "Okay, I get it. But at least tell me who this mystery contestant is that's finally won your heart..."
Alison sighs. "Fine. It's Elizabeth. Okay? Now will you let me go?"
"Elizabeth?..." Ramon looks confused, then it hits him. "Shit- BETH? Like Beth Childs? Like the stroke seat for your team Childs?"
"Yes, yes, now will you kindly-" Alison tries to push past him.
"Holy Tilda Swinton, I knew it! My gaydar never fails-Pay up honey!" Felix says to Ramon, slurring slightly before taking tipping his bottle up to the ceiling and downing the last of it.
"Are you kidding me right now? You two were BETTING ON MY LOVE LIFE?!" She pinches the bridge of her nose, before waving it off. "No- No- I don't have time to deal with this, but we are TALKING. ABOUT. THIS. LATER. YOU. JERK!" She punctuates each word with a slap to Ramon's arm. He rubs it tenderly and chuckles as Alison stomps off, closing the door behind her.