-The Workshop, Santoff Claussen-
It was quiet now, which was an unusual thing for the Workshop. There were still the little noises of yetis screaming gibberish at elves, and elves knocking over contraptions, both of them riled up with Christmas coming so soon. But in North's office, the large wooden room with the huge window in the back, was silent. Bunny was warming himself by the fire, Tooth fluttering down near Jack, Sandy looking at all of this friends, no one saying a word. But all with the same worried look to the large Guardian of Wonder, who now stood at the window looking past his faint reflection, out onto the snowy drifts beyond.
Finally, and appropriately, it was Jack who broke the silence.
"So...what did I miss, exactly?" He leaned on the staff, eyeing everyone nervously. He knew very well that something had happened, something they knew and understood that he did not. He was used to this by now, all of their super-secret Guardian things that he hadn't been let in on yet, either because he was too young or it was something so old that they'd forgotten. But this...he'd never seen North react to something like this. He seemed out of it, lost, even if he were trying to contain himself.
So it was Tooth who answered Jack as North gazed out the window, unblinking with a sad look on his face that looked so, so wrong on the man who was, literally, jolly ol' St. Nick.
"North...well, he thinks that he saw someone he knew once. Someone he told us about a very, very long time ago." Her voice was delicate, and her eyes flickered to North as she spoke, as if afraid of offending him. Jack screwed up his face and tilted his head, looking to Bunny who seemed to be as in the dark as he was, which gave him a bit of comfort. He'd never known North to know...well, anyone but them. He knew there were scattered others out there, but the Guardians always seemed to be solitairy.
"What, like...an old friend or something?"Jack tried, and Tooth splayed her hands out, shrugging.
"...Or, something."She agreed carefully. Sandy made signs above his head, sand images that went too fast for Jack to read. He was getting good at it, deciphering what Sandy was trying to communicate, but apparently not good enough. Bunny, on the other hand, seemed to have left Jack alone in the 'Clueless Club', because he straightened up and his eyes flew wide open.
"Wait...you're not serious? I thought that she ran-"
"Bunny." Tooth warned through her teeth, nodding to North. But, from what Jack could tell, North didn't even know they were in the room. Bunny kept his mouth open, but was still looking around wide-eyed. And now, as the only person who did not know, a gnawing feeling was eating away at Jack's gut. They were hiding this either from him or North, and he didn't like either scenario. He was comftorble with the Guardians, but after 300 years it takes awhile to trust that he isn't being neglected.
"Is this some big Guardians secret that I can't know?"Jack asked, slightly hurt. Tooth looked at him with big, surprised eyes, shaking her head. Tooth, who was always the best at chasing away Jack's fears of being left alone, swooped closer to him so that she could whisper. Sandy and Bunny gathered around, looking back at North who still stood at the window. Then she whispered,
"No, Jack, it's just that...you see, North and the person we saw knew each other a very long time ago. But then they had a bit of a falling out, and the person's been gone for a long time. I mean a very long time. North knew this person before he ever knew us." Jack cocked his head in surprise.
"But I thought you guys went way, way back?"
"We do. But in the beginning...we didn't meet each other for awhile after we were chose. There was a blanket of a few hundred years that we spent not knowing that there were others like us, and that's when North knew this person. Seeing her again, it must be like..."
"Seeing ghost." North's voice spooked everyone, and they all sprang out of their huddle to see him looking at them, that sad look still in his eyes, one hand on his desk. Before Tooth could speak, North hushed her with a hand and looked to Jack. "Jack, I do not want you to feel as if we are leaving you out. And I apologize for my behavior, I am just...very surprised, is all." He walked around his desk and, as he did, pulled a book from his shelf without looking, as if he knew exactly where it was.
When he held it, it looked so much older than all his other books. And much more unkept. Dust covered it thickly, and the spine cracked loudly as he opened it with careful fingers. Jack got the impression that North had never opened this book.
"North, you don't have to now, if you don't want to-"
"I do,"North silenced Tooth, "for Jack. And maybe...maybe for myself, as well." He said the last part so quietly that Jack wondered if he'd meant to say it out loud. He looked up at Tooth, half concerned and half apologetic, not wanting to act like any of this was North's fault. It wasn't, it was his insecurity in belonging to this group, no one individual's fault. But North began without consent, looking to Jack and saying these words to something beyond them.
To North, though, he was speaking to an old friend. He looked to his friends, yes, and knew they all stood there and worried about him. He felt terrible, just terrible, with the fuss he was making, but there was a chill in his spine and a heavy weight in his heart. He had to tell this tale to himself, hoping MiM might hear, for it was a story he had not heard in a very long time. The guilt of that pushed him to speak.
"Long ago, when I first became Guardian, children could not see me like they could not see you." Jack's eyes widened, straightening up a bit.
"Really? There was a time when kids didn't see Santa?"Jack sounded incredulous, and North felt the smallest flicker of happiness that this was something he could share with Jack. Something they could have in common, which was something very hard to find with the young Guardian. He nodded, thumbing through the book and looking up to Jack, silently motioning him forward. He did move up, and so did the others.
Tooth fluttered above the desk over his left shoulder, Sandy over his right. Jack perched on the corner of the desk and leaned on the staff, looking far over. And Bunny, arms crossed and looking curious, North having never gone into extreme details, stood on North's over side. On the pages was an ink drawing of a very young, much slimmer Nicholas St. North brandishing two swords, a bag of toys simultaneously over his shoulder. Jack whistled, which made North get the faintest of smiles.
"That was me, many years ago. Before even then, children did not see me because they did not understand the concept of a Santa yet, and their wonder was not yet cultivated. It took me a long time to get to where I am now, you see. At first, I leave toys and the children do not understand. Their little theories buzzing in heads, but no one saw me for many years..." Here he paused, and he could feel the concern of his friends eminating towards him. He hefted a deep breath, and continued with the next page.
For this book was an anthology of North's life, and these were the first few pages. So it was only natural that she be on them, playing a key role in his beginnings.
And there she was.
"Who's that?"Jack asked, leaning closer to the picture of a young girl smiling and holding a small, white cloth. North wanted to smile at the picture, too, but couldn't quite bring himself to. He saw the little white cloth in her hands, the first gift he'd given her. The gift that changed his life.
"That is my first believer." North explained in a reverent tone, looking at the small girl in the large overcoat, messy blonde hair cut unevenly in her face.
"Really? So like Jamie!"Jack exclaimed, and North nodded, a warmth spreading across his chest.
"Her name was Anastasia, but she did not like the name, you see? Too hard for a small babushka to pronounce. So I called her 'Anna', instead. That gift I gave her looks small, but at the time it was the most I could do. See, very early, yes? Maybe this was why it took so long for someone to believe...or maybe she was just special girl. Yes, I think she was just special..."
She looked at him with a mix of wonder and astonishment, her eyes blue like bluebird eggs and her face red from the cold. The coat she wore was much too large and her mittens too thin for the fridgid Russian weather, this was why he had dropped off this thin bit of white cloth. It could do her well as a scarf, possibly. That was all he had meant by it. Just another gift to a child he noticed very often.
But now she looked at him. At him, not through him. Nicholas St. North had almost forgotten what that felt like, to be seen. It made him feel very solid, and suddenly everything else seemed very bright and in focus around this tiny girl. If her face held astonishment, his was tenfold. Because the Man in the Moon had told him that they would see him soon, yes. But he'd never imagined it would feel like this. So...filling.
"Are you a ghost?"She asked in a hushed and child-like voice. His face broke immediately into a smile, kneeling in the snow so that he was eye-level to her, and he laughed uproarously like he did. The girl didn't even miss a beat as she laughed right back, sniffling in the cold. North tapped her nose with his mitten and said with a beaming smile, everything suddenly overwhelmingly wonderful and lovely,
"Oh no, little one! I am no ghost! I am...Guardian! Yes, I am the Guardian of wonder. Do you feel wonder now, babushka?" She nodded vigorously, and held up the white cloth.
"Thank you, sir!"
"Oh, don't call me sir! Nicholas St. North, my special one. And what should I call you? You are my first believer, do you know? No one else has ever seen me before, that makes you special. A special girl must have a special name!"
"I do, but it's hard for me to pronounce. But I know how to spell it!"
"Ah! And smart! Yes, then, spell it for me!"
"A-N-A-S-T-A-S-I-A. I call myself Anna."
"Anastasia! The name is lovely. But I think I, too, like Anna..."
"What's that sign say?"Jack's question prompted North to pull himself from his own mind, looking down at the cracked, paint-peeling sign that read a word in Russian. North frowned, saying simply,
"It means, 'orphanage'."
"She was an orphan?"Jack sounded sad, yes, but also...sympathetic. He shifted closer and asked in a quieter voice, one laced with sadness, "What happened to her parent?"
"Ah."North said, "Sickness. Back then, it was common. Both caught a terrible illness, and when Anna was just two, they passed. The village was small, and she had no one else but those at the orphanage. Even there, she always said she felt a bit removed. She was indeed special, and her imagination ran wild. I have never known a child so young to be so full of life."
"She sounds like she was pretty cool."Jack was smiling now, looking at the blue-eyed girl in the snow. North almost smiled, too. And in fact he absolutely would have...except he knew how the story ended.
"Then, after a few years, after I had many more believers than when I had started because of her wild tales, Anna...became sick." North felt Jack tense up, and a light hand fell on his other shoulder. Tooth's small hand giving his shoulder a squeeze, as if to either say 'go on' or 'you may stop'. But he couldn't stop now, not halfway through. He would see this to the end, and maybe find an answer in it.
"Back then we did not know of illnesses that go through family blood. There was little they could do, and she was still so young."
"...So what happened?"Jack asked quietly beside him. And North answered as he remembered, the words and images rolling in tandem.
"Man in Moon...please, I beg you. I know she is just child, but...I am supposed to protect her, no? Protect the children of the Earth?" His voice cracked, looking out the window in the small, chilly room of the orphanage. He was permitted in only because the doctor knew she had no chances. North could do her no more harm than she would meet soon on her own.
His chest ached, one hand wrapped firmly around her small, clammy fingers, seeing an olive-skinned face in a restless sleep, seemingly calm but too tensed, too solid. Nothing of her was as soft as it normally was. She was nineteen years of age, and yet she looked like a woman breathing her last, labored breaths. North looked back out of the open window(again, having the window open only showed how little faith the people had in her chances). There, the moon was being veiled by thin clouds, only showing half of himself at a time.
"Please..."North whispered for the little girl who, at this point, was like a daughter to him, "...I can't lose her, Manny. The world, it cannot lose a girl like this."
And then something miraculous happened.
The clouds were suddenly and dramatically brushed aside, revealing the moon in all it's radiant beauty. Silver light cast down from the sky and a column of it fell through the window, igniting the room in a brilliant display of glowing moonlight. North scooted back in the chair he sat in, eyes wide as the light soaked onto Anna, a silver light refracting off her skin and closed lids. And as it did, as a hope soared into North, a disembodied voice spoke to him in soft tones.
"Nicholas St. North, you have just given the greatest gift of all."
Anna breathed in deeply, and her hand warmed in his for the first time in days, eyes flickering under her lids. A strange, tingling warmth spread over his hand, her skin freshened, and suddenly she looked as if all of Life itself had concentrated itself into a point within her. On the opposite side of her bed stood a small table, and on it two flowers that had wilted days before. And now, as she breathed in and a strange energy emitted from her very skin, North watched as the flowers straightened.
Their stems grew stiff and green, the petals forming again into beautiful whites and blues, the leaves rising back up to their natural beauty. The flowers were alive again. North could feel his heart pounding, a joy and astonishment overwhelming the large man. And the soft voice said,
"A second chance."
"Woah! So MiM gave her powers, and suddenly she was cured? Wicked!"Jack exclaimed, and North nodded.
"Yes, we soon found out that she had a very, very special talent of bringing back what was very near death. Flowers, animals, people once or twice. She was warned only to use it in the upmost emergencies, but Anna was responsible, too mature for her age."North recalled.
"So, was she...you know, did she live forever like us? Is that how you saw her tonight?"Jack's question was innocent, but North felt a crushing weight on his chest. His eyes closed and he breathed in, hands gripping the fragile book. And he opened them again, looking sadly down at the book and the picture of the girl he had failed so many years ago.
"I asked Manny if she was to become Guardian...and he said she had many obstacles to go through. I did not understand then. But I understand now." He paused here, and everyone gave him time to finish his tale. It took him awhile, but finally the words made it through his mouth. "She was very upset one day. It was not unusual, it was the anniversary of her parents' passing away, and she..."
"Anna! I know es hard, but you must let me help! This is not pain that one person can have!"
"...There was bird that stood and watched, like it was curious. Just standing, looking at us with its little bird eyes. And Anna got angry, she got very angry and very scared, which were not things she used to be, but at this time they were growing. Her uncertainty of her own power, of if she could actually do good, of if she deserved her gift..."
"Stop! Just...just stop! I didn't deserve any of this if my parents didn't! What was I, some little kid? They were good people, these children that we watch grow up, they're good people! So why me, I'm not better than them!"
"...And then something happened. It was...terrifying. It was wrong, not like her usual power. Where the air would have become light, the world bright and full of refreshed light...there was a deep, pressing feeling. A jolt. There was the sound of a tiny flutter..."
"...What- oh my god!"
"Anna...what happened?"
"I-I don't know...did I do that?"
"Anna-"
"I did that! I..."
"The little bird was cold and stiff on the snow. That was the day we learned that her powers had another side to them...she could grant life, and take it away...and it was too much for her. She already did not think she was worthy of giving life, of saving people. It was too much a gift for her then...after, it scared her. She was so scared...I could not stop her."
"I killed it."
"Anna- Anna stop! Anna! Come back, where are you going?!"
The others looked at North then, as he closed the book heavily and laid it back on the desk.
"I know it was her tonight...but it does not make difference." North brushed off, but the heaviness remained on his face. Jack jumped down from the desk as North walked towards the fire, the others allowing him ample space.
"What, why?"Jack asked, following him. North shook his head, waving a hand.
"She will not want to see me. If she did, she would have come back long ago...she would not have run tonight. I failed her then, I was supposed to look after her as she learned to deal with her gifts."
"But she was scared, that isn't your fault."Tooth offered gently. Jack's voice broke through the tense air, a misplaced excitement that made everyone turn their head to him.
"Yeah! I bet she just needed space! I mean you definitly aren't the same guy as you were then, North, with all those cookies. No offense. But really, North, how long has it been? Centuries? More than that I bet. She has to have pulled herself together, maybe she's just...scared. Maybe she just needs to know you remember her, that you still care about her!" Jack was practically jumping as he spoke, a gleam of excitement in his eye.
"Jack, I do not think-"
"What if I find her?" North gave him an incredulous look.
"Find her? Mate, the shiela's been missing for over three thousand-"
"What if? North, you're a great person and I don't want to see you like this, all broken up. You're Santa, for MiM's sake, and Christmas is coming up! You have to cheer up. So what if I find her and convince her to come here and talk to you, would you do it?" Jack had one hand firmly on the sheapards crook, a smile on his face. North looked down at the Guardian of Fun, a warmth and a nervousness spreading in his chest.
Jack could be selfless like this and not realize what he was doing for people. North loved that about him, it was one of the reasons he so wanted Jack to realize how much they would do for him. But what he was offering...could North stand to look her in the eyes, knowing how he'd failed her?
He paused, looking at a hopeful Jack. That trust he had, that excitement, that hope.
And Jack, and a relentlessly optimistic voice in his head, made him give a light smile.
"If you think you can, Jack, but I am not-"
"Alright, great!"Jack whooped, and raised the staff up high, a ferocious wind slamming open the door and lifting the lithe boy into the air before anyone could protest.
"Jack, be careful!"Tooth called as he soared out of the room, with a promise to North to bring back Anna. When he was gone, the Guardians stood in the room, each looking to where Jack had left. "Isn't this great? North, what if you two can make up?" Tooth gave a gasp, "What if she became friends with all of us? There would be another girl! Oh!"
"Yeah, great."Bunny muttered, Sandy and Tooth doing their best to cheer North up. Bunny had his own reasons for his hesitation, scratching his chest and frowning at the window. He did remember when North had told him about the girl, and that look that crossed North's face then, that he had moments ago...he didn't like it. He didn't like the girl who had caused it. He didn't like people who ran out on friends.
And he didn't like to think that it could ever happen to his friend again.
-London, England-
She didn't like it here much. Everyone sounded like the man she was running run, albeit without the undertones of a homicidal, generically evil cackle. But it was beautiful, sitting there on the very top of a bridge, unseen to the tourists and locals below, looking at the London Eye, the Queen's Bridge, and Parliament all in one line of sight. It was the kind of beautiful that could almost make her forget.
She rubbed her neck and cursed, looking at the freedom of the people and the River Thames. It was cold there, colder than she felt it should be. And something was eating at her. Being alone was something she strived for...but not something she found much comfort in. She'd run before, and she liked not to think of those years. And then when she was picked up, metaphorically, by that man...
He was terrible, and she wouldn't try to excuse anything...
But he had been company. And now, after such a long time, she had to come back to the fact that she did terribly on her own. And this, above all, was what drove her back every time. She had lasted longer now than ever before, but even she started to wonder how long she could go by herself.
Anna was caught, she knew, in a destructive cycle. She could not be alone. And, simultaniously, whenever she was around someone she ended up destroying everything she could possibly touch. There was no grey area for her. Only a crashing wave, moving back and forth, hoping that this time things could be different. That this time, just this once, things would end up better.