Chapter 4

Location: Classified
Washington, D. C.
July 1, 2049

"A special assignment, you say?"

"Yes, that's right. You've done some outstanding field work as an agent, and President Flynn specified that she wanted you to take this mission."

PJ stood stiffly at attention, but on the inside he was burgeoning with excitement. His commander sat behind his desk, sucking the salt from his peanuts and looking the platypus over from head to tail. The commander was not known for being a considerate man; he was only there to do his job. They all were.

Feeling like he was supposed to speak, PJ opened his mouth. "The President requested me, sir?"

The man behind the desk spit a fleck of shell sidelong off the tip of his tongue. "Yup."

The platypus clenched his gut tightly, as that was about the only movement slight enough he could get away with and still release his elation. A special mission! All his hard work was finally paying off; after all this time! It had been what, two years since he'd graduated from OWCA Academy? That was a long time in platypus years. As one of the first animal agents to be accepted to another government agency, he relished the chance to finally prove himself.

Still at attention, PJ said, "It would be an honor to be of service to the President."

The commander was watching him closely. "Good," he finally said. Standing, he reached for his electronic tablet, which looked like a thin square slab of transparent glass with a handle until it lit with information at his touch. He flicked his finger lazily across the device while sitting back down. "I assume you are familiar with Operation Flashpoint?"

"I am," PJ responded. "It's an important part of the history of the Secret Service. The first mission to go back in time to protect the President from an assassin. Ricardo James Louis attempted to assassinate President Clayton using a homebuilt time machine in 2044, and Operation Flashpoint was the code name for the mission to prevent him from doing so. All of which is classified, of course, to prevent copycats."

The commander merely grunted, hardly impressed. "And it was the only time someone has attempted to use time travel to access the President, or Future-President as the case may be. However, new developments have come to light, and we've just learned that the past is once again being manipulated. We don't know how yet, but the First Gentleman and his step-brother are in danger. Mr. Phineas Flynn and Mr. Ferb Fletcher will be killed in a parade accident July 4, 2014 at precisely 10:44 am. Obviously, if this were to happen, it would have severe consequences on the present and drastically rewrite our history. Your mission is to prevent this. You are to go back in time to prevent the accident from happening. All protocol for time travel is in effect. The code name for your mission is Operation Blackscorch. Is your mission clear?"

PJ nodded. "Yes, sir."

"You will have thirty-six hours to prepare," the commander said, leaning back in his chair. "Remember, you aren't allowed to take anything with you, as the hazard of future technology being left behind is too great. Also, we have already collaborated with the historical department; their hackers have inserted cryptographic sequences into pertinent government records from the past to assist you with acquiring resources and to keep the authorities off your back. You'll have to memorize these access codes. In case you need anything, give them these codes. They'll check it against their records and find your presence is authorized, even if they don't know how. Just try not to make too big a splash." The agent saluted in understanding before crisply spinning on his heels and marching off.

Once he was alone, the man deftly executed a series of commands into his electronic tablet, and it transformed into a small cell phone in his hands. He quickly punched in a number for a secure line and waited while it rang.

"Hello?" The President's Chief of Staff answered.

"Sir, we have assigned the agent to Operation Blackscorch," the commander reported. "The boys are in the hands of one of our best. History is secured."

"Good work. The President will be happy to hear this." And the conversation ended, for they were both busy men.

Far away, another person was listening as well, having long since bugged the offices and communications of nearly all high-ranking officials in the Capitol. The blonde haired woman smiled as she sat alone in her office and steepled her fingers. It was all going perfectly according to plan.

Danville, USA
July 4, 2014

Perry had honed his instincts through years of rigorous training, and now they were screaming at him. Something was very wrong. He could see right through the phony disguise plain as day, and seeing another platypus standing beside the boys—standing beside his boys—alarmed him. That wasn't all, though. What really set Perry on edge was seeing who the other platypus was. There is nothing quite like one particular feeling—the feeling of seeing yourself. Not in a mirror; actually seeing yourself, three-dimensionally, as if you were outside your body. It is remarkably startling. That was what Perry felt now. It was unmistakable. Somehow, the other platypus was him.

It was not the first time Perry had had this peculiar feeling this summer. The memory of the last time he'd come face-to-face with his very likeness was one never to be forgotten, but at least this time the other platypus was not a cyborg. Yet it was enough to set his nerves on edge, and Perry felt his fur ruffle.

Phineas had continued speaking, oblivious to the death glare his pet had plastered onto his face. "And we had a presidential swimsuit contest with all the robots, and then you arrived!" he was saying, smiling all along. "What a fun day! I think we can consider this one seized!"

"Does that mean it's time for snacks?" Buford asked. "'Cause I'm starvin'."

Phineas said, "I believe that is the usual pattern."

"Good. C'mon, nerd, I'm gonna introduce you to some 'tato salad!" Buford picked Baljeet up and slung him over his shoulder like a purse in one motion before striding off.

"I hope that this time, you mean that in a way that does not involve shoving my face into it," Baljeet anxiously said.

Phineas, with Ferb and Isabella flanking him, followed, for none of them had eaten yet, and it had been a long day. The children assumed the two platypuses were right behind them, so they happily chatted while they walked toward the food pavilion. However, neither Perry nor PJ had moved.

Perry kept rooted to the spot, never blinking from the platypus that squinted back. Why had this imposter been with his boys? Did the kids even know he was a platypus, or had they fallen for the disguise? Perry had the strangest feeling that as long as this other platypus was around, his boys were not safe. For a moment, the air crackled with electricity as the two sized each other up. Then, almost casually, the imposter shrugged and turned to follow Perry's boys. Big mistake.

Springing from his crouch, Perry tackled his doppelganger at a full speed. The force of the impact knocked PJ clean off his webbed feet, and Perry leapt on top of him, willing to pummel every inch of his body until he learned why this pretender was trying to get close to his owners.

Surprisingly, the other platypus was quick. Perry had only just pulled his fist back when he felt two feet press into his chest, lifting him off the ground and throwing him aside. He landed and took a fighting stance, ready for action.

PJ easily jumped to his feet, a fresh anger burning in his eyes. The two charged again, each diving forward to gain the upper hand. Perry grabbed anywhere he could, nearly managing to catch his foe by the suspenders. But before he had the chance, however, his wrists were jarred as the other mammal brought both elbows up hard, snapping them out of his grip. Perry recovered and sent a knee flying for his ribcage, connecting hard and knocking the wind out of his opponent. The two backed off for a moment, pausing to catch their breath and prepare for the next bout.

An unexpected delay, however, occurred at just that moment. A couple of carefree kids ran past, forcing both to briefly return to their disguises; Perry crouching like a mindless pet, PJ whistling innocently with both hands shoved deep in his overall pockets. Just as quickly, the children were gone, and the combat resumed.

Perry chose an aerial attack this time, sallying forward with a great leaping kick. The kick was skillfully dodged, and Perry had to swiftly counter a kick to the ribcage himself. He cartwheeled backwards to create some space, looking for an opening in his opponent's defenses. There were none, and Perry ducked to the side to dodge a punch thrown at him. Then he saw something. PJ's momentum carried him just a little further than he expected, as if he lost his balance for the briefest moment. Perry instantly realized that PJ's tail was caught inside his trousers, meaning he could no longer use it for balance. Perry made a mental note as he found himself blocking blow after blow from his ferocious foe. For Perry, this was a battle unlike any he had ever fought. He was evenly matched; all his movements seemed to be perfectly anticipated by his enemy, and vice-versa. The rivals lunged forward again, locking hands in struggle like two great bears, pushing, twisting, squeezing and straining to fight for an advantage.

"You are a great fighter," Perry heard the platypus say through gritted teeth. If they weren't so busy fighting, he would have been amazed, but his mind was too preoccupied with focusing on the battle to stop and consider the ramifications of a platypus talking. "Your reputation is well-deserved," PJ continued. Then, to Perry's astonishment, the platypus smiled. He seemed to grow just a little before him, and Perry felt his footing slide an inch. "Now we'll see who's truly better!"

There was an audible crunch as Perry felt the other platypus contract his muscles, and suddenly Perry felt a new wave of strength surge from his opponent. He took a step back and lowered his center of gravity, fighting with all his might, but it was no use. PJ raised his elbows and pushed down harder, forcing Perry a step further back.

"I am stronger than you," PJ grunted as he pushed Perry back yet another step, "faster than you, even smarter than you! I was chosen because I was the specimen of a perfect platypus, because I had the greatest potential!" Perry was overwhelmingly forced onto one knee, sweating now as he gave his all. Grunting louder, the platypus shoved Perry hard, practically tossing him into the trunk of a tree. Now, he was out of space to backpedal, shut off from any possible retreat.

"You were the greatest OWCA agent in your day," the platypus said, backing off slightly to look him over. "Leaving a legacy I had to live up to. Everyone at the academy was always comparing me to you: Agent P! The great Perry the Platypus! Now, we finally get to find out which platypus is better!" There was a burning intensity in his eyes, and Perry looked desperately for an escape.

Whether by pure luck or as a testament to the fortuitous foresight of the Organization Without a Cool Acronym in meeting the lair entrance needs of its agents, Perry saw a hidden switch in the branch directly above him. He turned back just in time to see his opponent cocking his fist, and reacted. In one swift motion, he expertly launched himself up for the branch, sling-shotting himself around it to shoot his momentum back at the other platypus, while simultaneously hitting the portal hatch. A small slot opened in the trunk of the tree. He wrapped his legs around PJ's torso and leaned backward, falling into the lair chute and pulling him together with him.

Down, down they tumbled. Even until they landed in Perry's lair, surrounded by all sorts of spy-gear. Perry, now with home-field advantage and the element of surprise, was able to wrestle his foe to the ground, but PJ seemed to truly possess superior strength and quickly rolled on top of him. Perry couldn't stop himself from getting pinned, and was feeling nearly sapped of energy. Then, an idea hit him.

"I am the greatest platypus to ever live! I have proven it!" The platypus laughed now, a crazed look in his eyes. With his last bit of strength, Perry reached behind the manic grin and tickled that sweet little spot every platypus has.

A sudden jolt shot through PJ's body, making him freeze. It was an involuntary reflex, uncontrollable. Although his tail was presently pinned down by the pants he was wearing, the fabric was nowhere near strong enough to hold back its sudden flexion, and it tore through the pants, leaving him momentarily stunned.

Perry seized his opportunity. Unresisted now, he reached behind the platypus and grabbed the garment by the tear. He yanked up, hard, giving his opponent a merciless wedgie. PJ squeaked in an unnatural high pitch, indicating the wedgie did its job. Perry rolled out from under him and quickly slapped on a pair of handcuffs before collapsing onto his red chair in exhaustion.

"Holy macaroni! Agent P, what is going on here?"

Major Monogram had just arrived at the lair to find Carl and Agent P standing guard over an additional (no longer disguised) platypus strapped to a chair. Carl rose to answer.

"Sir, Agent P found this platypus spying on his host family. He detained him and brought him here, that's why I called you down."

"Great googley moogley!" Monogram uttered in response. "This must be another one of Doofenshmirtz's tricks!"

"Mmm! Hrrrrmmm!" PJ groaned through the tape smeared across his lower mandible.

"Carl, why is this platypus gagged?" Monogram asked.

"To keep him from talking, sir."

"Now that's just silly. Everybody knows animals don't talk. Except for parrots, of course. Here, I'll just…" Monogram reached out and ripped the tape off in one pull.

"Ow!" PJ yelped. "You didn't have to yank it off!"

Monogram jumped back in amazement. "Goodness! Carl, don't scare me like that with your ventriloquist pranks! I almost thought that platypus said that!"

"It wasn't me, sir!" Carl shot back. "He really can talk!"

"Yes," PJ said, smirking at the mustached man's stunned reaction. "I really can. Don't look so surprised—" he paused there to check Monogram's rank lapels— "Major."

"Wha? I—how? But—" Monogram's jaw fell as he stuttered incomprehensibly. "My—it's—but—why?"

"Sir, shouldn't we ask him why he was spying on the Flynn-Fletcher family?" Carl suggested.

Monogram snapped out of it. "That's what I was just about to do, Carl. Alright, platypus, why were you spying on Agent P's host family?"

"I wasn't spying on them, I was protecting them!" PJ exclaimed.

"He's obviously lying," Monogram said, turning his back on the prisoner.

"No! I can prove it!" PJ nearly shouted. "Look it up in your records. My authorization code is three-alpha-dash-niner-niner-charlie-foxtrot-dash-six-five-seven-alpha-four-niner-dash-zero-one-seven."

"Carl?"

"I'm already on it, sir," Carl said, jumping into a chair beside a computer. "Zero-one-seven, and search. Look, sir! There's a match."

"Let me see that." Monogram looked over the intern's shoulder at the screen. A photo of a platypus beside a date and the name "PJ" was all that could be seen, the rest of the text on the document was blacked-out.

"Classified?" The major mused. "Move over, Carl, let me put in my security number." He did so, and when the document refreshed, nothing changed.

"Okay, what's the deal?" Monogram directed for PJ. "I have Green-level clearance, so why am I not able to see this?"

PJ smiled at the cleverness of his government's hackers. Thirty-five years' technological advantage did have its perks. "Oh, well, I guess I'm just special. Now, are you going to untie me, or not?"

Monogram sighed. "Let him go, Agent P."

Perry obediently did so, but he kept a wary eye on PJ all the same.

"Thanks, Pops," PJ said sarcastically as he rubbed his raw wrists. "Oh, and nice hat."

"Wait," Monogram said before the freed platypus could make his way out the door. "Agent 'PJ', I demand an explanation!"

PJ thought for a moment. "Okay, but this is all highly classified. I'm trying to find an assassin. Female, blonde, mid-thirties. She's after the boys," he added, glancing at Perry. "And maybe their raven-haired friend, too—Isabella Garcio-Shapiro. They're all in danger until I can find this woman."

"I see," Monogram said. "Very well. Carl? You know what to do."

The intern hastily produced an empty picture frame and held it before Monogram's presence, so that from the perspective of the two platypuses, it was like viewing him through a screen. "Good afternoon, Agent P. Your next mission is to accompany Agent 'PJ' here, and assist him in finding this assassin." Perry waved his arms frantically with a look of protest on his face. "That's the spirit, Agent P," Monogram added, misinterpreting his body language.

"Actually, I think that would be helpful," PJ said, turning to Perry. "Oh, and by the way, I kinda-sorta already borrowed your jetpack and plasma torch. Don't give me that look, I needed them!" Turning back to Monogram and Carl, he continued. "You, intern—Carl is it?—I need you to watch the kids. They should be safe at the park with their parents around, but just keep an eye on them anyways, okay?"

"Aye-aye, sir!" Carl said, receiving a look of dismay from Monogram.

PJ nodded. Turning to Perry, he gestured toward the door. "Well, we should go, er—Agent P."

Carl and Major Monogram watched them leave. "Sir," Carl asked, "why did you send Agent P to help him?"

Monogram frowned. "I still get the feeling he's up to something, so I wanted Agent P to stay close by. You have to think quick like that to be a top leader in an important government agency like the O. W. C. A."

With PJ sitting in the passenger seat, Perry drove, flying across the city in his hovercar.

"Now, the easiest way to find the assassin is gonna be to find where she arrived," PJ said. "Do you have any contacts in the city we can question? Someone who watches everything that comes and goes? See if anyone knows about an assassin recently arriving in town?"

Perry acted like he didn't hear. He kept staring straight ahead.

"What, still don't trust me?" asked PJ. "Look, I already proved that I'm on your side! To both you and the Major! What more do you want?" When Perry continued to look forward, PJ rolled his eyes and looked out the side.

"Listen, I'm aware you can't talk, but I know you can understand me, so at least do something!" Perry just gave him a brief look of annoyance before returning to driving.

PJ threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! I'm just trying to help! The more we work together, the sooner we can get the boys out of danger." He went quiet. As he did, the putting sound of the hovercraft's thrusters and the wind whooshing by suddenly became obnoxiously more noticeable.

After a full minute of silence, the platypus with the fedora gave the softest of sighs and extracted a digital camera hidden inside his hat. Without looking at PJ, he handed it over.

PJ gave him a questioning look and turned it on. A photo of Phineas and Ferb riding a rollercoaster appeared on the screen. "What's this?" he asked, scrolling through the pictures. Every single one was about the boys; competing with their mother's car in a racing derby, performing a one-hit wonder as a band, partying at a backyard beach, rounding up cattle, building a rocket ship, racing chariots, and the list went on. "But," he said, going through them one-by-one, "these are all about Phineas and Ferb and their friends. Why do you have these?"

Turning his head slightly, Perry looked at the other platypus. PJ saw the faintest hint of emotion glimmer for one twinkling second in Perry's eyes. It was enough, he understood.

"You're sad that you are never around to be with them," he said. Perry refocused his attention on driving. PJ continued scrolling through the pictures, there were dozens. Sure enough, not a single one of the pictures displayed a platypus tagging along. Some of them were even blurry, as if taken with haste or from a distance. PJ felt Perry watching him out of the corner of his eye, and it struck him that this camera was one of his most prized possessions. Once he finished, he gently handed the camera back to its owner, to be stowed back away in its regular hiding place.

After a minute, PJ spoke again. "Where are we going, anyways?" Perry answered by pointing at a tall purple skyscraper directly ahead. Near the top, the words Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. were inscribed across the façade in large, friendly letters. "That's a weird looking building," he commented.

The hovercraft speedily zoomed upward to settle just above the apex of the building. A small laser weapon retracted from the side of the vehicle to carve a small hole through the glass atrium. Perry led the way diving through the hole, and PJ followed. They landed side-by-side in a large room full of blinking electronic equipment. Suddenly, a large metal cage came crashing down, trapping the both of them with a loud clang. A laugh came from the shadows of the room, setting both animals' fur on end. "Ah, Perry the Platypus! I've been expecting you. Achoo!"

A great sneeze erupted from behind an eight-foot tall cylindrical capsule, and a man in a white lab coat emerged from hiding while mopping his nose with a hankie. "Sorry, Perry the Platypus; thanks to your little shenanigans earlier with my Sneeze-inator, I haven't been able to stop sneezing all day. Achoo! Every time I complete a sentence, it seems, I have to sneeze again, and it's getting really annoying. Ah-ah-achoo! See? That time, I almost didn't sneeze, it sort of crept up on me at the last—Merlin's beard! Why are there two platypuses in there?!" Doofenshmirtz hollered, nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw what was inside the cage.

"I was trying to tell you, but you just wouldn't listen." A second Doofenshmirtz appeared from behind the capsule as well. "And I thought we agreed to come out from behind the Time-Capsule-inator at the same time so we could scare them?"

"I know," the first Doofenshmirtz said, "but all this sneezing keeps distracting me. Achoo!"

The other Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes at his counterpart. "Anyway, Perry the Platypus, you are probably wondering why there are two of us. Well, to give you a straight answer, I'm from the future!" Doofenshmirtz wiggled his long, spindly fingers mysteriously as he said it.

Perry and PJ both gave unimpressed looks. There was another loud "achoo!" in the background.

"Alright, maybe you didn't catch that over Sneezy over here," Doofenshmirtz repeated. "I said, I'M FROM THE FUTURE!" He paused with a silly grin, expecting them to react. "C'mon, you're supposed to be surprised!" He suddenly gave an exasperated look. "You know, like when somebody says that in a movie, and it's always creepy and, like, 'what, are you pulling my leg? Or are you serious?' You know, like that!" He slouched in disappointment.

"I was like that, when you told me! Achoo!"

"Yes, I know, but that's different." The second Doofenshmirtz frowned. "And gesundheit."

"Thanks."

PJ opened his mouth to speak. "Look, lots of people have been to the future these days. People don't think that anymore when somebody tells them they're from the future!" The two evil scientists and Perry gave him a quizzical look. "Or, at least, that's how it is for me."

The sneezing Doofenshmirtz raised a pointing finger at PJ. "Wait a second, you're a talking platypus? Achoo!"

"I was trying to tell you earlier," the Doofenshmirtz who claimed to be from the future explained. "Perry the Platypus' little friend can talk."

"Yeah, I remember you saying that, I just don't remember you mentioning he was a platypus, too. Achoo!"

Perry rattled the cage door, testing it.

"Ah-ah-ah, Perry the Platypus," Future Doofenshmirtz said, wagging a finger. "That cage is locked tight. And there's no way you can get out of it, because I have the only key right here in my lab coat pocket." He extracted it, to show them it was so.

"Hey, I've got the key, too!" came the enthusiastic declaration from the other man with the German accent. "Achoo!"

"Of course you do!" Doofenshmirtz told his other self. "You are me, so we both have a key!"

PJ looked at the two evil scientists, having quickly deduced that they were complete idiots. What he didn't know was that Perry came here every day, so he jumped to the conclusion that Perry had taken him to see this man from the future because he might have information about the assassin, since she was also from the future. "Hey, you from the future!" He addressed the Doofenshmirtz who was twirling the key around his finger. "We're looking for someone else who has also come from the future, know anything about her? She's blonde, mid-thirties, has a thing for kidnapping innocent children…"

"Hmm, I don't know her," the Doofenshmirtz said, casually leaning up against the cage using his free hand. "But from the sound of it, I think I'd like to! Hey, wait a minute—I remember this! This is the part where you—OUCH!"

With him distracted, Perry had reached his head between the bars and bitten him on the ankle. Doofenshmirtz reflexively dropped the key to grab his leg, and Perry snatched it from the ground and quickly unlocked the cage door.

"Nice work, D—!" PJ clamped his bill shut with his own hand, looking guilty. Perry gave him a suspicious look as he readjusted his fedora, but was content to let it slide once he swung the bars open and leaped out of the cage.

"Alright, this looks like it's a face off," the sneezy one said. "Two Doofenshmirtzes versus two platypuses! I like those odds. Achoo!"

"Oh, yeah, well, wait until you see what happens next!" Future Doofenshmirtz grumbled.

Perry and PJ looked at each other, a knowing smile crossing both of their countenances. In unison, they sprang forward, each latching on to the face of one evil scientist. Madness ensued. Ruckus. And racket. All kinds of noises accompanied the fighting. Perry stood on the shoulders of his opponent, pulling at strands of hair and yanking at his ears while pecking at his skull with his beak. PJ had clung upside-down like a spider to the front of the lab coat of one Doofenshmirtz, and was repeatedly slapping his tail across his face, back and forth. Moments later, the two Doofs were sent hurtling at each other, crashing into a heap on the floor. Side-by-side, virtual mirror images of one another, Perry and PJ stood, pulled back a fist, and knocked their foes like clockwork across the room.

One Doofenshmirtz grimaced slightly as he tried to sit upright. "Alright, listen, other me," he said. "The only way we can take them on is one at a time!" They stood up to face their advancing nemeses. "Let's gang up on Perry the Platypus first, then we'll take on the talking one."

"ACHOO!" The other one sneezed in agreement.

"Really? You're still sneezing in the middle of a fight?"

"I can't help it!"

"Just don't get any germs on me," said Future Doofenshmirtz, retracting slightly.

"We have the same germs!"

Having regrouped thusly, both lab coat clad evil scientists charged for Perry. He was able to jump out of reach of one, but the other snatched him by his forepaws. Perry kicked and struggled only to have his hind paws caught by the other Doofenshmirtz, stretching him out by all fours like a picnic blanket. PJ rushed over to help. The pair of Doofs swung Perry's body at him, causing them to collide.

"Hey, we make a good team," acknowledged Doofenshmirtz.

"Yes, yes we do. Your sneezing is even starting to wear off."

"Ah-ah-achoo! Oh, why'd you have to remind me? That one was purely the result of the power of suggestion!"

"Well, don't blame it on me! It's not my fault you—OOF!" A teal streak out of nowhere delivered a glancing blow to his face, sending him sprawling. "Okay, I think we officially need more 'me's.'"

"Aha! Perry the Platypus interrupted you in the middle of a sentence this time!" Doofenshmirtz pointed, nearly bursting into laughter. "It's kind of nice not being on the receiving end of that for once, haha-hah-ah-ACH—OOF!" Another teal streak shot out of nowhere and struck him as well, knocking him into the Time-Capsule-inator in the center of the room. The way he impacted the control pad with his head caused the automatic door to slide open. Using one hand to stabilize himself on the doorframe and his other hand to hold his nose, he said, "Ow! Okay, I do not recommend sneezing and getting punched in the face at the same time!"

Suddenly Future Doofenshmirtz looked up from where he lay. "Get away from there!" he shouted at his counterpart. "Get away from the Time-Capsule-inator right now, before—"

At that same moment, Perry sprang into the air and extended his leg. His kick connected right in the center of the sneezy Doofenshmirtz's chest, launching him into the Time-Capsule-inator. The automatic door closed, a few lights on the control panel flared up, and in a flash the –inator vanished into thin air.

The remaining Doofenshmirtz, who was still lying prone on the ground from the last attack, let his head fall back down with a thud. "Yep. I knew that was gonna happen," he said, accepting that further resistance was useless.

PJ and Perry approached the sprawled evil scientist. "Alright, tell us what you know!" PJ demanded. Doofenshmirtz slowly brought himself up to a sitting position.

"Okay, let's see, one plus one is two; and one plus two is three," he began. "Apple is spelled A-P-P-L-E…"

PJ slapped him across the face. "About the assassin!"

"I don't know anything about an assassin," he said.

"But you said you were from the future!"

Doofenshmirtz turned up his nose. "You know, I think I like it better when platypuses don't talk!" Perry slapped him this time.

"Okay, okay! Here's the thing, I started scheming about a Time-Capsule-inator after Perry the Platypus destroyed my Sneeze-inator earlier today," he explained. "It was supposed to be a brilliant plan, to use the Time-Capsule-inator to send copies of myself from the future back to a certain point in time in the past, so that between strength in numbers and knowledge of future events, I could finally defeat Perry the Platypus!"

Perry glared.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! Anywho, that was the plan, and I was just about to begin building it when, would you believe it! A fully working Time-Capsule-inator appeared in my lab, and I came out of it! Well, I didn't; it was another me, from the future! He told me that you would be coming by soon and that you would be bringing a friend, luckily I had set tomorrow's trap already. Then you came, then you escaped, then we fought; long story short, I got thrown into the Time-Capsule-inator and was sent to the past to stumble into myself an hour or so earlier, just getting started on building it here in my lab. Then you guys came, and here we are." He looked around. "At least, I think that's what happened, it kind of gets all jumbled up in my mind after a while."

There was once again a slapping sound; this time, PJ had facepalmed. "So, you're not really from the future?"

Doofenshmirtz grinned sheepishly. "Well, not really. Maybe from like an hour or two in the future, tops, but we seem to have caught up to the present. Achoo!" He paused to wipe his nose on his sleeve. "Sorry, guess that Sneeze-inator hasn't fully worn off, yet."

PJ growled in dismay and began to pace back and forth. "What a waste of time! Why did we even come here?" he asked, shooting a withering glare at Perry. "I thought the point of all this was to find some leads in our investigation, not play Hogan's Heroes with Sergeant Schultz here!"

"Hey!" Doofenshmirtz upstarted. "I'm not that overweight!"

"I know," PJ said. "I was referring to you being a complete imbecile."

A hurt look crossed Doofenshmirtz's face. "Oh, yeah? Well, you're a, uh, um—darn it, I wish I was better at these insult things."

PJ rolled his eyes. Turning to Perry, he asked, "Do you hang out with this guy a lot?"

"Well, yeah," Doofenshmirtz answered for him. "I mean, we are nemesises, after all. Or is it nemeses? I always forget…"

"WHAT?" PJ exploded, rounding on Perry. "You just took me along with you to defeat your nemesis? You just wanted me to help you in cleaning up your dirty work? Is that it?"

Perry shook his head emphatically while waving his outstretched palms. "No?" PJ asked. "Then what are we doing here, then? Obviously, we aren't going to find any deadly time-traveling assassins around him!" He gesticulated over his shoulder at the evil scientist.

Timidly, Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat. "Uh, guys?" he asked, upon getting their attention. "If you're looking for someone that's using a time machine, you could always track it by its radiation signature."

The two platypuses gave him a long, hard look. "And, how might one do that?" PJ asked.

"Simple," stated Doofenshmirtz. "By building a Time-machine-radiation-signature-tracking-inator."

PJ balled up his fist threateningly.

"No, really!" Doofenshmirtz yelped, raising a hand to shield himself. "I'm being serious!"

"You better build one," PJ leered, "and it had better work." Doofenshmirtz swallowed before standing on his feet and getting to work.

"It will take me a couple minutes," he said, pulling out a toolbox and extracting some old blueprints. "You know, I think there might be some sodas in the fridge, if you guys want one."

PJ held the small, GPS-like device in his hands. "Alright, there are three little dots, what do those mean?"

"Those are where a time machine has been recently used," Doofenshmirtz explained. "There's one here, where we are, see? That must be from my Time-Capsule-inator."

"This one here is the time machine I used to get here." PJ pointed.

"Wow, that's a good hiding place," Doofenshmirtz commented.

"I know. That's why I left it there," drawled PJ. "So, this third blip must be the one the assassin used to get here. Any idea where that is?"

Doofenshmirtz looked closely. "That looks like it's the Museum."

For a moment no one spoke, they all just stared at the screen. At last, PJ said, "Well, to the museum, then." He handed the device to Perry and made for the hovercar.

Perry looked at his nemesis, wondering if he should give the Time-machine-radiation-signature-tracking-inator back. "It's okay, Perry the Platypus, I don't need it. You go ahead and destroy it if you'd like; it's not evil enough to be of use to me."

With a nod, Perry slammed it hard against the floor, shattering it to bits. Doofenshmirtz just smiled. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus. Oh, and your talking platypus friend, curse him too."

Perry tipped his hat and followed PJ into the hovercraft.

"Your nemesis is weird," PJ said as they flew above the city.

"Grdrdrdrdrd," Perry had to agree.

"Still, at least he was able to give us a clue." PJ stopped thoughtfully. "Finally, I can finish my mission and go home." Perry gave him a curious glance. "Oh, right, I never told you, did I? Yes, I am from the future. It's why I can talk. One of the more practical advancements in the genetic sciences, you missed out."

"Grdrdrdrdrd," said Perry.

"No, I can't actually understand you, but it's fun to pretend I can. Speaking of things I don't understand, why were we fighting earlier? The fight which you only won because you cheated, by the way."

When Perry shook his head at that, PJ's face twitched. "Yes you did! If I hadn't been wearing those silly clothes that kept my tail restrained, I'd have easily beaten you!" Perry waved him off in what was clearly a gesture of denial. "Whatever. Why did you attack me, anyways?"

Perry looked away. At first, PJ thought he was trying to avoid answering, but then he realized where the secret agent was looking: the Flynn-Fletcher house. They were passing it at that very moment.

"Oh, right, you thought I was spying on them," PJ said. Then Perry shook his head slightly. "No, that's not it? Then why?"

Extracting his camera once more, Perry pointed at PJ, then at the boys in the picture.

"I don't get it," PJ said.

Perry sighed, putting the camera away. What else could he do? There was no easy way to explain what it really was, even if he could talk. But the truth was, Perry was jealous. Jealous that this other platypus had been able to spend time with his boys, something he wished he could do more than anything; but he was tied to his duties at the Agency with protecting his family, alongside the rest of the Tri-State Area.

Somehow between seeing Perry's somber attitude and remembering that the camera was all about the boys, it clicked. PJ deduced that Phineas and Ferb were the reason. It was obvious now, Perry loved them dearly.

PJ leaned back in his seat. "You know, Phineas told me something while I was helping him and Ferb with today's project," he said. He turned to look at Perry. "He thought having me there was the coolest thing ever, because I remind him so much of you." Perry met his eyes briefly before looking back out the windshield.

"They really do think of you every day you are gone. They miss you when you can't be there with them. You're lucky to have them." Although Perry tried not to show it, his lips curled ever so slightly into a little smile.

PJ didn't notice, having already turned back to watch the city roll by down below while recalling the way Phineas and Ferb and their friends had treated him so nicely. When he left, he realized, he was going to miss them.

Thanks for reading! Here are my review responses:

TheAvatarLordRoku: I know, those other Fireside Girls were really helpful, weren't they? lol. When the "Uranus" line hit me, my first thought was, 'I shouldn't.' Then, as I thought about it, I was like, 'no, I should!' Yeah, it's a good thing Phineas doesn't have a dirty mind. He's one of few who could get away with a blunder like that.

Platyman: Oh Platyman, I just love getting your reviews! Your analysis of the chapter is pretty spot-on with how I wanted it to turn out, so that was reassuring for me. I can understand how memory erasers are a serious issue here. I couldn't find a way to directly address that completely in this chapter, but I did partially at the beginning where it says they couldn't bring back technology from the future, as it could contaminate the proper progression of history. So they can't bring toys like the Neuralizers from Men In Black to the past. As far as any already existing memory wiping technology, PJ doesn't readily have access to it, if he even knows about it at all. That's the official answer of my headcanon. Mostly, though, I just didn't ever plan on using a cliche memory wipe to keep the status quo, so I never thought about it before your review, so thank you for that. I am sure there are other little plot-holes lurking around, too, hopefully the story is enjoyable despite my flaws as a writer. Speaking of, thank you for your thoughts regarding the phinabella aspects of that chapter. You're right, I'm not all that into shipping, so it was hard for me to get that part right. I felt like I needed to advance their relationship meaningfully in some way, although my knowledge of the characters tells me I did an adequate job at best. You are too kind, because even I feel it is out of character, and I wrote it! It's biggest flaw is probably that it was simply rushed. Still, I did the best I could; and we'll never really know how to get that pairing exactly right until the new episode "Act Your Age" comes out, I think. Maybe I might come back and tweak it at some point. Finally, the most meaningful part (to me) of your review was how you mentioned I write 'smart' characters. That just warms my li'l heart. I believe that my readers are smart people when I write, so it wouldn't be fair for me not to put the effort in to make it engaging on some mental level. Thanks again for taking the time to review!

EpicThoth3: Boston, eh? Actually, I think you got the accent just about right. Safe travels!

J-mo 817: Thanks! Your review flatters me. I like to think my story is well-written, but then again, I am a little biased... Anyways, it's been fun to write so far, and I'm happy to know you're enjoying it!