-Sorry this uploaded so late, I had most of this chapter done on Sunday and it got deleted by accident. Don't blame me, blame Wattpad and me. Enjoy-
-Santoff Claussen, North Pole-
It was as if a bomb had dropped, and everyone began scattering around in a panic. The Guardians who had just had a faint regard of Anna were now preoccupied, all clustering around and pulling weapons out, preparing themselves. Anna was caught in the midst of it, heart stopped and trying to catch a look to Jack to ask him a question, but he was recovering from what looked like a long run over here.
"Nightmares? Near children? Where, Jack, where?!"North urged, grabing Jack by his shoulder and shaking. Jack heaved in a breath and managed out a location that Anna didn't hear, because she was still stuck on his words. Her chest was tight and her spine was tingling, her hands sweating and breath coming in too thin. Of course.
Of course this would happen when she thought things were right. Of course she couldn't have one simple moment of peace. Not on her own, and certainly not with North. Not after all that she'd done, and honestly she didn't feel that any of this was unjustified. But she couldn't go into this fight.
"North, I should really go-"
"Nonesense! You can see that I am not so old, afterall, haha! I am still Nicholas St. North!"He roared over her, reaching into his jacket in search of something, one hand brandishing a familiar-looking sabre. She caught it out of the corner of her eye, and for a moment remembered a time when him having those meant fun, meant adventure.
She wasn't sure what it meant now.
Panic took over and Anna's mind ran through the scenarios about to play out: They fought nightmares, she couldn't use her powers, someone got hurt. She did use her powers, something worse happens. They find the nightmares...and someone else. And suddenly Anna would have to explain a lot more than she let on. She wasn't ready for that yet, if ever.
"North, really, I can't use-"
"Poshli!"North exclaimed in his thick accent, shaking an ornate snowglobe and tossing it. The orniment exploded in mid-air, producing a portal like the one Anna had seen that faithful night. It swirrled in blinding colors, and North had her arm in a vice-grip before she could speak, panic ringing alarms in her head. Alarms that North apparently could not hear as he dragged her, the others following close, through the portal.
She was blinded a moment, brilliant flashes of white and blue and silver coating her vision. She didn't feel ground beneath her feet, more so she was caught in a mid-step and unable to move the rest of her body. No sight, no movement, the only sound being a gentle tinkling and, after a moment, the sound of popping streetlights. She knew that sound like an old lullabye, and it struck a fear into her heart.
It was only a suspended second in time that they passed through that portal, but she took all of that second and tried to remember something taught to her a long time ago. A way to breathe through fear. It had been awhile, maybe too long to remember to do it right, but as she sucked in air the edge of fear was taken off. And just in time, too, as no sooner had she exhaled did her feet throw her forward onto a dark, wet road and everything bright receeded in the blink of an eye.
Spots faded slowly in her vision, and she was greeted by the sight of a nighttime town after rain. North stood next to her on the rain-slicked road, the air clear and homes with all but some of their lights off. Those were the only sources of light on the scene, all the streetlights popped out and even a thick coating of clouds blocking out the moon. Maybe Anna was grateful for that last one. She did one reunion at a time.
"Everyone ready..."North muttered, an edge of excitement creeping into his tone, Anna's heart pounding past the limits of her breathing excercises. She looked to her sides, seeing Jack and North beside her, the other Guardians lining up. She still felt a few glances cast her way, and her skin crawled with it. She wanted to meet North, to talk to him, to explain so many things to him...but she couldn't if she also had to know these people. People who didn't know her, people she didn't want to get to know. People who looked at her all the way up until the first pair of coal-red eyes lit up the night.
A cold shock went through her, her entire body screaming at her to run, wondering why she wasn't. Hadn't she done the same thing just over a week ago? Hadn't she planned on doing that for the rest of the time she was alive, however long that may be? Shouldn't she have just gone? She was good at running, maybe the only thing she was good at, and there was no chance the others would catch her.
Except she didn't run. And in that moment, she would never know why.
The red eyes multiplied, outlines of nightmares made of pure black sand began to slowly pull away from the shadows, heads down and eyes narrowed, snouts puffing out arcid black smoke. The air was thin, and already Anna's breath wasn't coming in exactly right.
"North, I can't..."Anna tried to whisper, but he didn't hear her, instead getting into a fighting stance and shouting at the top of his lungs, so loud that Anna jumped and was surprised he didn't wake up the entire neighborhood,
"Guardians! Es time to fight!"
A heavy wind almost blew her off her feet as every single Guardian flew into action. They were blurs past her, Anna's legs frozen stiff and her palms sweating, a panic rising up in her chest that told her she couldn't fight. She couldn't really. She couldn't use her powers, she refused to, and there was no way she could fight these things any other way. So Anna stood, watching, as the Guardians charged head-first into oncoming dozens of raging nightmares.
In her spectator's stance, eyes wide and heart pounding in her ears, Anna could only see people fighting. She was now officially standing in the center of a battle she had only ever been told about. Of course this was small, but it was the small battles that she was given the most detail about, normally littered with curses and frustrated sighs. Battles like this, Guardian verses fear. And she knew all of them from descriptions she'd been given.
North, of course, she knew. But then there was the Easter Bunny, E. Aster Bunnymund, a large, blue-furred Pooka warrior, throwing boomerangs like it was no one's business. A flash of green flew through lines and lines of nightmares, shattering them to clouds of black dust. That was Toothiana, the Tooth Fairy in beautiful, glossy green plumage and wax-paper wings. Jack, then, as well. And near him, a tiny man glowing golden hues, no taller and two, maybe three feet, and manipulating a cloud of golden dream sand into various weapons. The Sandman, the most infamous of the Guardians.
She had been told many things about them, some true and some exaggerated. But what she knew then was that they were a fighting group, a worthy opponent. They fought with a vigor, with a strange camraderie with one another. They were warriors fighting to the best of their ability, and as she watched, not one of them every backed down. And then Anna realized something, hitting her hard and sudden: She did not belong with them.
Not just with them. Here, right now, in this battle. Back at the Workshop. She didn't belong, she didn't deserve to stand where they stood. Anna realized with a horrifying clarity that she no longer belonged beside North. She didn't deserve the kindness that she once did. Because she wasn't that person anymore, because now she was this coward that couldn't fight, that wouldn't fight. She wasn't worthy of anything anymore.
"Anna!" North's cry broke her from her thoughts, just before a black blurr crossed over her vision. She cried out and fell backwards, arms going up in front of her as a pain exploded across her back, nails instinctively reaching forward and clawing at whatever had just jumped on top of her. It was enough to make the nightmare whinney in pain, rearing up and giving Anna a view of what was about to happen.
It's coal-red eyes flamed in the night, massive hooves rearing back and preparing themselves to slam down onto her, black sand flaking off it's body, a cry echoing through the night. Anna lay there on the ground, paralyzed, thinking that she could do so much better than lay there pathetically...but she didn't. Anna looked up at the beast and wondered if a nightmare could really kill her. There had to be things that could, maybe this was one of them.
And in that moment, Anna would have been okay with it if she had died. She had seen North, she had spoken to him, she had freed herself from the clutches of another, and realized that she truly did not belong anywhere anymore. She had run from both sides of the spectrum, she was an outlier. That kind of closure before death was comforting. Now all she had to do was die. Heaven knows that would have simplified things.
But she didn't.
"HYAAA!"A deafening cry came from behind the nightmare, and two flashes of silver cut across two opposite directions of its neck. Without so much as a whinney, anything dying in its throat, the nightmare dissolved instantly into a pile of black sand on her lap. Anna, stunned for a moment, looked up to see North sliding the two hand-swords into his massive belt and reaching down for her. His hands gripped her shoulders and he lifted her as easy as if she were a feather, setting her on her feet.
"Anna! You are alright? Did it hurt you?"He asked, worry evident on his face. Anna blinked, the thought going through her mind that North had just saved her in the moment when she was ready to die. She hadn't thought her life out to this point, and was lost.
"Uhm...no, no I'm fine...thank you."She sounded amazed, and North gave her a surprised little smile. He brushed her off, the black sand falling to the ground slowly, as the others joined their sides.
"Hey! Anna, you should have-" Anna gave Jack a look that made him switch sentences on a dime, something she was greatly relieved and impressed by, "Didja see me? I had these five of them, and I kinda went like this, and boom! Gone!" He was reinacting his plight when North let out a loud laugh, clapping Anna on her shoulder.
"Was much fun, yes? I told you! We should do more often. Where do you live, I can take you home, or you can stay night. Oh! We could meet where you live for reunions every week! Tonight was just tip of iceberg, little Anastasia, would be much fun!" North listed off things almost too fast for Anna to process, catching the basic gist of it and opening her mouth to respond, no words coming out at first.
She paused, seeing the eyes of the Guardians now back on her. Some were curious, some trepidatious...and that was the first time Anna saw Aster's look. It caught her slightly off guard, trying not to look directly at him. But there he was, just behind North, with emerald eyes dark under a lowered black brow. His mouth was set in a frown. Everything about him, from tensed shoulders to the paws playing at the boomerang, from his hostile face to the fur slightly raised on his arms, everything read mistrust. Suspicion. Not that she could blame him, but it didn't do anything to help her, and she didn't have time to think of him.
In fact, she barely had time to think of her answer.
"I don't really live anywhere, North. Kinda bounce around, you know, and besides I-"
"You have no home?!"North exclaimed, a concern and shock on his face that made Anna tighten up, a guilt building inside of her.
"Well, not technically..." Not for just over a week. But she couldn't explain that to him, so she kept it simple. He shook his head and pointed to her sternly like a parent,
"Not acceptable! You will live with me in Workshop! I will not allow you to go off without home, no matter how long it has been!" At his words, everyone let out their own expression of shock. Toothiana and Sandy moved in, eyes wide and silent comments on their tongues, Jack almost rocketing into the air with excitement. And then Aster.
He stepped up, mouth open and eyes wide, looking like he was going to say something less-than-complimentary about her had North not stood right there. North, sensing their and her reactions, held up his hands and said,
"No, es final! I know es sudden, Anna, but will not push you. It will be nice way to reconveine, and we can look for another place for you. But I would feel much, much better if I knew you were safe. After all this time, I just..."And this time, it was North's turn to leave off on a sentence, his face still smiling but with a melancholy hint. And Anna felt horrible. She felt like she was going to be sick.
Live at the one place she decided she did not belong? How could she, when he knew almost nothing about her? How could she after all the things she had done? How could she, when she knew he wouldn't want anything to do with her if he knew the truth...
"Hey,"Jack's hand was on her shoulder, "c'mere. Guys, give us a second?"Jack asked, and no one protested as he steered her off a few yards, out of earshot. They were looking their way, and Tooth was saying something to North, but Anna turned to face Jack. She was grateful, no matter what he had to say, about what he had just done for her. The eyes were farther away now and she was just there with Jack. She could tell him more than she could them.
"What's up, you aren't happy about this?"He asked quietly, and Anna shook her head, rubbing the heels of her palms into her temples.
"No, I mean...I am. I am happy. I want this." She said it, a shiver running through her body at the absolute truth of it. Because she wanted to run, and she wanted to stay, and she wanted North to scream at her, and she wanted him to love her again. "But I don't deserve it."She looked him in the eye, and then back to the others. "I've done awful things, Jack. And I barely know North anymore, let alone the rest of you! It would be...uncomftorble."
"Uncomftorble, huh?"Jack asked, a glint in his eyes. Anna looked back at him and frowned, trying to read him.
"Yeah, of course it will be. Why?"She asked, and he leaned against the staff.
"Anna, is this awkward?"
"It will be if you keep looking at me like that."
"Seriously."
"No."
"Then,"He said, smiling and putting a hand on her shoulder, "how about I move in, too? I mean I kinda already live there, but permanently now. That way you have someone!" Anna kept Jack's gaze to make sure he wasn't joking with her or toying with his words.
"Jack, you barely know me."She tried.
"Oh, like it's a big sacrifice on my part, c'mon! It'll be fun, I promise...and if it isn't, you can leave. I won't judge, promise. Just give it time, and I'll be there for you. Pinki promise." He held up his pinki, and Anna was looking at him like he was insain. He didn't know her. North barely did. And they were just throwing themselves into this like it was no big deal. For all they knew, she was a serial killer...but they trusted her. They really, honestly did. And that was a horrible thing for her to take advantage of.
And yet she hooked onto his pinki like a lifeline. And Jack Frost smiled.
-Santoff Claussen, North Pole-
"You like it?"North asked behind her, but Anna could barely speak. She was shifting on her feet, looking around at everything in the small room. A beautiful bed with thick, red blankets. Wallpaper adorned with gorgeous and intricate gold details. A soft carpet, a beautiful dresser, a huge window with heavy green curtains pulled over it. The room itself smelt like peppermint and chocolate and velvet, and it had a warm kind of glow about it from the tiny lamp on the bedside table.
It was a beautiful room. And she remembered it.
"It's..."
"It was inspired by your room back...well, back then. I built many rooms here, with much inspiration for all of them, but this one," She turned to look at him and was struck by his warm smile, reaching his twinkling eyes, "this one es special."
Anna could feel something warm and tight in her chest, and she tried everything to get through the haze caused by time. North had shown her this room, her room, the one that looked almost every bit the same as her room back in the Russian wilderness centuries ago. Here she stood with him as if centuries hadn't passed. Here they stood together, the only thing changed being the color of North's hair and everything about Anna. It was like a before and after picture.
And for just a moment, Anna wanted to believe that this was true. That they were back to this, that this could still happen. That there was no reason for this not to be her re-start. And while a voice in her head kept saying that this was impossible, that something terrible was going to ruin this, Anna let herself melt a little. Maybe this was okay. Maybe the voice was wrong. If for just this once, then just this once.
And she said all that she could think of.
"Thank you."
It was almost as if North understood everything that this 'thank you' stood for. His hand rested heavily on her shoulder and he chuckled.
"Es nothing. I am just glad you got the chance to see it." He looked at the room and beamed, "Es funny, I always thought of this day, Anna. I thought that somehow, someway, you would find your way back here. I just never thought..."He paused, and a fear creeped back into Anna's gut. Here it was. Here, the accusation she'd been waiting for, the hate that would boil down into an argument. She would tell him things, tell him everything, and he would throw her out. At least she'd gotten the chance to see the room...
"...I never thought you would have such strange hair."
His hand rubbed at her undercut and she almost laughed a she ducked and swatted his hand away.
"Hey!"She exclaimed, half-stunned that this was his only qualm. It couldn't be, she thought, he was just holding out for another time. Then again, so wasn't she. She looked at him and they shared their first smile in centuries, gentle and cautious, both knowing the other was hiding things. And Anna knew this would all end some day soon, but for the moment, for the night, everthing was fine again.
"Guardians will want to see you tomorrow, and you can tell us all of your travels over these centuries. You will like them, they are wonderful group, and they will surely love you." Anna thought back to Aster, his glare, his piercing conviction, and gave a half-hearted smile.
"I didn't expect you to have so many people around you..."She paused, as North leaned to leave, looking back at her with expectant eyes. Crawling in her gut was that sense of guilt she wanted to rid herself of, and she shoved her hands into her pockets as she said quietly and awkwardly, "It all just caught me off guard, all of this so sudden. I mean..." And there was so much more she wanted to say then. But it would have to wait, she knew. So she settled with an apology. "I'm sorry if I seemed like I didn't want to be here. I do."
I missed you went unsaid.
North gave her another smile that took her back to better times, and then waved at her.
"Get sleep now, all is forgiven. Tomorrow es new day, better day!" He left and gently closed the door behind him, leaving Anna in semi-darkness. The silence lasted for less than a beat.
"My, my, he is good isn't he?"
Anna felt a striking fear shoot through her body, head to toe, as she jumped and almost cried out. When she turned she wished she had, almost stumbling back to the door. Her feet were planted and her gut was tight, eyes wide and pulse hammering in her head. The room was cold now, colder than it had been, and suddenly much, much darker. All she could make out was the silouhette of a thin, grey-skinned man with golden eyes.
The facad shattered around her as he stepped into the thin veil of light cast by the lamp, hands folded behind his back and smile cutting a thin line across his face. In his eyes was a bored kind of amusement, as if he were toying with something. He was. It was her.
"I must say, Anna, it took you longer to get here than I first expected." His quiet, elegant voice went through the space between them, him only stopping his stalking forward when Anna was almost against the door. Where once fear had been, though, was something much different. Because if Anna knew how to speak to anyone, if Anna had ever learned to behave around another person, it was this man.
"Pitch. You giant goddamned praying mantis. Why are you here?"She spat out quietly. She did not call for help. She didn't want to. This man and her had a different kind of way of doing things, they knew each other differently. And some people might say that this was an idiotic move, why not call the others and cut all ties? Why not sever herself completely?
The answer was simple. The answer had two parts. One: She was not afraid of Pitch Black.
"You're charming, really. Have I ever told you that?"He deadpanned cooly, but she saw agitation creep into his eyes. The man loomed over her, head tilted slightly one way, and a worry was cramping in her stomach.
"Get out."She spat. He quirked an eyebrow and leaned back a bit, lithe fingers lightly touching his chest in a feign hurt gesture.
"Oh my, really? Well, since you insisted so politetly..." It was as if the man fell through the floor, but Anna knew better. Nerves shot out all over her, tingling over her skin as she forced a half-hearted calm over herself. "...then again." His voice was right in her ear, and again she jumped, spinning to face him and holding a hand out in front of her.
The fingers trembled, but more so out of anger and worry than anything else. Anger that, after everything, he was here to remind her that she could never just move on. Worry that she would realize that, too. Pitch looked at her hand, her deadly hand, with a feiged interest. Then his eyes flickered up to hers, a deadly smile on his face, and he asked mockingly,
"What do you plan to do with that, dear? Kill me?"
"It's becoming a serious consideration." She mummbled, and toyingly he took her wrist gently in his fingers. She pulled her hand away and glared, holding it behind her like a child. "Don't touch me. I swear, Pitch, this time-"
"Is different? Darling, if I had a dime for everytime you've said that, I could quite this whole 'fear harvesting' business."He cut her off, and she wanted to say something back but knew he was right. No other words would come, and so she took a step back from him. From the man that had caught her up in his world, in his promises, at the moment she was weakest. And even now his grip stayed strong.
This man that made her into something terrible.
"What do you want, Pitch?"She finally managed to ask, cursing the weakness in her voice. She was tired, that was all. Yes, that was all. He smiled as if this were the question he'd been waiting for, and folded his hands in front of him.
"What do I want? Well, dear, you've already done that for me haven't you?"He asked, and she paused.
"...Are you drunk?"
"Oh you insufferable-"He muttered, but regained his composure with a deep breath and a shake of his head. Then golden eyes pierced through the shadows right at her, and he smiled again. "So clever. And so closed off, dear. Not that it will hinder the Guardians, no. Those vigilantes will do anything it takes to get a person to like them. They'll let them into their world, they'll care for them, show them things...tell them their secrets."
In a horrifyng moment, Anna realized exactly why Pitch was here.
Here, and never with the nightmares.
Here now and not before.
Because he had been waiting.
Her eyes were wide and she felt her heart drop, brow furrowing and an anger creeping up inside of her. Pitch waited, smile growing, wanting her to say it. And she did, because even she herself couldn't believe how she hadn't seen this coming.
"You knew."She said. He shrugged lightly, but his face was showered in victory. "You knew,"She repeated, "and you let me. You want to get inside, you want me to be your goddamned spy?"
"Oh, yes I do. And you will be so wonderful at it, I can just see it now."Pitch whispered, walking around her, making her turn to face him. She clenched her fists, fighting to keep things under control, and Pitch saw it. He had always seen it. Of everyone left on this Earth, Pitch was the only person who always saw her straight through.
"No."She demanded, "No, I won't. Not this time. I have a life now, North wants me here now. I have a chance, and you don't. You're just the same man, and you're going to fail again, because there's no way I'm doing that. You don't own me anymore. You can't make me do-"
"Oh, my dear,"Pitch was suddenly inches from her, holding her neck in tight fingers, eyes burning holes into her, "I sincerely believe I can. You do remember that I am the only one that accepts you for what you do, yes? I've taken the monster you believe you are and turned it into something magnificent. You can't tell me that they will do the same for you. See, love, that's how I know you'll come back to me.
"One day, maybe soon, maybe not, they'll see what you are and, being Guardians, won't accept you. They'll cast you out into the cold, they'll tell you horrid things. You see the Guardians do something so terrible, so vile, that even I don't stoop to their level. They make you believe that you have a family." He let go of her face and held a palm in front of her, creating small figures like the Sandman did, but these were blacksand. Tiny figures of the Guardians and her.
He was quiet now, voice low and knowing that he had her. He had known her for centuries. There was no way Pitch wouldn't know exactly what to say, and this was how he had gotten her everytime.
"And when you slip up?"He drawled, and violently clasped his hand closed, making her jolt, the black sand trickling between his fingers, "They destroy you. They take it all from you, and leave you with nothing..." Anna felt her breathing stop, looking at his hand, trying to keep her own hands from shaking. Pitch leaned down so that they were eye-level, his hand ghosting across her face. "But you, my dear will have me. I will wait however long it takes for you to realize you don't belong with them. For you to realize that while you may despise me, while I may have turned you into something 'terrible', as you say...I am all that you have."
I blinked, and he was gone. The room was emtpy, and the light slowly seeped back to a normal volume. Pitch's voice was echoing in my head, and my trembling resolve and the voice in my head whispered the second reason that I was worried that night: Because Anna was constantly stuck in a grey area. She wanted to leave. She wanted to stay. And as pattern held it, she had only ever folded one way.
The door behind her flew open and she spun around, coming face-to-face with the last person she expected to see.
"Who're you talking to in here?" Aster demanded, and Anna tried to compose herself.
"Oh, uh...n-no one."She lied. Aster stood there a moment, and suddenly she found herself under that glare again. It was stronger now, no one around to stifle it. He looked at her in accusation, in conviction of a crime she had not yet committed. Brows furrowed, eyes narrowed, and Anna was looking up at a rabbit that did not trust her.
And it was cathardic to finally have someone who hated her as much as she did.
"I don't know why you're back here."He said, and paused so that Anna thought he was done. But he wasn't. "I've known North a good few centuries, sheila, and I remember what he said about you. Now I think we both know he sugarcoated it. You hurt him, bad, and I don't trust you within an inch of my life. There's somethin' not right about you." He stopped here for a moment, Anna standing and taking it all in. All the hits she knew she deserved.
"You're hidin' something, I know it. And don't think for a moment North isn't gonna figure it out, or I will. You aren't hurting him again. Him, Jack, or anyone." He seemed to be pausing, waiting for a reaction. When he didn't get one, he reiterated, "I'll be watching for when you slip, sheila. And when you do, I'll be there."
Anna spoke to him for the very first time.
"Good." Was all she said. He waited a moment longer, looking her up and down, then threw her one last scowl before turning away and slamming shut her door. She waited for the sound of his footsteps to finish thumping down the hall, and then collapsed her back against the door. Sliding down, Anna rested her head on her knees and laced her fingers through her hair tightly, pulling enough to cause little spikes of pain.
Everything had been perfect for a beautiful moment.