-Four Centuries Ago-
Stop it, stop it, stop it, she begged in her own mind, hands clutching at her head and bones rattling under her skin. Around her, feet of snow melted, the grass beneath died and the dirt dried up. She could feel it, every bit of it, all those strings of life snapping, over-taught, just beyond her fingertips. She could feel the life leaving everything around her, as muted as someone flicking her in the chest, little sparks beyond her fingertips. It felt so small to be doing something so horrible.
She couldn't control it. She couldn't calm down, really, with her mind sliding to and fro with no solid base to land on. She couldn't control this, this dam that had just broken loose. Kneeling there on the patch of dead Earth, Anna thought that she would eventually die, too. This suffering was too much, this fear was too strong. And afterall, even if she could get this under control, she had nowhere to go back to.
She had run from the only home she had been given, a home in a person's heart. A place she no longer belonged.
"Well, we do seem to be in a predicament here."
Anna could recall that the first time she heard the voice, she thought it sounded sinister and plesent. Both, at the same time. And she could recall that it was the one thing that stopped all that death around her. It was that voice and that man, in the first moments that they would see each other, that Anna was able to focus on. And everything stopped, the little sparks of electricity, the snapping strings, everything.
"Ah, now see, that's much better. Although this snow is rather...inconveniant. I don't know how people live here."His accented voice carried no tones of hatred or disgust. And when Anna slid her hands from her hair and slowly looked up at him, she saw neither of those things in his golden eyes either. Just a curiosity, and an eccentric smirk. Then a hand, reaching out to her.
"...You aren't a good guy, are you?"Anna asked quietly, looking from the hand to him. He tilted his head and quirked a brow.
"Why do you say that, dear?"He mused.
"Because you look evil as shit."
"Well, that is my preferred aesthetic."
Anna looked at the hand again, still not sure if she should trust this man, still not knowing the role he would play in everything from that point on. This man would forever change her. All she had to do was take his hand.
"I don't bite, you know."He teased, almost pleasently. Anna cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair, the other clutching at her stomach under the heavy jacket. She did not know that Pitch could read her fears, she would find that out later on. So she did not know how, in that moment, he knew exactly what to say.
"You don't have to be alone."
It was a promise that, in all that would happen over the next four centuries, Pitch Black would never break.
And she took his hand.
-Present Day, Santoff Claussen-
No one was around as Anna crept along the brightly-lit hallway, the sun reflecting harshly off the piles of white snow outside. She could hear faint noises, like the tinkering of early-rising yetis and the tinkling of bells on the tops of the elve's hats. But here, in this hall, no one. Which was a relief, as she'd spent the first thirty minutes of the day sitting in the room that brought back too many memories deciding about whether or not she would actually leave. In the end, she'd told herself that the only people who lived here were North and Jack. It seemed that the others were visitors.
She kept one hand on the wall, tracing ornate and thin carvings with her pointer finger. The entire night she'd looked over all of the incredible details in the room, and then stared out the window. Sleep had never come easy to her, and where she was now, after what happened last night, she wasn't going to rest anytime soon. It wasn't that she didn't feel safe, it was that she felt...uneasy. As if she didn't belong there, still, as if she didn't fit into the picture. So she stayed awake, waiting for it all to be a dream.
In the morning, when she was still there, Anna had never felt so lost.
She was thinking of what Pitch had said last night, about her and what her purpose here was. Somehow she always did what he needed. Somehow, no matter how far she got from him, Anna was never out of Pitch's reach. To be here even, right in North's home, she wasn't free from him. But she was fighting back, and to her that was at least something.
These were the thoughts she had as she reached the kitchen, Jack having given her a tour before she found her room yesterday, and pushed open the door.
"Ah! Anna! Did not expect you up so early, you used to sleep like potatoes in sack!"North exclaimed, albeit quietly, the moment Anna stepped into the massive room. She jumped a bit, not expecting to see anyone this early, the door slamming shut behind her before she could turn and run.
North looked at her expectantly, beaming and holding a mug the size of her face in his hand, steam coming off the top. In the silence, Anna pressed her hands to the door and leaned on it casually, heart hammering. She was searching for something to say, anything to say. Because deep inside of her, Anna did want to recouncil. She just didn't think she could. And so she nodded to the mug and said the only thing that came to mind,
"Hot coco?"
North's face lit up as if she'd just said the most wonderful thing.
"Of course! You remember how much I like?"He laughed at himself, and Anna forced a smile.
"Yeah...although it looks like you've been liking it a bit too much these days." She found that to come easy. Teasing, playful prodding, harmless jokes. These things she knew, those hadn't gotten lost in the years that had turned her into something else. North play-pouted and patted his stomach, which was considerably larger than the last time she'd seen it.
"Ah! This? Es water weight!"He defended, and this time her smile was real. "Maybe we both have changed, huh? But I am still dashing lad! Ouch!" He winched and placed a hand on his back as he attempted to move into a valiant pose, and Anna had to duck her head and bite her lip to keep from laughing. North, the eternal jokester. He gave Jack a run for his money.
"Come, Anna, es early morning and nice time to watch the yetis work. Time for small chit-chat, yes?"North asked, walking around a giant marble island in the center of the room, one arm out to guide her. Her stomach twisted, thinking that if this was really going to be her and North, then this wouldn't be small talk. Yet, with no way out, she turned and opened the door before North could lead her.
The overlook was only a few steps away, and still empty in the early-morning sunlight. Anna made her way to the railing, looking up at the Globe with a leftover sense of awe. With a little force, she pushed herself up so that she sat on the railing, feet swinging in the open air below, over the heads of a handful of yeti. North settled next to her at, what she noticed was, a respectful distance.
It was quiet, so quiet. It was the kind of quiet you could tell secrets in. And that, above all, terrified Anna.
"How are you liking so far? I know the Workshop es big and all, but es cozy. Maybe I can show you my study, it has many, many books. You still read, yes?"North asked casually, sipping the coco. This was easy so far. Baby steps.
"I haven't in a long time..." She didn't mention the fact that she had been in a different library. In this one, she'd read maybe a handful of books. And it wasn't that they weren't wonderful, it's that everything that Anna had ever been doing would have had to be explained with one secret. So she kept her answers in half-truths. "...but I'd like to see your study some time... And yeah, I like this place. I remember you used to tell me about making yourself a palace."
"And I did!"
"Yes, yes you certainly did. You did everything you ever said that you would."Anna mused, fingers toying with the white fabric on her neck. Now, amoung the beautiful toys that floated and bounced and buzzed and glistened, it seemed so prehistoric. And yet, of everything there, she couldn't think of anything she wanted more.
"And have you?"North asked, prompting Anna to give him a confused look. "Have you done all you wanted to do?" He explained, a tight sensation finding Anna's heart. And she swore, with that look that North gave her, the silence around them, the serenity of it all that made the moment with Pitch seem like a bad dream, Anna almost told him everything.
But in the end, she held her tongue. Bitterly, filling with self-hatred, Anna held her tongue.
She shook her head and breathed out, looking forward.
"...I can't even remember what it was I wanted to do."She admitted with a breathy exhale, hands falling from the fabric. North was quiet a moment, and then spoke softly, as if he too noticed how fragile this silence was.
"You remember what I used to call you? My little bluebird. Your eyes, you remember, looked just like perfect little bluebird eggs. They still do, huh? My perfect little bluebird, part of you is still in there, part of you that still wanted to fly and spread joy and love and life." Her hands laid on her lap, limp and for looking at. Which is exactly what she did instead of looking at North. Gently, she hook her head.
"I'm not so sure anymore, North. Stuff...stuff has happened." Stuff has happened. Stuff like I helped the Nightmare King terrorize people. Stuff like I became one of the bad guys, and I didn't even feel bad about it. I just wanted a home and he gave me one. I tried to leave and I couldn't. I did terrible things. I brought fears to life. I did that. Stuff like that.
"Anna, no matter what has happened, whatever kept you from me, you are still my little bluebird."North said so sweetly that it almost killed her, and Anna felt herself beginning to slip, found the words so close to the tip of her tongue. She smoothed back hair into the small ponytail and let her hand fall limply back into her lap. She wanted him to know everything, she needed him to know. He could help her, or he would hate her, but she wouldn't have to carry it anymore. It would be gone.
She laughed a bitter laugh.
"Oh yeah? Well this little bluebird messed up, North."
"Messed up? Anna, speak to me...what happened to you?"
I joined Pitch Black.
"Hey guys! What's up?"Jack's voice cut through the silence, his sentence paused by a yawn but enough to pull both North and Anna back into reality. The words receeded back down her throat and she swallowed them. North, likewise, beamed at Jack and seemed to drop the subject altogether.
"What is up? Ceiling!"North laughed at his own joke, Jack shaking his head and smiling sleepily at Anna.
"Hey, I talked the others into seeing Jamie and Sophie today. It's been weeks since I saw them last, I thought we should pay them a visit and introduce Anna."Jack pointed the staff at her. Jamie and Sophie. Children, she guessed. Children, other guardians, the wide-open. Oh, good.
"Uh-huh, Jack, um, exactly how impressionable are these kids?"
"Sounds like wonderful idea!"North exclaimed, raising his arms and sloshing coco onto the floor. He turned on his heel and began marching, motioning for the two of them to follow him. Anna jumped down, trying to say she couldn't, that this would be an awful idea, but no one seemed to hear her. Children, kids. God, how long had it been since she'd looked a child in the eye? After all she'd done to them?
Anna suddenly stopped her train of thought, blinking. No. No, this was good. This...this could be ok. Drastically, Anna began to think that maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't turn out horrible. She had spent centuries hurting children, and look where that had gotten her...now, even if this was a baby step, even if she only said 'hi' to them, if she could come out of this with the children happy and in-tact...
...Maybe she could change.
Maybe.
"North, where are we going?"Jack asked as North led them through a hallway and into a wooden elevator of sorts. North laughed heartily and raised his hand, yetis nodding and running forward to pull open two massive, ornate doors.
Beyond, Anna heard the violent ringing of bells and the stomping of hooves.
"Anna, meet: The Sleigh!"
-Four Centuries Ago-
She wasn't afraid of the dark, so much as what was in it.
"They don't bite, dear. Not if you're with me."Pitch mused, trailing long grey fingers over the hide of the nightmare as he walked in front of her. Anna moved lightly, her hands holding each other near her stomach. Where he'd led her was cavernous, a massive dark cave full of staircases leading either nowhere or to a place that didn't make sense for the staircase to go. She had kept her distance at first, watching as the black-sand horse with the red eyes trotted beside Pitch, but now had to keep closer in fear of getting lost.
"I'm not afraid of them."She lied, clearing her throat to make her voice clearer, less shaky. His laugh rolled along behind him, echoing off walls smoothy.
"You don't have to lie to me. I am the Nightmare King, remember that." Yes, he'd introduced himself before he'd taken her here, and still she had followed. "I know everyone's fears as they happen. And yours, my dear, is of the things that creep and crawl in the dark. At least, for now it is. You'll get used to them soon, in time you'll see that they can be quite endrearing."
"I doubt that..."She muttered, and she swore she heard him chuckle again, but it was too quiet to make out. He led her down a staircase that led into a room that almost seemed to appear out of the shadows, massive with an arched ceiling and high walls. She stepped into it almost silently, feeling suddenly very small. The shadows had an organic kind of feel to them, clinging to the walls but ready to pounce. So she focused on the center of the room.
"What is that?"She whispered, blinking at the large figure in the center of the room. It took her a moment to match the figure to pictures she had seen in books, but in the middle of the room and supported on a black pedestal was a hollow figure of the Earth. The oceans were gone, leaving only land and beautiful, flickering lights. She walked up to it, mesmerized, running her finger tips along the cold, smooth metal surface.
"Ah, this,"Pitch explained next to her, hands folded behind his back and head raised high, "is my Globe, dear. You see those lights?" She nodded, seeing clusters of them all over, "Those are the precious little lights of all the children in the world who believe."
"Believe?"Anna asked, screwing up her face and blinking at the lights.
"Yes, believe in people who have yet to meet one another. Believe, my dear, in the Guardians. The ones who protect memories and joy and wonder. The ones who protect dreams. North was one, as you should know."Pitch explained with a bitter tone. And Anna did know. North had told her this, told her that the Man in the Moon had chosen him to be a Guardian.
"I was supposed to be one..."She said quietly, a pain twisting in her stomach, stilling her hand on the Globe. "...but I think the Man in the Moon made a mistake."
Anna wouldn't see it then, and Pitch would deny it to his grave. But the way she said the words, with such conviction, with a feeling that Pitch could recall, in that moment he looked at her with sadness. It washed away quickly, and the subject was dropped for another day, but it had been there. It was the first sign that Pitch would ignore.
"Why do you want me?"She asked, hand curling into a fist on the Globe.
"...You ran, am I correct? You ran because no one told you that you had this kind of power, you ran because you weren't told the whole truth, and were afraid that the ones you loved would cast you out for it. So you left first."
Anna said nothing to that, which gave Pitch his answer anyway.
"I won't lie to you and say that I don't have an alterior motive. I plan to cause destruction and fear and darkness. I am an awful, awful person. But I am not going to cast you out for what you have been gifted with."
Anna's hand bunched up the white fabric around her neck, an unexplainable sadness aching in her bones. All that she knew, all she had ever known, was gone now. She couldn't go back to it, all because of one little moment, all because she hadn't been told everything that she could do. Her life before was gone. North would never come looking for her, if he remembered her at all in a few centuries. She had realized all of this in the moments before Pitch had found her, thinking that she would be alone the rest of her life.
Only one of those things could change.
"...Promise?"
"I swear." Pitch said, with not even a shred of mockery or deceit in his voice. Because, of all the things he would say, he truly did mean that one. "Now that that is cleared from the air, what can I call you? I don't think 'dear' can be a permanent placeholder."
A strange, relaxing sensation spread through Anna's chest, as if this were normal conversation. Right then, the future looked survivable.
"Anastasia, but I hate that name. Just 'Anna' is fine."
"Anna it is, then." Pitch agreed, and that was exactly where the second part of Anna's life began.
-Somewhere Over North America-
Anna had stopped screaming and clawing at the handrail four hundred miles back. Now, she just sat plastered against the hardwood seat and begged that North wouldn't do a 'loopty loop' again. Jack, on the other hand, was having a spectacular time as he crouched on the back of the sleigh and whooped. North sat in front of them, the thick reigns of the reigndeer in his hands, head back and laughing at whatever it was that Jack was saying.
"Look!"Jack finally said after awhile, "There they are! Right in that clearing, North!"
"Ah-ha! I see them! Hold on tightly!"North exclaimed, and suddenly the entire sleigh jolted and began to take an almost completely ninety-degree nosedive. Anna then did scream, her fingers clutching bloodlessly to the seat as her stomach went up into her chest. Jack laughed uproarously from above her, swooping down and out of the sleigh, leaving her alone to her doom.
"North! We're going to-"
Just as they were about to slam into the ground, the sleigh jerked forward and evened out, bouncing four times in the thick blanket of snow and coming to a slow, easy halt, hidden by a layer of trees from the neighborhood.
"...Crash."She muttered, panting and face wind-burned, blinking and heart hammering.
"Nonesense! We are alright! I take it you liked?"North asked jokingly, turning to see her. She made a face at him and pushed herself up, shakily getting to her feet. North jumped out and reached his hand out to her, wanting to help her down, but she saw it and, for a quick moment, thought it was the hand of someone else. She faultered, blinking and seeing that, yes, this was North. This was safe.
She was safe.
She took his massive hand in hers, feeling the warmth and the callouses that hadn't left with age. It spread up her arm and through her body, that familiar kind of feeling. Wrapped around her like a blanket and eased out most of her stress. This was North. Maybe they were different people, but they were slowly finding what was the same.
When they were both out of the sleigh and began walking, Anna saw the two children she was supposed to meet today. One was a little girl with messily cut, blonde hair peeking out of a pink knit hat. She stumbled in the high snow, beaming at the Guardians around her and jumping at the sight of North. Near her, talking excitedly to Jack, was a boy in his early tweens with dark brown hair and bright brown eyes.
Anna walked a bit slower, and North followed suit.
"So..."She began, "Those are the kids?"
"Jamie es older brother to Sophie. Both are wonderful, they will love you very fast." North leaned down to her, whispering as they got closer, "Do not be afraid. They have no reason to dislike you." Anna felt a stab of pain and sucked in a breath, hands clenching in her pockets.
"What if they did?"
North didn't have time to ask her to elaborate, because they were too close now and the others were looking at them. Bunny, of course, narrowed his eyes and almost looked like he was going to pull Sophie back when she ran up and hugged North's leg. Sandy gave a shy little nod, which Anna awkwardly returned, and Tooth beamed a nervous smile, which Anna could not return.
"Oh, hey! Jamie,"Jack exclaimed, floating over to her and landing in the snow, putting a hand on her shoulder, "this is my new friend Anna." Jamie smiled, missing a tooth in front, and held out his little mitted hand.
"Hi! I'm Jamie, this is my little sister Sophie." Anna shook his hand as he nodded to the blonde-haired girl, who bounced up to Anna. She wanted to cringe away, seeing those big eyes so full of trust and love and innocence, her little smile so wide on her face. Damn, she was everything that Anna had helped destroy. She was a manifestation of guilt. And Anna couldn't get away from her.
"Pretty!"She exclaimed, waving. Anna, chuckling nervously, gave a tiny wave back. And that was it. Then Sophie hopped back to Bunny, who was still giving Anna a venomous, searching look, and that was that. Anna had survived. Standing straighter now, she let out a huge breath. That had been easy, she'd done it.
North gave her a gentle tap on the back and smiled down at her, blue eyes twinkling, and for a moment Anna thought she saw pride.
"They see you?"North mouthed, and Anna shrugged and nodded. Seeing her seemed to be inconsistent through the ages, but mostly she noticed that children saw her more often. Maybe because children were a tad bit more optimistic about life and death.
"So Anna, what can you do? I mean, you're like the Guardian's right? Do you have a cool power?"Jamie asked, sniffling in the cold. Anna stammered a minute, and then managed out,
"Um, well...nothing cool, like Jack, pun intended. But I can...put life back into things that don't have a whole lot left in them."
Jamie's eyes got wide as saucers and his mouth dropped open, Jack snickering and putting a hand over his mouth as they looked down on the dumbstruck child.
"That...is so cool."
"Hey! I don't have competition, do I?"Jack demanded playfully, Jamie almost jumping as he explained to Jack how awesome it was that Anna could actually bring something back from the brink of death.
"This means that all we know about science can be changed! I mean, for real, this is awesome!"Jamie was almost breathless, and Anna wanted to wrap him up in a huge embrace. Because for once, no one tap-danced around the subject of her powers. For once, someone spoke about them with extreme enthusiasm...the good half, at least. She was going to leave out the bad part.
Once they'd calmed Jamie down, Anna watched as they began to build snowmen. She even saw Bunny smile when Sophie tried to make one look like him. It was a nice smile, full of warmth and love, changing his face completely from what she usually saw. And that was fine, his constant vigilance of her, his increasing suspicion. She was okay with that, because it meant that someone would have her in check if she slipped up. It was okay.
"Anna?" She turned her head quickly, seeing Tooth landing next to her, smiling with her big lavendar eyes and flittering wings. Anna blinked, confused, and turned to face her.
"Oh, um...hi?" Toothiana held out a hand, the other nervously near her stomach, and said sweetly,
"We didn't get the chance to meet yesterday, what with all the commotion going on. My name is Toothiana." She was still smiling, and as far as Anna could see, the smile was genuine and her words weren't hiding anything. Slowly, Anna shook Tooth's hand and nodded.
"I'm Anna. But I guess you know that."She greeted back.
"Oh, yeah. North told us a lot about you, I'm just glad I get to meet you in person!" God, this woman was nice. Anna was a bit thrown by it, to be honest. With four centuries of Pitch Black as her only interaction, speaking to someone this relentlessly sweet was way out of her element.
"Oh, good...I'm glad he said nice things." Anna bit her tongue, but Tooth kept smiling.
"Of course he did! And I know he's happy you're back now. Do you think you'll be staying?"She asked, and when she saw Anna's face she immediately corrected herself, "Of course, you don't have to! We can find you a place, though. I mean, everyone needs a home, right?"
Anna nodded, scratching her undercut and looking out at the kids, desperately looking for another topic.
"So these kids...you see them a lot?"
"Yup! You see Jamie? A few years ago, when a man named Pitch Black attacked us, he took away all of our believers with fear and nightmares. But Jamie never faultered, not even once. He's the reason we're all here today. Pretty cool, huh?"
Anna had stopped listening before the last sentence. Her heart stopped, and she was looking at Jamie with wide eyes. Jamie. The last light. Oh god, yes she knew him. She remembered that fallout, she remembered hearing his name cursed through Pitch's mouth and she remembered the state Pitch had been in after that child had defeated him. That child and his friends. That child and his friends that Anna had almost helped destroy.
"Anna?"
"I-um-I'm gonna go for a walk. Thanks." She added in as she took a few steps back and began walking, blinking and muttering under her breath. "You thought it would be easy? You thought you could do this? Shit. Shit, shit, shit." She made it past the sleigh and into the treeline before she realized she was being followed. Her heart jumped and she spun around, only to see North holding his hands up, standing in front of the reindeer.
"North?"Anna asked, and he looked so concerned.
"Anna, is everything ok? You look terrified."He asked, one hand forward. She paused, looking him in the eye...and then slumped against a tree. She was looking at the man who had once been a swashbuckling, adventure-seeking, wonderful man that led her on adventures she could only dream about now. This man that practically adopted her and sheltered her and was the very reason she was alive. This wonderful, wonderful man. And all she could do was hurt him.
"North...why do you do this?"She asked breathlessly, shaking her head as the sounds of laughing children carried over to them. "Why did you take me back in after what I did to you?"
North's expression softened, but he didn't smile. He just looked sad, and serious. And finally, finally, they were talking about the things they needed to discuss. Because Anna, in this moment of seeing the children who had just barely stopped what she had caused, surrounded by those who were, mostly, willing to accept her into their life, and she couldn't begin to tell them all the reasons they should hate her.
"Because, Anna, you deserve to have a home. And I still love you, my little babushka."He explained quietly, but Anna shook her head.
"You really shouldn't. I know I'm being melodramatic, North, trust me I do. But..."She looked up at him and wished so hard that she hadn't made the choices she had. She wished she hadn't hurt him. She wished this was easier. "...I wasn't alone those four centuries, North. And I did horrible things. I am not the same person you loved then. And you...you're still the same wonderful person that I did love."
North's hands were wrapped around hers, looking down at her close as he stepped quickly forward.
"Anastasia,"He said seriously, "tell me what happened. Tell me so I can help, so I can understand and make things better. You deserve second chance."
Anna did not deserve a second chance, at least she didn't believe so. And she would have told him just that, if the scream of a child didn't shatter their moment.
-In The Woods, Burgess-
Pitch wouldn't say he was doing this to punish her.
In fact, he wouldn't say that at all. That was the last thing he planned on doing to Anna. He still needed her, her broken trust in him that kept her coming back. He needed to make sure she would this time, because if he lost her...well, the entire plan would be ruined.
Anna played a key part in everything that was building up. She was the catalyst of a future he had only ever dreamed of. She was a weapon to him, and nothing more. But oh dear, was she an important little weapon to him. Anna, the girl he'd pulled from isolation, had proved to be an invaluble, if not slightly troublesom, ally.
He just needed to get her back. He just needed to show her that the Guardians wouldn't accept her how they accepted Jack. And then he just needed to use her. If she stayed then, he couldn't care less.
That is what Pitch Black told himself as he sent out the first of the nightmares.