Chapter 6
Danville, USA
July 3, 2049
Just after dark
The secret agent waited patiently for the final order to commence operations. Even though the sun had officially set three-quarters of an hour ago, there were still faint glimmers of light in its wake outlining the western horizon. While the heat of the day was being chased away by the cool evening breeze, inside the cockpit of his sleek, high-tech machine, the platypus was quite comfortable.
The peaceful quiet of the streets allowed the anthropomorphic emissary to reflect on the events of the last few days. After it had been discovered that he had historical and personal ties to the individuals he had been assigned to protect, his commanding officers were most displeased that he hadn't informed them of the situation, but the truth was that he had long since forgotten about it himself. All his life he had lived completely cut off from them; it took some time to convince his superiors that he hadn't actually regarded any of his family as such for as long as he could remember. Ever since the day he learned the truth about who he really was, as far as he was concerned, he had no family. After all, considering the circumstances of his birth, the idea of 'family' was virtually meaningless.
From the time he was a young pup, PJ had always lived at the O.W.C.A. Academy, training. He didn't even meet the Flynns until after he was fully grown and had graduated; and even then, it was only because it just so happened that in the 2048 election, Isabella Flynn had been elected as the first female President of the United States, and he had already been accepted into the secret service only months earlier. He had few real friends even at the Academy, so during work he took great lengths at all times to keep his business with the Flynns (and on occasion, the Fletchers and Johnsons) professional. Apparently he accomplished this so well over the years that his commanding officers didn't bother to dig up information about his relations with them until after he'd already accepted the assignment to go back in time to when Isabella, Phineas, and Ferb were still kids. Once they found out he had ties to the Flynn-Fletcher family, they tried to reassign him, but he would have none of it. In one long meeting he explained how he had never known them as his family—that he could treat this mission as impersonally and professionally as he did every mission. It hadn't been easy, but finally, they agreed.
Now, on the eve of setting out on his mission, it was all settled. In minutes, he would get the call to commence Operation Blackscorch. PJ's nerves tingled with anticipation. He knew that this was the most important mission he had ever taken. At last there was an incoming message beeping at him on the dashboard. He slid a finger across the clean touchscreen and the vehicle's personal videophone activated, causing his commanding officer to appear on a digital display microgrammed into the windshield before him. The man on the screen gave the authorizing command, and PJ nodded in return. He fired up the engine and set the parameters in his customized time machine—the only one in the world authorized to make a trip more than seven years back to the past, since it was against the law for anyone to travel further back than the date of the invention of time travel—except for special case missions such as this. Little did he know it would also turn out to be his most deadly.
Danville, USA
July 4, 2014
"Ah, the museum," the assassin whispered. "How fitting that it will be in a place of history that history will be forever changed."
Even as she said it, the blonde woman complimented herself yet again. She had patiently stalked her prey for so long, waiting for the right moment to strike, and now she finally had her prize: the (future) President, Isabella Flynn. However, the really good news was that she had also captured another personal target of hers—Candace. Candace hadn't been one of her designated targets when she originally developed her plans, but in the back of her mind she had always meant to get her as well, if she could. And it had gone perfectly. Both girls had cooperated flawlessly on their part in springing her trap. Now they were sitting quietly in the cage in the back of her van, a tarp covering it to prevent them from seeing where they had come. She couldn't wait to lift it and see the looks on their faces.
Soon enough, she told herself, resisting the urge to look right away. Instead, she pulled her van inside the museum and carefully drove through the empty corridors to the room in which her Time Machine sat awaiting. She brought the van to a stop nearby and opened its back door wide. Reaching in, she hit a green button just inside the vehicle, and an elevator-type platform unloaded the cage for her, placing it softly on the floor. Finally, she double-checked that everything was ready for her guests before stretching out a hand to remove the sheet.
"And now, my two new friends—" The sugary sweet voice broke off in a stupor as she gracefully pulled the sheet off the cage to be met by two faces that were not even human, let alone girls. "Well, this is a surprise," she frowned.
Despite the nasty headache she was experiencing, Isabella willed herself to stand. "What is your plan to save Perry and PJ?" she asked, looking at Phineas, Ferb, and Candace.
"Well," Phineas answered, "for our plan to work, we're gonna need a few things. We'll have to run home where we should still have the parts we can use from leftover projects, and we need to get you to a doctor."
"I'm fine," Isabella said, even as she swayed a little.
Phineas caught her from falling. Somehow the pain went away just a tad. "Isabella, you can't even walk straight!"
That did nothing to the determined look in her eyes, however. "Well, we can't stay here, either." She pushed off of him and took a few labored steps before stumbling again.
"Wait, Isabella!" Phineas caught her by placing his hands on both her shoulders to both steady and resist her from walking any more. "You really shouldn't be exerting yourself; I-I'll carry you!"
Isabella stopped, and her heart melted. "Really? You would do that for me?"
As his brain caught up to his mouth, Phineas looked like he was as surprised as anyone he had even suggested it; even so, he nodded. "Of course I would. Ferb, help her on to my shoulders." He turned and stooped low for her to climb on his back. Ferb guided her into place.
Did he just sweep me off my feet? Isabella thought as she was being lifted up. They began moving again, with Phineas letting her ride piggy-back. Candace knowingly caught the girl's eye. Isabella blushed slightly and looked away.
They took to the street. "You know, Phineas," Candace reminded the group, "the house is pretty far from here. By the time we walk all the way there, it might be too late to rescue them."
"I know," he replied, "but if you've got any better ideas, I'd love to hear them."
"Can't you just build something? Like a car or a flying carpet?"
"Candace, we're not magicians. We can't do anything without parts to work with," Phineas replied. "You can't just expect something like that to fall out of the sky." At that moment, however, a sleek white and teal hovercar zoomed over the rooftops ahead of them and parked itself in front of the group.
"I guess I stand corrected," Phineas chanted.
"Well how 'bout that," Candace observed. "It's like a car mixed with a flying carpet. And it came out of the sky."
"That was remarkably improbable," came the rare utterance from Ferb.
"Hey, what's the big idea?" asked Candace, who had already tried to slide a leg in but found it to be too small for her. "This thing is tiny! How am I supposed to fit?"
Phineas simply wore a confused look. "Uh, Candace? That's not ours; I don't think you should be trying to ride in it."
"Of course we should be trying to ride in it," Candace claimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We need to get home. There is nobody around; this flying car came literally flying out of nowhere—see where I'm going with this? Look, it even looks like it wants us to ride in it."
The group looked. On cue, the hovercar automatically opened one of its doors and flashed its lights in an apparently friendly gesture. Phineas turned to Ferb, one eyebrow raised. The English boy shrugged. "It looks like it wants us to ride in it to me."
What they did not know was that it was the same spy car Perry and PJ had been using to get around in, which they had been forced to abandon nearby when they were trapped by the assassin. It is a mystery whether Perry activated a distress signal that caused the vehicle to act this way or if Carl's tinkering with the car's AI (artificial intelligence) systems was what caused it to find the kids, but somehow it did. Perhaps the boys subconciously recognized it; after all, they had once driven that very hovercar themselves earlier that summer. Whether it was because of that fact or whether he decided that their desperate situation justified using the unclaimed vehicle, Phineas nodded. "Then that settles it. Hold on, Isabella, let's get you in first." Phineas stooped to gently lower her into a seat before sliding in next to her. Ferb dashed around and jumped in on the other side to assume control of the steering wheel.
Candace, on the other hand, had to fold and contort her legs every which way before she finally fit, extremely cramped, across the entire backseat. "I don't get it," she complained. "Who could possibly use seats that are this small?"
"Well," responded Phineas, "Ferb always says to never look a gift horse in the mouth. Of course, in this case I guess you could say to never look a gift flying car in the gas valve—"
"Nevermind!" shouted Candace. "Let's just go already!"
Ferb obligingly hit the thrusters.
"What did you do?" the assassin smoldered. There was no honey to her voice now; it had been replaced by a berserk fury. "Where are my prisoners? Where are the girls?"
PJ merely smirked in return. To his side, Perry had assumed his undercover pet mode to protect his identity. PJ, on the other hand, sat with arms and legs crossed, calmly watching her through the steel bars. The assassin raised her voice to a shrill pitch. "I know you can talk, you little vermin!"
He growled at that. "Maybe you should be a little more thorough next time," he suggested off-handedly. "Check to see what's inside your trap before you take off with it like a monkey with an empty banana peel."
There was a slam as the assassin brought her fist down on top of the cage. "That is not how you talk to a lady!" PJ stuck his tongue out at her and plibbitted.
Seething in rage, the assassin bent down to their level. "All right, I'm getting tired of you, you big-mouthed platypus. You have been a thorn in my side for too long. I think I'll pluck you out and throw you into the fire where weeds like you belong!" Her gaze hit them with unexpected force. It glinted the malice of pure evil, causing them to withdraw back into the cage in recoil.
"You mean that metaphorically, right?" PJ asked to distract himself from the shiver suddenly running down his back.
The assassin threw back her head and roared in laughter. "I think you know the answer to that! And with your meddling out of the way, I will finally be able to get rid of those children once and for all!"
PJ could tell she was dead serious. "Wait!" he exclaimed, a horrified look in his eyes. "At least let Perry go! He didn't do anything to harm you! He's just an ordinary platypus!"
That same malicious glint shone in the assassin's eyes. "You lie!" she exhorted. "You forget, you aren't the only one from the future! I know just as well as you do that Perry is no ordinary platypus! Are you, Agent P?" Turning to Perry with savvy flair, she suddenly lashed her hand out at him. Not to strike him, but to pull out the fedora he had hidden away. She held it aloft, proving her point. "No, I know you two have been working together this whole time to stop me, and your efforts have failed!" She pointed a menacing finger at PJ, then drew it across to aim at Perry. "You will both share in his owners' fate."
With a defiant look, Perry stood up and snatched his hat back through the bars before perching it atop his head. PJ wore a similar expression as well. "You make me sick," he said.
"Not to fear," the assassin said, turning to leave. "By the time I'm through with you, being sick will be the least of your worries."
"Where are you going?" demanded PJ.
"To go get my toys," replied the woman with a playful toss of her golden hair. That awfully sweet voice returned as well. "We're going to need them for the games we are about to play." At that, she skipped frivolously out the entrance.
PJ banged his fist loudly against the metal bars that were containing him in frustration. "No! I can't let her get away with this! She's just going to go after the boys and Isabella after she is done torturing us and doing who knows what else!"
To his side, Perry sat and bowed his head thoughtfully.
"Easy for you to say," PJ barked, temper flaring. "You nemesis is a nincompoop! Now you see what kinds of people I have to deal with! Of course, my life has never been easy. You probably wouldn't understand. You have a family. Not just any family, you have Phineas and Ferb! I bet your life is practically perfect! You have an easy job defeating an incompetent nemesis every day, you go back to the Agency where everyone loves and adores you, and then you go home to your boys who can do anything! You couldn't possibly understand how hard it is for me."
Perry simply sat and listened, knowing there was nothing else he could do at this point. PJ took a deep breath and sat down opposite him, then continued a little less angrily this time.
"Ever since I was as young as I can remember, I was always living at the Academy. You probably remember what it was like back there, training all the time to become a secret agent. Everybody looks forward to graduation day when they can get placed in a real home with a real host family and become a real OWCA Agent. I was no different, at first. But, for some reason, I was always treated differently at the Academy. Everyone, everything, it seemed, was always harder on me. Like they were trying to push me to my limits, to be the very best. And I was.
"It was competitive, and the other cadets were jealous. I had no friends. All I could do was train harder. But it was never enough for my superiors. One day I decided to find out why they could never be satisfied with my work. So I did some snooping around. That was how I learned about you.
"Perry the Platypus! The great Agent P, OWCA's most legendary agent! And right next to your file was mine, with annotations comparing our skills and abilities! They were comparing me to you! It all became clear to me at that point.
"They must have known that I figured it out because the very next day, they brought me in and told me the truth. I was the result of a decision to test out a new government program. To combat the threats of an increasingly chaotic world, the United States wanted to create super soldiers that could stand up to our enemies. However, it was impossible to get legislation to pass to do it with humans. That was when someone recommended we try it out with animals first. Coincidentally, OWCA was running out of funding and needed something to give them a jump start. So they chose to use their greatest agent of all time for this new program: you!
"Your DNA was sent to a couple of brilliant scientists to begin the process, but when the scientists found out whose DNA it was, you can imagine they were shocked. That's right, those two scientists were Phineas and Ferb.
"After the cloning process was complete, they made a few genetic tweaks to bring out the ultimate potential of their new creation. Making it faster, stronger, smarter, and even able to use human speech. I was created to be the perfect platypus. And they gave me the name PJ—Perry Junior!
"Once I knew all that, I knew I could never be like everyone else—I was born different. That was why OWCA was always running more tests on me than on any other cadet! Because if I, as their little science project, was a success, then they could go forward with the government agenda as planned. Which they did, using other animals as well, but I was the first experiment, the first generation.
"Because I was different, I didn't get a host family. I didn't want one. But I didn't want to sit in a laboratory and be studied all my life, either, so I decided to try and make the most of my existence by joining the Secret Service. I was the first animal ever employed outside OWCA.
"Sometimes I was treated like dirt, like I was less than a human, and it's because I was. It was impossible for me to fit into a society of homo sapiens, even though I walked like them and even spoke their language. But I knew that once I proved myself, I would at last get some respect. So when I received this special mission to travel to the past to protect Phineas and Ferb and Isabella, I leapt at the chance. Not because I cared about Phineas and Ferb, all they did was ship me off to the Academy as soon as I was weaned from the test tubes." PJ paused there, an odd look crossing his face as he thought.
"Ironic, isn't it? When the boys first saw me, they thought I was you—but the truth is, in a sense, I am. A version of you which, for now, exists only in their imagination; but will someday be born as your son!"
Silence fell. Perry just stared straight ahead, unblinkingly. PJ waited for him to do something, anything—but he was a statue. Finally he turned to look at him. "Well, don't you have anything to say about that? Hold on—" PJ narrowed his eyes to inspect his companion more closely. A statue was the perfect way to describe him. He wasn't even breathing! And there was something funny about the way he looked—
At that moment, Perry fell over sideways like a log. The noise made from the crash was like the plink of wood, not the thud of skeletomuscular matter, and then PJ saw it. A small label attached by a string to this woody body was flung into sight, the word 'decoy' staring at him as blankly as the face of the lifeless statue.
PJ's jaw dropped. "WHAT?! Seriously, I go through all that and you don't even care enough to listen? Thanks for nothing, Dad!"
To add insult to injury, at that moment Perry rappelled down a cable from the ceiling and into PJ's view.
"Oh, remembered that I'm still here, did you?" PJ droned sardonically. Perry rolled his eyes at that as he unlatched his carabiner and began picking the lock, immediately opening the cage and freeing PJ.
"So let me guess, you didn't hear any of that?"
"Grdrdrdrdrd," replied Perry.
"Well, too bad! I'm not giving an encore!" exclaimed PJ, shoving past Perry toward the exit. "You'll just have to live life like the rest of us, not knowing anything at all about your fut—"
Suddenly there was a metallic clang from the rafters overhead, and before either of the platypus agents could react they were swallowed from above by two colorfully adorable piñatas; Perry in a pink unicorn and PJ in a cuddly sky-blue teddy bear, with only their heads exposed through the cut-out face areas.
A ringing laughter echoed out from the shadows of the corridor. "Out of the frying pan," cheered the assassin, emerging into view while taking a finger off the button of a remote she held in her hand. "I suspected you would try to escape, so I prepared a double-layer of traps! I don't think you'll be able to get out of these ones so easily."
The pair of spies struggled and squirmed as she spoke, but for all they did they could not tear free of their stiff cocoons. They now dangled a good eight feet above the museum floor, their every movement causing their piñatas to swing and oscillate lazily in reaction. The woman cackled again. "Now that you both are securely in place, the games can finally begin!"
The Ferris wheel ride hadn't moved in hours. Not since the operator fled from the park along with everyone else in the panic during its sudden evacuation.
"Do you think it odd that the Ferris wheel has been stuck like this all day?" an oblivious Lawrence directed for his wife, who sat beside him in the uppermost seat. Judging by the wonder in his voice inflection, one might have thought he was speaking as if Christmas was coming early; he appeared to be rather thrilled about it.
Linda smiled playfully at her husband. "I don't know, but I'm not complaining about this view. Everyone else is missing out."
"That's what I love about you Americans," decided Lawrence. "You're so spontaneous; you're like happy little chipmunks with cheek pouches full of nuts."
"Yes," Linda simply said. "Yes we are."
At that moment, a voice from another one of the ferris wheel's cabins cried out in despair. "Can somebody please get us down from this thing? I have to pee so bad!"
Lava. Normbots. Chains. Doom. The echoes of this dreary scene flashed through Perry's mind. Sometimes he couldn't help but think that the kids were the lucky ones to have it all erased from their memories. Sometimes he relived them in his nightmares—the heat of the molten rock, the stench of the Goozim's breath, the fear he would lose his family forever—but at least they were just nightmares. What he saw before him now was terrifyingly real.
The assassin wasn't content to do things the simple way. She had completely remodeled the layout of this portion of the museum into some sort of sick, demented version of a little girl's playroom. The walls were draped with old lace that was tattered and torn in places, and had probably once been a brighter shade of pink in days long gone. Near the Time Machine, a dollhouse large enough for a child to physically enter and play inside sat occupying that corner of the room. Stuffed animals with missing eye beads and torn seams occupied the various artifacts of furniture inside the dollhouse, giving a pretentious display of cold warmth. An abandoned tray of teacups attested to the cheer that perhaps might have once resided there amongst their snuggly company, though clearly the tea party's pleasantness had long since worn away. Undercutting any other signs of neglect was the fact that every square inch was perfectly, sterilely, spotlessly clean.
Creepy as that was, the main feature that attracted the attention of the two trapped prisoners was on the other side of the room. Offsetting the hollow, chilling innocence of the nursery, the far side of the room looked like it could serve as a penthouse for a psychopathic serial killer. A large ballast tank was sitting next to a table lined with rows of surgical instruments of every size, shape, and sharpness imaginable. Perry had difficulty swallowing when he thought of what the assassin planned to use them for.
The blonde woman seemed to sense the fear of her captives. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun." Her voice trickled like a river as she clapped her hands together. "It will be like playing with my dollies all over again!" Making her way to a box the size of a convection oven, she pried its doors open, revealing to her platypus prisoners what was inside: dozens of mutilated toy dolls. Some were hanging by strings because all their appendages were missing. Others had burn marks across their bodies and charred bald scars where their hair should have been. The sight was enough to make one squeamish.
There was a slam as the assassin closed the box again. "But, what game should we play?" she pondered aloud. As ever, her voice was drowning in honey. "Scissors Roulette?" She playfully touched a finger to her dimple as she listed suggestions, all part of her cutesy act to further toy with her prisoners. "Poison Ivy? Rip Out The Stuffing? Or, maybe we should play my favorite; Burn, Baby, Burn!" A fire erupted in her eyes that was no mere reflection of the flame she ignited and held aloft on a torch.
"Okay," said PJ, eyeing the woman with trepidation, "I can see you played a lot of messed up games as a child; might I recommend taking up a hobby a little less—destructive? Solitaire, perhaps? Maybe a nice game of chess?"
That twisted smile only grew as the assassin walked across the way, picked up one of the surgical instruments lined up on the table, and poked the razor deep into the blaze's core. In seconds its tip was glowing red hot.
"Um, okay—if those aren't to your liking," PJ gulped, "I bet some yoga would help. Or, you know, some similar physical activity, to get rid of that extra pent-up energy in a positive way."
The assassin extracted the incisor for a short inspection before putting it back down. "What's the matter, you don't like my games?" she pouted.
"It's just that they sound like someone is about to get scarred for life—or worse."
"Let me tell you something," the woman responded, laying down the torch to begin her exposition. "In everything in life, no matter what it is, it could always be worse." She turned her back on her prisoners so that they could no longer see her face. They could only hear her voice, and for once it was accentuated with neither venom nor honey.
"July fourth, two-thousand fourteen. What a random day to pick to go back in time to visit. I could have chosen any other day, but I chose this one. Why? Because it was this day that I lost everything. And I never forgot it. Yes, that's right. Somewhere out there, my younger self is about to have the worst day in her life. Why wouldn't I want to change it?"
"What does any of that have to do with Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella?" prodded PJ.
The woman blew a strand of golden hair out of her way. "With them? Not much, really. But that's not what matters. The thing is, I don't care anymore about this day, about what it did to me. I'm not upset about it anymore. It just seemed like a good day to choose—an appropriate day for when I changed the history of the world."
"That's what I don't understand," PJ interjected. "Do you realize what would happen to history if you eradicated those three people from it? I can't think of a more drastic altercation than to lose the Flynn-Fletchers!"
"Exactly."
PJ's jaw dropped in horror. "Are you even listening to yourself? What about that sounds like a good thing to you? It's completely psychotic!"
The back of her shoulders shrugged. "If I really tried, I might be able to get you to see my way. You see, I've always had a gift. I can make people do things; things I want them to do. You might say I'm a master of manipulation. Ever since I was young, it's been like a second nature to me. Over the years I perfected my art, and it made me who I am today." She finally turned back around to face them. "It's always how I have been able to get things done. You might call it evil, I don't really care. Sure, it's not the same as being an evil scientist or even an evil dictator, but evil comes in many forms.
"Ultimately, it all boils down to one thing: power. The power to control the lives of everybody. That's why I am doing this. That's why I kidnapped the children in that ice cream truck. That's why I set in motion that telephone pole to collapse on Phineas and Ferb. That's why I pushed Candace off that roof."
"You're a monster," PJ growled.
"Says the creature who isn't even a human," the assassin suggested. She received a scowl in return.
"However," she continued, reaching for the torch, "I do believe it will not be a problem that will trouble you for very much longer."
The assassin strode over to PJ and Perry. With calculating coolness she reached the hot flame upward toward PJ first, nearly close enough to singe the paper constraining him. "Anybody up for some platypus flambé?"
"Hold it right there!" cried a voice. Every head in the room turned to the source. Phineas stood firmly at the far end of the room just inside the entrance, Ferb as ever unwavering at his side.
"Oho!" The assassin's eyes flicked to the newcomers, and she could not suppress a look of unrepentant glee. "Oho!"
PJ barked furiously. "Why did you guys come here? It's you she wants! You should have stayed home where it's safe!"
Phineas pretended not to hear him. "Either let our pets go, or else!"
Smiling devilishly, the assassin once again layered on the charm in her voice. "Why, if it isn't my two favorite boys in the whole world! Phineas and Ferb! My, aren't you two just the cutest little things?" She lowered the torch and put it aside, the better to play to their ears the way she had with Candace and Isabella. "I think we are going to have lots of fun together."
Phineas wasn't moved. "I don't think so, not unless you release Perry and PJ and promise never to try and hurt anyone ever again." What happened next came as a surprise to all. As one, Phineas and Ferb reached down and pulled out small, pistol-like ion-blasters and aimed them at the assassin. Clearly they meant business; never had they built weapons before.
The assassin paused briefly before changing tactics. She never dropped the sugary sweetness from her voice, however. "I never wanted to hurt anyone," she smoothly asserted. "I was just—trying to get your attention. You see, you are very well known where I come from. I just wanted to meet you, that's all."
"You can drop the act," replied Phineas. "Candace and Isabella told us all about how you tried to trick them into believing you, and it won't work on us." To his side, Ferb nodded in agreement.
"What trick?" The assassin batted her eyelashes innocently. "I really meant them no harm. I just wanted to show them my dollhouse, you see." She held out a hand to gesture towards it. "It's really quite lovely, wouldn't you agree?"
Neither boy turned. "Ferb," Phineas whispered, "fire a warning shot." A red laser blast issued forth from Ferb's weapon, passing harmlessly over the assassin's shoulder.
"These ion-retropulsar rays will instantly strip your molecules apart," declared Phineas. "We built them ourselves."
The woman looked like she'd been splashed in the face with cold water. She wasn't used to being resisted. However, she quickly recovered. "Such smart boys. I should have known you'd be too clever for me." Holding up her hands in surrender, she moved toward the piñatas PJ and Perry were still trapped inside. "I will release them as you wish."
She pulled a remote control out of her pocket and pressed a button. PJ descended to the lobby floor and the assassin cut the string that tied him to the ceiling. She appeared to be cooperating, and the boys began to relax. However, she then pushed another button, and Perry rose high into the air.
"Hey," Phineas yelled, "what gives?"
"Wahahahaha!" The assassin held PJ up, still immobile inside his ridiculous piñata, to use as a shield. "If you shoot now, you'll hit your pathetic guardian! As for the other platypus," she indicated toward Perry, who had risen to well above three stories high now and was nearly at the apex of the pulley. "If you don't do what I say, I'll drop him!"
Phineas and Ferb gasped. The assassin chuckled.
"Now, put down your weapons very slowly, and kick them over to me." The boys obeyed. The assassin picked up one of the ion blasters, putting down PJ as she did so. Turning to point the barrel at the two inventors, her grin was that of a cat's when it had its mouse cornered. "Well, I must say it's been a pleasure, but I'm afraid this is the end for you, my darlings." Her finger squeezed the trigger with the slightest amount of pressure.
"Wait!" screamed a horrified PJ. "I have to tell you something before you do that!"
The assassin's face twitched as she looked at him. "And what might that be?"
PJ took a deep breath. "Before you do anything crazy, I must warn you that we dismantled your Time Machine earlier. If you want to make it back to the future, I suggest you don't laser anybody just yet."
The assassin glanced at the machine and saw that he was telling the truth. The purple light bulb was missing from the top, and there was no control lever either. "Hmm," she thought. "I guess we'll have to fix that, won't we?" Using the same remote, she punched a button, and the piñata PJ was encased in split in two, spilling his cramped body out on the floor.
The assassin kicked him to get him to stand. "Alright, platypus, fix it." She pointed the blaster at him to make her point clear.
PJ stood, grimacing. "The lever is hidden in that janitor's closet," he pointed.
"Go get it," ordered the woman. "And don't try anything funny."
PJ walked slowly and deliberately, partly to show his compliance, partly to give him extra time to think, partly to let the pain in his ribcage recede. He returned seconds later with the lever and took it over to the Time Machine, easily popping it into place.
"And the purple light bulb?"
PJ felt his sides, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Wait," he pled, holding out his hands. "I know I have it here, somewhere…" He dug through his fur, looking everywhere, trying to find it in his pelt's equivalent to pockets. "I swear, I had it right here!" he said hysterically.
"I thought I said no tricks," said the assassin in a disappointed tone.
"It's no trick! I really put it right here, and now it's gone!"
Phineas interrupted. "I've got it right here!" He held the bulb out, and the assassin lowered her aim.
"So nice to see us all working together," she coyly breathed. "Now, hand it over." There was the slightest hesitation on Phineas' part, and she leveled her arm at him. "This isn't the time to play hero." Her finger caressed the trigger as she took aim.
"AAAAIIIIYYYYEEEEEEEE!"
From the rafters, high up, a slender figure swung down from the dimness overhead on a rope in similitude of Tarzan. Candace zoomed into the fray and, like a ninja, swooped down and kicked the ion blaster out of the assassin's hand.
"Go Candace!" encouraged her younger red-headed brother, but unfortunately she had lost all control at that point and was spinning and screaming all the way back up her pendulum-like trajectory, clinging on to the rope for dear life.
The assassin saw the other ion blaster nearby and made to pounce for it, but PJ was too quick. He slid for the blaster a split-second before she did, swinging his tail round to swipe it away and send it skidding far across the floor.
"That was the last straw!" said the angered assassin as she climbed to her feet. She held out the remote once more, and PJ froze. "I have had enough of this!" Her finger mashed down on the button, and Perry's piñata was severed from its tether overhead.
"NO!"
Perry dropped, speedily accelerating for the ground. Candace screamed loudly as she swung by, out of control, on another pass. The woman sneered in pleasure while PJ's face fell in horror. Perry, despite momentarily giving up all thought of preserving his secret identity in front of the boys, was still immobile and could do nothing. Not even Phineas and Ferb could save him now; they were out of time, even if they had tools handy. Perry fell.
All attention on his rapid descent, nobody saw one last person slip into the room to play her part. Isabella only had seconds to think of a plan, but when she needed to be, the Fireside girl could be as resourceful as anyone. When Candace had distracted everyone, she quickly moved to the Time Machine itself and snatched all the cushions she could carry. Not a second later, Perry was released, and Isabella hurriedly stacked all the cushions directly beneath him to break his fall. It wasn't a soft landing, and the impact crushed his piñata-shell. Everyone was holding their breath. Isabella reached through the plastered rubble and picked up Perry, asking, "Are you alright?"
There was no question. Perry gave her the same cross-eyed look he always did and chattered. "Grdrdrdrdrd." A sigh of relief swept through the room.
"Nice catch, Isabella," complimented Phineas.
"Why thank you," she replied with a curtsy.
Everyone's attention turned back to the assassin. She looked over the three children and two platypuses (and paid no attention to Candace while she continued to swing harmlessly and noisily by). "Oh, so you think it's over, right? Think I've played all the cards in my hand? Well, guess again. I still have one card left to play, and it's my best one!" The blonde woman paused dramatically, and everyone braced for the worst. For almost five whole seconds, they stared, waiting for her to make her move. Then, "Bubble!"
The gang tilted their heads and looked at each other, wondering what that meant. Suddenly, the assassin dropped a small gel sac the size of a marble on the floor and crushed it with her heel. Instantly a fog of bubbles flooded the room, clouding the visibility of everyone.
"What the?!" PJ exclaimed, waving his arm in front of him in attempt to see through the swarm of bubbles.
"Where did everyone go?" asked Phineas.
"I'm right here, Phineas!" called Isabella from somewhere.
"Can anybody see?" PJ asked.
"Help me!" screamed Candace from somewhere out of sight.
And so it went for a minute or two while the bubbles popped and dwindled. Eventually, enough time had passed that Candace was finally able to stop herself, and she and the others congregated toward the center of the room. "What just happened?" she asked. "And where did the assassin go?"
"Wahahahahaha!" The laugh they were all dreading came from the top of the Time Machine. There stood the woman, the purple bulb in one hand, an ion blaster in the other. "The end is here, my prepubescent friends."
"Hey!" voiced Candace, taking exception.
"And teenager," added the assassin. "Unfortunately I won't be allowing the rest of you to experience the vicissitudes of going through puberty." She bent down and screwed the purple bulb into place before straightening back up again and bringing the blaster to bear on them. Isabella embraced Phineas, deciding that if this was going to be how she went out, she would prefer to be holding him. "Of course," continued the assassin, "some might say that's really a blessing in disguise, not having to deal with all those hormones."
Nobody moved. Perry was wavering between whether or not he should show his family his true identity while he still had the chance, since it looked like there was no way they were getting out of this one. But he knew that neither he nor PJ had any realistic chance of saving them without the assassin getting a shot off.
Hopping down, she continued to point the weapon at the group, homing in on each of them in turn. "Oh dear, it looks like you've run all out of characters to conveniently jump out and save you at the last second," she observed. She stopped on PJ, who was shaking in rage. Candace looked like she was on the verge of crying, she was so afraid. She bent down and cradled Ferb, who seemed to be the only one with a stoic expression; nevertheless he wrapped a comforting arm around her as well.
The assassin climbed into the Time Machine, ready to make her getaway. "So, I'm off to make a future that is sad and miserable. Now, who wants to go first?"
Phineas bravely extracted himself from Isabella's arms and stepped forward. "I will."
"No!" pleaded PJ. "Phineas, you have to think of something, like you always do!" He was just about to move forward to stop Phineas, but ZAP! It was too late. The assassin fired. In a bolt of red light, Phineas vanished and was no more.
"Phineas!" mourned Isabella, Candace, and PJ together. Their cries were cut short as two more blasts hit Ferb and Isabella in turn. Ferb didn't make a noise as he disappeared like his brother. Isabella's scream seemed to echo unadulterated for a whole second after she vanished as well.
PJ's face flushed, and he turned to glower at the assassin. Veins were bulging in his forehead, and his breathing turned into that of an angry bull's. "I'll never let you get away with this!"
"I'm afraid you have no choice!" cackled the assassin, and in a flash she blasted PJ as well. Instinctively, PJ brought up his arms and shut his eyes in anticipation of the inevitable. But after a second when he still seemed to sense himself, he opened his eyes and was stunned to find he was still there.
"Stupid thing must be broken," the assassin said, giving the blaster an annoyed look before tossing it aside. "Tata!" She waved at them with a final evil cackle while her other hand pulled the lever, and by the time PJ had regained the presence of mind to stop her, the Time Machine had slipped into the metaphysical timestream between the dimensions and was gone. Candace, PJ, and Perry were suddenly alone and the corridor turned quiet.
As each slowly came to terms with what had just happened, the silence quickly filled with sobs, sniffles, and wails. "I failed!" PJ cried, dropping to all fours while punching the floor in despair. "I failed them! Not just the boys and Isabella, I failed my country! I failed the whole world!"
"It's so unfair," sobbed Candace, a river of tears streaming down her cheeks. "All I ever tried to do was bust them! And they weren't even that bad of kids! But I was always a terrible sister, now look at me! What am I now? I'm nothing! What will I tell Mom this time, when instead of the boys' project being what's missing, it's the boys themselves?" She fell to her knees in sorrow.
Perry was still in mindless pet mode, but his eyes weren't crossed anymore. They had tears of their own, and he let his head droop so they could dribble down his beak into a small puddle on the floor. For him, there was no reason to fight evil anymore. His whole world was gone.
So sad and so sorry was their state that they almost didn't hear it at first. It was as a voice from heaven. "Why are you all crying? We won, didn't we?"
All three hushed their cries and looked up. Miraculously, a resurrected Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella stood before them, completely unharmed. Phineas had his usual playful smile adorned; Ferb, his enigmatic expression; and Isabella, a look of wonder. The three on the floor couldn't decide if they were seeing ghosts or the real McCoys.
There was no question they were real when Candace dove for her brothers, followed by Perry, then finally PJ as they jumped up from the ground to hug the three very real, very living, very tangible, survivors. Their tears were all replaced with tears of joy.
"Phineas! Ferb! I'm so glad you both are alright!" Candace wept, holding her brothers tightly.
"We're fine! Honest!" replied a smothered Phineas. "It was all part of the plan."
"I was so scared you and Ferb and Isabella were—"
"I know. I'm sorry we frightened you, but we're really okay!"
It was a tender, moist reunion; one that lasted long enough for everybody to hug everybody, then hug everybody again. But after a few minutes PJ wanted an explanation, so when Candace was finally able to let go, he just shook his head and chuckled. "You sly dogs," he said, giving Phineas and Ferb each a glowing look of admiration. "How did you do it?"
"C'mon, did you really think we would make ion-ray blasters that would disintegrate all someone's molecules?" Phineas asked rhetorically. "Those blasters we built were literally built to do nothing; they were just covers. These are the real inventions." He and Ferb held out thin electronic boxes the size of a deck of cards they had been carrying in their pockets. "They endow you with complete invisibility. We wanted the assassin to go back to her own time thinking she had succeeded in her plans, so that she wouldn't just keep going further back in time or anything until she finished the job."
"That's actually really smart," PJ said, impressed. "Well, that was really good acting, all of you. Especially you, Candace, I really thought you believed they were, you know, gone, and everything."
"That's because I did," Candace explained. "I didn't know about the plan."
"Neither did I," Isabella said. "That scream when I thought she shot Phineas was real. Then she hit me, and I kept screaming because I thought I was toast. Phineas was smart enough to clamp a hand over my mouth and share his invisibility with me, otherwise the plan would have failed." She sighed as she zoned back into Phineasland at the memory of Phineas holding her in his arms to make her invisible too, whispering in her ear what was really going on, calming her down, and just being there for her; even though she couldn't actually see him at the time.
"Wait," PJ said, backtracking. "Neither of you knew about the plan? Then how did you both know to come at the right moments to make it work, like when Isabella saved Perry and when Candace came swinging down like Tarzan—or, I guess, to be more appropriate—Jane?"
"Yeah, what are you guys doing here?" Phineas asked, suddenly a little upset. "I thought we made it clear that you two needed to stay at the house where it was safe?"
"Well, we got Isabella some medicine," Candace said, a guilty look crossing her face.
"And, I was feeling a lot better," Isabella admitted.
"So, Isabella made me—" Candace received an elbow in the ribcage from the senior patrol leader at that moment— "I mean, we decided on it together to come help. We got here in my Neddlington Nymph."
"It was really all Candace's idea," Isabella modestly added. "She told me she was going to distract the assassin and that I needed to use that time to find a way to help Perry."
Phineas' look changed to one of understanding. "Well, thanks. I'm glad you guys are all right, and I guess it turned out we really did need your help back there." He gave both girls another hug, causing Isabella to swoon a little. "And I'm sure Perry says thanks to you too."
"Grdrdrdrdrdrd."
Everyone laughed—they couldn't help it. It wasn't that it was all that humorous; laughter is simply the best medicine. It is the symptom of relief and peace.
"This is Gordon Gutsofanemu, continuing coverage of our earlier report. The cats that swept through the park earlier today have finally dispersed, and while authorities are still examining the cause of the outbreak, they have determined that it is safe once again for all your planned Fourth of July activities, although in the future it is advised that we all take greater care to monitor our frisky feline friends. The city of Danville has given us confirmation they will be on schedule with their fireworks this evening; and, as always, every citizen in Danville is invited to watch. In other news, Bobbi Fabulous, guitar player for the famous band Love Händel, broke his pinky toe earlier today while getting run over by a shopping cart. No word yet on how this new development will affect his ability to perform with the band or his flourishing hairstyling business."
The dim pale glow over the western horizon receded slowly to the onslaught of stars arriving to dot the night sky. It was pleasantly warm, and the grass felt cool to the touch. Loudspeakers filled the atmosphere with patriotic music. All across the park, people had spread out on blankets and lawn chairs to watch the fireworks and enjoy tasty treats.
Signaling the close of day a cannon fired, and a sparkling rocket shot into the air. A deafening boom shook the sky with glittering stars of gold, and a cheer rang out through the crowd. The show had begun.
More cannon blasts rocked the earth like thunder. More brilliant flares ascended toward the heavens before cleaving the sky with bursting showers of light. Reds, greens, oranges, and purples all in turn illuminated the dark in pompous pops and boisterous breaks. Beautiful flowers, sweeping streams, shining stars, and many more exotic and wonderful shapes captured the breath of the spectators sprawled down below. A sense of awe and majesty overtook the crowd, and for several minutes they sat in reverence, watching the show masterfully crafted in the firmaments.
Candace was sitting cross-legged on the grass, neck craned back with her hair flowing smoothly down her spine, when Jeremy joined her from his family nearby.
"Hey," he said coolly.
"Hey," returned Candace happily, taking great pleasure at his company. She took her boyfriend's hand, and he grasped back. For a while they sat together in silence, watching the display; however, that changed when without warning Jeremy brought her head around with his hand and kissed her under the starry sky. New fireworks went off inside Candace as she kissed him back.
Not far away, little Suzy Johnson seethed in anger and jealousy as she watched the two shadowy silhouettes meet at the lips.
Phineas was laid out on the soft grass nearby with Ferb and Isabella on either side of him, enjoying the fireworks together. Perry was sprawled at their feet, and PJ was back in his overalls disguise.
While Isabella sincerely appreciated the fireworks, her attention was split between them and one other, triangular-shaped object of her desire. Ever so cautiously, she slipped her hand over the grassy ground—taking care to check and double-check that Ferb would not be in the way this time—and found Phineas' hand. Praying for luck, she slipped her fingers down his palm and interlocked them in the grooves between his knuckles. Fountains of ecstasy poured into her chest when his fingers curled around her fist in snug embrace! She couldn't contain her feelings any longer. With her free hand, Isabella yanked Phineas' collar toward her and planted a big, fat kiss on his mouth, expertly avoiding his geometrically anatomic nose in the process.
"Isabella!" Phineas reacted, though she could see by the lights overhead that he seemed pleased.
"Happy Fourth of July, Phineas," she said, nestling back down into his shoulder.
After a moment, Phineas let his head rest back down on the grass beside her. "Happy Fourth of July, Isabella," he answered. "Happy Fourth of July, indeed."
Danville, USA
July 5, 2014
Phineas, together with Ferb, Candace, and Isabella, had convinced PJ to stay the night with them before returning to his own time. PJ had gratefully accepted, being thoroughly exhausted after a very long day. Although the boys invited him to sleep with them and Perry in their room, he insisted on staying on the couch.
Morning broke bright and early, and Linda—who neither saw through PJ's disguise nor had any problems with him staying the night, assuming him to be one of the boys' friends—made them breakfast. Isabella arrived in time to join them, since she wanted to see PJ off too. Even Candace was able to push herself out of bed early to see, although she spent the first couple minutes yawning deeply. Phineas mostly asked PJ questions about what the future was like— "Are there any notable advances in atomic physics research?" "Which college are Ferb and I supposed to go to?" "Do they ever make a sequel to Horse in a Bookcase?"
Every time, PJ's answer was the same. "How many times do I have to say it? I can't tell you anything about the future!"
"What about Area 51? Has it been declassified yet?"
PJ finally had it. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Turns out the UFO's were actually gigantic blocks of cheese that had become self-aware and were trying to achieve world domination."
"Really?" Phineas asked gullibly.
PJ tried and failed to hold a straight face for longer than a second. He snorted loudly, and everyone burst into laughter at the confused look Phineas gave him. "I'm joking!" PJ chortled between guffaws.
Finally, breakfast ended, and the time for good-bye was at hand. Everyone filed from the kitchen to the living room. PJ made his way past them one-by-one on his progress toward the door.
"Good-bye, PJ," Phineas said as he and Ferb shook hands with the platypus in turn. "When you go back to the future, look us up. You can come hang out with Ferb and me any time you want."
"Thanks," replied PJ, before advancing to Isabella next.
"Thanks for saving our lives," Isabella said, flinging her arms around PJ to hug him. As she did so, she took a moment to whisper into his ear, "And thanks for helping me and Phineas get together."
PJ patted her shoulder and moved to Candace.
"Er, good luck in the future, and everything," Candace said, not knowing what else to do.
PJ nodded. He didn't know Candace as well as the others. "Good luck yourself."
Last, PJ stopped and looked at Perry, who was watching them all from his bed in the corner. "Take care of them, Perry." Although none of the kids noticed, Perry's eyes flickered briefly in understanding.
"Grdrdrdrdrd," he chattered.
PJ turned and saluted the others one last time. At that moment, Phineas fumbled with something in his pockets and pulled out an envelope. "Almost forgot," the boy said, handing the paper over to PJ. "I want you to have this." Nodding, PJ accepted it and slipped it in his furry 'pocket', an intrigued look in his eyes.
"Good-bye, all." With that, he opened the door and stepped out into the morning rays.
It was during the next several minutes of quiet reflection, afforded him during the time it took to sneak back to the location where he had hidden his own time machine, that PJ realized how much he had changed with this mission. He had never felt this way before about moving on to his next task—like he had finally found something he really liked and didn't want to change. Phineas and Ferb and their friends and family… They were different than anyone else he had ever met. They treated him differently than anyone else he had ever met. In a good way. Truth be told, he was, in fact, sorry to leave.
Then he remembered the assassin was still out there. He still had a job to do, and there was no telling how long it would take before she realized that she had failed to change the future at all. All that remained of his mission now was to find her. And he would make her pay for what she tried to do to the boys, he promised himself as he climbed up into the cockpit. No matter what it took.
Now then, here are my responses to the guest reviewers:
Dreadwing216: Well yes; it is, as you say, most likely.
Phineas A: Let me guess, Phineas is your favorite character? I know it doesn't seem like it, but I really did hurry as fast as I could to update.
shadowstalker: Hey, thanks! I'm glad you like them! I see you found some of my older stories, too.
a fan: And I love pizza... Maybe I should marry it, only problem is I'd eat it all on the honeymoon, which would be to Italy, of course, so I would then find more pizza and the cycle would start all over again.
StuntBat: Good guess! This chapter will be the last chance to guess about for anyone still hasn't figured it out yet, 'cause next chapter will reveal who the assassin is once and for all! I honestly did hurry, but for about three weeks there I was so busy with school/work that I didn't get anything else done for that time period. Technically, I could have posted this chapter around the 9th, but it ties into the remainder of the story too intricately and I had to be sure everything was good to go beforehand. Hopefully it's worth it to make sure the story is as good as I can get!
shadowstalker: Wait, didn't you already say that? Unless there are two shadowstalkers out there... 0.o