Dear Readers! I'm sorry that this is a slightly shorter chapter but I'm dealing with a flu and it makes it rather difficult to think. Again, thank you for all the new feedbacks, reviews, alerts/faves, I really am so grateful for them. I hope you're all going to enjoy this.

All the mistakes are mine, I apologize for them.

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CHAPTER 2
NOT THAT BEAUTIFUL

Red... Everything was so red I could barely make out the shapes around me. And the smell... That was the most disgusting of all... Something I could never forget... Making me feel sick in the pit of my stomach... My skin was covered with awful red liquid. I could feel it running down my face... My eyes stuck on the piles of dead bodies...

I woke with a start, blinking rapidly as I came to my senses. Another restless night for me with barely a few hours spent with sleeping. A few hours I wish I hadn't had. I didn't have a peaceful time in the last 5 years, and barely believed that I'd ever end up having a time when I wasn't haunted by the vivid images of my past. There were some things in life that were to be forgiven, and forgotten over time. However, the people who became animals like me knew there were things that deformed one's personality so much that there was no going back.

I got out from bed, and headed to the kitchen. Caffeine was my closest friend. My usual relaxing and quiet morning however ended before it could have even started. John Doe and Alison were sitting in the living room, getting his strappings changed. After taking him in, I could even put up with them opening a hospital at my home.

"Hello Jade," Alison waved to me cheerfully. I nodded to her, and decided to have my coffee and not care about them. That was the best I could do.

I poured some coffee for myself, and leant against the cupboard. My eyes wandered over the bikers back. There was a tattoo on him but it was nearly impossible to recognize what it was meant to be. The skin on his back was absoulutely gone at some places, some part was so badly bruised that it also made it difficult to figure out the image. There were the odd parts here and there that remained more or less untouched but they were too small to get further conclusions out of them.

"I'm so very happy you're awake... wouldn't want to disturb you, you know..." Alison started after asking him to turn around so she could apply some cream to his back. "I'd like to ask something you see..."

"Whatever it is the answer is no," I stated, sipping my coffee. It was already way out of my comfort zone to have a stranger in my personal space, let alone Alison setting up a hospital here.

"Jade, please..." she sighed. "These must be changed in every few hours and I can't do it because I have to go to work."

"Looking at me like I killed your hamster won't change my mind," I replied as I finished my coffee.

"I get it," John Doe snorted, standing up from the chair. "You're hurt, as miserable as no one else in this world. But guess what, other people have difficulties as well," he explained heatedly as he stepped to me. I held his gaze, waited where he was heading with this little lecture. "My body's been so injured even breathing is painful, my arm broke into so many pieces that I might not be able to ride a bike again and on the top of that I have no idea who I am."

"If I were you, I'd be happy not to know who I was," I took a cigarette and lit it, kept the eye contact. He was so close I could almost feel his breath on my skin. He wanted to say something but I continued on. "Did you look into the mirror? What did you see, hm?"

"I don't know," he replied after a few moments of hesitation. It was easy to tell he was lying. He saw something that he didn't like. We both knew that.

"Don't you?" I asked back before I walked back to my room. He might not know who he was but I had no doubt he was aware of where he might be coming from.

I stood in front of the mirrow for so long it felt like hours. I was staring at my own face, looking at myself, trying to figure out who this stranger was looking at me. Last night was anything but pleasant. I had nightmares all along and I just couldn't wake up. Everything was red... so red that I couldn't make out people's face around me. I could feel blood running down my face as well. The heavy smell of it got under my skin, into my cells so deeply it felt like I became one with it.

Then I woke with a start by the voice of Jade. She was screaming so loud I thought someone attacked her. I ran to her room, not caring about my aching body but by the time I took the few steps she stopped. I opened the door to her room quietly and saw her sound asleep. I was wondering what terrible dream she must have had.

After our morning encounter I couldn't help but think about what she asked; what I saw in the mirror when I looked at myself. The truth was that I saw a broken man, someone with a rough life, someone who feared they lost everything before their memories. Was she right? Should I be happy that I couldn't tell who I was?

The strangest thing was that despite of how she obviously disliked me I had a feeling she knew more about me than I did. As her ice cold blue eyes bored into mine, I felt like she looked through me, that she saw everything that I was to the bottom of my soul. That feeling was somewhat unnerving. However, on the other hand it was comforting to know that someone understood where I was coming from, even if that someone wasn't me.

I shook my head mentally, and headed to the living room to change my strappings. My chances were quite low to be able to do it myself in the right way, especially putting the cream on my back but I wasn't about to whine.

I took off the strappings, hissed quietly as the cool air hit my bare meat. My back lost the most skin. The tattoo I had there was nowhere near to be recognized by anyone. I wondered what it could have been. It must have been something important if it covered my entire back, something that could define who I was.

I cursed under my breath as I tried to reach around and put the cream on my back. My broken arm also didn't make this an easy task. It felt like a dead weight, only being the way with that cast on it.

The door opened, and Jade entered, not bothering with giving me a look at all. She seemed to be completely untouched by the fact that I was struggling there with several broken bones. I knew her for only a few days but I thought that I saw through her.

She was in constant pain and I had a feeling that she was that way because she chose to be as if she was punishing herself. Each and every move she made, every word that left her lips seemed to be controlled. The feeling inside me that I wanted to know more of her kept growing. It was almost as if I thought if I figured her out, I'd find a way back to myself as well.

"Oh for God' sake," she groaned as she turned to me and saw me making odd movements as I still tried to reach my back. "Give me that cream."

I was a little bit surprised that she took pity on me in the end. Maybe there was still some humanity in her after all. She took the box from my hand and sat behind me. I couldn't help but flinch as her smooth fingers ran over the injured area despite of the fact that her touch was way gentler than I'd have expected almost as if she was caressing my skin.

"What do you see when you look at me?" I asked, trying to take my thoughts away from the pain.

Her hand stopped for a moment on my back. I could feel her eyes on me, heard her taking a deep breath.

"I don't think you want to hear the answer for that," she said in a quite but firm voice, going back to applying more cream on me.

"And I think I do," I glanced back at her. I couldn't wrap my finger on why it mattered what she thought, couldn't tell why it was so important for me to know what she thought of me but I needed to hear her oppinion.

"I think you're lost," she said as she reached for the strapping and started to gradually wrap it around my waist. "Not because you can't remember who you are but because you're broken. Almost to the point of beyond repair."

"Almost?" Hope echoed through my voice making me sound like I was a child who kept hoping Santa Claus was real. It was sad that a woman's opinion who I didn't even know mattered that much to me but I had nowhere to turn to and the feeling of being the same with Jade didn't want to let me alone.

"You're done," she stood up and left to her room, left me wondering if she was right. Was I lost and broken? And if so was she right that there might be some kind of redemption for me? Was it possible that my accident and my lost memories were the way how life gave me a new chance?