The two talked for another couple of hours and then Stef went to get some sleep before Lena and the kids got home. She was still pretty tired from the long drive and lack of sleep and it was beginning to take a toll on her and when Sharon came to check on her a little while later she was fast asleep.
"Hey, where's Stef?" Lena asked two hours later as she led the kids into the house. The car ride hope had been silent at first until it was filled with anger towards Stef, initiated by Jesus and vehemently supported by Mariana and Brandon. The only two who remained silent through the entire ride had been Callie and Jude and while Lena could guess Callie's thoughts she was really curious to know what Jude was thinking. He had never lashed out at his sister the way he had yesterday and she wondered if his silence meant that he was on her side or not.
"She's asleep." Sharon told her daughter-in-law as she put down her magazine and went to hug her grandchildren. "But she wants you to wake her up when you got home." She added.
"Okay thanks." Lena said before turning to her children. "Guys, why don't you go to the kitchen with grandma for a snack while I talk to mom for a while and then we'll all come down and talk together okay."
The kids weren't happy about having to wait longer to see their mom and while four of them verbalized it, the fifth just remained silent like she had been almost all day.
Sharon decided to help things along. "How about we run to the bakery down the street and pick up some of those little pies that everyone loves?" She asked enthusiastically. Not only would that keep the kids busy for a while but she would also get to spend some time alone with her grandchildren, something she loved more than anything.
"Can I have the caramel apple?" Jude asked, his eyes immediately lighting up. Those pies had been one of the first things that they had treated him with when the two came to live in this house and ever since then it had become one of his favorites - whether it was the actual taste or just the gesture, no one knew.
"You can have whatever flavor you want." Sharon said. "And we'll bring back two for your mom's as well, what do you think?"
"Oh that sounds delicious." Lena smiled, giving her permission as well as silently thanking Sharon for the time.
"Yeah." Jude said smiling and soon Brandon and Mariana were just as excited while Callie was completely expressionless. Surprisingly Jesus wasn't swayed by the idea of the special treat and that worried Lena a little.
"Okay, let's go." Sharon said and soon all the kids were heading out the door again. They wouldn't be long but still it would give Stef and Lena at least a half hour to talk by themselves.
"Hey babe." Lena said as she sat down next to Stef and leaned down to kiss her awake.
"You're home." Stef mumbled sleepily.
"I am." Lena said. "Your mom took the kids to the bakery for some pies. We're alone for a bit." Lena said.
Stef sat up and looked at Lena, trying to figure out what she was thinking. "I know I've said it already but I'm really sorry for what I did." Stef said.
"What happened Stef?" Lena asked, wanting Stef to open up to her instead of holding it all in.
"It just got too much." Stef answered. "I got angry and I got scared and I just felt so helpless."
"I know you feel like I didn't support you but that's not what I was trying to do." Lena said. "I'm sorry if that's how you felt."
"That's not it." Stef stopped her. "I thought it was at first but as I was driving I realized that I wasn't mad at you or Callie. I was just frustrated with myself."
"There's a surprise." Lena said sarcastically and then smiled at her wife.
"What if we're not enough Lena?" Stef asked seriously, unable to put her worry aside to laugh. "I won't ever send her away but what if we can't help her?"
"Then we try something different." Lena said. "We keep trying until we find something that does work."
"That's what everyone keeps saying but the problem is she keeps getting worse in the mean time." Stef argued.
"We get her help." Lena said. "We look into rehab and do what we have to."
"She'll think we abandoned her." Stef said as tears filled her eyes at the though. "You really think she'll get better if she thinks she's just been left?"
"We show her that we're sticking around." Lena said. "We visit her every chance we get and we keep telling her that we aren't going anywhere. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but we're the parents and sometimes we have to do something we don't like if it's in their best interest."
"It sounds so simple when you put it like that but I really have my doubts." Stef admitted. "Callie doesn't trust easily and these places don't just let you visit whenever you want."
"No, but we will visit every time they let us." Lena said. "Eventually Callie will see it and she will believe it and in the mean time the people there know how to handle her and help her through."
"There's something I want to try first." Stef said. "Captain Roberts suggested it actually."
"What?" Lena asked, a little worried about what the captain of a police force would suggest.
"She suggested community service." Stef said.
"Like street clean up?" Lena asked confused.
"No, the big sister program at the children's home." Stef explained. "What she said was right, Callie isn't a kid, she's seen too much of the world to be the kind of kid we want her to be. Maybe if she helps someone who has less than her she'll realize that her life isn't like it used to be."
"She's spent her whole life doing that." Lena said and Stef smiled. That was her thought exactly and she liked that the two of them practically thought the same.
"That's what I said." Stef told her. "But this time she won't be giving up anything to do it. She won't be protecting anyone or sacrificing anything for anyone, just helping and it may take her mind off her own difficulties."
"It's definitely a better idea than rehab." Lena said. "I think we should try it."
"Are you sure?" Stef asked. "It may take longer."
"It's definitely worth a try." Lena said.
"Okay, I'll look into it and find something." Stef said. "Then we'll put it to Callie."
The two were silent for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts until Stef pulled them out of it.
"How are the kids?" She asked, she had hardly spent any time with them since she got back and she knew that they'd have questions and opinions.
"They're okay." Lena said.
"Really?" Stef asked, knowing that Lena was playing it down.
"They're angry." Lena admitted. "But they're glad you're back."
"I can't believe I did this to them." Stef said with a sigh. "What the hell was I thinking?" She asked, more of herself than Lena.
"Look, you're back now and that's what matters." Lena tried to justify.
"But the damage is already done." Stef said miserably.
"Honey, it's like Callie said, you got mad and you left but you came back and if nothing else it teaches our kids that no matter what, we're always coming back." Lena said, hoping Stef wouldn't feel so bad. She had been upset and angry when she was gone for so long but now she was beginning to understand why and if nothing else then she wanted to use this as a lesson for the kids.
"The kids aren't going to see it that way." Stef said.
"Give them time." Lena suggested. "They're upset right now but they'll be okay, hey have a safe place to let their anger out."
Stef smiled at the words, it reminded her of the time soon after the twins came to live with them and Lena had used the same sentence then.
"But I want to watch Toy Story." Brandon whined as Stef put in the Lion King.
"It's Jesus' choice tonight." Stef explained for the tenth time.
The twins had been living with them for two weeks now and the novelty of 'live-in' friends was wearing off for Brandon as he was beginning to realize that along with the fun stuff he also had to share his mom's, his toys and the choice of what movie to watch for movie night, among other things.
"But I always get to pick." Brandon continued in an annoying cranky voice. The nine year old liked to think himself grown up but sometimes life just wasn't fair at all.
"You picked last week remember?" Stef said. "This time it's Jesus' turn and then Mariana's and then it'll be your turn again."
"But that's not fair." Brandon whined again. "The Lion King is for babies."
"We can watch Toy Story." Jesus said softly from the couch where he and Mariana were curled up together. "I don't mind." He didn't want to upset his new foster mothers, the first ones that actually seemed to like them.
"We are watching the Lion King and that's final." Stef said in a warning tone, glaring at her son. "You may stay and watch or you may go up to your room and skip movie night, but those are your only choices."
Usually that tone of voice would have caused Brandon to do as he was told but he was just fed up of having to constantly share with not one, but two new kids that didn't ever leave. Instead he picked up the remote that was on the coffee table and flung it towards Stef and the TV before storming up the stairs.
"What was that about?" Lena asked as she came into the living room with two large bowls of popcorn. She had heard the commotion and came to check it out.
"I think Brandon's learning that it's not so easy to share." Stef said. While she definitely didn't condone her son's behavior she could understand his anger - for the last nine years he had been an only child and had three parents that focused solely on him but now suddenly there were two new kids that, in all honesty, was getting most of the attention and Brandon was behaving like any child would.
"Why don't we start the movie for the twins and then go talk to him." Lena suggested.
Stef nodded as she continued to set up the movie while Lena turned to the empty couch. "Where are they?" She asked.
"They were right here." Stef said, turning around the room in search of the two children. "They must be hiding."
"I'll check upstairs." Lena said as she headed upstairs while Stef checked the downstairs.
"Stef." Lena called from the top of the stairs when she found a foot peeking out of Jesus's closet.
The two of them carefully walked over to the closet and moved some of the clothes aside to find the two children huddled together. Mariana was crying silently and they both looked terrified.
"There you are." Lena said softly with a smile as she reached for them. "We were wondering where you went."
Neither child wanted to climb out of the safety of the closet but they knew better than to disobey so they reluctantly crawled out and sat on the bed that Lena guided them to.
"You know you two aren't in trouble right?" Stef asked. "You did nothing wrong."
"Brandon?" Jesus asked softly, worried about what would happen to the boy who actually did do something wrong."
"He will be in a little trouble." Stef explained. "But nothing bad will happen to him."
"He'll get punished?" Jesus asked.
"He'll get grounded." Stef explained. "He won't get hit and he won't get sent away." She knew these were the things that the children were most afraid of.
"Honey, Brandon got angry today and he did something that he shouldn't have but it's okay to get angry sometimes." Lena explained. "It's okay to be sad or hurt or scared or angry. There's nothing wrong with that. We all feel those things sometimes. We would never hurt any of you for feeling like that. This is a safe place, even to be angry."
Stef watched as Jesus nodded and released his hold on Mariana's hand to hug Lena.
"We may get angry sometimes too but you'll always be safe." Lena continued as she hugged Jesus back. "Even Brandon never hurt anyone with his anger, he just threw something. That's not right but still, no one got hurt. And just like you you have to remember that if you ever get angry it's okay, but you can't hurt anyone either because they need to feel just as safe."
Jesus nodded into Lena's neck but didn't release his hold on her.
"How about that movie now huh?" Stef suggested, hoping to change the mood back.
"Yes." Jesus said with a smile as he finally released Lena and jumped off the bed and dashed out the door.
Though Mariana stayed absolutely silent, like she often did, she did take Stef's outstretched hand and went with her back to the living room to watch the movie with Jesus while the mom's went to talk to Brandon.