"But I hate her." Jude said to Jesus. He was already dressed and wearing his socks and shoes as he spoke.
Jesus had woken up when Jude went to brush his teeth and noticed Jude frowning as he packed his swim bag. He had asked the younger boy what the trouble was and Jude finally opened up enough to tell him how he felt about Callie.
"We're finally in a good home, one that actually wants both of us and treats us better than we ever hoped and she has to go and ruin it." Jude was saying as she tried to tie his laces again for the third time but couldn't concentrate. "She ruins everything, she always has and I'm done because if she get's herself kicking out then I'm not going with her. I'm already adopted so this time I'm safe."
Lena could hear the entire conversation through the door and was about to intervene when her older son's words stopped her.
"You know, sometimes other people don't understand what you're going through." Jesus tried to explain as best he could. "Before I knew I had ADHD everyone kept telling me to just calm down and focus, but it's not as easy as that though it doesn't sound so tough. It was bigger than me and I needed help with it."
"But there's nothing wrong with Callie." Jude protested. "She's fine, she used to eat, she's just acting stupid now. I just don't get why."
"I don't know." Jesus answered honestly. "I don't get it either but maybe she does."
Jesus had been angry as well but now that he'd talked to his mom he's gotten over his anger and and was more logical about the whole thing now. He knew that Callie was having a difficult time though he couldn't quite understand it, he knew that she needed support, no matter how irrational it seemed.
"It's kinda weird but all these years we've lived in houses where we've had to be so careful not to eat too much but in this house it's the opposite. I never thought anyone could love us for real like Stef and Lena do and sometimes I don't understand why but I try all the time to keep it that way - not get into trouble, but Callie seems to keep doing everything just to make them angry." Suddenly Jude stopped trying to tie his shoe and looked at Jesus with a worried expression. "Do you think she wants to get sent away?"
"I don't know what she's thinking." Jesus answered honestly. "Mariana and I had trouble at first too, she was so scared all the time and didn't trust them at all at first but I did. Sometimes I got scared too but when they told me that I wasn't going to be in trouble I believed them, I don't know why but I just did, I can't explain it. Maybe you are like me and Callie is like Mariana. They just need some time."
"But she's giving them a reason to be mad." Jude said, still unable to understand why. He could understand being afraid and not trusting but he couldn't understand purposely making them mad. "Other foster homes were bad, they would hit us and they wouldn't feed us sometimes and even though we got blamed when we were sent away it wasn't really our fault, but not this one. If she gets sent away it will really be her fault this time. If that does happen I won't go with her. I love her and I want her to stay but I want this more and I'm not going to let her ruin it for me."
Lena was almost in tears as she listened to Jude. So many things he'd said made her want to sit down and talk to him immediately starting with assuring him yet again that Callie wasn't going anywhere. She understood his confusion because she herself couldn't understand why Callie was pushing them away. It made sense that she was afraid that she'd lose it all but she was openly telling them that she trusted them and believed them but still she kept pushing them away.
Eventually Lena walked into the room and found Jude still sitting on his bed, finally tying his shoes and Jesus was laying in his own bed, ready to fall back asleep the moment Jude left.
"Ready buddy?" Lena asked as she went to give each one a kiss. "I've made breakfast and you need to come down and eat before they get here."
"You're not supposed to eat before swimming." Jude grumbled, eager to get a start to his day.
"In that case maybe we should postpone swimming." Lena said with a grin, knowing that Jude would never go for that.
"No, I'll eat." Jude quickly said, just as Lena expected.
"Alright then, let's get downstairs." She kissed the boy on the head and watched him rush out the door and then sat down on the edge of Jesus' bed. "You are an amazing brother." She told him and Jesus instantly understood that Lena had heard their conversation. "I'm so proud of you. Right from the time you were a little boy you protected your sister and you're doing it still with Jude."
"He's my little brother." Jesus shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Thank you for giving Callie a chance." Lena added. "I know it hasn't been easy on anyone and everyone seems to be losing their temper with her, I'm proud of you for giving her a chance."
"She protected Jude all their lives, someone needs to look out for her." Jesus said matter-of-factly.
Tears filled Lena's eyes instantly as she bend down to leave a lingering kiss on her son's forehead. The pregnancy had made her more emotional than ever but her son made her heart swell.
A couple of hours later Lena and Callie were strolling down the isles at the maternity and baby store. Lena had driven the twins to their destinations and Mike had come to pick Brandon up and now finally the two could start their 'date' as Stef put it, though Lena had to admit that she was excited. She wanted to do whatever she could to help her daughter though and she hoped this time together would help Callie feel like she belonged.
"Don't tell anyone but I haven't been able to button my jeans for over a week." Lena whispered as she and Callie walked down the isle.
Callie giggled and her eyes immediately travelled down to her mother's stomach. Her tops were always longer than the waist of her jeans but suddenly she realized that Lena no longer tucked the front into her jeans like she used to. She now understood why.
Lena picked up a flowy green top with tiny white flowers and held it up against herself and modeled for Callie. "How does this look?" She asked her daughter.
"It's pretty." Callie said timidly.
"And expensive." Lena said, checking the price tag. "No one told me that babies were so expensive." She teased her daughter as she tossed the top into the cart that Callie was pushing.
So far they had picked out three tops and two dresses and now they were heading down to the pants section. Lena picked up a pair of pants with a wide, stretchy waist and crinkled her nose at it. "These are ugly." She said, holding them up with two fingers as though they were going to bite her.
"They're all like that." Callie said, rummaging through the shelves.
"But it say's I can wear them through the second trimester." Lena said, suddenly perking up. "Apparently they grow with the baby."
Callie was silent for a moment and though Lena noticed, she kept herself focused on the pants, hoping that Callie would say whatever she was thinking on her own.
"Can you feel her?" Callie asked softly, not looking Lena in the eye. It was the very first time she had actually said anything about the baby directly though they had caught her looking at the pictures of the ultra sound that were up on the fridge more than once.
"I can a lot of the time." Lena said. "And sometimes she kicks so hard that if you put your hand just right, you'll feel it too."
"Is she kicking now?" Callie asked, now looking at Lena, completely curious.
Lena could tell that Callie really wanted to know if Lena would let her feel the baby but Callie would never ask that directly and Lena smiled to herself as she answered. "Not right now but just wait until after lunch, she'll suddenly get her energy back."
"What does it feel like?" Callie asked, looking at Lena's stomach as though she'd be able to see the baby through her belly.
"Most times it's like a flutter but sometimes it's hard and can hurt." Lena said. "It will get more uncomfortable as she grows and there's less space in there."
"She's starting to grow fingers." Callie said. It was clear that she was referring to the latest ultrasound where the baby's had was clearly visible.
"She is." Lena said. "She also responds to sounds."
"What does that mean?" Callie asked as they made their way down the isles picking clothes.
"I feel her move whenever Stef talks." Lena explained. "Especially if Stef's been gone for a while. She also reacts differently depending on what I eat."
Callie looked at her curiously. She was so intrigued by what she was learning that she forgot to be shy and closed off.
"Just like you kids, she gets hyper if I have too much sugar and she gets sleepy if I eat anything heavy." Lena explained. "If she's active right before it's time for me to eat then I'm usually in the mood for something sweet but if she's asleep then I prefer savory foods."
"The baby can do all that already?" Callie asked surprised.
"She can." Lena grinned. "And she also let's me know perfectly clearly when I eat something she doesn't like."
Callie smiled a genuine smile and made Lena want to reach out and hug her but she held back afraid that the gesture would cause the girl to close up again.
The two talked on as they moved from the clothes section to other things that Lena would need through the months and then finally they got to the isles that actually carried baby items. Both girls immediately started pulling out dresses and skirts and tops for the baby and holding them up for the other to see. It was far too early to start buying any of these items but they were enjoying themselves and creating outfits with matching shoes and laughing away until Callie pulled out a little ones that said 'I'm Mom's Favorite' and instantly Callie's face closed up. She tried to put the little outfit back without Lena noticing but Lena had read the words and silently cursed the fact that their fun was over. It was obviously time to move on from there and do something for just the two of them.