Perry scrabbled up the tree trunk and grabbed the first branch. He hoisted himself up and gazed at the huge house.
He couldn't imagine what it would be like to live alone in a house with so many rooms. It looked lonely, especially in the night.
Perry clambered up to the next tree branch. He was finally up next to the balcony.
He jumped onto the balcony and knocked on the sliding door.
He heard the sound of tags jangling and a dog barking.
"INTRUDER! INTRUDER! INTRUDER! INTRUDER!" It barked.
"Shut up, Nelson." Phineas mumbled. He pulled aside the curtain. His face lit up when he saw Perry.
"One second." He said. "Let me just get Nelson out of the room."
He picked up the yapping dachshund and carried him out of the room. Perry heard a door slam.
Phineas reappeared and opened the sliding door. He gave Perry a huge hug.
"I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Phinny. I come bearing gifts."
Phineas let Perry in and closed the sliding door.
They were in an ornately furnished bedroom with a large double-bed and television. The carpet was very soft, and the door of the bedroom was oak. Another white door next to the bedside table led to the bathroom.
"You can sit wherever." Phineas said. "It just looks pretty, it's not actually expensive."
Perry sat down on the bed and began pulling things out of the plastic bag he was carrying. "A couple books, legit cupcakes, your portable video game thingy, and an extension Ferb made for your television so you don't have to melt your brain watching that reality junk."
"You guys are awesome." Phineas said, grinning. "Where's Ferb?"
"We thought it'd be too risky to sneak an entire human being AND a platypus into the house. But he sends his greetings. Not in the form of a postcard, though."
"Sorry about those." Phineas said sheepishly. "I got really bored."
"Really? Those postcards you wrote made it sound like you were having a blast. Have you been stuck in this room the whole time?"
Phineas shook his head. "No. I go downstairs and stuff. And in the backyard. I tried to dig a hole home."
"How did that work out?"
"Mr. O'Riley hasn't found the hole yet. I covered it up with a dog statue he had in his backyard."
"Smart. Better than grass. That way he doesn't discover it the exciting way."
"I did that once." Phineas said. "Once, when I was little, I dug this huge hole in our backyard because I thought dinosaurs lived in the ground, and then I covered it up with grass because mom always told me to leave things the way I found them. And then Candace went outside the next day and fell in the hole and we had to call the fire department to get her out."
"How do you remember so much?" Perry asked. "All I remember from my babyhood was my mom trying to stop me from walking too far from our plastic cave."
"Because Candace never lets me hear the end of it." Phineas said.
"I'm glad you weren't freaked out when I knocked on your balcony window." Perry said. "I didn't quite think that through."
"Well, I was kind of expecting someone to knock on my balcony window anyways." Phineas said. "I ordered Chinese food and I told them to bring it up here instead of the front door because I didn't want them to wake up Mr. O'Riley."
"You're gonna make the delivery guy climb a tree?"
"Don't worry, I'll give him a good tip."
"Doesn't O'Riley feed you?"
"Yeah, but I'm still hungry."
"Good thing I brought the cupcakes, then."
Phineas's cell phone rang. He picked it up. "Hello? Oh, yeah. You got the right directions. Just climb up the tree in the side yard and jump to the balcony. My balcony's the only one there. Yes, yes I am. Great, thank you. Bye."
Phineas hung up and opened the sliding door. A man handed him a bag from Better Panda Chinese Restaurant.
Phineas dug around in his backpack and found some cash. He handed it to the man.
"Thanks. Bye."
He closed the sliding door and shut the curtains.
"What do you think you'll do now?" Perry asked.
"Eat Chinese and watch fun TV for a change. Can you stay?"
"I can. I'm not so sure that I should."
"Nelson can't open doors, so you don't have to worry about him." Phineas said.
"I'm not supposed to be here. I don't want you to get in any kind of trouble because of me..."
"Mr. O'Riley won't find out if you leave before he wakes up. And he's just being stupid about Nelson not liking other animals. Nelson just never SEES any. Please, Perry? I'm so lonely here all by myself. I miss home. I miss Ferb and Candace and mom and dad and you so much. I don't want to be alone again. Please stay for a bit?"
Perry sighed. "All right. I guess I can't get into any more trouble than I'm already in, anyways. Plan Monogram was a flop."
"Plan what?"
Perry explained.
"Oh." Phineas said. "Well, don't give up, Perry. I'm sure you'll figure out a way. There's always tomorrow! Carpe diem!"
"I wish I could be as optimistic as you." Perry said.
"You can be. You just have to look at the bright side." Phineas patted him.
"What bright side? Monogram's STILL leaving, and he's mad at me on top of it."
"I'm sorry, boy." Phineas said.
"Look at me, complaining when you're stuck in this stupid situation." Perry said.
"I'm okay." Phineas shrugged. "I guess. I mean, it could be worse. At least you're here now."
Perry smiled.
"It's boring sitting around in here. Come on downstairs." Phineas said. "I want you to see the library. It's the only interesting thing here."
...
Perry followed Phineas down two flights of stairs and through many hallways.
"Where did O'Riley find the cash for this?" Perry asked. "Lottery?"
"He inherited it, mostly." Phineas said. "He had a lot of lord or knight ancestors or something. He told me once, I don't really remember."
Phineas opened a door. They came into a wide room with shelves covering the walls. Shelves filled the entire room, and every single shelf was packed with books.
Perry found it hard to breathe for a moment. "This… is?"
"The library."
"You're sure he's not part of some underground book-thieving heist or something? Or the owner of a bookstore?"
"The shelves are filling up a lot." Phineas said, pulling a well-loved novel off of one of the shelves. "He had to put the books on sideways to make room."
Perry looked at the books on the shelf to the left of him. "You could get lost in here. Woah, this is a copy of The Desert Novel! That's a pretty rare book. It's still in good condition, just… really old!"
"You can take it if you want." Phineas said. "He has like five hundred others. He won't notice."
"I love this smell, too." Perry said happily, stroking the cover of the old book. "I don't know how to explain it. Old-book smell. Overpowering in here. I love it."
Phineas grinned. "Yeah, it is a good smell. I knew you'd like it in here. Come on, there are two more rooms."
"Two… more?! Like this?"
"Yeah. Well, the third one's kind of empty. He hasn't gotten that one filled yet." Phineas pushed open another door and they stepped into an equally shelf-filled room.
"This one appears to be filled with cheesy romance novels." Perry said, picking up a book with a cover picture of a man and a woman kissing on the beach. "Does he actually read these things?"
Phineas stuck his tongue out. "I hope not. Probably not, anyway. I don't think he's read everything he has. He just collects books, that's all. That's why he has every genre."
"Seems to me he has every book in the world, including the ones that haven't been written yet. Ooh, look at this romance novel. It's called The New Nanny." Perry held up a book with a picture of a woman in a bun holding a happy child, while the father grinned at both of them. "Unbeknownst to little Andy Bill, his father had a thing for his…"
"Ugh, just put it back, Perry." Phineas said.
"I feel for ya, little Andy Bill." Perry said, replacing the book on the shelf.
There were a lot of newspaper clippings and magazine photos taped onto the side of the shelves. A scribbled picture of a dog was displayed next to a clock shaped like a vintage car.
"Did you draw that?" Perry asked.
Phineas shrugged. "Oh, yeah. When I was almost two or something. It was actually for mom. He took it."
"Did you draw it when O'Riley was out buying…" Perry held up another book. "The Lyle and Lydia Affair?"
"And this completes our tour of the romance section." Phineas said, dragging Perry away from the novels.
"Wait, you haven't seen the cover picture of Just Friends… Or Are We!" Perry said. "The guy on the front looks like a stalker!"
Phineas led Perry up a step, and they were in another room. The shelves in this one weren't so tightly packed.
"Revenge of the Icicles, Children of the Legumes, Night of the Evil Potato… I'm guessing this is either his 'Horror' section or his 'Of The' section."
"Yep." Phineas said. "A lot of these books are really creepy. Especially the old ones. He also has this poster behind those two shelves… I don't like to go back there."
"Is that blood on the floor?"
"No, just dried red paint. I spilled some in here a couple days ago. But there are also sci-fi books in here." Phineas said. "I like those ones. And on the couch over there is a robot doll that used to be able to talk but now he kind of goes 'Rrrrr…. Rrrr…. Rrrrr…' if you press the button on his hand."
"The robot on the couch goes…" Perry began.
"I didn't even show you the kids books." Phineas said. He pulled Perry back into the second room. They squeezed through a few shelves of romance novels and came to an area with two comfy-looking chairs and colorful, large books.
"Mountaincorvette the Small Blue Cat, Unconcerned Hector, Gerald and the Green Pen…" Perry read. "Wow. Classics. I remember Monogram reading these to me when I was a baby-"
He suddenly remembered Plan Monogram and fell silent. He wasn't going to get all emotional on Phineas again. Monogram was retiring. He had to accept it and move on. He had to put out positive vibes for Phineas.
Why was it so hard?
He looked back at Phineas, whose expression had suddenly changed from slight interest to anger. Phineas walked up to one of the shelves and pulled down one of the books.
"This is mine." He said, clearly annoyed.
"Are you sure? He didn't just buy-"
"It's MY book." Phineas said, opening the book to the title page and showing it to Perry.
"CAN YOU FIND THE ZOO ANIMALS?" It read. "THIS BOOK BELONGS TO…"
Underneath, someone had written FINIAS in red crayon.
"I was looking for that stupid book for years and all along he'd nabbed it for his library!" Phineas snapped.
"Maybe it was a mistake." Perry said.
"And HERE'S Candace's Ducky Momo book!" Phineas raged, grabbing another book from the shelf. He seemed to have forgotten all about Perry. He ran from the room.
Perry followed, not wanting to get lost in the huge house.
Phineas stormed into a dining room. Perry waited at the door.
A man was sitting at the table, reading an old book. He had small glasses, dark hair, and a nose that very closely resembled Phineas's.
"THIS IS MY BOOK." Phineas shouted, slamming it down in front of the man.
O'Riley gently set down his novel and straightened up with a sigh. "Why are you still awake?"
"Why did you take it? You KNEW I liked that book! I wasted HOURS of my life looking for that book!"
"I believed you and Candace would want something to read if you came here."
"Why would we ever come here?!"
"I can't talk to you about this now." O'Riley said sharply. "Go back to bed, Phineas. I'm sorry if I upset you."
"No, you're not." Phineas muttered, heading back to Perry. "You're not sorry at all."
Perry followed Phineas upstairs. He wanted to say something.
"You don't have to say anything." Phineas mumbled. "I just want to go home... I just want him to go away... I want to go back home to my family..."
"Ferb's got a backup plan involving a giant bat." Perry said.
Phineas stared wearily at him for a moment. Then he started to laugh.
"You know, if you're not tired yet, I could go down and grab you a nice bedtime story from the-"
"No. No little Andy Bill stories."
"Spoilsport." Perry grinned.