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#230: book reader-lover of 3000
#240: anonymous naruhinafan
#250: Lucillia (you were just in time :D)
Cerokun stands atop a mountain of dead plot bunnies, a Ninja Machete from ThinkGeek clasped in each hand.
Pray for mercy, you damn rodents! This time, I'm coming to you!
Charges toward the rest of the horde, machetes raised high.
For Pooooonyyyyy!
"So this is the Living World. Weird looking place."
"Oh? You've never been? You must have had such a deprived upbringing…"
"Why I oughta…!"
"You're acting like children again…"
"What did you say?"
"That's enough. Don't let yourselves get distracted from our mission."
-x-
"Alright, Miss Kuchiki. If you could hold still for a moment." Urahara held up a capped test tube.
Rukia stared at the tube warily. "So…how is this going to – ?" Urahara popped the top off the test tube and thrust his hand into Rukia's chest. " – work?" she squeaked, staring down at the arm embedded in her torso.
"What the hell, Urahara?" Ichigo yelled.
Urahara waved him off. "Not to worry. It's a special extraction Kido I developed. It's perfectly harmless. Now let's see here…" He shifted, groping around in Rukia for the Hogyoku.
"Ah! Th – that feels weird!" Rukia cried.
"I…I feel kinda dirty watching this…" Senna admitted.
Ichigo nodded in agreement, a trickle of blood coming from his nose as Urahara's efforts drew moans from Rukia.
"Q – quit staring, pervert!" a blushing Rukia yelled, snatching Urahara's fan and nailing Ichigo between the eyes with it.
"Well this is odd…" Urahara mused.
"Kyaa!" Rukia shrieked as Urahara reached deeper, his arm vanishing up to his shoulder.
"How can it all fit?" Senna wondered.
Ichigo lay face down in a puddle of blood, cursing the fact that he had gotten curious about the manga Kon had bought.
Urahara pulled his arm out of Rukia's chest. Rukia collapsed with a groan, staring vacantly at the ceiling.
Urahara scowled at his empty hand. "I need to get some more equipment. Wait here."
Senna stared at the panting girl on the floor as Urahara strode out of the room.
"So…was it good for you?"
Rukia weakly lifted a hand and flipped her off.
-x-
"Good morning!" Orihime called as she and Tatsuki stepped over the threshold of Urahara Shoten.
"Back here, Miss Inoue," the shopkeeper's voice responded.
Orihime led Tatsuki through the shop to the living area behind it. They arrived to the very interesting sight of Rukia lying under what looked like a steam punk X-ray machine.
Urahara sat next to the machine, alternately tapping away at a keyboard and frowning at a computer screen. "Have a seat, you two," he said without looking at the new arrivals, waving them over to where Ichigo and Senna were seated. A printer started spitting out sheet after sheet of paper.
"What's going on?" Orihime asked Ichigo as they sat down.
"Something went wrong with getting to damn Hogyoku out of Rukia of course."
"Nothing went wrong!" Urahara defended. "The procedure worked perfectly. The problem…" he said as he scanned the papers, "…is that there was no Hogyoku to remove." He blinked at his words and scanned the papers again, more closely. "Wait…that can't be right…"
"What do you mean the Hogyoku isn't there?" Rukia asked.
"Wait wait…" Urahara went back to his keyboard. Several more minutes of typing followed. The onlookers sat in silence as the former Captain muttered to himself.
"Ah ha! There you are!" Urahara cried in triumph.
"So the Hogyoku is there?" Ichigo grumbled.
"Technically."
"Technically?"
"Technically." Urahara snapped his fan open in front of his face. "Would you like the good news or the bad news first?" he asked cheerfully.
"The bad news," Rukia answered.
"I can't extract the Hogyoku," Urahara responded, smiling like a loon. "You're stuck with it."
Rukia groaned and thumped her head against the ground. "Why can't you remove it?"
"The seal I placed on the Hogyoku broke somehow. Possibly the time you spent in the Senzaikyu weakened it and being exposed to Mister Kurosaki's released state immediately afterward…but I digress. That's merely a preliminary hypothesis. I'll have to run some more tests find the exact cause…" He coughed into his fist. "Ahem. Anyway, the Hogyoku has bonded with you. Again, I'll need to do more tests to find the reason, but long story short, I could no more separate it from you than I could your Zanpakuto." The shopkeeper tapped his chin with his fan. "On second thought, I probably could pull that off… It'd probably be excruciatingly painful though…"
"Pass," Rukia deadpanned.
Urahara shrugged. "If you insist."
"So what's the good news?" Ichigo asked.
Urahara blinked. "There isn't any. That was the only news I had."
"So why did you ask if Rukia wanted the good or bad?" Tatsuki asked incredulously, wondering how the others put up with this weirdo.
Urahara snapped his fan back open. "Because I've always wanted to say that of course!"
-x-
Yoruichi and Soifon emerged from the basement cavern just in time to hear something be smashed against the floor.
"Do I want to know?" Soifon asked her former teacher.
Yoruichi shrugged. "Kisuke's probably pissed off Ichigo again. Nothing serious." She threw an arm over Soifon's shoulders. "C'mon, let's get to work. Sooner we finish, sooner we can hit that resort."
The Shinigami stepped out of the shop and stopped dead.
Yoruichi palmed her face when she felt the reiatsu in the air.
"Lady Yoruichi…"
"Yes. This is my fault. I know."
-x-
"So where is this guy? An Arrancar with bright orange hair… You'd think he'd be easy to find."
"What? Tired already, Apache? How pathetic," her dark-skinned companion taunted.
"Don't start, you three," the tall, blonde Arrancar said. All three female Fraccion turned to their mistress. "We have company."
"Aw, you noticed." Yoruichi appeared behind her. The former Captain grinned at the taller woman. "Sorry. I've been out of the assassination game for a while. I'm kind of rusty."
The Arrancar's eyes narrowed. "You are Yoruichi Shihoin, once the Captain of Soul Society's 2nd Division."
"Oh, you've heard of me?" Yoruichi's grin widened. "So I'm famous even in Hueco Mundo?"
"Lord Aizen described you as a lazy exhibitionist."
Yoruichi shrugged. "Well, I won't deny that." She tapped her chin. "Come to think of it, I still haven't transformed in front of Ichigo. I'll have to fix that." She stared at the Arrancar's clothes. "And you're really not someone to be calling me an exhibitionist…"
The Arrancar suddenly dodged to the left, narrowly avoiding getting a Zanpakuto through her neck.
A small slice appeared in the high collar of her outfit.
Soifon scowled as she appeared next to Yoruichi.
"Huh…If you could dodge Soifon, maybe I'm not as rusty as I thought…"
"You bitch! How dare you attack Lady Harribel!" the Amazon look-alike roared. She made to attack, but her mistress held up a hand and she stopped.
"Both of them are beyond you three." She turned her attention back to Yoruichi and Soifon. "I am Tia Harribel, Tres Espada. We are not here to fight you. Once our mission is accomplished, we will leave peacefully."
Soifon immediately latched onto the Arrancar's title. "Espada?"
"The ten strongest Arrancar in Lord Aizen's army!" Apache declared. " And Lady Harribel is the third! The both of you together couldn't hope to match her!"
The third strongest Arrancar? Yoruichi grit her teeth. Harribel was suppressing the bulk of her reiatsu, but Yoruichi could tell she was powerful. So that leaves us with two questions: How much is she hiding? And how big is the gap between her and the top two?
One thing was clear. Directly over Karakura Town was not a good place to battle her.
"So what is your mission?" Yoruichi asked.
"Our mission is two-fold. To ascertain the current situation on the Jureichi. And to extend an offer to Ichigo Kurosaki."
"Well, you can finish that second one right now." A buzz of static and Karakura's resident Arrancar joined the gathering in the sky. Rukia and Senna blurred into sight behind him, hands on their Zanpakuto.
"Hey, Ichigo. All done with Kisuke?" Yoruichi asked.
"For now. I'm sure he'll give me another reason to kick his ass sometime in the future," he answered. Then he blinked and stared at Yoruichi. "Wait. Who are you?"
Yoruichi pouted. "Didn't Jushiro explain this to you? It's me, Yoruichi." She grinned as the Arrancar tried to reconcile the black cat in his memory with the beauty standing before him.
"Ichigo Kurosaki."
The orange-haired Arrancar turned to Harribel.
"Lord Aizen has sent us to offer you a place among the Espada."
What? Sure Aizen loves his needlessly convoluted plans, but there's nothing wrong with just asking. And it makes his enemies paranoid because they start wondering what needlessly convoluted plan he's covering up by just asking. :D
Once I realized all the fun to be had from Urahara's hand being "inside" Rukia, this chapter flowed much easier. Though I feel kinda dirty for writing it…
And yes, Ichigo's transformation into an Arrancar messed with more than just his combat instincts (nudge nudge wink wink). He's just been in "smash, kill, destroy" situations so much that he hasn't realized what else is different. Going back to school is going to be fun. Mwahahahaha.
You know, until I looked up Yoruichi's height in comparison to Harribel's for this chapter, I never realized just how short she actually is. She's only 5'2", 2 inches shorter than the average Japanese woman. And Soifon's even shorter at 4'11" (I knew she was petite but my baby sister was taller than that when she was 11).
I also realized that in the absolute mess I made of the Invasion Arc, Yoruichi never actually flashed Ichigo (he never even saw her in human form). This travesty must be rectified!
As always, review! Give me feedback!