The door to her room was open, a nurse just checking the monitors I suspected.
We entered the room quietly. My angel, looked so small and pale, in the great white hospital bed. Tubes in her veins, wires attached to her, the beep of the machines registered life.
Charlie collapsed into the chair next to her, he was distraught, and his thoughts weren't even coherent. He put his head in his hands and sobbed into the blankets on her bed. I stood beside him my hand on his shoulder.
"Oh, Edward, please tell me this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up" Charlie said
"Bella is strong Charlie, she'll be okay. She's a survivor! " I said mostly trying to convince myself
"Everything that she's been thru, everything that she has suffered. For it all to end like this! Seeing her like this brings back horrible memories for me Edward. I just hope her body can heel from this too." He said softly
"I know, when she was in Phoenix at the hospital we were all so wor-" I began but Charlie's thought interrupted me
Oh he doesn't know about Bella, well it's for the best. She never talked to him about it I'm sure she had her reasons. Charlie thought to himself
What didn't I know about, Bella had a secret that I didn't know!
"Worried about her." I said, trying to quickly recover myself and get back to the conversation with Charlie.
"Yes. Well, she has been thru a lot." Charlie said
"Charlie, Edward, I think you should go home and get some rest. I'll call you with any updates tonight." Carlisle spoke from the doorway.
"How can I leave her? What if she needs me?" Charlie spoke the words, which I was silently thinking as well
"Charlie, you'll be no good to her don't take care of yourself first" Carlisle said "My daughter Alice has volunteered to take you home. Get some rest Charlie, Please."
"Come on you too Edward." Carlisle added
I actually had no intention of leaving, Carlisle knew that but I needed to do this for Charlie's sake. As we headed out the door I heard my name. I turned quickly, hopeful that she had woken up, to see that she hadn't moved. She was still sleeping.
Carlisle sensed my confusion and watched me carefully, Suddenly Alice was there taking Charlie by the arm ushering him out.
"Please call me, if anything changes." Charlie said to Carlisle
"Yes, of course." He said
"Oh, Alice you are such a comfort to me. Thank you for everything." Charlie sobbed to Alice
"Anything I can do to be of help to you Charlie, please don't hesitate to ask." Alice replied
Then they were gone. I was left with my father looking at me, "Edward, what is it?" he said
"Carlisle, I heard someone say my name! I thought it was Bella, but as you see, there is no change." I said
"Edward, that's not possible." Carlisle said
"I know I heard something!" I responded
Edward…Edward
I turned, and went back to Bella, Carlisle closely behind me.
"Edward? He asked
"Carlisle, I think I'm hearing Bella! Oh, God. I hear her!" I said
The beeper went off as Carlisle said" Listen, Edward I need to get back to work. Lets, just see how the next 18 hours go. The pain meds should be wearing off soon, all we can do is hope for a good outcome."
I sat down next to Bella, waiting for her to "speak" again. As I waited, I thought about the secret Charlie had mentioned. What could it possibly be?
A nurse came in around 4 AM to check her vitals and draw some blood. I stepped out of the room while all of that occurred. When I went back in Bella's eyes were opened.
Oh thank God, she's awake! I said to myself.
I pressed the buzzer for the nurse, & within second she appeared in the doorway.
"Please get my father, Dr Cullen!" I spoke urgently to her as she ran to get Carlisle.
Immediately, I was back at Bella's side reaching for her hand. She felt warmer than normal, but right now the only thing that mattered was the fact that she was awake
"Bella, I have been so worried thank God you're awake!" I said
"Bella? Bella?" she wasn't answering me, she just slowly closed her eyes again
"Edward, what happened?" Carlisle asked
"She was awake, she was just awake!" I said
"Edward, let me examine her, please just step back." he said
"Bella, it's Dr Cullen, do you know where you are?" Carlisle asked, "Do you remember what happened?"
She opened her eyes, and looked at Carlisle she just watched him.
"Carlisle" she croaked
"Bella, you were in an accident, do you remember?"
"No" she said
"Edward is here, he's been so worried" Carlisle said as he motioned for me to come closer
"Edward?" She said
"Bella, thank god!" I said
"I- you-were "She stumbled over the words "tired" she managed to say
'How is your pain level, do you need anything?" Carlisle asked
"No, I'll be fine. I've felt worse," she said with a cringed
"I'll order some morphine to relieve your discomfort." He said
"No, Carlisle. I'm fine; I don't want any more drugs. I'm fine. Really!" she said
"No need for bravery Bella, but as you wish" he said
Carlisle left with the promise to call Bella's father to update him on her condition. And I sang my Bella to sleep with her lullaby
At dawn she awoke, and reached for my hand.
"Edward, is everything set with the DJ?" she asked
"Oh, Bella! For a while there I thought you forgot about me!" I said
"Edward, when will you realize just how much I love you." She said
"When can I get out of here? Soon I hope!" she continued
"Alice is bringing your Dad down this morning. Carlisle will be stopping by soon to update everyone on your condition!" I informed her
The nurse came in for more blood, but this time Bella was awake.
"Oh, no!" she protested "No blood!"
"Sweetie, we just need to run some tests again, Dr's orders," The nurse said
"No more blood!" she said, agitated this time
"Please, Nurse Clayton my father, Dr Cullen wouldn't want Bella to be so agitated" I said
"Dr Cullen is the one who ordered the labs" she said, "I am going to need the samples"
Smart-ass kid, trying to pull rank on me with a comment like that. Doesn't he even care about this poor girl she thought
I nervously asked, "What are the tests for?"
"I can't divulge that information to you!" she said
Bella had been watching this all transpire in front of her, suddenly she said. "Edward, it's okay. If Carlisle thinks it's necessary, I'm fine. Please just wait outside it will only be a minute"
"Okay, I'll be right outside the door if you need me" I said
As I left, I heard her tell the nurse 'I know what your looking for, just do it!'
What the hell is she talking about I needed to speak to Carlisle now, I needed to know what was going on.
The nurse left raising her eyes to meet mine with what looked like pity as she past. This is too much to take; I needed to know what was going on now.
Before I could get any answers, everyone converged on Bella's room, Charlie & Alice had just come, Billy, Sam & Emily were on their way too. It was going to be a long day. Carlisle seemed to avoid me, and I was never able to get any information from him.
Charlie wanted to speak to Bella alone, that wasn't much of a surprise. But the way he seemed to be looking at her was odd. He seemed more animated, more insistent for some reason, like Bella was being obstinate and disagreeing with him. He left the room in tears; she on the other hand seemed calm, real calm.
I overhead Charlie in the hall speaking to Billy, Sam & Emily, "I just don't know why she seems to be giving up, why she wont do it again. I know it was bad last time but, hell it was worth it!"
I had definitely missed what they were talking about, so I tried to listen to their thoughts instead.
Poor Charlie to go thru this again, this just might kill him. Billy thought
Bella can't go thru this alone…. maybe I should tell Jacob. Sam thought
God I feel so guilty, she was coming to talk to me, I practically made her come, she's nearly killed & now this on top of it all. I'm calling Jake when I get back, he probably already knows anyway. Emily thought to herself
Then she saw me from around the corner, "Hey Edward!" she said at that the four of them stopped talking and looked at me.
"Hello, Emily. " I said nodding to Sam & Billy acknowledging their presence " Have you had a chance to talk with Bella yet?"
"No, I haven't. I wasn't sure if she'd want visitors." Emily replied hesitantly
We were interrupted at that moment by Carlisle; he asked to speak to Charlie alone.
Sorry Edward, this is something I can only speak to Charlie about. Why don't you head back up to see Bella. I'm sure she's had enough of Emmett and Jasper. Carlisle thought
As I left the gathering of Bella's Friends and family, I caught a stray thought from Charlie
Maybe she's changed her mind. God lets hope so.
I just needed to be brave. I needed to ask her straight what the hell was going on, I would make her tell me. When I got to her room Carlisle had been right, she looked tired, drawn. My brothers were trying to be light and happy with her but from Jasper I sensed sadness. He wasn't able to cover it up completely. I was now terrified about what I was going to find out.
"He guys, do you mind! I'd like to spend time with my girl!" I mused
They all seemed to smile at that "See ya Bella! And watch out for those logs!" Emmett teased
Jasper on the other hand was more composed when he spoke to Bella, "Bella, everything will be fine. No worries, no tears! Bye- Bella"
"Edward, where have you been? I was waiting for you." She said
"I went down to ask Carlisle when we can get you out of here! But I wasn't able to find him." I said
"Bella, I-" I began but was interrupted by her words "Edward I need to talk to you about something."
"What Love? What do you want to talk about?" I was finally going to find out what all of the secrecy was about.
"This is really hard for me to talk about." She began "I really haven't thought about it in ages. But recently, I started to remember more."
"God, I can't do this," she murmured to herself
"Bella, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything! Anything!" I said
"Okay, let me start with the reason I hate needles." She said
"Continue, please love"
"Well about 5 years ago I-" she stopped; she was looking at the door. She started to cry uncontrollably, & I turned to see Charlie. I looked back to Bella. Panic began to well up in my chest. As I saw Charlie approach her, Carlisle took his place at the door. What the hell was this?
"Oh Bella, I am so sorry sweetie" Charlie was mumbling, "You'll be okay, just like before, I just know it.
Edward son, please leave them. Come with me; give them some time Carlisle thought
I raised myself up from the chair to leave, I heard Bella's frantic voice, "No, Edward please don't go."
I just stared at her and Charlie; he was crying tears of pain as she was trying to comfort her distraught parent.
"Maybe Edward could talk some sense into you!" he said
"What is going on, will someone please tell me"? I begged
Bella nodded to Carlisle and from behind me I heard his voice, as he spoke, his voice seemed to waver "Edward, for the past 4 years Bella has been in remission. It now seems that is no longer the case." Remission, that means, that means-cancer I thought to myself.
But he wasn't finished, " With that said, Bella has decided not to receive treatment for this condition. She wants the time she has left to be happy for herself and her family. She doesn't want anything done to prolong her suffering, conventional or unconventional treatment options she is against."
Charlie sobbed in the background, what was Carlisle saying? I felt that I was missing something.
Edward, I will speak to you after. But please say something you're her fiancé. Carlisle thought
"Oh Bella," I said as I rushed to her side "I didn't know. God I didn't know! Lets talk over all of the options with the Dr's. Maybe this time it will be different. Lets do this together, please Bella."
"That sounds like a sensible idea Edward, how 'bout it honey?" Charlie said
Out of my angel's dear sweet lips, I heard her response "No" that was all she would say
"Well, with that said then Bella I think we can release you in a couple of days. Provided that you take it easy, keep hydrated and come back to see me in about a week. " Carlisle said
"Thank you for understanding Carlisle." Bella said as he left the room
"Please try to talk some sense into her Edward. See you later honey. You know I love you!" Charlie said
"I love you too Dad." She whispered
I was left alone with my love, my Bella.
"Why didn't you say anything about this before Bella?" I asked
"It was in the past, it didn't affect me until now." She said. "That's why I always was afraid of needles and why I was sickened by the blood smell. It reminded me of …." She trailed off
"Edward, I want you to take this." She held out her hand and placed it over mine, something dropped into my palm I immediately knew what it was
"No! No! Bella this is yours. You're going to need it in a few weeks" I teased
As I looked into her eyes, the sadness was evident " Edward, I can't marry you. I love you, but I can't" she cried
"What-what are you saying? Bella, we don't have to get married now, we can wait if that's what you want! We have forever to be together." She was crying more and the realization hit me. What Carlisle was trying to say to me, that she didn't want "anything" done to prolong her suffering? Surly she hadn't changed her mind about becoming- but I knew, I had my answer right in front of me
"Bella, I can't do that. I can't just watch you die! I wont let you go, ever!" I shouted
"Edward, please just let me-," She cried
"Just let you what, kill yourself! No-No…that isn't going to happen, I'll see to that!" I interrupted
I suddenly realized as I was speaking, I was getting closer and closer to her. She looked frightened by me.
"Edward, stop this now!" Carlisle said to me, as I turned to meet his gaze. He seemed calm; he seemed fine with her choice. " Let her go!"
I looked down to see my hand griping her arm; she cried out in pain. Oh God, what have I done…
Bella's POV
I screamed out in pain. My body ached from the physical pain, but the true pain I felt was emotional. My dear Edward's strong façade was crumbling and I knew it. I had caused it. I saw the realization on his pained face when I gave him back the ring.
I needed him more than ever now, but I knew I couldn't keep him not like this. Edward would only feel pity for me, sick, weak "Cancer Girl". All he ever wanted was for me to be human-to stay human-I would give him his wish.
Edward ran from the room, leaving me alone, yet again
Carlisle was still there, "Bella, if this is what you want. We will respect your choice." He said
"Thank you. Carlisle?" I said
"Yes Bella" he replied
"How can I make him understand how much I love him, how much I want him. I need him Carlisle!" I cried. " I want him, but not like this. I don't want pity!"
"I think you should tell him how you feel. Don't be afraid, it will all be alright." He said trying to comfort me
"I think it's too late for that." I replied, "I just need to rest, can go home soon?"
""Yes Bella, a few days" he said
I closed my eyes and slept. It was a dreamless sleep. I had no more dreams to dream.
By the time I got home all of the flowers that had been sent had started to whither and die. How ironic I thought to myself. Charlie tried to give me space; he began to distance himself from me like I was already gone. I couldn't blame him for that, I understood completely.
With a knock at the door, Charlie let Alice in. He figured that she could cheer me up.
"Hi Bella!" she sang
'Hi, Alice. I've missed you," I said as I gave her a hug
"I've missed you too! I have been so busy with all of the wedding plans, this is the first spare moment I've had," She said
"Alice, what are you talking about? The wedding is off. I gave back the ring!" I said
"You may have given it back for now, but trust me, I still need to finish planning!" she said as she winked at me
"No, this is wrong! Why can't you see that!"? I cried as I slid down the wall to sit on the floor
"Edward loves you & you love him! That is all I need to see Bella."
"Well, Gotta run! No rest for the maid of honor!" she said as she danced her way out the door.
With my head against my knees I began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't pray. There was no one to hear it. God didn't exist. He couldn't exist. How could fate be so cruel?
"Everything I ever wanted, and now it's gone!" I cried out.
Suddenly I realized I wasn't alone. Someone had been listening to me; I picked my head up and looked directly into the eyes of my dear friend Jacob Black. I flung my arms around his neck, holding him as tight as I could. Not wanting to let him go.
"Bella, Bella! Hush-honey-hush I 'm hear everything is going to be okay," Jacob said to me, and for a few precious moments I believed him
He picked me up from the floor, and took me to my room. Laying me gently on my bed and covering me with a blanket. I just watched as he sat down next to me a stroked my hair. "Sweet Bella, I shouldn't have left. Not when you needed me the most." He said softly
As I drifted off to sleep, I heard myself speak. "Jacob, my Jacob."
When I awoke, I found Jake in the same spot, but Edward occupied my rocker.
"Edward" I breathed
He moved silently and swiftly to the bed, reaching out for my hand. He glanced over at Jacob hinting that he wanted to speak to me alone.
Jake unwillingly too the hint and said "I'll stop by later Bells! Okay?"
"That sounds great Jake" I replied
Edward looked back at me, with such caring and love in his beautiful topaz eyes. I was lost in them. Then he spoke softly, in his velvet voice that I had been longing to hear
"I have wanted to see you everyday. Every night, I've been outside your window listening to your tears. I need you Bella, I need you in my life now and always!" He said as he gently place my ring back on my finger
"Edward, I'm not sure what I can say. To make this any easier for you." I said
"Just be with me Bella. Love me! That's all I ask," he said.
"I have nothing left to give Edward. I'm broken. Nothing can fix that," I said, as tears welled up in my eyes
"I can fix you, I can help you Bella. Just let me!" he said reaching out for me
"No, Edward not like this. You have spent the last 2 years telling me NO, that you wouldn't change me! You wouldn't take my soul & now suddenly you've changed your mind!"
I had gotten up off the bed and was looking down at him now "You wanted me to grow old. Well this is as old as I'm going to get Edward! I'm dying! Like I told you I would someday!" I cried
I turned to run away and was caught from behind. Edward's cool arms encircled me, and held me tightly to him.
He wasn't going to let me go.