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May 13, 1974
"S'really not that bad," Marlene mumbled through a mouthful of Chocolate Frog.
"Not that bad. Not that bad? He's an absolute troll, and I've see flobberworms with a higher maturity level," Lily said imperiously without even looking up from her Charms text, as if the subject of James Potter was so beneath her that she could not even stop her previous activity to discuss him.
Marlene scowled at her red-headed friend. She adored Lily, she really did - the muggleborn witch was her best friend aside from Sirius - but she was about at her wits end with Lily's treatment of James. Marlene had never been as close with James as she was with Sirius and Lily, but she still cared about him a great deal. He and Sirius were like two halves of the same person, making him quite the (not at all unwelcome) fixture in her life.
"So what if he's immature? He's a third year - just like you, in case you've forgotten," Marlene joked, trying to lighten the mood. Lily Evans on a rant about James Potter was a dangerous thing.
"Immature? Ha!" Lily exclaimed derisively. "That's the least of his troubles. He wouldn't be able to behave like a decent human being even if someone threatened to take away his precious broomstick!"
"Lily! Stop saying things like that. He's my friend!"
"And his favorite pastime is hurting my friend!"
Lily finally tossed her book aside, focusing her glare on Marlene.
"Please tell me this isn't about Snivellus! Lily, he's a creep and he hangs out with creepy people!"
"You too? Funny, I hadn't noticed you'd become as cruel as that egomaniac and his psychotic time-bomb of a sidekick that you call friends!" Lily spat.
Marlene could back down. To be fair, she had insulted Snape, Lily's best friend. But Lily - Lily - just insulted James and Sirius. James, an egomaniac? That was a bit of an exaggeration. And Sirius? Well, he wasn't psychotic, at least. No matter how much truth there was to her accusations, npbody got away with that, not even Lily Evans.
"Get out," Marlene hissed.
"What?" Lily asked dumbly, her green eyes wide in her flushed face.
"I said GET OUT!"
And Marlene grabbed the first thing she could find - a Chocolate Frog container - and hurled it at Lily. The little cardboard box fell short, for Lily was already halfway out the door.
.
November 20, 1974
"Guess what! Guess what!" Mary Macdonald giggled as she hopped onto the foot of Marlene's bed.
"What?" Marlene replied, grinning.
Mary was a small girl with soft brown hair and wide blue eyes set in a sweet face that seemed to endear her to just about everyone. She and Marlene had become quite close since Marlene and Lily had fought so viciously the year before. The two girls had barely spoken in six months; Marlene felt ridiculous, but if there was one thing she and Lily had in common, it was their ability to hold a grudge.
"Emmeline...and Sirius!" Mary whispered.
Marlene's tongue seemed to swell to triple its normal size inside her mouth.
"What?"
"Emmeline and Sirius! I just saw them snogging outside the portrait hole!" Mary seemed to blush at the memory. "I think they've only just gotten together, if he hasn't told you about it yet."
"Oh, yes...I'm sure," Marlene said absently. What was that, his fourth girlfriend that year alone?
"Hmmph," came a little noise from the other side of the room.
Both Mary and Marlene jumped at the unexpected noise, only to notice Lily on her bed with her nose buried in a book, but clearly eavesdropping.
"Got something stuck in your throat, Evans? I'm sure even you have trouble swallowing your own superiority complex every once in a while," Marlene said sarcastically, earning a wince and a small gasp from Mary.
"Not as much trouble as I'm sure you have choking down all that denial," Lily returned with a knowing look.
Marlene's cheeks burned, but she had to hand it to the girl - she was good.
With impeccably (in)convenient timing, the door to the room opened and Emmeline Vance flounced in. Her cheeks were flushed prettily, her eyes sparkled, and her chestnut waves looked flawless beside her un-freckled skin. Marlene's expression darkened as she ran a hand over her own, flat boring hair.
"Oh you're back!" Mary squealed, hopping off Marlene's bed and accosting Emmeline.
The other two Gryffindor girls disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Marlene and Lily sitting in a stiflingly awkward silence.
"What are you thinking about?" Lily asked suddenly.
Marlene turned to look at her, completely shocked at the other girl's apparent civility.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, you just looked like you were trying to use wandless magic to set fire to the bathroom. So what were you thinking about?"
"I was thinking about..." She paused as a small smile crept onto her face. "I was thinking about what Emmeline would look like bald, actually."
Lily snorted, and Marlene found her smile broadening.
"Absolutely dreadful, I'd say," Lily said.
The two girl's chuckled at the thought of their roommate losing all her pretty hair, and for a moment all was forgiven.
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December 26, 1974
Marl -
Well, I was right. Christmas was just as rotten as last year. Actually, scratch that, it was worse. Dromeda sent Aunt Druella pictures of her kid - I guess she thought it would be funny? - and it sent the whole bloody lot of them round the bend when the owl turned up with them in the middle of dinner. Kreacher brought it in on a silver platter, and Mum was so angry I thought she was going to behead the thing right there at the table. Although, in that case I wouldn't have minded her killing the messenger. I know, sorry! I always forget that your elf is nice, unlike our foul, useless excuse for a...
Anyway, I suppose I still haven't thanked you for the gifts. Did you like yours, by the way? Tell your mum the biscuits were the best thing I've eaten over the holiday. And tell Mack and Mal thanks for the magazine. Where did they find it? I've always admired those muggle motorbikes. I'm thinking I'll get one now. What do you say? You'll have to come for a ride when I do, but NO, I won't let you drive. You think I'm daft enough to let you drive? I know insanity runs in my family, Marl, but you're going to have to be content with being a passenger.
But thanks for the earmuffs. I don't know who placed the charm on them or where you got the idea, but they're perfect. I can't hear a thing! Really helps to block out the sound of Orion screaming at my mum.
Those two could just off each other and leave Reg and I on our own, for all I care. We could move in with my Uncle Alphard, we'll get Reg resorted into Gryffindor (or just out of Slytherin), and I'll give Kreacher all the clothes in my mum's wardrobe if that'll get me rid of him. Feels good to dream, doesn't it?
Really, though. Those two are always going at it. Orion's always drunk, and Mum's tongue gets sharper everytime she opens her mouth, I swear. I was eavesdropping on them in the study a few days ago, and I didn't hear what she said, but whatever it was made him really angry. He tried to hit her but she cursed him! I didn't know who to root for. I didn't expect her to pull out her wand though. Do you think she'd pull it on me if I charmed the portraits to insult her hairstyles again?
I've got to get out of here, Marl. It just gets worse everytime I come home. I hate them a little bit more too.
Well this is a dreadfully depressing letter. Sorry to ruin your holiday, but I'm too lazy to go and write you a proper one. You'll just have to manage.
- Sirius
ps. Do you think you could send another pair of those earmuffs for Reg? I don't want him to hear it.
December 27, 1974
Sirius -
Enclosed is another pair of earmuffs for Regulus. I've really only been buying standard pairs from a muggle store and having Michael charm them for me. I was going to get him a green pair; I figured the little git would like that. But then again, I'm your friend, not his. So I got him red... Hope you're happy.
The itching powder was brilliant, by the way. My favorite gift. It was just what I needed. I put it the twins' shampoo. It took them all day to figure out where it was coming from, but then they thought it was Max that did it, and they've been pranking him mercilessly ever since. Not even Mer has the heart to tell them off, though, because they're so happy.
I miss my dad. I really do. But this is our third Christmas since he passed, and Mum still barely leaves her room. She didn't come out for the entire day on Christmas. So the biscuits aren't from her. Mer and I made them, so if they taste different, that's why. My Aunt Moira gave us the recipe. I think she's going to move to the manor permanently to take care of Mum. She looks so sad sometimes too; she lost both of her brothers.
And now I feel terrible for being so depressing! I know that I'm the only one your parents still let you write to, so I suppose that means you expect me to lighten the mood or something. Well...that's James' job, so you'll just have to ride it out.
Now that we've established I probably won't be much help in cheering you up: the hippogriff in the room. What has gotten into your parents? I know they're rotten people, but hitting and cursing each other? If you need to get out, you're welcome here. They'd never let you go to the Potters', but my family hasn't really come out of the blood traitor closet yet.
On a higher note, yes, I agree with you. I've tried to fight it, but...Kreacher is a vile little thing. But as for a topic I disagree with you on: this motorbike business. What do you mean you're never going to let me drive? I'm not saying I won't get us killed or anything, but I can't be more dangerous than you.
I'm sorry this is such a scattered letter. I wish I had an excuse, but I don't really. Oh well. Write me again when you get this?
Always,
Marlene
ps. What's your opinion on a flying motorbike?
pps. I know you hate it there, but you'll be seventeen in less than two years. And then you're free for the rest of your life.
.
September 28, 1975
"You must be so proud of them," Dorcas said emphatically, her blue eyes wide and shining.
"Proud of them? Why would I be proud that my twin brothers have joined an organization that's going to get them killed? The last thing I need is more dead family members," Marlene grumbled in response.
Dorcas, Lily, and Marlene were stretched out in the grass by the lake, enjoying the last warmth of the fall sunshine. They were discussing Marlene's most recent grievance: her twin brothers had officially joined the Order of the Phoenix.
"Yes, but they're fighting for something they believe in. They're fighting for you, for me, for all the people that have lost their lives to this stupid war. They're fighting for your father, Marley. I think that's pretty heroic," Lily said passionately. She hadn't discussed it yet, but Marlene had a suspicion that her red-headed friend was already planning to join the Order when she came of age herself.
"I just wish they would leave being a hero to someone else."
"You can't surely mean that?" Dorcas said incredulously. "How can you ask them not to fight?"
"Because I've already lost three family members to this madness! My uncle, my cousin, my father. I don't want to lose the rest of my family too. I just want everyone to be safe." Marlene wiped furiously at her eyes, sweeping away the offending moisture. "But now they're all going to get themselves killed!"
"All of them?" Lily asked.
"Yes," Marlene took a deep breath. "I got the letter this morning. Michael, Merrick, Calum, and Aunt Moira were approached to join You-Know-Who, but they declined. They've declared for the Order now too. We can't even pretend to be neutral anymore. My family crest might as well be in the shape of a target now."
Lily and Dorcas were silent. After all, what could they say to make her feel better? Almost her entire family had essentially signed their own death warrants. What was she supposed to do? Just sit around and wait until she'd buried everyone she loved?
.
August 11, 1981
"Happy birthday, dear Addie. Happy birthday to you," Marlene sang under her breath.
It was Addie's first birthday, and the little girl was balanced on her mother's hip, playing with the ends of Marlene's blonde hair.
"Mumma," Addie crooned, patting at her mother's collarbone.
Marlene's throat suddenly felt tight as she was overcome with a wave of emotion. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Addie should have been surrounded by people that loved her on this day. She should have been passed around to her adoring aunts and uncles. She should be playing with her cousins; surely Michael, Merrick, and maybe even the twins had children already. She should have received piles of muggle toys from Lily, Dorcas, and Mary that would baffle the rest of the guests. Sirius should have been able to complain to the Marauders that his little girl was going to come home with a boyfriend before long. But instead there was just Marlene, Fiona at the hospital like always, and a house that didn't feel like home in a world where she didn't belong.
"I'm sorry, angel," Marlene whispered, burying her face in Addie's neck and inhaling her sweet baby-smell. "I'm so sorry."
Addie only giggled at the sensation of her mother's breath tickling her neck.
"Soon. I promise we'll go back soon. I just need to make sure it's safe."
Marlene sighed and looked down at her daughter. Twelve months to the day and she was so beautiful. With her dark hair and pale gray eyes, she looked just like Sirius. Marlene may not have reached her memories of adulthood and Addie's conception yet, but there was no way anyone else could be her father. It broke her heart that Sirius was missing his daughter's first birthday.
"I have an idea!" She cried to Addie, who only shrieked back in response. "Let's take a picture for your daddy, what do you say?"
A half hour later found Marlene with a disposable muggle camera filled with photos of Addie and her sense of melancholy returned. She didn't know how much longer she could wait. She didn't want Sirius to see his daughter grow up through photographs. She didn't want to be without the people she loved for one more day.
.
October 4, 1975
Marlene found Sirius in the Owlery.
"You know, I've been looking for you for ages," she said quietly, sliding down the stone wall to sit beside him on the dirty floor.
"Why didn't you ask one of the Marauders? You're always going on about how we're freakishly good at finding people." Despite his feeble attempt at humor, his voice held no mirth.
"Don't you know me at all? I'd rather snog a Slytherin than ask for help," she joked, trying to coax a smile out of him. She didn't know what was wrong, but he'd been missing since breakfast.
"I don't think I'd snog a Slytherin for all the galleons in Gringotts. Slimy bunch of snakes, they are."
"Couldn't have said it better myself."
The pair sat in silence for several minutes until Marlene finally found the courage to address the reason they were both sitting on the cold, dirty floor of the owlery when they should have been enjoying the surprisingly mild October weather out by the lake with their friends.
"Sirius, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong? Ha!" His usual barking laugh fell flat. "Gee, I don't know Marl, lots of things are wrong. There's a madman trying to take over the world, Slytherin has more House points than we do, Patricia the Ravenclaw turned out to be a terrible shag, your dad's dead, eighty witches and wizards and Merlin knows how many muggles are dead, and we have no idea who's next. No one is safe anymore. It might be an Order member, it might be you, it might be me, it -"
"Sirius!" Marlene interrupted. Her blood was rushing in her ears, and her throat felt tight. Was that moisture on her cheeks? "Stop it! I - I don't want to listen to you say those things. I know everything's fucked! My whole family's in the Order now! I wait everyday for a letter to come and tell me that I'm down another loved one."
Sirius hung his head. "I'm sorry, Marl. I - I know you're worried about your family. I shouldn't have said all that. It's just..."
"What happened?" She asked gently, lying one hand on his shoulder and wiping at her stubborn tears with the other.
"My Uncle Alphard's dead," he paused, and Marlene opened her mouth to speak, but he continued in a rush as if the words burned his tongue. "I don't know why or where, but he got into a fight with some Deatheaters, and - and they killed him. He was in pieces. Pieces, Marl."
Marlene didn't say anything; she knew that comforting words didn't mean much to Sirius anyway. She squeezed shoulder and remained quiet so he could continue.
"It happened over a week ago, and they only just told me. That's not even the worst part, though. Apparently, he left me all his gold. My parents thought that it was too much of an insult for him to go down fighting against the cause he was supposed to stand for, only to leave all of his gold to his blood traitor nephew, so they've blasted him off the family tapestry. I'm not even supposed to call him 'Uncle' anymore."
He drew in a shuddering breath, and Marlene's chest felt tight as she noticed the moisture pooling at the base of his eyelashes.
"He was more of a father to me than that - that bastard. And now he's gone. How can he just be gone?"
"No matter -" Marlene's voice cracked. She swallowed hard. "No matter what your parents say or do, he'll always be your family. No one can take that away from you."
"Why are they such monsters?" Sirius gasped out before turning and burying his head in Marlene's shoulder.
Marlene stiffened, her heart pounding, but she relaxed when she felt the wetness of tears glide along her collarbone and collect in the hollow of her throat. She didn't say anything, not knowing what to say, so she held his hand as tight as she could and combed her fingers through his hair. Trying to soothe, trying to heal. But she didn't know how to take away that kind of pain.
She didn't know how long they sat there, but Sirius' breathing finally calmed, and he pulled away, sitting up straight against the wall. His cheeks were flushed and he was staring stubbornly at anything but her. He was embarrassed. She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes.
"Don't be -"
But she didn't get to finish her thought because his lips were on hers, hard, sloppy, and salty from his tears. Marlene thought her heart was going to burst from her chest and float away. She was in heaven; this was everything she wanted, this was...wrong.
"Sirius, stop," she groaned pushing him away. "You don't have to try to get into my knickers just because I saw you cry."
He looked away, chewing nervously on his lip. "I wasn't -"
"Yes, you were. I know you," she sighed. Why was she doing this? She wanted to kiss him. "I know you're embarrassed, but you - you don't have to be." She grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm your friend, aren't I? Don't worry, I don't think you're any less of a man," she teased, trying to ease the tension.
Like someone had cut the string that held him up, Sirius' shoulders sagged and he slumped against the stone. He leaned his head back, staring vacantly up at the rafters filled with sleeping owls.
"When will it stop hurting, Marl?" His voice was so quiet she almost thought she'd imagined it.
"I don't know if it ever does."
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November 24, 1975
"For Merlin's sake, Lily, what is going on?" Marlene groaned, following her friend down another twisting passageway. "What are we even doing in this part of the castle? Where the hell are we?"
"We're on the sixth floor. Honestly, it doesn't even matter. I-I just want to tell you something and I don't want to be overheard," Lily said firmly.
"Overheard? By what? The cobwebs?" She grumbled, brushing a mess of dust and spiderwebs from her shoulders.
Lily didn't say anything, stopping suddenly in front of a classroom door.
"What's this?"
"Oh, I think it was an old Divination classroom before they moved it to a tower," Lily replied absently.
"That's lovely, but why are we here?"
Instead of responding, Lily flung the door open and shoved Marlene through it.
"Hey you can't -"
"SURPRISE!"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
"Ah!" Marlene shrieked as the darkened room suddenly blazed with light. "What is this?" She gasped, still trying to catch her breath.
Lily stood beside her with a smirk on her face as the pair surveyed the room. The disused classroom was full of conjured couches and chairs; there was a table laden with food, a large birthday cake, and a substantial amount of butterbeer and firewhiskey; a fire blazed in the hearth, providing a pleasant flow of warmth. Scattered about the room were her friends and family. Mack and Mal were standing near the fire with James, Max was looking very pleased and very nervous between Mary and Emmeline, and Dorcas was near the food table with Remus and Peter. Sirius stood in the middle of the room with his hands clasped behind his back, smirking and looking rather pleased with himself. He looked so handsome; Marlene felt as if her stomach and heart had switched places.
"Did you do all this?" She hissed at him, her cheeks burning from all the eyes on her.
"Don't be ridiculous, Marl. Do you honestly think I'm this organized? No, Evans and I teamed up." He shot a cheeky wink at Lily, who scowled and stalked over to join Dorcas, Remus, and Peter.
"You mean to tell me that you and Lily got along long enough to plan me a birthday party? I don't believe it," Marlene said incredulously.
"Well, her only condition was that Prongs not be involved."
Two hours later found the Gryffindor fifth years (plus Dorcas) dipping heavily into the alcohol and lazing about the room. Mack and Mal had hustled Max out of the room and back to the common room when the firewhiskey came out.
"This is perfect," Marlene sighed. "It almost feels like…like it would if there were no war, I guess."
She sat on the ground beside Sirius, both leaning back against one of the sofas.
"That's what we were going for," he replied before taking a long pull on his bottle of butterbeer.
A soft smile drifted over her face as she observed her friends all enjoying themselves and letting go of the stress and worry that seemed to be their constant companion in those dark days.
"Remus looks rather ill, doesn't he?" She noted, nodding her chin in his direction.
Marlene and Remus weren't overly close. He was on the bookish side, while Marlene spent no more time than was absolutely necessary in the library. She also had a feeling he'd never really gotten over seeing her crack Avery's skull on the dungeon floor in first year.
"Hm? Oh – er – yeah he does, I guess," Sirius mumbled, fidgeting nervously.
"Probably because it's almost that time of the month, yeah?" Marlene prodded.
She was rewared when Sirius choked on his butterbeer and spluttered unattractively.
"What? Wh – what are you talking about?"
"Don't insult my intelligence, Sirius. Lily and I figured it out over a year ago," she grinned smugly, feeling quite proud of herself.
If she were being honest, she'd have to admit that Lily had figured it out and consulted with Marlene, but Sirius didn't need to know that.
"Please, please, don't tell anyone!" He pleaded.
"Relax…Padfoot," she baited. "So when are you going to tell me about that one? Because if Remus is Moony…how'd you earn your nickname?"
"S'not important," Sirius mumbled, making Marlene giggle.
.
April 5, 1976
"Marlene! Marlene!" Lily's frantic voice roused Marlene from her nap.
"What do you want?" She grumbled, burying her face deeper into her pillow.
"Mary's in the Hospital Wing! She's been attacked," Lily said breathlessly, already yanking Marlene from bed.
"What? What happened?"
"They don't know! She's not awake yet. Apparently Emmeline found her and brought her to Madame Pomfrey."
Marlene nodded numbly. The peace she had felt since the wonderful party on her birthday had been shattered.
The two girls skidded into the infirmary just in time to see Madame Pomfrey fussing over a very pale, very upset, but very much awake Mary.
"Mary!" Lily shouted, rushing over to her bed.
"Girls! I must insist you let Miss MacDonald rest. She's been through quite the ordeal and -"
"No, I want them to stay," Mary said firmly. Marlene was impressed; she'd never heard the normally timid girl sound so confident.
"Very well," the nurse conceded. "I'll give you twenty minutes, but no longer!"
As soon as she disappeared, Marlene and Lily rounded on Mary.
"Are you alright?" Lily asked earnestly.
"Tell us what happened," Marlene demanded at the same moment, earning a disapproving glance from Lily.
"I'm alright," Mary assured Lily before answering Marlene. "I'm not exactly sure...It was Mulciber. I was coming from a meeting with Professor Slughorn, and he was in the hallway and - oh it hurt. It hurt so badly, but I don't know what curse he used. He was going to do more, I think, but then someone told him there were people coming. It's all sort of foggy after that; I think Emmeline found me. He - he said it was b-because I was a m-"
"Shh," Lily soothed. "You don't have to say it."
Mary nodded thankfully, silent tears streaming down her face.
"I'll kill him," Marlene snarled.
"You will do no such thing!" Lily snapped.
Marlene shrugged in response. Maybe she wouldn't, but someone ought to...
.
April 13, 1976
"Sirius, what on Earth is wrong with you? What's going on?" Marlene blurted as Sirius dragged her up the staircase to the boy's dormitory. It was Sunday, just after breakfast.
Sirius shut the door behind them and began to pace the small round room restlessly, tugging at his hair that had grown long in the past several months. He had a pained look on his face. With a sudden roar, he whirled around and slammed his fist into the wall. Marlene winced.
"Sirius, stop! You're scaring me."
"Sorry, I'm sorry," he apologized earnestly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay. Just tell me what's going on."
"I," he paused, drawing in a raking breath. "I did something bad. Really bad."
Marlene felt her blood turn to ice at his words. At heart, Sirius was a good, kind person, but he also harbored quite a bit of darkness and was frighteningly reckless. He had learned his fair share of Dark Magic growing up at Grimmauld Place, and he didn't hesitate to use it if he thought the situation appropriate - which was far too often. If he was this torn up over what he had done, it had to be something really really terrible.
"What - what did you do?" She asked delicately, placing a hand lightly on his forearm.
He stubbornly shook his head.
"It's okay, you can tell me," she soothed as her stomach turned to lead.
"Last night I - I told Snivellus how to get into the Shack."
At first, it didn't even register.
"The Shack? But last night was -" And Marlene jerked away from him so quickly she fell to the floor. "Last night was the full moon!"
"He was - he was just saying all this shit, and talking about Regulus, and he made a joke about what happened to Mary, and he - and I just - I snapped!"
"You snapped..." Marlene whispered as she clambered to her feet. "YOU JUST SNAPPED?! IS HE EVEN STILL ALIVE?"
"Yes! Yes Prongs stopped him! It's okay -"
"NO! No it is not okay! You could have gotten him killed! You would have turned Remus into a MURDER! DID YOU EVEN THINK OF THAT!"
"NO DAMMIT! Of course I didn't think of that! But then he went charging off, and when I realized what I'd done, I told Prongs and -"
"And you're lucky you did! You could have been expelled! Snivellus would be dead, and Remus would be in Azkaban!"
"I KNOW!"
"If you know," Marlene growled, stalking up to him and balling her hand into a fist. "Then what -" She punched his shoulder. "The bloody -" She punched his stomach. "Hell is wrong with you!" She kicked his knee as hard as she could and he dropped to the floor.
"I -"
But he was cut off as the door to the dormitory suddenly opened behind them. Marlene whirled around, forgetting completely about Sirius crouched on the ground in front of her when she saw the remaining three Marauders in the doorway.
"Ah, are we doling out our own punishments now? I personally don't think the detentions until OWLs that Dumbledore gave him was enough either. I think the would-be murderer deserves much worse, too," James drawled with more bitterness in his voice than Marlene had ever heard before.
Sirius' sharp intake of breath from behind her made her heart clench. She could only imagine how much James' words were hurting him.
"I - er." She didn't know what to say. What side was she supposed to take here?
Remus had an inscrutable expression on his face, and Peter was looking at Sirius' kneeling form with more malice than she had thought the small boy capable of.
"Don't worry, Marley, I'll take it from here," James said, pushing past Marlene and reaching for his wand.
It was as if she had been possessed, and her body acted of its own volition.
"STOP!" She threw herself back in front of Sirius, her arms spread wide, trying to shield him. "What are you doing?"
"You can't honestly be defending him? Do you know what he's done?" Peter interjected, pushing past Remus in the doorway to join James.
"I -" Why was she doing this? Merlin forgive her, but she just couldn't let them hurt him. "Yes. Yes I know what happened," she said, sounding much more confident than she felt.
"Then step aside. Black doesn't deserve your sympathy or your protection," James said, his voice stiff.
Marlene's jaw dropped at the way James addressed Sirius. He knew that was one of the cruelest things he could have said. Squaring her shoulders, she turned around, grabbed Sirius by the neck of his robes, and dragged him to his feet.
"I know he doesn't deserve my sympathy or protection, but he's got it." she hissed at James. "Now you step aside."
When neither James nor Peter responded, she pushed past them, pulling a limping Sirius behind her. She offered Remus an apologetic glance as she passed him in the doorway, but his usually warm amber eyes were cold, and she felt like a disappointing child under his gaze, so she looked away and hastily pulled the door shut as they exited the room.
"You're stronger than you look," Sirius said as she helped him down the stairs to the common room.
Marlene sighed. She couldn't get Remus' stony expression out of her mind.
"Why did you do that, back up there?" He asked when she didn't respond.
"Well I wasn't just going to stand there and watch," she admitted through gritted teeth.
She settled Sirius on one of the sofas and set about healing the damage she'd done to his knee. She'd let the punches she'd landed on his shoulder and stomach bruise. Merlin knew he deserved it.
"So does this mean -" He began tentatively.
"No. I do not forgive you. I still think you're a colossal idiot," she responded, trying to sound harsh, but already feeling her resolve slipping. Damn him.
"Then why did you defend me? I deserve everything they want to throw at me - punches, insults, curses." His silvery eyes were filled with sorrow, and it broke her heart.
She let the silence rest for a minute as she finished healing his knee.
"Maybe you do. But I couldn't just...because Sirius, I..."
I love you.
"Ugh, nevermind. Lets go throw trip jinxes at Slytherins before you try to kill anyone else."
.
July 28, 1976
Marlene's cheeks hurt from smiling. The entire McKinnon family had descended upon the manor for the weekend, and the July sunshine painted the days golden.
Everyone was outside, and from her position tucked into one of the patio chairs, she had an full view. Her cousin Calum - looking happier than she'd seen him since his father and brother were killed - was playing a game of Wizard's Chess against Mack and Mal; even as a team, the twins were losing miserably. Her Aunt Moira was having a spirited discussion with Merrick and Michael's new fiance Katherine Bell - a pretty muggleborn witch whose younger brother, Joshua, was in the year above Marlene at Hogwarts. Max was practicing keeping - hoping to make the team for his fifth year now that the old keeper had graduated - on the makeshift pitch they had set up on the Great Lawn with Tyler Robards, Merrick's American boyfriend. Her mother, Deirdre, and her Aunt Andrea were sipping cool glasses of tea under the fig tree; the two widows seemed to find comfort in each other's presence.
"I forgot I could be this happy," Michael's voice came from behind her left shoulder.
She grinned at her older brother as he conjured a chair and settled himself down beside her. Michael was twenty-three now, and he had grown into a kind, handsome man. But the stress of the war and becoming the head of their family at only eighteen had taken a toll on him; there was a guarded pain hidden in his brown eyes - so like Marlene's own, would hers look like that one day? - that made her heart hurt.
"You're not the only one," she mused, offering him a small smile. "I feel...light."
"You look light; I'm so glad that you're happy. That's all I want for you, Marl," Michael said sincerely, reaching over to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.
"You worry too much. You're allowed to not worry sometimes. Just be happy, you know?"
She would never tell a soul, but Michael had always been her favorite. He'd always seemed to understand her better than the others. All of her siblings had such singular identities. Michael was the oldest - an exceptional Auror, wise, kind, honorable, responsible, brave - he was universally adored. Merrick was stunning, accomplished, and the perfect lady. Mack and Mal were funny, merry, charming pranksters. Max was the baby, the Quidditch star, the innocent.
But Marlene was just...Marlene. And she was okay with that. She didn't need to fill an archetype, be the best or the most loved or the center of attention. She had a temper - but not as bad as Sirius'. She was good at Potions - but not as good as Snivellus. She was powerful - but not as powerful as Dorcas. She was kind - but not as kind as Lily. She liked pranks - but not as much as the twins. She was brave - but not as brave as Michael. She was smart - but not as smart as Remus. She was pretty - but not as pretty as Merrick. She was just herself, nothing special. But Michael always looked at her like she was special, always talked to her like she was smart, always told her she was beautiful. She didn't feel unexceptional around him.
"I think I've found my little corner of happiness, actually," Michael smiled fondly in Katherine's direction.
Marlene grinned at him. "She's really, really lovely. I like her a lot."
"So you think she's good enough for your big brother, do you?" He teased.
"She makes you happy, doesn't she?" She answered seriously.
Michael nodded, and the sadness in his eyes seemed to evaporate, if only for a moment.
"Then I couldn't ask for anything more from her."
.
October 10, 1981
He rolled over on the mattress on the floor, staring up at the ceiling bathed in the soft morning light. He could hear the dull roar of the ocean through the open window. The breeze coming through it was unseasonably cold for early October; he should probably close it. But he liked the sound of the ocean.
She had always loved to listen to the waves.
Groaning, he ground the heels of his hands into his sore eyes. Another night of tears and firewhiskey had left him worse for wear once again. Not that there was anyone around to see him looking like a cross between an alcoholic and a corpse. Prongs and Lily were in hiding with Harry, Peter was safely tucked away as well, Remus was Merlin knows where, and she...Marlene was dead.
Marlene, Marlene. It always came back to her. Her memory had devoured his every thought, spitting them out and leaving each one tinged with some essence of her. The pain of losing her had woven itself into every moment, every memory, everything around him. He had come to view the world through the agonizing lens of Would Haves. Every beautiful day - she would have spent hours in that sunshine. Every time he saw the ocean - she would have begged to play in the waves. Every time he saw a woman with her child - she would have made a wonderful mother.
He wasn't sure why, but something about that morning was worse than recent ones. He felt more distant from her. Was he forgetting her? Impossible. He would keep her memory close until the day he died no matter how it hurt. But he felt the need to be close to her that day.
He rolled out of bed, put on the first clothes he found, pulled his shaggy hair back into a little ponytail, donned his leather jacket - a present from her - and left the little cottage.
Sirius took a deep breath and apparated to McKinnon Manor.
.
Marlene couldn't wait any longer.
She had woken only moments before, but her last memory had been so wonderful, so incredibly wonderful, that she just couldn't wait. She wanted to see her family; she wanted to see them so desperately. It was time for her and Addie to take a little trip.
She was going to go home.
The McKinnon Manor wasn't too far from Edinburgh; it would only take her the better part of the morning to get there. She showered and dressed in a rush before packing a bag for Addie, and a spot of lunch for herself. Though her hostess would be at the hospital all day, she scrawled a note for Fiona just in case.
Perhaps she was being rash, but once she was behind the wheel of the beat-up little compact sedan she had purchased for herself a few months ago, she could barely contain her excitement.
"We're going to see our family, angel," she said excitedly to her daughter, peeking behind her to the car seat.
Addie babbled adorably in response.
.
Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and stared up at the charred husk of Marlene's childhood home. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find there. Would her scent linger on the breeze? The air smelled only of earth and ash. Would he hear her laughter echoing off the burned, collapsing walls? There was no sound; only the silence of too many lives lost for senseless hate.
He approached the ruin that had once been a grand house, the sound of his footfalls changing as he walked from the dry, dead grass, to the gravel walk, to the ash. Reaching into the rubble, Sirius scooped up a handful of ash. Its scent was acrid and burned his nostrils; he relished it.
With a quick wave of his wand, he transfigured the handful of ash into a single, dark crimson rose. The flower of mourning.
There was nothing for him there. There was nothing for him anywhere anymore.
He glanced up at the sky. It looked like it might rain.
He placed the rose carefully in the ash, and with a loud crack that ripped through the stillness of the scene - but only for a moment - he apparated away.
.
Thanks to her slowly returning memories, she knew the way home without needing directions, but when her car came around the final bend in the drive, she thought for a moment that she had taken a wrong turn.
She was not greeted by a vast manor with well-kept gardens and a lantern beside the door always lit as a sign of welcome.
She was greeted by a scar.
She turned off the engine, and clambered out of the driver's seat in a haze. She didn't bother with a jacket or umbrella for the slight drizzle. Addie was asleep in the backseat, so Marlene left her behind. Each step as she approached the remains of her home was harder than the one before; it felt as if the ground was reaching up and wrapping round her ankles, trying to keep her away from the horror of the scene in front of her.
Where was her family? Where was her home?
With an anguished cry, she sank to her knees in the ash, tilting her face up to the gray sky. The smell that invaded her nostrils and slicked itself onto her tongue was not right. She should have smelt juniper and baking bread, not the acrid tang of smoke and sweetn...what was that smell?
Opening her eyes, she lowered her head to the ground before her.
Lying innocently in the ash, as if it had been there forever or perhaps only a few minutes, was a single, solitary rose.
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A/N: I kind of almost cried while I was editing the last couple of scenes. Dramatic irony in its most heartbreaking form.
Anyway, thank you for the continued positive response! You're all lovely human beings.
And please, please, if you like it enough to follow/favorite, leave me a review! I don't want to be begging for a response, but this is my first multi-chapter fic and your feedback is really helpful.
Coming up: A fair bit of drama - romantic and horrific - coming up in the next chapter. Get excited.
We're also almost done with the return of her memories, and we'll be moving into Phase 2 of this story. Don't worry - it's not even close to being finished.
xx thebluefeather