"This is such a bad idea," he grumbles, listening to her chuckling beneath him while she secures the ties of his skates. "Taking the blind guy ice skating is a bad idea, Beckett."
"Don't be a baby," she scolds, but he can hear the smile in her voice as she stands and clasps his hands in hers. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."
"I have trust in your protective skills, it's the other skaters I'm worried about," Castle huffs, allowing her to guide him towards the ice rink.
The last time he went ice skating was when Alexis was ten. They had gone to the Rockefeller Center around Christmastime, a day just like today, and he still remembers how easily his daughter had caught on to the sport, skating through the rink with balance and grace. He had never possessed such talent and he doubts his lack of sight will help his already established clumsiness on the ice.
Kate had planned this date a couple of days ago in his living room while they were wrapping presents for his family and discussing the latest case she was working on, eventually weaving in tales and fond memories of Christmases with family to lighten the conversation. She used to come ice skating with her parents every year, right up until her mother's death, and when she had suggested the idea, there was no way he could have told her no. He had even been looking forward to it, but not anymore, not as he wobbles on the skates while Kate takes her time to escort him away from the bench and towards the rink.
"Just don't let go of my hands," she says, her voice calm and soothing, almost lulling him into a false sense of safety, but when he steps onto the ice and his balance starts to dissolve, all ideas of security vanish and panic clutches like a fist in his chest. "Castle, hey, you're okay."
She's trying not to laugh, he can hear it caught in her chest, and at least someone is enjoying themselves here.
He's clinging too tightly to her arms, likely bruising the porcelain skin of her biceps, but he doesn't want to fall, doesn't want to get trampled – no, sliced – by the blades he can hear skidding by. He doesn't want to embarrass her.
It's been a while since he's fallen. In the first couple of months after his accident, he took quite a few tumbles, the permanent darkness throwing off his balance, his sense of direction, everything. It had made him feel like a fool, a bumbling idiot who couldn't even walk to the bathroom by himself, and he'd rather not relive that.
"If you fall, I fall with you," Kate murmurs, her fingers climbing up his forearms to curl around his elbows, drawing him in closer. He flinches again at the sharp sound of blades on ice, at the swift rush of a skater flying by, and his chest coils tight, his heart trapped and confined by the caving bones of his sternum.
"Castle," she calls, managing to lift a hand to his face, drawing his attention to her touch. She's good at that, already so good at bringing him back when he begins to drift too deep into the darkness. "Breathe for me, babe."
"Tell me what it looks like," he gets out, zeroing his focus in on the sweep of her thumb over the unshaven skin of his jaw. "Describe it for me."
"Can you hear the Christmas music?" she murmurs, not even hesitating, sliding her fingers up to his ear and curving them over the chilled shell.
Castle swallows and listens for the first time to anything but the deafening noise of those around him. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas floats through the air, the familiar melody drowning out the chaos for a moment and he lets the soft music wrap around him.
"You and I are still near the entrance of the rink," Kate's voice cuts through. "Right next to the railing, can you feel it?"
He squares his jaw, but extends one of his hands towards the side he expects the safety rail to be lining, and sure enough, he's met with a sturdy metal bannister beneath his gloved hand.
"The main Christmas tree isn't lit since it's daylight right now, but the red ornaments are bright, round, and they stand out against the evergreen." He can remember the Christmas tree kept at the head of the rink, behind the fountain and the Atlas statue. It's beautiful at night, a beacon of brilliant light in the darkness, and still a comforting sentry spreading holiday cheer during the day. "The sun is out, hitting the Atlas statue, making the gold shimmer in the light, making the ice shine." Just listening to her voice has him breathing easier, has warmth spreading back through his tense limbs and rigid muscles, and hearing her describe the area for him, putting the image so clearly in his mind, has his panic receding. "There aren't too many people here considering the time of year, but I promise you, Castle, I won't let anyone run into you or knock you down," she murmurs and he finds himself believing her.
This is one hell of a trust exercise, but -
"I trust you," he sighs, abandoning his hold on the rail and allowing her to take his hand again.
She goes slowly, giving him the opportunity to adjust to the slick surface beneath his feet and establish a stable rhythm with her. It takes a few trips around the edge of the rink for him to accomplish anything more than an unsteady wobbling, but eventually, Kate picks up their pace, allowing more distance between them so that he's only holding to her hands, and then he's skating with her.
"Look at you," Kate praises, laughing at the glee he can feel spreading at his lips as he glides slowly but steadily across the ice.
Until he loses his footing and goes crashing to the ground, bringing Kate with him. But to his own surprise, the shame of falling doesn't spread through him like it once did nearly five years ago. Instead, laughter fills his chest, shaking Kate, who landed sprawled across him and joins in with her own peel of amusement that she buries against his lips.
"See, I told you, Castle," she murmurs against his cheek before sitting up and tugging him along with her. "We fall together."
By the end of the day, he still isn't a great skater, he still falls once or twice every hour, but Kate doesn't have to hold his hand to keep him upright. She stays close, always a warm presence in front of him or at his side, but no longer needing to lead him.
"The lights are coming on," she murmurs at his ear, carefully looping her arm through his elbow so not to jostle him while they circle the rink together. "Red and gold lights on the largest tree, multicolored on the ones lining the rink."
"Does it look as magical as the loft?" he grins, wishing he could see her under the glow of the Christmas lights. He wonders if her nose is red from the bite of the cold, if her cheeks are full and aching from all the laughter they've shared through the last four hours, if her smile rivals the brightness of the holiday lights.
"Hard to say," she decides, slowing them when they approach the exit. "They're both pretty magical in their own way."
His body comes alive with soreness that is sure to grow in the next few hours when he sits down next to Kate on the bench near the rink's entrance. She hands him his boots, but he pauses for a moment, listening to her untie her skates.
"What color are your skates?" he asks, suddenly curious, thirsty for another picture, to continue seeing the world through her eyes.
"Neon green," she informs him, a smirk curling around her voice that has him grinning.
"Oh, what I would not give to see you in those."
"I will have you know that I happen to be wearing the most awesome pair of skates in the entire rink."
"The woman with the neon skates leading the blind guy around the ice rink of Rockefeller Center. We deserve a spot in the paper," he chuckles and she smacks his arm for it, but he can feel her own amusement dancing along with his.
"What are you wearing?" he decides to continue.
"There are children around, Castle."
He gasps. "Katherine Beckett. That was not what I meant."
"You want to know what I wore to come skating with you today?" she reiterates, quizzically, and he shrugs. "Why?"
"You know why," he informs her and listens to her sigh, light and airy before she begins to talk.
"Jeans, a dark blue sweater, tan trench coat, a cream scarf, and a red hat."
Castle reaches forward, finding his mark of the beanie on the top of her head. "All combined with the skates? You must look adorable."
"Castle," she huffs, elbowing him in the side.
Kate is faceless in his mind, for the most part. He can imagine her eyes, her smile, her hair, even her silhouette, but there's no way to put them together without the picture coming out all wrong. He's become okay with it though, having pieces of her. It's better than nothing at all.
"Do you need help?" she prompts when he continues to simply stare in her direction, still wearing his skates, and he quickly shakes his head.
"No, but Kate, I - thank you for this," he murmurs, slipping the gloves from his hands, raising one to her cheek, feeling it lift beneath his palm. "I didn't think I could ever… you've changed everything for me."
"Shh, Castle," she breathes, moving in closer to his side, dropping her forehead to his. "Don't get all sappy on me."
"No one's ever tried so hard for me," he admits anyway, the hand at her cheek venturing into her hair, cradling the back of her skull. "Not even when I could see."
Her nose bumps against his and his eyes flutter closed, the breath she releases fanning out over his lips just before she kisses him. Her lips are dry, a little chapped from the cold, and she tastes of the hot chocolate they shared earlier during their brief break from the rink, her tongue bursting with the flavor of peppermint as she slips past the barrier of his lips, delving into the warm cove of his mouth, and he pulls her in closer, sips from the sweet well of her lips.
Kate moans quietly when he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, attending to the tender flesh with reverence before doing the same to her upper lip, losing himself in the all consuming sensation of kissing her until she breaks away with a sigh.
"I love you," she confesses on a breathless whisper and his heart is thumping so loud in his chest, he's almost afraid he heard her wrong. But her lips are curling against his, their eyelashes tangling, and she says it again. "I love you, Castle."
His stomach drops out like it did back on the ice, that sensation of falling and flying hitting him all at once, and he skims his thumb along the corner of her eye, feeling the subtle lines of creased skin from her smile.
"I thought - I thought you said it was too soon."
"I thought you said there wasn't a timetable for these things," she counters, her voice light, playful. Happy. "And maybe it is too soon, maybe I should have waited a little longer." He feels her shrug. "But I know how I feel and I'm in this. I'm in love with you."
He doesn't think he's ever heard her sound so confident and for the second time that day, he finds himself trusting her wholeheartedly, believing every word she says.
He stopped wearing his heart on his sleeve after he lost the ability to see, so he thought, but he thinks Kate Beckett stole the fragile thing the day his dog rammed him into her in his favorite coffee shop. And already, he loves this woman with an intensity he's never felt before, the certainty of it streaming through his veins, leaving no room for the doubt that once existed and coursed so strongly through his system. It doesn't matter if it's only been a month, doesn't matter if this is only the beginning, doesn't matter if they crash and burn in the end or last a lifetime. Doesn't matter that he can't see her.
She feels like forever.
"I'm in love with you too," he murmurs and wow, he thinks her smile must be bursting across her face, stretching so wide and full across her cheeks. Probably the most beautiful sight.
"Then kiss me again," she commands.
He doesn't hesitate.