I failed to mention that this fanfic is happening as if Victoria never even existed. Josette did, but Victoria didn't (sorry David, but I can't stand her). Anyway here's another chapter! I apologize if it's lame, but it's happening.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows, but that would be awesome.

Julia sat in the chair in the living room, reading Love Story by Erich Segal (mostly because she noticed Barnabas reading it the other day). This was the first time in a long time that she didn't have a pounding headache. Her head was clear without a single drop of alcohol in her body much to her dismay. I need to get that damn key from Barnabas.

Carolyn walked in with her headphones blaring Alice Cooper into her ears. Julia didn't notice her presence, but Carolyn became aware of her fully conscious state and and the absence of her sunglasses.

"Oh my God!" Her sudden outburst startled Julia. "What the hell?! What is it Carolyn?"

She removed her headphones as she spoke in an exaggerated whisper, "You're sober." She rolled her eyes, "Yeah shut up." I need a drink.

"I'm going outside," Carolyn told her, "I'll probably see a flying pig, too, eh?" Julia's attention returned to her book as she spoke, "Maybe even a blue moon."

The sun was still shining outside and for the first time, Julia didn't have to block the beams or close the curtains. She shuffled down the long halls of the mansion until she found Barnabas' room and knocked.

He opened the door. "Dr. Hoffman? How can I help you, madam?" Again with that charm! "I just wanted to give you back this book. I didn't know if you were done with it." She handed it to him. "Ah yes, I was wondering were it was," he said, "I only have 12 pages left. It's a tragically beautiful story wouldn't you agree?"

"I'd say it was beautifully tragic."

"Well put."

There was only a moment of silence before Julia changed the topic. "So what have you been doing in here?" "Oh nothing really," his face darkened a little, "I have just been sitting here alone with my thoughts."

Another bright idea came to mind. "Well, would you like to come to my office again?"

They sat opposite of each other again in Dr. Hoffman's office.

"Have you ever heard of the Rorschach Test, Barnabas?" He hadn't of course. It wasn't invented until 1921. "I'm afraid not, doctor. Would you care to inform me?" "It's a test used in psychoanalysis. I show you cards with symmetrical ink blots of different shapes and colors and you say what it looks like to you or what it reminds you of," she explained. He didn't understand what motivated her to do this. "What's the purpose of this?" he asked.

She grabbed a glass of scotch from her desk as she answered. "To be honest, I'm just bored and I want to pick your brain. You are definitely the weirdest person I've ever met; I want to know what's going on in there," she said as she pointed her finger to his forehead.

"When you say 'pick your brain', you mean figuratively, correct?" She couldn't help but to roll her eyes, "Yes Barnabas."

She bent over, exposing herself slightly as she picked up a clipboard and ten cards laying on the floor in front of her. He pretended not to notice her breasts, but continued to stare. "What do you see here?" she asked. She held up the ink stained card for him to observe. His eyes reverted to the cards, "A bat." Dr. Hoffman wrote his response on the clipboard. "How about this one?" she asked showing him a new card. "Another bat."

They repeated the process until all ten cards were shown. "All right, so you saw one elephant, one witch, two sets of birthing hips, and six bats." "Correct. What does this implicate?" he asked. "Well, these aren't common answers, that's for sure," she told him as she scribbled on the clipboard, "I've never had anyone see so many bats before... or birthing hips for that matter."

He sat patiently, waiting for her to finish whatever it was she was doing. She came to her best conclusions and announced, "Here's your diagnosis: Your sickness quotient is 54% - which is hardly a cause for concern - and due to some issues from your past, you may be suffering, or have suffered at some point, from an eating disorder."

How can she gather that from cards? "Does a diet of only blood count as an eating disorder?" he asked. "I'd call it a selective eating disorder," she hypothesized.

Just then, a cloud outside moved letting rays of sunshine in the room. Barnabas shielded himself and Julia cringed at the intensity.

"Sorry Barnabas. I forgot to close the curtains."

She got up to closed the curtains, much to Barnabas' appreciation, and returned to her seat. "Congratulations, you've completed your first psychoanalysis test," she said, "How about a reward?"

"What kind of reward?" he asked with slight confusion. Without hesitation she approached Barnabas and sat next to him. "Madam, wha-" she cut him off by pressing her lips on his. He tried to resist, but her hand grasped the back of his head firmly in place. Her free hand ran down his arm and side. She found the pocket of his coat and felt to see if there was anything inside. Sure enough, she found what she was looking for all along.

She pulled out the key to the cellar and released Barnabas from her grasp and smiled wickedly to him. "That was fun, but maybe next time you just give me the key. You can't lie to a psychiatrist, dear," she whispered.

He stayed frozen in his place, not sure how to react, but it didn't matter because she was already out the door heading for the cellar. "I could have her hanged for that."

There's that! I probably won't be able to post another chapter for awhile (I have't even started nor do I know where this is going), but it'll be here sooner or later. As always, please leave a review to let me know what you're thinking! Thank you bellovetrix and FluffyLynn for already doing so :)

p.s. I took an online Rorschach test as "Barnabas" so the results that he received are as reliable as the site I took it from lol