I dont know what is going on here. I have so many chapters of this story written that i am anxious to post. This chapter is pretty fluffy, for me at least. Anyhow I sometimes use songs when I feel like its appropriate so this chapter and the next have them. If you read the lyrics as you read it really helps draw out the emotion. Haha, here i am being all analytical and stuff. Anyhow i'll just let you get to reading and then post more at theend.
xoxo Jules
Chapter 18: "Now he's dead"
Summers POV: "It happened so fast"
She's a girl in a world, she's moving as fast as she goes
Loves her mum and her dad, the only secure that she knows
There was something about California. Something that gave me a renewed feeling of hope. Nobody here looks at me and sees the daughter of a stripper or feels the need to call the center of disease control when I get too close.
People my entire life have looked at me like I am a worthless piece of trash. I didn't realize until recently that I had begun to look at myself that way as well. I thrive on the attention of others, the attention of men. I needed-… well need them rather, to verify my worth. Sure it sounds cliché but its cliché for a reason, because it's true, …it happens.
But at night, she's alone, she's dreaming of somebody new
Her someone for to hold, she's praying the dream will come true
I sat on Alex's bed in her room flipping through a magazine. She had run out to the store with Luke and Ryan and Seth was helping Sandy get the grill started for dinner. I arose from the bed when I heard a soft knock at the door.
"Come in." I said silently
A curly head peered into the room
Show me the way - show me, show me how
Help me be brave - for love
"Aren't you supposed to be grilling?" I asked as I sat up and crossed my legs Indian style. My voice had come out surprisingly unthreatening, especially for me.
"Well." Seth said as he stretched out on the bed beside me, "meat is definitely not my forte." He grinned at me.
Show me the way - show me, tell me how
What do you say
"Surprise surprise." I said sarcastically cracking a small smile.
"So what were you doing up here alone for all of these long, long hours?" Seth asked suggestively. The thought of what he was implying made me sick to my stomach. As my face turned he moved to touch my leg. I backed away.
"Woah, are you okay?" Seth asked with genuine concern
There's a pain in her heart, she's trying so hard to unwind
Makes her cry in the night, when visions so real make her blind
"I'm fine." I said. Seth stared intently at me, my quivering voice had betrayed the words that I spoke.
"I was just kidding you kno-"
"I said I was fine okay!" I snapped back, a pang of hurt flashed in his face. "Sorry," I apologized, "rage blackouts."
Wants to break through the the fear
Erasing the scars from within
Most people would give up on me if I treated them the way that I treat Seth. It never made any sense to me. I could set him on fire and threaten him with an army full of Samurai Warriors carrying sharp bladed machetes and he would make some odd joke about it. I can do whatever I want, … say whatever I want, … and he never gives up.
"Really though I didn't mean to snap at you." I fingered the hair of the small plastic pony that I held in my hand.
"Who is this?" Seth asked taking the small toy out of my hands.
Start a new kind of being - she's down and she's praying again
"It's nothing." I said. I could feel my face begin to blush. Every child had a comfort toy, I had just never grown out of mine.
"Come on." Seth urged me giving me a small smile. Reluctantly I gave in.
Show me the way - show me, show me how
Help me be brave - for love
Show me the way - show me, tell me how
What do you say
I stared out at the ocean for a moment before I spoke. It was dusk, my favorite time of day. The sky was turning a mesh of oranges and reds as the sun began to set against the ocean. The last of the sailboats were heading toward the shore creating the illusion that the clouds were coming to the land to swallow it whole. But it wouldn't be a violent or foul intended invasion, it would be soft, peaceful, … comforting, like a small child being covered with a soft cotton blanket at night.
You see she's -
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
"Her name is Princess Sparkles." I said carefully taking her back from Seth and toying her in my fingers. "My grandmother gave her to me when I was little. It was all I had after-"
I didn't like talking about my grandmother dying and having to move in with my mother. All that talking about it did was bring up unnecessary pain and memories that I would rather forget. I always hated sentiment.
"It's dumb anyway." I said placing Princess Sparkle on the bedside table. "It's just plastic lump and synthetic hair molded into a childs toy." My voice quivered as I spoke.
Stepping outside, with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
I never experienced childhood. The entire idea to me was scary. Never once did I have the chance to be innocent or forget my inhibitions. Children don't have walls. If I had been open, honest, vulnerable, I would have crumbled a long time ago. I'm still here.
"Oh contraire Summer. You see it is much more than that." Seth pointed out
"Oh is it?" I asked raising my eyebrows as if to challenge him
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the rollercoaster world
"Jewels." He declared.
"Jewels?" I raised my eyebrows missing his point.
"There!" He said pointing to her jewel studded collar. "You forgot to mention the jewel, everyone always misses the jewels. They are there right in your face plain as day but people choose to look through them. They are so shiny that when the light reflects off of them it blinds you. It's like everyone is intent on pointing out the negative they miss the beauty of it all. It's like life." I had never seen Seth so serious before and yet I had never felt as I did in that moment.
Take it in stride, you're just twenty-five
And you know we've all been hurt before
Seth then suddenly, without warning flew to his feet. He had a crazy look in his eyes like a mad man and if the phone had been closer I would not for a moment have hesitated to dial 911. He smiled like a anxious child as he reached for my hand.
"Let's go!" He said
You see she's -
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the rollercoaster world
"No way am I going ANYWHERE with you!" I yelled backing up against the headboard of the bed.
"For the love of God, calm down woman and just come with me."
Stepping outside, with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
As I bit my lip nervously Seth chuckled and pulled me from the bed. Nearly a half an hour later I found myself on the dock with my feetdangling over the edge eating cotton candy, my toes danced against the black waters. Seth and I had searched the streets for loose change until we found enough change to afford the candy. Well, one old woman did donate a dollar, … and a condom which I thought was really random. As she walked away she muttered something about children having children and then the government and welfare. I shrugged off whatever she said just thankful that I was one dollar closer to the cotton candy.
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
"So why here?" I asked Seth as I watched him look out across the ocean in fascination.
"I used to sail here with my father when I was a kid." He confessed to me
"You should do it again." I said out of nowhere
"What, sail?" He asked turning now to meet my eyes.
"Yeah." I said nodding with certainty.
"Maybe I will." He said lying back on the dock. "One day I will make it to Tahiti and you will be my first mate.
I didn't know what a first mate was but it sounded pervish. I kept my mouth shut though, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Take it in stride, you're just twenty-five
And you know we've all been hurt before
"We don't even have a boat." I pointed out.
"We don't need to have a boat to dream Summer. There is nothing wrong with living in a world where you can hope. If you surround yourself with disappointment you will have nothing to look forward to."
I let my toes slide against the current as I let the smell of salt water invade my senses. Tilting my head back to get a view of the full moon I sighed.
Yeah we've all been hurt before
So you're not alone..., no...
You're not alone...
"Maybe you're right." The corners of my mouth turned up into a small smile, but Seth did not see as we were swallowed by the darkness of night.
Seth didn't know it, but that night he gave me my childhood. He gave me hope, and he gave me a dream, … well he shared his own dream with me, and more importantly made me a part of it. I have spent so many days running from my life that I have been forgetting to live it. In that moment I realized that it was time to slow down, … and maybe for the first time I could be happy, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. As I glanced over at Seth I then realized that I wouldn't have to. Ever.
Something about the way that turned out made me happy. Its kind of coming together for everyone. Next chapter there will be some requested Ryan and Marissa interaction, probably will not be what you expect but their relationship is moving along. I ended up surprised by the way it turned out myself. See i never plan chapters, whatever comes out comes out and that to me is what makes writing fun.
I am supposed to major is physcology in college and i think that i will. My dream one day ideally would be to write scripts or produce movies or something but its not quite realistic. BUT the way that i figure is that if i major in physcology if i ever do get the event to do things like that the characters will be realistic and not like these ridiculous inconsistent characters that you see on TV today that have like 6 different personalities. They kind of did that with Luke.
Anyway let me know what you think. I hope to have the next chapter written up soon.
Please review!
Converses, it's nice to ... hear from you again. Haha, is hear the right word for it? ConversesRolledDown is a pretty talented writer so you should check out her stuff.
After the events of the finale you should check out an old thing i wrote, Mad World. I feel like it kind of applies...
Im done now... sorry its like 2 am and i'm dreading graduation rehersal tomorrow.
REVIEW!