Yo kids. I have really appreciated your reviews and continued support of this story, reallythough it means a lot.
thanks,
Jules
Chapter 19: "Mama, life had just begun,"
Alex's POV: "I don't really know this kid"
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
It's been so long since I've looked in the mirror, like really looked. After awhile I stopped seeing myself, after that I stopped looking altogether. I never felt worthy or comfortable in my own shoes. Sure I can wear the façade like the rest of them of the spoiled Newport rich kid that had everything handed to them on a silver platter, or the broody rocker that claims nobody will ever understand them. I could be anyone or play any character except for myself.
"Hamburger meat!" I said stopping Luke from where I sat in the back of the cart like a small child shopping with their mother.
It was getting cold in the frozen food section, I pulled my red knit cap over my ears.
"Hamburger meat it is!" Luke said purposefully dropping the slab of meat onto my exposed knee.
"Gross!" I exclaimed as I jumped out of the cart with Ryan's assistance. I wiped my hands off onto my shorts. "Anything that you want Ry, food or anything?" I asked him
"No, I'm fine. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to stick around." He confessed
"But thanks." He added casually
"Why not?" I asked in surprise
"Well there's only so long that I can intrude." Ryan said tossing dinner rolls into the cart as he headed to the next isle. Luke and I exchanged glances.
Over the past four days or so I got kind of used to having everyone around. It was more than welcome after being an only child for my entire life and only having my parents at home for company.
Ryans POV: "Even though I sit by him in class"
Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
My entire life I thought places like Newport beach didn't exist. It never made any sense to me how people could have these huge houses and others lived on the streets. My childhood rationale couldn't understand why the people with money didn't get slightly smaller houses and give some money to the poor people so everyone had somewhere to live. It is amazing how there was a time in my life where I could ever think that simply.
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page
Seth, Marissa and I all sat in the pool house that night sprawled across the bed. I was on the far end and Summer and Marissa were in the middle, Seth was practically clinging to the edge of the bed. Marissa's long hair tickled my forearm causing an electric feeling to race through my body. When the feeling began to subside into comfort my worries took over.
"We've got to decide what to do." I said breaking the long silence.
The situation had gone unspoken, unresolved too long. It was like this little black cloud that was floating over our heads threatening rain at every turn. Now it was either about to pour, or the sun would come out. I much would prefer the latter but I would not be surprised one way or another. Marissa shivered next to me, she had gone a day and a half without a fix.
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention, was never my intention
To harm you or your kin, are you so scared to look within
"I have no idea what to even think at this point." Seth admitted shifting himself on the bed. He finally gave up and let one foot hit the floor. "My aunt and Uncle said that we are all welcome to stay in the pool house for as long as we need. I mean, we'd need jobs and to pay our own way but at least we wouldn't be on the streets."
"I don't know if I can do that." I said sighing "They've already been to nice to me."
I always had the tendency to fuck things up, or so my mother said. The Cohens were nice enough to let us stay at their house as long as they did. Sure they had some obligation to Seth but to the rest of us…
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
We sat there in silence for quite awhile, so long in fact that the next noise I heard was Seth snoring in the bed which he must have climbed back onto. Summer was facing him, pressed against his chest with her arms curled against herself like a baby. Seth had a protective arm over her as her head rested in the crook of his neck. I smirked, that was something that I thought that I would never see. The resident slut shacking up with the dorky, emo kid.
It was then that I realized that there was something missing. Marissa. I crept out of the bed slowly so not to wake Summer and Seth. The light of the moon lit the pool house and cast its glow upon the pool. In the reflection of the water I saw her, Marissa, hunched over by the bushes. I watched for a moment before I approached her.
We'll not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when it's gone
Marissa's body heaved again and again as if she were still struggling to breathe as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the bush.
She jumped, startled, as she felt my hand wipe the hair from around her face and gently I held it above her head. I rubbed small circles on her back which seemed to comfort her a bit but it was a long time before the heaving ceased.
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
"Just breathe." I whispered into her ear using the voice that I used when my mother was in a similar position. "It's alright." I assured her as her body crumbled against mine. I let her weight, what little there was of it, lead me to the ground as I held her in my arms.
She wasn't crying at this point, just shaking. Her body wracked in a cold sweat. Her navy blue tank top faded into the backdrop of night and clung to her rail-like body. I don't know what happened to her pants between the time that she left the pool house and now but her legs stuck out of her underwear like twigs. Her tiny fists grabbed a hold of my pant leg so tight that her knuckles turned white.
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
At this point I wasn't sure what to do.
"Please." Her voice begged me silently as a heavy wavy of tremors overtook her body. She looked into my eyes then. Seeing the look on her face made my heart ache. Her big watery blue green eyes stared back at me, pleading with me. Her lips quivered as she subconsciously gnawed one until a single droplet of blood appeared. It glistened in the moonlight. "Just one hit." Her head sunk into my chest.
Conflict, conflict, always a fucking conflict. But looking down at her I couldn't imagine that she would make it to the morning if she weren't … relieved so to speak of this… this, … I don't even know what to call it. This was the last time though, this was the last thing that I could do for Marissa Cooper.
I have decided that I, Ryan Atwood am addicted to tragedy. I am addicted to Marissa Cooper. My stomach flutters when she walks into the room, my heart aches when I see what she is doing to herself. My palms were sweating the day that she was dragged in by the guards. Something about me, about her, kept me going.
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
"Marissa, we've go to stop this." I lifted her chin up so that she could again meet my eyes.
Suddenly without warning she flung to her feet. With shaky steps she headed toward the gate leading to the beach.
"Where are you going?" I asked chasing after her as panic raced through my body. I grabbed for her arm. She yanked it away from me with all the force of a sumo wrestler. I stepped back in shock wondering where all of the energy was coming from. Marissa was running on pure adrenaline. Her eyes became dark and glared into mine like a wild bull that was ready to attack.
I eased towards her backing her up against the side of the house. She poised herself to charge at me.
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
"Please Ryan, leave me alone. I only need a hit, I'm just going to run out and get something to calm me down, I swear this is the last time!" She pleaded with me distressed. In the darkness of the night I could see her eyes brimming with tears.
"It's always ONE LAST FUCKING TIME Marissa! Always! I cant do this anymore!" I clenched my fists at my sides ready to snap.
"THEN DON'T RYAN! I NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR HELP GODDAMNIT!" Marissa screamed. Her voice was shrill and tired but it came out with rage. "So let me go." She stepped forward, I could see that this was a challenge.
"You're not going anywhere! You're not even wearing pants for the love of God!" I screamed. Marissa, appearing as though she just realized this smirked.
"So what." Her eyes flashed with rage and her muscles began to lock up.
"So what? You tell me." I challenged back
"I'll tell you what."
She took one step closer to me.
"I'm leaving."
She then pushed the entire weight of her body into mine.
"No way." I fought back
With all of my strength I slammed my body into her own and threw us against the wall of the Cohens house with a thud.
"No Ryan, let me go!" She hollered as she beat her fists into my chest and kicked me in my shins. All of her limbs moved every which way as she fought. "No, let me go!"
Her eyes which refused to close darted around in panic. As she got another burst of energy I had to pin her into the wall again but harder this time.
"Ryan!" She screamed beating my chest time and time again. Her teeth sunk into my shoulder. I could almost feel my skin tear. There was no doubt in my mind that if I did not pull her off of me a chunk of my arm would be gone in a matter of moments.
"Shit!" I screamed backing a step up and tearing her fists away from my chest. Taking hold of both hands I slammed her against the wall again, but this time I leaned so that we were nearly forehead to forehead and I had her arms poised at either side of her head. My feet were placed feet away from her own as I leaned into her.
When all I got is sinking sand
As she tried to slide down the wall the backs of her hands scraped the siding of the house. Nothing that I was doing could have stopped her at that point.
"Back the fuck up Ryan I swear!" She yelled
"Fine." I said relieving her wrists and backing up several feet. As she tried to charge past me I grabbed her around the waist and threw her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
That trick ain't worth the time it buys
At this point Seth and Summer were watching in horror from the pool house window. Summer opened the door for me as I arrived carrying a flailing Marissa.
"Seth, turn the bath on cold."
Marissas eyes nearly popped out of her head as she realized what I intended to do. Her body began to shake as she sobbed.
"No, no! I'm done I swear!"
I didn't believe her. She clawed at my back trying to avoid the freezing bath water at all costs.
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
Seth and Summer stood blocking the doorway as I dropped her into the tub. Her head for the first moment or two was submerged in water until she came up gasping for breath.
"Ry- RYAN" She breathed out reaching for me. "Ry- Ryan!" She tried again as she tried to scramble out of the tub like a small kitten.
"Marissa honey, it's okay." Summer tried to soothe her from the doorway.
"No, NO!" She said gasping for breath again.
"Marissa, MARISSA!" I screamed as I was forced to push her body back into the frigid water with my own. I ended up toppling in beside her. "Calm down, just calm down." I said holding her against me.
And love's a raven when it flies
I flipped her over with force that surprised even me so that her back rested against my chest.
"Calm down, I'm here, just calm down."
She fought back for a second until I held her arms tight across her chest and then restrained them with my own.
"Calm down." I applied pressure on her body with mine. "Breathe! Come on Marissa breathe for me!"
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
Her breathing began to steady and her body sunk into mine in submissively. The cold water bit my skin and my lips and fingernails turned blue. Marissa shivered against me.
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
"That's it, breath with me. " I said coaching Marissa's breath. "Good girl, good girl." I repeated as I began to stroke the sides of her face with my trembling hand.
Moments later no longer able to bear the cold I toppled out of the tub. Both sets of our lips were blue and trembling with cold. I realized I was still wearing my jeans and white tank top, while Marissa was still only in her skimpy tank and underwear. As we hit the floor, me first of course, Summer rushed over with a towel from the bed and draped it across us. Marissa clung to me as she began sobbing.
Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to build yourself back up… That was Marissa's rock bottom.
This sets the stage for RM i swear! Anyhow let me know what you think about the chapter, it started ff slow and then got pretty heavy. I hope to hear from you all. Thanks.
xoxo Jules