"It's only me," said Derek. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."
"Derek?"
"Yeah."
"What are you doing here?" she asked watching as he walked on to the porch and stood in front of her. "How was your date?"
"A disaster."
"Oh…sorry," said Meredith trying to sound sincere.
"What did you mean?"
"What?"
"What did you mean earlier in the parking lot?"
"Uh…that…I was just…"
"You said there was only every one man that was going to do and that you had pushed him away for good," said Derek.
"I did."
"You did," he said. "Who were you talking about?"
"Derek…I…" Meredith protested as she deliberately looked away from him.
"No. No more games," said Derek firmly. He grabbed Meredith's shoulders and made her face him. "No more games Meredith. Tell me right now or I will walk away for good!"
"You," she whispered.
"Me?" Derek repeated.
"Yeah you," she said pulling out of Derek's grasp. "Pathetic isn't it?"
"Meredith…"
"No let me finish," she said. "I spent so much time convincing you that it would never happen…I didn't convince myself. So I wait until you move on…I could have told you in New York when you were…I guess I just didn't have the courage to tell you especially after everything I've said."
"Why did you then?"
"I don't know…because you were yelling across the parking lot and it was raining."
"You were jealous," he said still slightly dazed. "When you heard I had a date you were jealous."
"Yes," Meredith admitted. "Fine I was jealous."
Derek just stood there looking at her, as if he was trying to work out what she was thinking. Meredith stood in front of him awkwardly waiting for him to say something, surely it was his turn to say something.
"Derek please say something," she pleaded.
"Is Ella asleep?"
"Yes," said Meredith hanging her head. She took that to mean that Derek had moved on, he was over her. "I actually should go and make up her bottles for the morning."
"Okay," said Derek. "Bye."
"Bye Derek," said Meredith turning away so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.
----------------------------------------
Derek only made it as far as his car before he came to his senses. What the hell was her doing? Was he seriously going to walk away from Meredith again? He looked up at the porch Meredith had gone inside. He took out his cell phone and called her.
"Hello," said Meredith and Derek knew instantly that she had been crying.
"Can I come inside?" he asked. "Please."
"Uh…yeah okay," she said.
-------------------------------------
When Derek hung up the phone, Meredith sprang from where she had been sitting at the kitchen table. She pulled some of Ella's bottles out of the sterilizer and started to measure out the formula. She didn't want Derek to know she had been crying. She heard him coming in the front door and making his way into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," he said leaning against the fridge.
"For what?" said Meredith trying to pretend that nothing had happened.
"For walking away again."
"It's fine," Meredith insisted. "Really everything is fine with us."
"Fine? You need to stop using that word, it makes me worry."
"Sorry," she said. "I guess it's just a habit."
"I love you Meredith," he said. "I still love you, I've tried not to but I can't stop."
"Derek…please don't do this," said Meredith looking up at him. "It's alright…I know I've pushed you away and I'm difficult."
"Come here," said Derek cupping her face with his hand and pulling her into his arms. "Don't cry."
"I'm not," said Meredith defiantly.
"You're upset," he said resting his chin on the top of her head.
"I'm okay," she said.
"I'm not," Derek confessed. "Can you please be honest with me, right now can you be honest?"
"Okay," said Meredith quietly, trying not to get tears on Derek's shirt.
"Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"We can't play games anymore," said Derek seriously. "It's not just us that would get hurt this time, we can't not talk to each other, we can't cut each other of our lives."
"I can't promise I come with a life time guarantee," said Meredith.
"I know that."
"But I do want a lifetime," Meredith continued. "I meant when I said no other man would do. I can't picture being with anyone else…I can't imagine having kids or growing old with anyone else, no matter how hard I try I just can't."
"Me neither," said Derek.
"So…I was honest with you. Can you be honest with me now?" said Meredith pulling out of Derek's embrace.
"Sure."
"Have I pushed you away for good?"
"No," said Derek lifting Meredith's chin and gently kissing her lips. "I've been here the whole time."
Meredith reached up and placed her hand on the back of Derek's neck, she pulled his head down to her and kissed him hungrily and all but throwing him against the fridge.
"Wait…Mer before we go any further," said Derek pulling away. "The last time you wanted to take it slow…"
"You want to take things slowly?" said Meredith flatly. "No sex!"
"I never said that," said Derek quickly. "I just meant…are you sure you don't want to try that again…"
"I haven't had sex in over a year," said Meredith.
"I'm going to take that as a no," smirked Derek.
"Are you still talking?"
"I'm going to make you scream until you don't know how to be quiet," Derek murmured as he kissed his way down her neck.
"Is that a promise?" she moaned, moving her head to give him better access to her neck.
"It's a guarantee."
THE END