The Fannies Chapter 8
whitem sat at his dresser again humming to himself while the pretty makeup artist worked on him and his co-emcee. Turning to Slipgate, he asked, "So which one of my getups did you like best tonight?"
"I really don't like to get into that," Slipgate said before popping his palm against his ear, "And even though I had the best hearing protection on the open market, sadly it wasn't 'Junior proof.'" He sprayed a liquid in one ear, and waited a minute before letting it drain out and dealing with the other. "If we book him for future events, I'll have to come up with better ear protection than what's out there, obviously." He then looked dubiously at his co-host. "Did we ever find out who scheduled him to sing?"
whitem cringed. "I'm having Load and Jarvis check it out. That was almost high villainy."
Slipgate thought for a moment. "I wonder if Stark Enterprises might be able to do it for me. The hearing protection I mean… there was the Iron Man suit…" He then trailed off.
"OK, first off, it was Tony who made the suit, not Stark Enterpises. But you might be asking the company's scientists and researchers a bit too much…"
"You never know, but back to your question about where you were trying to take the Fannies this year, some of that just isn't my cup of tea." Slipgate said.
whitem looked at him. "Oh come on, something must have struck your fancy…"
"OK, to be honest, I dug getting to wear my Vulcan ears. And that was a great Darth Vader costume. Did I tell you about the time I saw a Darth Vader cosplayer start a question to Cary Elwes, 'As a fellow man in black…'?"
"That's… that's not bad." whitem said, a slow smile spreading on his face.
"Cary laughed." Slipgate said excitedly.
Slipgate poured himself a glass of water and took a long drink.
"I know we're all kinda oldies here… we're even trying to one-up each other on it… but did you recognize the El Kabong riff?" Slipgate suddenly asked.
"Not that one, no. But I can't believe the old guy was capable of that," whitem said. "We'll just have to do something special for him to make up for it."
Slipgate looked at him. "Like what?"
A sly look came from whitem. "You'll see."
Slipgate decided to look into that later, whatever it was.
whitem was still feeling a bit amped up after his action with the BeBes and Kim swinging in to save the show."Kim still has it, doesn't she?"
"That she does whitem, that she does. Even though she's been out of the spotlight for years she can still kick bad guy biscuit just about better than anyone. And she still claims to be 'just your basic average girl' too."
whitem sat back down and glanced at the two make-up artists as they finished up with their work. While smiling as they inspected their work, the girls gave the cohosts a thumb's up, and quickly left the brightly lit room.
Meanwhile, out in the audience were two troublemakers known as Sentinel and CajunBear. They made their way to Kim and Ron's table, but first they had to exit the backstage area.
The two attempted to slip quietly into the VIP Section of the audience, where grudgingly they flashed their IDs to the monkey ninja security guarding the area. The simian ninjas did a thorough pat down of the kilted author, which brought a beaming smile to his face.
CajunBear was confused about the 'special treatment' of one of the 'good guys' until a human security guard nearby explained that Killigan had learned of the special treatment he was to receive from the monkey ninjas and bribed them with a crate of bananas to give Sentinel the same treatment he received whenever he got anywhere near the VIP section. Killigan's and Sentinel's clans had a grudge going back centuries, and Sentinel had instructed the monkey ninjas to treat the rogue golfer as a gangster, or worse, and give him a pat down that would put the TSA to shame.
As the two neared the Hero-Couple's table, Sentinel faltered a bit in his stride as Kim gave them a tweaked look. He then said out the side of his mouth, "I wonder what that look meant?"
"Huh? Oh that? I'll bet they think you set up Junior's little serenade." the Cajun snickered.
"Me? All I do is take orders." replied the semi-beleaguered writer. He caught the raised eyebrow from his friend. "Well… mostly." He weakly shrugged.
"Anyway… I was told what the musical lineup was going to be just like you were told by that weirdo bird-looking dude with the walking stick…? I mean I thought that there was supposed to be top-notch entertainment tonight," Sentinel said. "You know I'm gonna have to call in a couple of favors to keep this crowd from going ballistic after Junior's serenades."
"The bird looking dude, as you call him, is Aviarius and he's a bad guy dummy. I don't trust him and you should know better." CajunBear admonished his buddy. "But, are you sure you had nothing to do with that disaster with Junior earlier?"
"Pretty sure…I mean…I'd remember something like that even if I was drunk out of my mind…" Sentinel replied. After a few more moments of contemplation, he looked slyly to his partner, "By any chance…did your wife set this up so there would be a riot at the Fannies? When Junior staged his 'Oh Boyz' Concert in prison, they had to put him in Solitary for several weeks afterward."
CajunBear was brought up short. "My wife?" Then after a moment's thought, "Well she might have wanted to do something like this, but I don't think she even knows how to get a hold of anyone in the Kimmunity to do something that dastardly… Besides I don't even think she's ever heard of Señor Senior, Junior."
Sentinel stopped for a moment and pulled out his old flip phone and punched in a series of numbers. The swamp rat watched on as the kilted author spoke for a few moments into the phone, and then closed it. He announced, "There it's done. I hope whitem and Slippy are willing to let these guys play for a few extra minutes, I mean they usually have long sets, but I think the crowd will like it."
"Who the heck did you get?"
With a smirk Sentinel leaned in and whispered into CajunBear's ear, who nodded, "Yeah, I've heard of him."
"Good. They're in the area right now, and are bringing some of their equipment, and I checked… there's a sliding stage behind that electronic backdrop…so they can get set up without being seen."
At this CajunBear almost laughed, "And no one will know until it starts…you're a devious, uh clown, you know."
"Yeah I know. Let's hurry and make sure you get a picture too, I need something for my scrapbook to prove that I know someone famous."
After gathering their wits, they continued onto Kim and Ron's table, and as they got closer, they could see the redhead's glare darken.
Spying the two as they had worked their way through the crowd, Kim had leaned over to Ron and whispered, "OK, what are these two up to? Maybe to apologize to us for writing…" She cut herself off as they arrived. She screwed a smile on her face and said, "Hey guys. What's up?"
Deciding to take the lead here, mostly because two pairs of hooded eyes were now being directed to his 'partner-in-crime' who had a habit of treating the two heroes as cannon fodder in his tales, CajunBear gently interrupted. "We just came to tell you how much of an inspiration you and Ron are to us."
"Righhhttt." Kim drew out, "In one fic your… friend here," she snapped her head at Sentinel and then back at CajunBear, "had me go insane…"
Then after a second's pause, "Hmmm, make that two fics… And you always have Ron leave me." Kim then took a quick breath. "That's ice cold…Ron's been my best friend since I was four and for some reason, you," jabbing a finger at Sentinel, "have to drag us through a cinder track covered with broken glass before we reunite, romantic or otherwise. That doesn't sound like you care much for us at all!"
Sentinel raised his hands up. "That's not true, Kim. I want you two to have a long life together…" he offered in supplication as her eyes narrowed again. "Yes, I admit making it hard on you." He flinched at her glare's sudden flare-up. "But for me, if your relationship is going to work, you are going to have to work for it."
Her glare softened as she thought this over and Sentinel continued. "If it's too easy, I believe you won't appreciate each other as much, and if you don't go through the adversity, you might not stay with each other." the writer reasoned as she again mulled over what he said.
Kim rose from her chair and raised her self to her full height, the whole time looking Sentinel directly in the eyes. "So you're saying that you are for us, but to make it work out you have to make it difficult so we appreciate each other?" The decidedly taller author tried his best to not shrink at the obvious intimidation of the much smaller woman.
Sweating a little, "Yeah pretty much Kim, I like you and Ron together….I really do." At this she backed away a bit, causing him to breathe a bit easier. "SOOOO, I hope that I don't look too much like a bad guy…Oh, and you are going to love the last of the 'Once Again ARC' when it comes around."
Snickering sarcastically, "Every time I hear that from you I feel sick…" Ron shot back.
Now Sentinel found himself trying to head off the MMP-Wildcard of Team Possible, so the kilt wearing flea bag threw him a bone. "Soul mates… forever."
Ron's eyes opened wide. "Really? Coolio."
Sentinel nodded. "Yeah… really. I promise. Now can I get a dance with your forever gal?"
He smirked. "Only if she wants to, baldy."
Sentinel then offered his hand to the now sitting redhead. "Kim?""OK buster, but watch where you put those hands."
"I am a married man young lady and I am old enough to be your grandfather. I know where the hands go…or better yet don't go. Shall we?"
The young heroine took his hand. "Let's get it over with." She then turned to the love of her life. "And Ron, don't eat too much. We have a long night yet."
X
"So is that really why you and CajunBear take that route?" a slightly more relaxed Kim asked after realizing the much older man wasn't all that bad.
"Yep, in my mind you two belong together. So I don't know if I can write a tale where you don't interact somehow."
"Thanks," she replied, "but all this time I thought you hated us…""Nope, I think admire is more the word you're looking for Kim." Sentinel informed her before the music came to an end. When the music stopped he nodded towards the stage. "I think whitem and Slipgate are about ready to start the next segment, so the 'gator chaser' and I had better get back to our places before we're missed."
Kim nodded and offered her hand. "Now act like a gentleman and walk me back to my guy, Please and Thank-you?" The sweet smile she gave Sentinel caused him to falter a bit, and he suddenly felt a bit nervous.
Cautiously Sentinel put Kim's arm around his and escorted her back to the table where he saw CajunBear trying to outdo Ron Stoppable in a Naco eating contest. Sentinel smiled at what was going on and commented, "CB will eat just about anything….I mean he even eats bait."
"Bait?" Kim paled a bit with a gasp.
Sentinel continued, "You know, those little lobster like things that fishermen put on their hooks to get bigger fish."
"Crawdaddies?"
"Yeah…"
Kim brightened. "Ron boiled quite a few of them once…we were celebrating the upcoming completion of a story…" She then deflated, "but it never ended and I was sooooo amped in anticipation."
Cocking his head in thought, "Was it one set in New Orleans during Mardi Gras?"
She nodded eagerly. "Yeah."
"Annnndddd you and Shego were drinking hurricanes and having a girl's day out?"
Nodding even more eagerly, "That's the one," she said before pausing, "But I wonder why that one was left unfinished…from what I remember, it was kinda fun." She finished with a mischievous gleam in her eye.
"Uh… I don't remember that aspect, but if I do I'll tell him you want it finished," Sentinel promised.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it Kim." He assured her. Nearing their table, he finally sighed and announced, "Well here we are, safe and sound…well, me I mean," he said quietly at the end. "And thanks for being a good sport."
Her smile was beaming. "Ron was wrong about you… you can be a gentleman, when you want to."
Sentinel smiled in return. "Well I try." Then he got his buddy's attention. "C'mon CB, we gotta head back."
CajunBear's eyes scanned the sea of people they had to walk through. "Yeah, but you lead, the crowd's kinda thick." CajunBear then spoke under his breath, "And nothing gets you through a traffic jam quicker than following a hungry, growling ogre of a Scotsman on his way to dinner."
"Right," Sentinel agreed, as he started to lead the way. The co-hosts of the show were due out at any time so he wanted to be off the floor.
Just as they arrived at their table, the lights dimmed abruptly. "What the heck?" a startled CajunBear yelled. The co-hosts of the night's events returned to the stage…and the blaring sound of bagpipes came over the sound system speakers.
Sentinel laughed. "See?" he said, not fazed in the least by the pipes, "it looks like whitem finally got some culture!" Then he peered more closely at the scene onstage. "Though from what I can make out from here, his man-skirt needs to be about an inch longer."
Clearing the ringing in his ears, CajunBear hadn't seen what Sentinel was talking about. "How you figure?" he asked.
"Well, top of the knee is the modern way to wear one," Sentinel explained appraisingly. "But a velvet Montrose with jabot, matching plaid and hose accompanied a full face dress sporran…" He then nodded in respect. "The man has class. That's about as formal as you can get. It is the Scottish version of white tie with tails."
Not up on Scottish attire, CajunBear surmised, "So he outdid himself?"
"Yup," was the almost smug reply.
"And he's waving us up there, so I guess we're not done." Sentinel noted. He leaned over their table. "Girls, keep our seats warm, it looks like we get to be heroes again." the Scot smirked.
Wanda rolled her eyes. "You're a funny looking hero…"
Sentinel warned, "If you keep dissing me Wanda I'm gonna write something nasty about you where I make you allergic to booze."
Suzie snorted. "It wouldn't stop her."
Shaking his head in amusement, Sentinel turned to CajunBear. "Let's go CB, times a wastin'."
X
The music was ending when they got up to the stage and whitem pointed the two authors to the podium.
Since the mic wasn't on yet, Sentinel didn't hesitate to talk. "Nice look whitem," he told the neophyte Scot, "but make sure you cross your legs when you sit down. I've got too long of a torso to make a Montrose work so I use a Sheriffmuir to get to the white tie level."
The dumbfounded Slipgate just fuzzed past the jargon he didn't understand, "We're going to mingle with some of the other writers," he said to Sentinel. "Did you get the right artists this time for our bumper music?"
Sentinel shrugged. "I have a couple of friends showing up in a minute…"
whitem, straining mightily, didn't let his impatience show. "Are they any good? Junior embarrassed all of us."
With a smug look Sentinel smiled. "I think you'll be surprised. Well…I couldn't get the whole band, but I have some of the members just off stage." His head nodded toward a back curtain. "Oh and when they start playing you might want to let them go for a while 'cause the audience is gonna be amped."
"Who… Never mind. They just better be good." whitem warned as he and Slipgate turned to walk off the stage.
CajunBear walked up to the now-turned on microphone. "Well, I guess we're back. How is everyone doing tonight, are you having a good time?" And he received an underwhelming response from the audience.
Sentinel noticed a couple of authors in the audience who were working on a noose and whispered to his friend, "We'd better make this good."
Noticing the deliberately belabored work being done on the rope, he nodded. CajunBear took the first envelope from the stagehand who had quickly appeared like clockwork out of nowhere, while Sentinel relieved the stagehand of the other envelopes.
Looking at the envelope, CajunBear smiled brightly before he spoke into the microphone. "Now this is one I feel comfortable in presenting… Best Writing Team."
Off to the side Sentinel had a large smile on his face; there were some authors he was quietly rooting for.
Meanwhile CajunBear opened the envelope while Sentinel made sure to pick up the Rufus statuette. "For Best Writing Team the winner is…..levi2000a1 and temporaryinsanity91."
Sentinel awkwardly tried to applaud while holding the statue. Then he gave up and leaned in to the microphone. "I think it's richly deserved by both authors."
levi2000a1 and temporaryinsanity91 stepped up to the podium. Levi was still busy scribbling their acceptance speeches on the back of a napkin as he approached the stage.
Still writing. ...
Still writing...
Still writing...
He finally finished it and handed it to Temporaryinsanity91.
She read it and pulled out her red pen. While making a weird face, she crossed out most of what he just wrote. She then wrote in the margins of the napkins and handed them back to Levi.
He read it and they both agreed.
Clearing their throats, they both leaned in and said, "Thank you."
Levi then continued to speak. "Seriously though, I want to thank Temp. The main storyline may be mine, but she helps fill in the background, painting the feel of the character's surroundings to help show their own feelings more than any descriptive I could add. IE… 'They both walked silently through the house to the kitchen.' as compared to 'The house felt cold to her even though she was sweating, like she no longer belonged there. Even though everything was where she remembered it, it felt like she was in some stranger's home filled with unknown things in it that didn't want her there.'"
He turned to her. "Thank you Temp."
Loud applause filled the large room as the two authors walked off the stage, each holding a Rufus statuette. They were both talking excitedly in a huddle as they left the stage.
While the crowd was still wishing the team congratulations as they exited the stage, Sentinel stepped up to the mic. "Now as long as no one starts the wave again we can continue." Off to the side a rimshot was struck, to no appreciation from the crowd.
Rolling his eyes, he opened the second envelope and announced, "Next… for Best Young Author the Rufus goes to…. kmtdiccion."
Not seeing any movement from that table, CB motioned for the young author to come up to the stage.
After arriving at the podium, the young author immediately started speaking.
"First and foremost, I would like to thank the number one inspiration I always have that made me write, whether it is fanfiction or not. ES, you know how much I love you and I am proud to say that without you, I may never found the courage to show my talents when it comes to writing. I love you!" His smile was huge.
"Also, I also want to thank everyone who supported my writing by reading, leaving comments and adding my stories to your favorite and following lists. I enjoy KP as much as you guys and I am really flattered that some of you appreciate my works. Even though I only started last year, I always feel glad whenever I sign in to this site. Thank you so much." He couldn't stop grinning.
"And again, thank you for giving me the privilege to accept this award. It's times like this where I felt important. Thank you so much and congrats to everyone who participated in this event!"
After the speech CajunBear and Sentinel shook hands with the author again, and watched him go back out into the audience. Sentinel then said, "Ahh… I remember being a young author once."
"Were you ever young?" CajunBear snorted. "I heard you were around when dirt was new."
"OK you win…younger."
CajunBear reached over and took the third envelope in Sentinel's hand, surprising him.
Seeing the audience had gone quiet….well quieter than noisy, he announced the next award, "This next award is for Best New Author." CajunBear opened the envelope and announced, "For Best New Author the Rufus goes to… Librana."
The crowd erupted in applause at the selection while Sentinel picked up the Rufus and walked up to the mic alongside CajunBear.
Librana quickly walked across the stage and up to the podium, adjusted the microphone and started.
"I am rather stunned to have won this award, having only started writing last November. When I look at the list of illustrious previous winners, to be in the company of such wonderful writers as JAKT, StarvingLunatic, Michael Howard, and Sentinel103, I am bowled over with excitement and I am extremely grateful to everyone who nominated and voted for me. Knowing that my writing is giving some people pleasure is just amazing.
"Like those other writers, I hope to go on to greater things and I am inspired to complete my current full-length story, United and Divided in the next few months.
"And can I give particular thanks to Cajunbear73, Levi2000a1 and Purplegirl761 for your unfailing support and encouragement. Your comments and reviews mean a lot to me, guys."
CajunBear nodded in appreciation of the kudo and Sentinel stepped forward to present the Rufus statuette as the audience applauded the latest winner enthusiastically.
As the latest recipient of the category headed back into the crowd, Sentinel commented, "When I won the category back in the day there wasn't that much commotion… I wonder why?"
Not realizing the mic was still live, CajunBear responded, "Cause you're big and ugly." This garnered a few snickers in the audience.
Sentinel snorted. "Yeah, must have been the reason." And then looked through the last two envelopes, picking the the correct one for the next award.
Sentinel noticed the 'hurry up' sign from the stagehand. "Now we have the award for Best Single Line." He opened up the envelope and leaned in, "The Rufus for Best Single Line is… Turning Lemons Into Lemonade by Imyoshi. Come on up Imyoshi!"
While the author applauded the choice CajunBear stepped up to the mic. "For those of you who don't remember the line, it was:
"[Ron] waited for her to lessen her crying before speaking to her in a soft hushed tone, 'I don't know.'"
"It was about Kim wanting forgiveness." CajunBear explained.
With a skip to his step, Imyoshi approached the podium and pulled the microphone to his mouth, causing a bit of feedback. "...Oh yea, I won Best Single Line right? Well... go me. Yeeeaaaaa~ I'm done." And with the short speech over, Imyoshi snagged the statuette from Sentinel's hand and raised it in the air while walking off the stage to the sound of loud applause.
Both of the standby emcees applauded with the crowd as Imyoshi sat back down. Sentinel started to hand his last envelope to CajunBear, thinking "This is a good one for the swamp rat to give out since he won it last year."
CajunBear took the envelope and Sentinel stepped back. After opening the envelope the Cajun started, "For Best Reviewer the Rufus goes to…" he then read the winner. "Oh crap!" His voice faded when he realized it went out over the sound system. After pulling himself back together, CajunBear continued. "The winner is none other than Sentinel103!"
Sentinel was stunned. "Huh?"
CB turned and grabbed the Rufus from Sentinel before he could move. "Gimme that!" He then pointed to the mic. After all…It would have been awkweird to present an award to yourself. Now Cajunbear didn't really give the Rufus to Sentinel just like he didn't give him his award for the 'Writing Team' one the year before, figuring the fat bald guy wouldn't remember anyway.
Sentinel103 stepped up to the mic, "Well this is way weird…well no weirder than the rest of the night. Seriously though, there are other reviewers who I feel would be better recipients than myself for being given the accolades of best reviewer. They include Jimmy1201, Ajw1970, Uberscribbler, Angelus-alvus, whitem and many, many others." Sentinel paused for a moment then continued, "So I will accept this Rufus for all those guys who give us inspiration to keep moving forward with our tales. Again thanks."
CajunBear, well aware that once he got going Sentinel could talk for hours, began to applaud motioning for the rest of the crowd to join in.
The kilted, ugly bald guy finally got himself under control. "Thanks but that was weird. Now for your halftime entertainment," he paused as the audience groaned, remembering his last 'Big Musical Talent' introduction, "I present Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band to play some of their best numbers ever! They will start out with Thunder Road!"
Several seconds went by before the audience went wild. Someone had pulled some major strings to get Hall of Fame inductees, a 1999 Singer and a 2014 'Award for Excellence' Band to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to perform at the Fannies.
To be concluded…..