So, I remembered much to my own surprise even to post this chapter before I go on vacay. Anyhow, its kinda different, a little off. Proof that things may not be just as good as they appear, ... but i'll just let you read.
xoxo Jules
Chapter 31: "Sends shivers down my spine-"
Summers POV: "So you would think he was cool"
Who was it that said don't fear death, rather the unlived life… I don't really remember, I think that it was in a walk to remember or something like that. It's all good either way. It's true though. We are all starting over, Ryan, Seth, and I. Even Alex. I don't know about Luke because he's always just Luke but him too probably.
I laid next to Marissa on the bed. Alex was on the other side of her. We finally got that damn 24 hour drug counselor to take a forty-five minute break. There wasn't supposed to be a time in the week that Marissa was home that she was unsupervised. I wondered if that included using the bathroom but I didn't ask.
Marissa was still more tired than she should be and her skin was still a ghostly white. I had taken the liberty of painting her fingernails earlier today. Seth, Luke, and Ryan were down at the beach. It seemed like life before we could pry Ryan from Marissa's side, but Alex and I firmly insisted that girl time could cure anything. I mean maybe not cure granted that we are dealing with years of depression, self mutilation, and drug abuse, but maybe it could soften the blow of life.
Alex leaned back against the pillow beside Marissa.
"So what's up with you and Ryan?" Alex asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"What do you mean?" Marissa looked out of the window with a small smile on her lips
"Oh please don't play dumb Coop. Besides both Alex and I are better at it than you. Alex is blonde and I am a reformed… well lets just say I'm reformed."
I really have to get out of the habit of calling myself a slut. Kirsten had been shoving self-help books down my throat since school started.
"Yeah, we see those looks that you slip at each other and how Ryan looks like he has a pair of rolled up socks in his pants whenever you come around." Alex grinned. It was all true
Marissa grinned.
"Are you trying to tell me that me lying here, lifeless looking, makes Ryan all hot and bothered?" She rolled her eyes at Alex's insinuation.
"Nah, that'd be gross. Before the whole rehab, detox thingy." She flicked a Cheeto at Marissa's head. Marissa tossed it back at Alex who, in true Alex form, caught it in her mouth.
I decided to stop beating around the bush.
"So did you guys do it?" I asked turned to Marissa pointedly.
"What?" She asked as her cheeks began to turn red.
"SEX dumbass, yanno what is commonly referred to as bang bang skeet!" I said hoping that she would finally give in. Alex almost fell of the bed in hysterics at the "bang bang skeet" reference.
"It was hardly bang bang skeet Sum." Marissa said still visibly embarrassed.
"HA! We knew it!" Alex exclaimed. "When did it happen?"
Marissa sighed.
"It was the night before I went away during that thunderstorm, yanno? It just kinda happened!" She smiled again
Alex nodded satisfied.
"Hot." She said as an afterthought.
"But you guys, please keep this between us. I haven't told anyone else!" She begged.
"Well who else would you have told?" I pointed out.
"There was this really odd girl in detox Hillarie and she was really great to pour your heart out to 'cause she had really good advice but she was so strung out that she couldn't remember what you told her, never mind what she said." Marissa grinned a bit.
Alex nodded her head again.
"Well I'm just glad that at least everyone's getting some." She smiled as she popped another Cheeto into her mouth.
Everyone else was getting some!
"Excuse you!" I almost screamed. Both Alex and Marissa's eyes snapped toward me. "Heh…" I said a little embarrassed.
"You and Seth aren't?" Alex asked.
"NO!" I said in a no duh tone
"I see you guys coming out of each others rooms all of the time, … I just figured-"
"I am not sleeping with Cohen!" I said sternly
"Would you?" Marissa asked wiggling her eyebrows.
Did Marissa just ask that? I miss old strung out Marissa that would just sit there playing with something shiny or digging holes in the ground with sticks. The old Marissa didn't ask questions or make points.
"I don't know!" I tried to act like they were invading my privacy but they both knew better than that.
"Why not?" Alex asked
Hum… I don't know. Why haven't I done the deed with Cohen? We're not officially going out or anything, … or are we? WAIT, when has that ever stopped me! Shit! I REALLY don't get this life. Having sex would be… nice, … I mean I guess. He's just so, … I donno, Cohen. Does he even know how?
Maybe I didn't because for the first time ever he didn't just expect it from me… With him sex didn't matter. I don't want to fuck up what I have with him, haha, no pun intended.
I shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess with every other guy it was just about sex. With Seth it's different." I nodded definitely.
Alex shrugged.
"I know what you mean, with Gabe that was all that it was. He ruined men for me."
"Gabe?" Marissa asked
Alex and I rolled our eyes at one another.
"You missed the story." Alex began
"I think you were passed out on my lap." I informed
Marissa just nodded her head like "surprise, surprise".
"So what's the story with this guy?" Marissa asked.
I looked over at Alex whose demeanor had completely changed. Now she wore a worried and slightly frustrated look.
"I dated him until I was like 16. He got me to do whatever he wanted. He basically controlled my life. Eventually he knocked me up, made me get rid of it, and then he moved away. Now he's back." Marissa looked at Alex in shock.
"Does Luke know?" Marissa asked
Wow, is girl was quick when she is conscious.
"No, and he can't. Gabe detested Luke, and Luke him. The abortion issue was Luke's last s straw." Alex's face became distant.
"Did he not want you to get it?" Marissa pressed.
Alex shook her head "no".
"Luke knows me. He knew that I believed that what I did was wrong, which I eventually did."
Marissa nodded.
"Yeah, I get it." She said.
Both Alex and I turned to look at her questioningly. She shrugged.
"It was actually earlier this year," she began. "I didn't even know that I was-, yanno, until I had to get taken into the hospital when I overdosed. I almost died, they took it. It wouldn't have made it." She bit her bottom lip.
"Whose was it?" I asked in shock. How had I not known this? Marissa and I had been roomies at that time. I mean sure we never talked but I knew everything and I mean everything!
"Believe it or not I had a boyfriend at the time… His name was Kevin. His friends called him Volchok though."
Marissa said suddenly lost in though, which was again another stretch for her. The whole thinking hard thing. Sure she'd concentrate sometimes but it'd be on like, I donno, trying to figure out how many Ryans were ACTUALLY standing in front of her or something. Usually she settled on three. Three was actually the amount of hours it took us one night to convince her that Ryan wasn't triplets.
Alex huffed.
"What a hostile name." She commented. "Where's he now?"
Marissa shrugged.
"Back in Chicago I assume. But Summer, you and Seth just need to get together. Not in the sack kind of way."
I smiled. Seth was such a good guy, and he and I were both doing so well separately. I just need to know if anything happens for real we won't bring each other down.
"We're working on it." I said smiling at my two friends. It was weird. For the first time in my life I have actual friends.
Marissa frowned slightly.
"Sorry to be a downer but I have to go to the bathroom." She furrowed her brow.
"Do you need any help?" Alex asked jumping to her feet, well more like foot. She still had a brace on her bad one.
"Nah. I got it." Marissa said determined to do it on her own.
She pulled the covers from over her legs. Alex and I tried not to connect eyes after what we saw. Her legs stuck off of her body like spokes on a wheel. They were blue and vainy from lack of circulation. She blushed, she knew that we were looking.
"The beauty of getting clean right?" She tried to joke
"Nonsense." I tried to assure her. "You look good Coop. You're eyes only go in one direction at a time now and your sentences seem to be almost coherent." I half joked
She smiled at me as she used the post of the bed to pull herself up. Slowly she made it to the bathroom.
"Shit!" Alex yelled as she stubbed her good toe on the bedside table as she headed back over to the bed. It was then that the drawer slid out, inside was a bag of something that thanks to Marissa we all knew too well. Coke.
It didn't look like it had been opened. It wasn't going to be opened. She probably forgot that she had it right?
PLEASE REVIEW! I havent been hearing what you think as much as usual, i mean, which is fine, i write because i love to do it haha, i just want to know what you think.
xoxo Jules