Broken Hearts and Apple Tarts
"Oh my God!" Diggle exclaimed loudly causing the pair to jump apart and Felicity to bump into him at the bottom of the Foundry stairs,
"What?" Felicity asked confused as she looked up from her tablet, "Oh." She said reddening and adverting her gaze,
"Sorry." Oliver said quickly as Sara scrambled for her shirt, as did Oliver, "it just sort of happened."
"Really?" Diggle asked raising an eyebrow, "And in the Foundry, come on!" He complained as he walked past them Felicity in pursuit,
"It was-" Sara started but Diggle held up his hands,
"The less I know the better." He said as Felicity walked past Oliver who was trying to catch her attention, her head held down, hugging her tablet to her chest,
"I think that's for the best." Oliver said tearing his gaze away from Felicity who had just sat down in her chair and turned away from them as she furiously typed away at God knows what on her computers,
"So what's the plan for tonight?" Sara asked, looking around,
"There's a local drug cartel heading through at 11pm." Felicity finally said, "The Police have been tracking them for months but it wouldn't hurt to have you guys there in case things go wrong right?" She asked spinning around and purposefully avoiding Oliver's gaze,
"Yeah I think my Dad mentioned something about that, we good to go help Ollie?" Sara asked looking up at Oliver,
"You got their route sorted?" Oliver asked Felicity,
"Of course." She said sharply, causing Digg to raise his eyebrows at her, "I mean yes." She said softer, "Sorry."
"Are you okay?" Sara asked walking closer to her,
"Yeah I'm fine, crappy day that's all." She said spinning around away from them, getting the route up on the screen,
"You wanna talk about it?" Oliver asked, trying to live up to his promise he made nearly a year ago,
"Not particularly. I'm just tired and over reacting ignore me." She said politely.
Oliver tried not to feel hurt, but previously whenever she'd had a bad day she would rant about her problems to him and give him a glimpse into her mind, but not today. Today she was different and he had a horrible feeling he knew why.
A horrible silence settled over them before Diggle finally spoke up, "You guys should probably go suit up." He got out not taking his eyes of Felicity.
"We'll be back in a few minutes." Oliver said shooting Diggle a look of worry about Felicity.
Once they had left the silence was back, a peculiar thing with Felicity around,
"You should go with them." She said quietly spinning around to face him,
"I doubt they'll need me." He said in a gentle tone,
"Yeah but what if they do? These guys are bad news. Plus if you intercept them on 7th and Lexington you'll get to them before the Police, back up wouldn't hurt." She said spinning back around and typing into some programme he didn't recognise, "They'll get there in an hour, it will take you guys half an hour to get there and set up."
"Why are you telling me this now not with the others?" Diggle asked crossing his arms,
"I don't know." Felicity said with a shrug, not turning around,
"So what's really going on?" He asked standing up and walking towards her, "I mean what's caused the crappy day?"
"Because of thelifethat Ilead, I just think it's better to not be with someone I could really care about" She whispered quietly, "Well that was bull shit he just doesn't want to be with me." She continued quietly, burying her face in her hands, "God I'm so embarrassed." She mumbled, refusing to cry over Oliver Queen, "I knew it was never going to work, I knew he was trouble and yet here I was thinking hey Oliver Queen's paying attention to me and he's not actually a Playboy because you know he looks at me and squeezes my shoulder so therefore he must like me." She continued finally turning and looking up at Diggle, "I'm humiliated and angry with myself. I fooled myself-" She started before she heard the others come back into the room and she immediately ceased talking,
She felt Diggle squeeze her shoulder before reiterating to the others what Felicity had previously said about the route.
"I've got a live view of the route." She said gesturing to the traffic cams and maps scattering her screen, "I'll let you know if anything changes but they should be at 7th and Lexington at 10.48." Felicity said turning back around, "You should probably go now though."
"We'll be back soon." Diggle said as him and Sara walked out, Oliver hovering behind,
"Felicity, are you sure-" Oliver started,
"They'll be waiting for you." She said sharply, aware of her immaturity but not caring because God she was hurt, why couldn't he just tell her the truth? Why couldn't anyone just tell her the truth?
"I think-" He tried again,
"Oliver go." She said louder, aware of her voice wavering as she typed nonsense into the screen to make it look like she was busy because she refused to cry over him, she refused to cry in front of him especially. She eventually heard his footsteps receding as she took off her glasses. She ran her hands through her hair and tried to take deep breaths to calm the sadness and rage she was feeling.
"You've dealt with worse." She told herself, "Man up and cry later."
2 hours later when they eventually returned from a gruelling battle, more beat up than they would like, Felicity felt no better.
She thought it was especially unfair that she had to patch up Oliver's chiselled torso.
"Done." She told him immediately walking away and picking up her coat, "I'm out of here."
"Felicity-" Oliver said standing up and limping towards her,
"Goodnight." She said walking past him and not even bothering to turn around.
Oliver sighed as she walked up the stairs,
"Is she okay?" Sara asked, genuinely concerned,
"Some asshole broke her heart." Diggle replied, briefly looking at Oliver before picking up his own jacket, "I should head out too, see you tomorrow." He said to Sara before leaving the Foundry.
"You should get going too." Oliver said turning to face Sara, trying to push away the feelings of guilt, "It's late."
"You sure you're going to be okay Ollie?" She asked looking at him as he lowered his self onto a chair,
"Yeah I've dealt with worse." He got out with a small smile as she came over and kissed his cheek,
"See you tomorrow." She said with a smile before walking out and leaving him alone with his thoughts, something he wasn't particularly a fan of.
Some asshole broke her heart.
He stood up and swept everything off the table.
He was devastated. He was angry at himself, he felt ashamed, he felt guilty, and he felt like an asshole. No, he was an asshole.
He looked at the objects now scattering the floor and immediately bent down to pick them up, regardless of his busted knee, because he knew that she would get here before him tomorrow and he knew that she would insist on picking everything up and it would make him feel worse.
And he couldn't believe that he was being so egotistical that at this point in time he was thinking about his self.
Felicity barely made it through the door before breaking down on her sofa. She felt pathetic, she felt embarrassed and humiliated at the idea that someone like Oliver Queen would ever fall for a girl who belongs in the IT department.
She stumbled to her sofa before sinking down into it and putting her head in her hands and just sobbed for a good 15 minutes before even removing her coat and high heels. She then continued to sob for another 15 minutes when she remembered that it wasn't that he didn't want to be with someone who he really cared about- it was simply the fact he didn't want to be with her.
She was eventually interrupted by her doorbell ringing, she sniffed pathetically and wiped her eyes before walking towards her door,
"Who is it?" She called out, looking at the late hour,
"Diggle."
"Hang on." She said undoing the chain and unlocking the door, "What are you doing here?" She asked confused,
"A selection of Puddings?" He asked holding up the bag in one hand, "or something stronger?" He asked holding up a bottle of Wine in the other.
"The alcohol first." She said with a small smile taking it from his grip, "Always the alcohol." She continued causing him to laugh as she moved aside to let him in,
"I was afraid you'd be in bed." He said slipping his jacket off,
"Oh no." She said wiping her cheeks again, "It's only 1 am, I'm not going to be tired until at least 4."
"You on Arrow time too?" He asked as she sat down on her sofa, crossing her legs and putting the food on the coffee table in front of her, he followed in pursuit,
"For nearly 2 years now." She said suddenly remembering cutlery and glasses as she stood up, "Also the length of time I haven't gotten more than 5 hours of sleep in."
"Oh that's closer to 7 for me." Digg said as she came back,
"Army?" She asked moving her hair out of her eyes,
"Mhm. Also you know, other things." He said clearly referring to his brother, a subject Felicity knew not to press,
"Other things are the worst." She said quietly,
"Oh definitely." He said picking up his food, "Don't worry I went to the nut free place." He said referring to the food,
"You're the best." She said with smile as she flicked on the TV, some old comedy film on,
"I know. I once won a medal for it when I was 8." He said making her laugh,
"So it's always been a personality trait of yours huh?" She asked,
"Oh most definitely." He responded solemnly, "I just, you know, never get the chance to shine."
"Shut up." She said with a laugh shoving his shoulder as a comfortable silence settled over them,
"You going to be okay tomorrow?" He asked as she stole some of his food,
"Yeah," She said quietly, slumping a little, "I'm totally aware of how pathetic I'm being don't worry, and it helps that it's a Friday so I can sleep in tomorrow and it's probably just exhaustion and-"
"You know you're allowed to be angry right?" He asked her, "I am."
"You shouldn't be." Felicity said with a sigh, "it's my own ridiculous drama or crush or whatever which I need to get over so I wouldn't go ruining your friendship with him like I probably have after the way I acted tonight because I acted like the most jealous bitch." She said, "And I'm… I mean I'm embarrassed that I even thought for a second that Oliver Queen would like me-"
"Felicity, I want you to listen to me right now, I know you mentioned you don't have that many girl-friends so hear me out if I'm crap at this okay? " Diggle said cutting her off, "You're amazing. You're truly amazing and you're gorgeous and just because Oliver's too blind to see it doesn't mean everyone else is." He said sincerely making her blush, "And he does. I think he does like you but its Oliver, he gets scared of things like this." He said as a pause settled over them, "Was that good?"
"It was great. Thank you Digg." She said smiling as she leant over and hugged him, "Thank you for doing all this."
"You'd do the same for me." He said smiling down at her, "We're family now."
"You really are the best." She confirmed settling back down into her sofa,
"I'm definitely aware of this fact." He said smugly taking some of her Apple Tart causing her to laugh.
Oliver decided that sitting here feeling guilty wasn't doing any one any good and he didn't want Felicity to be mad at him, and he didn't want her to hate him the way he was currently hating himself for being an asshole. He changed out of his Arrow gear and was determined to talk to her. To explain that what he said still applied because he knew Sara wouldn't be sticking around, he knew that Sara would allow him to hide from his issues because she had similar ones.
He knew that Sara wouldn't make him want to change into a better man like she did.
He drove to her house and parked a little down the street as not to wake her up in case she was actually asleep and as he walked down the road, the mist clinging to his hair he debated what he was going to say, he was so caught up in his thoughts he almost walked past her house. As he paused to cross the road he looked up and saw through a glimpse of her curtain a sight that hurt more than he could fathom;
He saw her laughing. He saw her laughing with Diggle.
Of course he wasn't mad at either of them. He could never be truly mad.
But another feeling crept up on him: Jealousy.
He should be the one making her smile, he should be the one she was stealing food from, and he should be the one she was talking to after a crappy day; something he was currently the cause of.
He wanted to be that person.
But instead he was too scared of change, he was too scared of what it might do to him. He was too afraid of losing her forever. He was too afraid of allowing himself to be Oliver Queen.
So all thoughts and words vanished from his mind as he stopped in the road, trying to work out what to do as the mist overcame him, clouding him as he watched on.
And for what wouldn't be the first time, he walked away from Felicity Smoak because it was easier than having to face the fact that he had let her go, it was easier than having to admit he was wrong.
Walking away from her was easier than having to deal with the crushing feeling in his chest and the lump in his throat and the way his hands were balled up because he knew that he had bought this feeling upon himself and it hurt more than any battle scar and he remembered why he was with Sara. He remembered that Sara was equally damaged and knew not to expect much whereas Felicity was deserving of so much more; so much more than he could ever be.
So he walked away because that's what Oliver did best when it came to matters of the heart. Because scars on his heart were the one thing he knew he wasn't capable of healing from and Felicity Smoak was the only woman capable of making them.