Chapter 2: saviour
Dean never thought he'd be standing outside a strangers apartment at two in the afternoon, banging on his door as if his life depended on it, but here he was.
"Cas! It's Dean...open up...Cas", his fists pummeled against the hard wood, but still there was no answer "come on man...open up", Dean leaned in pressing his ear against the door listening for any movement, he groaned with frustration at the accompanying silence "Cas...I'm gonna break the door down if you don't open up", when nothing happened Dean began forcefully kicking the door, till it fell off its hinges, swinging open and finally giving Dean access to Cas' home.
Walking in slowly Dean was almost immediately hit with the smell, a mixture of festering dirt and misery, kicking a few empty cans aside Dean found himself in the open kitchen and dining area, which unfurled into the living room, there was a small corridor on the other side, taking a deep breath Dean walked across , he opened the first room, it was a bathroom, he opened the next room finding himself in a large bedroom where his eyes drifted to the large bed where a figure lay crumpled up amongst the sheets, a handful of black hair poking out the top"Cas...", a crippling anxiety wrapped itself around Dean's heart as he approached, gently pulling back the covers he was faced with a withered man who looked liked he was on the brink of death, shaky fingers found their way to Cas's nose before a heavy sigh left Dean's lips, Cas was still breathing.
"Cas...come on wake up man...Cas", stroking his cheek, pushing back his hair, Dean slowly felt for his pulse, it was there but very weak taking a deep breath, he called for an ambulance.
Two days later Cas opened his eyes finding himself staring at fluorescent lighting, turning his head to the side he noticed the IV drip hanging by his bed. Turning his head again he was startled to find Dean Winchester, the man who had plagued his dreams slouched in a chair by his bed asleep, it was a long while before Dean began grumbling as he woke to find curious blue eyes staring back at him.
"Cas...you're awake", Dean sighed in relief.
"D-Dean...what..", Cas' hoarse voice trailed off as he gazed desperately at the green-eyed man beside him.
"do you remember what happened", Dean asked slowly .
"not really...everything is a bit fuzzy", Dean nodded, his eyes glazing over with a unnatural amount of concern.
"you called me Cas...you sounded like you were dying and when I found you...I thought maybe...anyway I brought you here" shaking his head Dean cleared his throat, fixing Cas with a serious and somewhat disappointed gaze.
"I'm sorry I caused you trouble Dean", Cas said solemnly.
"you don't have to be sorry Cas...just don't do anything like that again...what if you hadn't called me...it doesn't bear thinking about...no matter how bad things are, that's never the answer", and then it dawned on Castiel, Dean thought he had tried to kill himself.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself Dean...I was just trying to escape my own head", Cas said tiredly
"that's good to hear...that y'know you weren't trying to kill yourself...but you gotta be careful with the whole drowning your sorrows approach Cas, it doesn't work believe me...it really doesn't", Cas sensed that there were was a story behind those words, which was sadly confirmed by the expressions of, guilt, regret and sadness swirling around in those luminous green eyes.
"Thank you for your concern Dean...it is appreciated", Dean's gaze flickered up to meet Cas', offering him a small gentle smile.
"no problem Cas... I just didn't think our friendship would start with me kicking down your door", Cas' eyes widened, noticing Dean began rubbing his neck nervously.
"you consider us friends...", Cas said slowly, Dean's eyes widened as he froze and then he began laughing hysterically startling Cas who frowned, confusion evident in his tired eyes.
"I thought...you were mad about your door", Dean said wiping tears from his eyes.
"ah yes...", Cas murmured offhandedly "...I'm just surprised I didn't think you'd want to be friends...you didn't call", Cas stated calmly not looking at Dean.
"'Cas...I was going to but I didn't think you'd wanna hear from me...besides you didn't call either", finally looking up their gazes synced a million questions swirling in their eyes as they tried to get a read on the each other.
"of course I'd want to hear from you Dean.. and I wanted to call you but I was scared", leaning forward Dean gazed at Cas curiously.
"scared...what were you scared of Cas", Cas took a deep breath.
" I was scared that perhaps you didn't mean what you said about us being friends...I thought maybe that you were just being nice...I thought-" Cas' nervous mumbling came to an end when he felt the warmth of Dean's hand as it clamped around his shoulder.
"I wasn't just being nice Cas...and I don't give my number to just anyone, in-fact very few people have it, you're the first new person I've given it to in almost three years", their gazes met again and a warmth neither man had felt in a long while surged through their chests, filling their broken souls with hope.
"why me Dean...why me", Dean understood the question he was asking, leaning back in his chair he rubbed his chin.
"honestly Cas... it was because you looked as broken as I felt...and somehow it was comforting..does that make sense...", Dean searched Cas's eyes waiting to see if he'd ruined a friendship before it had even begun.
"it makes perfect sense...it's a very human trait to be drawn to people who resemble you", and then Cas offered Dean a small sad smile trying to reassure him, to make sure he understood that he wasn't offended or upset.
"er thanks Cas, for getting it...anyway you don't have worry about your stuff...I had someone fix your door", Dean said slowly as if he was still testing the water.
"I'm not worried , there's nothing of value in my apartment", Cas said dismissively as he gazed at the ceiling.
"oh..okay", and suddenly those piercing blue eyes were on him again and Dean shuffled, unnerved by intensity of the stare, a stare that seemed to pierce right through his skin sending warm and tingly feelings through his entire being.
"How did you find me Dean", his gravelly voice was back and it sent shivers down Dean's spine, causing him to squirm in his chair, anxious about all the foreign feelings that were suddenly flooding his body.
"you're name's kinda of unique Cas...and it's not that hard to find someone when your' a co-...ex-cop" Dean cleared his throat at the end of the sentence the words coming out almost strangled, Cas watched him carefully knowing there was a story there.
"I see...thank you", Cas said simply turning away again focusing his gaze on the ceiling, allowing Dean to breathe.
"you don't have to keep thanking me Cas..I'm just glad you're okay", Dean responds as he tries to hide how utterly exhausted he is , but Cas can see it, even as he tries to stifles a yawn.
"you should go home Dean, you're tired", Dean bolts up rubbing his eyes.
"I'm fine Cas...really", he adds noticing the unconvinced gaze of the fragile man who is staring at him again with those mesmerising blue eyes which always feel like they're boring into his soul, stopping him from breathing normally, and he thinks about how it makes him feel nervous and special at the same time, their staring match is interrupted when a doctor walks in and clears his throat, both men jump a little as they turn their gazes to the man in the white coat.
"how are you feeling Mr Novak", the doctor asks as he picks up his chart.
"fine, thank you", Cas replies with that raspy voice of his.
"I'm glad to hear it..well it looks like you're ready to be discharged, your vitals are good...although I think it would do you good to see a psychologist", says the doctor carefully, Cas frown.
"I didn't try to kill myself..I just got carried away" Cas states calmly, the doctor smiles gently.
"I didn't mean any offence...I just think talking to someone would help", Cas sighs, not wanting to get into it with the doctor.
"I understand", Cas replies tiredly, nodding the doctor puts down the chart and leaves.
A couple of hours later Deans arm was firmly wrapped around Cas' waist as he hauled him up the small set of stairs leading up to the apartment, truthfully Cas could probably walk on his own but Dean insisted and Cas couldn't say no, as they stumble through the door Cas gasps immediately as he takes in the state of his apartment, before turning abruptly to stare at the man beside him.
"Dean...did you", Cas trials off, Dean turns his head to meet the gaze of man who looks like he's found the greatest treasure on earth, his eyes already glazing over with tears.
"your were asleep for awhile...I thought it'd be nice to come to back to a clean place", Dean mumbles nervously, and then suddenly that small body is pressed up against his, shaky hands coming up to wrap around his neck, a face is buried in his neck, Dean immediately stiffens surprised by the sudden outburst, before relaxing and lifting his arms, returning the tender embrace.
"you didn't..have to..I'm not..you...thank you", Cas is crying, Dean can feel his body trembling as warm tears fall against the exposed skin on his neck.
"s'okay Cas...everything is gonna be okay", Dean comforts, his voice low and warm, eventually Cas calms down and pulls away looking down sheepishly clearly embarrassed by his outburst.
"I'm sorry Dean, I don't know what came over me...it's just that you took time out of your life to help me...you don't even know me and I was just overwhelmed..no one's ever", Cas trials off not sure how to continue.
"jeez Cas...I didn't do anything that great, it's nothing really", Deans rubs the back of his neck as he stares at top of Cas' bowed head, when it suddenly whips up and those blazing blue eyes are piercing his soul once again.
"its not nothing, it means a lot to me...it means a lot more than you could ever imagine" and then Cas smiles a small barely there thing, and Dean wonders if maybe it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen and then his inner voice interrupts get a grip Winchester...don't get carried away Dean shakes his head, Cas is now staring at him a little confused and then Dean realizes he hasn't said anything for awhile.
"you deserve good things Cas", Dean says with a gentle smile, and then Cas is giving him that gaze again, the one that makes him feel special.
"you really think so", there's a plea in Cas' voice, a disbelief, a curiosity, and Dean realizes that Cas doesn't believe he deserves anything, gently Dean places his hand on Cas' shoulder and gives a squeeze.
"I do Cas, I really do", Dean's voice is firm and comforting, his touch sending terrifying waves of warmth through Cas's body who realizes with a growing sense of fear that he really doesn't want him to leave. Slowly Dean's hand slips off Cas' shoulders, who misses the warmth almost immediately.
"you should get some rest Cas", Cas nods, but all he wants to do is shake his head and ask Dean to stay, but they've only just decided to become friends, and he doesn't want to scare Dean away.
"I will", Cas says with a tired smile as he hovers not sure whether to go or wait for Dean to.
"I stocked up your fridge, there's some containers of food in their, make sure to eat and call me if anything happens, actually just call me anyway, if I don't hear from you I'll come back and kick your door down again", Deans says sternly but his eyes are a breadth of warmth, Cas looks like he's going to cry again, panicking Dean who grabs his shoulders.
"Cas...what's the matter...are you okay", there's that concern again and Cas' heart swells.
"Nothing...", is murmured as tears begin falling from those beautiful cerulean eyes, Dean lets go of Cas shoulders as he reaches up slowly and gently brushes Cas' tears away with the tips of his fingers.
"Cas...you gotta help me out here buddy, what's the matter", Cas takes a deep breath.
"it's just, I've forgotten what it's like to have someone care...Thank you Dean", Cas says seeing Dean visibly relax as he steps back and gazes at Cas warmly.
"you gotta stop thanking me...we're friends okay", Deans says with a smile.
"okay", Cas whispers back.
"I gotta go...you better call me", Dean says sternly from the door.
"I will", Cas answers firmly determination etched in his eyebrows, Dean lingers for a second gazing at Cas before turning and shutting the door.
AN: Thanks to those of you who've followed and favourited I really appreciate it, I'm getting a vague idea of where this is going so I hope you like it, reviews are always welcome :)