"Crazy Christmas Letters!"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with the Total Drama series or any of its characters. Total Drama and it's characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis. Anyway, what would happen if our favorite characters sent very odd letters to Santa Claus? Well, you get this awesome collection. Enjoy!
Chapter 5: Noah
Dear Santa,
I'm Noah, and I'm about either 19 or 20 years old. I want to let you know that I'm not in a joyous mood this season, because I think Christmas is just a waste of my time. Why do we have to celebrate a holiday where some jolly fat guy falls through a chimney hurting himself? It's not even right for someone like him to fall through a dirty dusty place and injure himself in the process. Unless if it's someone like Owen, than it's all right by me.
And why do you ride in a sleigh with those deer in the first place. Having to strap them with nuzzles while they're pulling a piece of metalized junk is just a form of animal abuse. Why couldn't they be set free instead around a forest or something. That's where they belong in the first. And what about those toys that you keep in that hefty bag of yours? I happen to think you're stealing and not giving them away. That's right Santa, I'm calling you out.
I think you're a disgrace to the holiday and I don't think someone like you should exist. Besides, the holiday isn't about you anyway. I think someone around the town told me that Christmas was about somebody else, but I couldn't get the chance to because a pile of snow fell on top of him and I walked away. So truth be told, this holiday ain't for anybody, including me. I think Christmas should be banned all across the world. I don't see how it would be celebrated for apparently no reason.
You wanna spend the rest of your time December 25th? Read books, for pete's sake. Is it any wonder why the rest of America (and Canada) are this retarded? It's because they don't get enough learning in their brains. Instead, they're out pissing their pants, waiting your you to arrive with the stuff that you probably stole from that sack of yours. Yeah, I bet you'd love the smell of old maple syrup coming from their undies while trying to put presents under the tree. I'll be reading up on my Tom Clancy crap while you're at it.
Sincerely,
Noah
P.S.: Just in case if you're this Santa Claus that everyone wants you to think, can you give me a hammer for this so-called "Christmas"? I want something to bop Owen in the head with, just in case if he farts anywhere near me from where I'm sitting.
Eeyup, that's Noah for you in a nutshell.
Who should be next? Heather, Scott or Staci?
Review or PM me for your suggestions. Until then, Merry Christmas! :D