Gender-bent!Cedric Diggory/Hermione Granger pairing for the second Candyland challenge.
Warning: Underage drinking is illegal, so do not do it good kids-hell, our life stories are based off drunk escapades and so is this one.
Cedric Diggory- man of the hour, School Champion in the running for Tri-Wizard Champion, he's got the looks, the grades and the drunken escapades. Hermione Granger- brightest witch of her age, brilliant in everything (maybe even Quidditch if only she tried), best female friend to the Boy Who Lived and definitely fantastic drunk or otherwise. Put these two together with Firewhiskey and a passing comment by Cedric of how he'd look good in anything, and you have a Gender-bent!Cedric-Hermione crack!fic to laugh at!
To Be Or Not To Be
"OK, I really don't think I want to do this—"
"Oh, hush, Cedric, it'll be fine. Besides, you're almost there, so don't you dare wimp out now."
Cedric glowered at Hermione as the two stood huddled around a corner, waiting for a certain someone to emerge.
He had never spoken to Hermione Granger—the brightest witch of her age and Harry Potter's best friend—before the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and honestly, he was regretting that he had decided to do it now.
And when they were both sloshed, of all times.
"This is ridiculous," Cedric hissed, rubbing his exposed legs and shivering as a nasty winter breeze nipped at his uncovered skin.
"Hey, don't look at me, I wasn't the one who declared they would look great in anything, including the girls' uniform."
"I was only joking! I wasn't expecting you to stand up and yell 'prove it if you have the balls!'"
Hermione grinned wolfishly and hiccoughed, her face flushed and her hair looking like a fuzz ball atop her head. Cedric was just about to say something else, when there was the sharp clacking of shoes against stone and two voices drifted toward them.
"Do it now!" Hermione whispered furiously, digging her elbow in his ribs and trying to push him out of their hiding place.
"Don't rush me!" he whispered back hurriedly, absentmindedly adjusting the large red bow atop his head and smoothing down the skirt Hermione had magically enlarged to fit snugly around his hips. He peeked around the corner and whipped back, scrunching his eyes shut and trying to calm his racing heart.
"I can't do this," he sighed in defeat, willing to take on any punishment Hermione would give him over doing what he has said he would.
"I thought Cedric Diggory was a man of his word," Hermione replied pompously, cocking her head and raising her eyebrows at him.
"You are despicable," he spat, earning a sly grin from the other as she swayed slightly and waggled her eyebrows.
"Fine," he bit through clenched teeth, peeking around the corner and almost having a heart attack when he saw how close the two approaching men were. "Shite, they're almost here! Gimme that!"
He snatched the bottle of Firewhiskey from Hermione's hands—and snickering at the surprised sound she made—gulped down a good quarter of the rather large bottle and took in a shuddering breath.
"Whoo, that sure hit the spot!"
Hermione was eyeing him wearily as she cradled the bottle to her chest like it was her child or something. "Maybe you were right about not doing this… what if some teacher finds out…"
Cedric wiggled his shoulders and snickered as Hermione's eyes went comically wide and she held the Firewhiskey at arms' length. "What if we get expelled?!"
If he weren't as completely sloshed out of his mind, he would probably have worried about that, but since he was…
"Oh, come off it, there's no way they're going to expel us—oh, wait, maybe just you since I am the school champion."
"Are not! Harry is!"
"Are too! Harry can lick my dust!"
"That made absolutely no sense," Hermione grumbled as she took another swig from the bottle and then grinned stupidly.
"Are we doing this or what," she slurred, motioning toward the corner where the two approaching men were inevitably going to turn.
"I'm sorry, we are not doing anything. It is I—"
"Oh, shove it," Hermione snapped, cutting him off and actually shoving him. He teetered and then walked backwards as though in slow motion, his eyes going round with horror as Hermione's went wide with excitement.
The two men halted abruptly in both their walking and talking and Cedric pursed his lips as the effects of the Firewhiskey finally hit home, throwing him into an alcohol induced stupor and allowing him to do the one thing that he would regret for the rest of his life.
He spun around and threw himself at one of the men, moaning in a rather loud voice, "Oh Krummmm, how ssstunning you areee, if only you were—"
He stopped abruptly as the face of the man—who wasn't Krum—came into focus.
"I see that you seem to be have taken the Headmaster's words of having the best time tonight quite literally, Mister Diggory," Severus Snape snipped as he stepped back and watched Cedric fall to the ground with a dull thud.
"I will see both you and Miss Granger—yes, I see you giggling on the floor over there—in my office in twenty minutes. Sober, of course," he finished, striding away with his robes billowing behind him.
Cedric sat frozen on the cold ground, absolutely mortified beyond anything he had ever experienced, as an uncontrollably laughing Hermione crawled up to him and thwacked him on the shoulder.
"That was brilliant, I say! I didn't expect you to actually do it, you really are the Bi-Wizard Chamipion!"
And Cedric wallowed in his self pity as he let himself drown in his own misery and Hermione's shrill laughter.