When their secret and forbidden relationship serves to lose some of its charm, Seamus suggests that they do something different and add something to their appearance in order to surprise each other and remove the monotony. Blaise decides to make his skin glisten like the gills of a mermaid while Seamus decides to...grow a beard?!

This is a slash!crack!fic of the pairing Blaise Zabini/Seamus Finigan, co-written with the absolutely wonderful Otaku Neko Ninja Miko Tenshi for the Candyland Pairings Challenge! :D The first two bits of the fic [Seamus's POV] is written by her and the last bit [Blaise's POV] is written by me and since we wrote the two separately, there may be slight discrepancies, so ignore that and enjoy this one-shot :D

[Special Appearance: Draco Malfoy]

Disclaimer: The song lyrics in Seamus's bit have copyrights registered to its owners and not either of us.

To Beard or Not To Beard

[In case you didn't notice, this is a play on the title of the previous drabble/chapter I wrote, To Be or Not To be.]

So this was what it had come down to...

Seamus stared into the mirror, stroking down his latest gain as he admired his reflection with a sense of slight unease. He spared a glance at the clock – a half hour before he was due to meet his boyfriend. An anxious breath shuddered out of his lips; what would his man think of him right now?

"There's no going back," Seamus reminded himself with a firm tug of his hair. "You're a Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake, get a grip! It's just Blaise. No-one else matters right now, beside you and him and your shared sex life."

He sighed raggedly as he made his way out the portrait hole and toward the dungeons. He knew Blaise hated it when he went to get him because he apparently reveled in the secrecy of their relationship, but he honestly couldn't have cared less at that point. He was too damn nervous for his own good.

I hate the waiting but I love the tension, it's so frustrating, he sang in his head as he finally neared the dungeons and stood there awkwardly. Hell, if there was any other tune that didn't suit him so well; he was way too early anyway.

"Shite, I don't know where the Common Room is."

He looked around, hoping to see some hint as to where the Slytherin Common Room would be, but found nothing. Of course. It's hidden, what was I expecting. Well, nothing to do but wait, I suppose.

He'd simply have to wait and see if growing it had been the right decision... well, Fred and George has said it made him look mighty handsome and although he had wanted to be the test-subject for their new invention and had suggested the whole idea for that very reason in the first place, he was now starting to get nervous.

He tittered and fidgeted until he saw a scrawny second year walk around the corner and immediately made for him.

The appreciative silence made the young Finnigan's fingers twitch with the urge to fidget. Eyes roaming across the new glassy skin that Blaise had acquired ('Is that all across his body...?'), the sixteen-year-old felt the bottom of his stomach flush hot when the taller male took a cocky step forward.

Suddenly his beard felt like an effort-lacking option in comparison. It had been a choice made on a whim when Fred and George had asked if he was willing to spare them the time of day for a galleon or two and had mentioned that beards were increasingly growing popular (pun intended). And then Seamus had seen Blaise absentmindedly flicking through a random magazine where he spent a moment longer looking at anyone who had facial hair, so he had thought…

He just hoped that the gamble had paid off.

Fingers toying with a stray thread that had peeked out of his boxer hem, Seamus looked up at his partner, distracted by the gorgeous sheen coating Blaise's flesh. "What do you think?"

Blaise hummed in satisfaction as he eyed his reflection in the mirror—that he had installed in his dorm room in his third year. He ran a finger down the now supple, glossy skin of his cheek and smirked. Turning his head this way and that so the sunlight streaming in through the window made his charmed skin shimmer, he hummed once more, thoroughly pleased with himself.

After two years of sneaking behind people's backs and reveling in the secrecy of their forbidden relationship, both he and Seamus—yes, Seamus Finnigan, the loud-mouthed, obnoxious Gryffindor who couldn't not blow something up for the life of him—had gotten bored of the whole thing. So—in one of his rare moments of wisdom—Seamus had suggested that they do something different just to get rid of the monotony.

And his brilliant idea had been to change some bit of their physical appearance so as to give their relationship a fresh new perspective—or so he had said.

And so, Blaise had taken it upon himself to do what he had wanted to for so long and used a beauty charm (that he had found in one of the books Pansy always left lying around) and glazed his skin so it had the same sheen a mermaid's gills did.

Seamus and he had promised to meet each other later that day, so they could…do things together, and Blaise was using every bit of his willpower to not chase the other down right then and show off his lustrous skin that glistened like liquid chocolate.

"Blaise," a familiar voice drawled from behind him and he spun around and struck a pose as Draco raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Why, hello, Draco, what can this loyal servant of yours do for you on this fine day?"

Draco scoffed as he sprawled across Blaise's bed and flicked a platinum lock from his eyes. "I'm actually more interested in what came over you to decide to consult one of Pansy's ridiculous books and go so far as to actually use one of those preposterous charms on yourself."

Blaise tilted his chin up and looked down his nose at the blond as he said pompously, "Some of those spells are actually quite useful, and don't tell me you've never wanted to try one for yourself."

Draco opened his mouth to respond, but there was a sharp rap on the door and a second year stuck his head him and said, "Mister Zabini, there's some bloke standing outside the dungeons and announcing that he's here to escort you."

Draco raised his eyebrows at Blaise and motioned graciously toward the door, a knowing look in his eyes and a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Blaise huffed and strode out, his head held high.

He wondered briefly if Seamus was mental enough to come knocking on his door, but then waved it off thinking the second year would have mentioned it if a Gryffindor had come calling. He stepped out from the warmth of the Slytherin Common Room and into the draughty dungeon corridor, his eyes instantly landing on someone who looked to have the exact same height and body structure as Seamus, except for the—

"Took you long enough!" the fellow—who actually turned out to be Seamus—cried and grabbing Blaise by the hand, began to drag him out of the dungeons.

It took all of two seconds for Blaise's common sense to click back into place and he dug his heels into the cobblestones, tugging his hand out of the other's and causing Seamus to stop. The brunet turned to look at Blaise curiously and the latter had to close his eyes and breathe deeply a few times before being able to find his voice.

"Seamus," he began slowly, refusing to look higher than the other's tie, "I know we decided to add something to our appearance for a bit of a change—"

"And I think it was a mighty fantastic idea, if I say so myself! What's this you've done to your skin, by the way, it's like rubber!"

"Don't call it rubber, you ingrate," Blaise snapped immediately and then caught himself at the alarmed look on Seamus's face. Blaise instantly dropped his eyes and said, "I used a charm to make my skin smoother and more supple…"

"Well, I suppose you did a pretty fine job with it, then. I feel like we're just going to slip off each other, though, when we—" he waggled his brows and grinned lecherously.

Blaise had to bite his tongue and fist his pants to stop from ripping off the ridiculous facial hair off Seamus's face.

"Seamus, you know I fancy you, but even if we are going out, I do have taste and I honestly did not expect you to—to grow a beard!"

Seamus only raised his brows in surprise and asked, "Really? So, what do you think?"

"…I should've fucking known this was going to happen. That brilliant idea of yours was too good to be true. You only suggested it so you could grow a beard, didn't you?" Blaise asked exasperatedly, knowing fully well what Seamus was going to say.

Seamus grinned broadly and puffing his chest out, said proudly, "Fred and George let me be the test-subject for their latest invention, the Frighteningly Fast Hair Growing Cream!"

Blaise slapped his hand to his forehead and dragged it down his face. It's my fault for not being more suspicious of his sudden wave of brilliance.

"Seamus, get rid of that disgusting thing this instant."

"Why?" the boy asked as he stroked his beard. "I think it's pretty neat."

"Alright," Blaise conceded, easing his face into a smile, "you can keep the beard, but I'm afraid to say you're never going to know how slippery this new skin of mine can be."

Seamus's jaw dropped and he goggled at Blaise as the other's smile turned smug. "But, but," he stuttered, and finally let his head and shoulders droop sadly.

"OK…"

"That's a good lad. Now shave that disgusting thing off before I rip your face off along with it."

He spun on his heel and strode back to his Common Room while trying to erase the retched memory of Seamus and his big, bushy beard from his mind.

Bloody Seamus Finnigan and his ridiculous beard. I suppose it looked quite good on him though—not that he'll ever hear me say it.

A/n: You know what to do with those big fat fingers, review review review!

Love~