This is a crack!fic of Rowena Ravenclaw/Salazar Slytherin along with Helga Hufflepuff and Godric Gryffindor and is just a silly drabble of what I thought would be how the founding of Hogwarts began.
Credits to NightmarePrince and LovelyDragons for some of the ideas and for giving me the inspiration to write this!
The Founders and The Founding
The three other founders stared at Godric as he looked back at them triumphantly. Helga seemed to be bouncing with excitement, while Rowena and Salazar's stoic stares revealed nothing. Finally, Salazar shifted and nodded once.
"I should think a coat of arms with four animal emblems to symbolize the four houses would be a decent idea."
"Decent?! Oh, come now, Salazar! You would not have come up with an idea so fine as this on your own, now would you have?" Godric asked with a grin.
Salazar bristled. "My mind has been occupied with other, more pressing, matters, you see."
"Well I think it is an absolutely marvelous thing to do, do you not agree, Rowena?" Helga asked excitedly, leaning over and eyeing said lady expectantly.
The Lady Ravenclaw cleared her throat and daintily shrugged a shoulder before tilting her chin up and saying, "My animal shall be an eagle."
There was a pause and then Salazar asked rather curiously, "Why an eagle, Lady Rowena? I would have thought a raven might have suited you more perfectly?"
Rowena looked slightly taken-aback and then turning away from the Lord Slytherin with a huff, said pompously, "Eagles are the symbol of majesty and a sharp, intelligent mind. They can spot their prey from miles away and attack without hesitation, much like I would want students belonging to my house to be." While she thought, Shite, why didn't I think of that?! A raven would have been perfect, but now I cannot withdraw my claim! Curse you Salazar!
(Let it be known that this was the sole reason why Salazar didn't get any that night.)
Salazar sat back and shrugged. "Mine shall be a snake, of course."
"And mine can only be a lion! The most majestic of all animals and the king that stands above all!"
Salazar and Rowena looked up sharply at that.
Shite, why does this idiot get to be king?! My slithering snakes could strangle him in his sleep!
I SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN THAT RAVEN GODDAMNIT
The trio were broken out of their separate thoughts when Helga brought out a plate from Morgana knew where, and went, "Milk and cookies, anyone?"
"Yes please!" Godric said immediately as he dived for the snack. "I say, Helga! These are bloody fantastic!"
Helga giggled and patted down her shimmering yellow frock. "I would think so, since I am planning on teaching the cooking class."
"What cooking class?!" Salazar demanded, banging his palm on the table.
"Salazar, a little restraint, if you may," Rowena quipped and the Lord Slytherin turned a nice shade of pink. "Helga, dear, as we are on the topic of the coat of arms at the moment, what would your emblem be?"
"Hm, I would have to think about it," Helga replied thoughtfully as she dipped a cookie in her glass of milk and gingerly bit into it.
Salazar and Rowena (for some reason) watched with rapt attention as Helga continued to daintily finish up her cookie and sip at her milk—while beside her, Godric was scarfing down the re-filling plate of cookies as though there was no tomorrow.
"Ah!" Helga said and both Rowena and Salazar sat up in attention. "I think we need more milk!"
HER EMBLEM SHOULD JUST BE MILK AND COOKIES!
Salazar massaged his forehead while Rowena wordlessly hexed Godric from under the large circular table.
"Right then, Helga's shall be a—" he waved his hand around, eyes closed and brows furrowed in concentration.
"A badger!" Helga said finally and all eyes—except Godric's, because he was writhing on the ground from Rowena's hex—turned to Helga. "Look!" she said excitedly, pointing toward the window where a badger was seemingly sunbathing.
"A badger it is," Rowena said and Salazar nodded in agreement while Helga looked on in confusion.
"Now that that's done, let's move on to the subject of—"
"Quidditch!" Godric yelled as he resurfaced from below the table, a nice, red welt blooming on his forehead from where he had struck the ground.
Salazar bit back a sigh as he watched Godric lean forward eagerly—while Helga Levitated a teacup toward Rowena, who accepted it graciously.
"We are speaking about classes, Godric, Quidditch shall come much later on—" Salazar was saying, but Godric was already standing up and making toward the door. Salazar opened his mouth to admonish the Lord Gryffindor, but Helga beat him to it with a well-placed Leg-locker jinx.
Salazar watched helplessly as Godric went crashing down with a very unmanly yelp while Helga sat back with a satisfied nod and Rowena snickered into her teacup.
Salazar then turned to eye the two women with a stricken expression and they both looked on expectantly.
"Right, well, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, which classes would you like to teach—"
"Cooking!"
"—other than cooking," Salazar finished and shot Helga—who looked crestfallen—a pointed look, causing him to sigh and say, "Why exactly do you want to hold cooking classes, Lady Helga?"
The Lady Hufflepuff looked up at that and with sparkling eyes replied, "Cooking helps harness one's chi—"
"Yes, I am sorry for asking; Lady Rowena, what of your classes?"
"Before that, Salazar, is it possible to return to the previous discussion?"
Salazar raised an eyebrow. "Regarding the coat of arms, is it? May I be so bold as to ask why?"
Rowena seemed to flush slightly and looked quite conflicted. "Actually, let us return to the subject of classes."
Salazar smirked and remarked lightly, "There is no need to be shy, Lady Rowena, after all, you know that I shall receive whatsoever you may have to share with me with open arms."
(Let it be known that this was the sole reason why Salazar didn't get any for three consecutive nights.)
Rowena eyed the emerald heap that was Salazar and then turned to eye Godric—who was only just sitting back up after a lot of struggle at undoing the hex, as Helga kept re-casting it for her amusement—and said, "Godric, what classes would you propose we teach our students?"
"Never mind that," Godric replied with a wave of his hand, "how exactly will we sort our students into the four houses?"
Rowena sat back with a thoughtful expression—while Helga was bending over the side and prodding a groaning Salazar with her wand. He finally pulled himself back onto his chair and looked up to see the others staring at him wide-eyed, seemingly moments away from laughter.
"What?" he snapped, touching his face and wondering if Rowena had hit him in the nose or something.
Helga giggled and pointed her wand at his head and he felt something flop over his hair and wriggle around. He froze on the spot, much too mortified to even ask what the preposterous thing on his head was, as Godric fell out of his chair, laughing.
Rowena chuckled quietly and Conjured a crafted mirror so Salazar could see the abomination that was perched atop his sleek mane.
"What is this horrific thing?!" He screeched, his hands hovering just beside it as he eyed the horribly ragged-looking old pointy-hat that was perched lopsidedly on his head.
"It complements your eyes, Salazar," Rowena commented idly and Salazar rose to his feet with a mighty roar, threw down the hat and stomped out of the Great Hall.
Helga Levitated the hat onto the table and placing her elbows on the wood, rested her chin on her hands and hummed. "What say we enchant this sweet thing to choose which student will be placed into which house?"
"I think that is an absolutely splendid idea," Godric said as he laughed merrily.
"I shall have to agree," Rowena said with a smirk. "Let us name it the Sorting Hat and have it deem the ones most worthy into the house that would make best of said worthiness."
"And it can even break into song!" Helga said with a clap of her hands.
(Let it be known that this is how the Sorting Hat came into existence and thanks to Helga's little prank, Rowena forgave Salazar for his silliness and he ended up getting some anyway.)