This is a crack!fic of my least liked pairing: Harry Potter/Cho Chang and for all you Cho fans, you may hate me just a little after reading this.

In his third year and finally realized that he's gay, Harry Potter has but one complaint. Cho Chang, the absolutely gorgeous Ravenclaw girl, who constantly stalked him and followed after him and seemed curious about his disinterest in her. He may have been flattered if he wasn't so gay, but since he was, he couldn't help wish that a bludger would hit her just so she stopped following him around like a lost puppy. And what happens when his wish comes true?

Featuring: The Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

Not Her Again

"Harry! Harry, wait!"

He slowed his pace, but didn't stop, as he glanced over his shoulder and saw Cho Chang running toward him while dodging around the students littering the hallway.

Not her again.

"Hi," he said as cheerily as possible as the girl finally reached him, panting heavily.

"H-Hello," she replied breathlessly, looking as though she wanted to pause for breath. Harry decided that was his chance and he stopped, allowing her to double over and wheeze, her long, straight mane of ebony hair falling around her face like a curtain.

He waited a moment longer before scuffing his shoe on the cobblestones and shifting so she would look up at him. When she did, he jerked his chin toward where he had been heading before she had stopped him and said, "Do you mind if I go ahead? Practice starts in five minutes."

Cho immediately stood up and shook her head. "Don't let me keep you."

He nodded and with a smile—which was more relieved that he no longer had to deal with her, than anything—began to walk away. It took him exactly two seconds to realize he wasn't the only one walking toward his destination, though.

Halting abruptly so she bumped into him, he looked over his shoulder again and asked wanly, "Is something the matter?"

She looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

"No, just, I'm heading toward the pitch now and was wondering if you were following after me…"

"Oh," Cho said somewhat stupidly and flushed as she ducked her head and tucked a strand of silken hair behind her ear. She was actually very attractive, he thought, and hadn't he been so gay that Hermione almost treated him like a sister, he would probably have been overjoyed that someone like her was following after someone like him.

But since he was, he found her incessant obsession with him rather annoying.

He quickened his pace as his feet hit the damp grass and took off at a jog when the Quidditch pitch came into view. Oliver had called another practice session that week to prep for the decisive game against Ravenclaw—although, the others had agreed simply because they didn't want the captain to go spastic with paranoia, since the Ravenclaw match would be an easy win.

He had almost forgotten that Cho had followed behind him until he reached the pitch and greeted the others with a loud "You lot are awfully punctual for a bunch who thought this practice was unnecessary."

Angelina was the first to reply to that with a crisp—"Says the fellow who never show up on time." She then looked past Harry and raised her eyebrows. "Brought your own audience along, did you?"

"Not to mention, the enemy!" Fred said as Harry turned around and smiled awkwardly at a wheezing Cho.

"What's this I hear about fraternizing with the enemy?" George piped in and Angelina thwacked them both in the chest.

"Now don't you two start. Come on, Harry, you're late as it is—Oliver's a minute away from biting his fingers off."

Harry turned to Cho as he walked backwards and motioned toward the stands. "Take a seat if you'd like!" he yelled and she seemed confused for some reason.

He turned back and hurried to where Oliver had gathered everyone up and started one of his long speeches. "—and because of that—oh, good to see you made it, Harry, I was starting to wonder if you'd gotten yourself into trouble again."

"Wouldn't do that before an important match, Oliver," Harry said in reply, earning a jubilant grin from the captain and eye rolls from the twins.

"Right then," Oliver began again, but then paused as his eyes caught something behind Harry. He leaned forward and whispered to the latter, "What's she doing here?"

Harry groaned as he glanced toward where Cho was standing a few metres away and when she saw him looking, waved. Harry waved back awkwardly and turning to Oliver, hissed, "I can't get rid of her. She's stuck to me as though someone hit her with a permanent sticking charm!"

"No worries, mate, let us take care of her," Fred proclaimed happily as he laid a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Why worry when you have us, Harry?" George grinned as he laid his hand on Harry's other shoulder.

Not really caring one way or another, Harry nodded at the two of them and moved toward where Angelina and Alicia were arguing over maneuvering strategies.

It was around ten minutes later, just as Oliver had finished discussing the strategies with the three female Chasers, that Harry realized Fred and George hadn't returned from 'taking care of her,' as they had put it. As though reading his mind, Oliver asked loudly, "Where are the Weasley twins? Are they off traipsing around again? Harry, be a chum and go call them in, would you? We haven't got all day."

Harry nodded and exited the tent, looking around for the twins and not spotting them anywhere. He was just about to exit the pitch when he heard a shout from up above and squinted at the sky. As he had suspected, there were the twins, bats in hand and a bludger running amuck just below them. But what worried him was that Cho was there as well, on one of the practice brooms the school leant out during try-outs or emergencies, and when the bludger turned sharply toward one of the twins—he wasn't sure which—the redhead backhanded the smallish sized ball and sent it hurtling straight toward—

"Oliver!" Harry yelled as a shriek pierced the frigid air and the team was out the tent and looking for the source of the sound just as Harry reached them.

"Harry! What's happening? I heard someone scream—"

"Isn't that your girlfriend, Harry?!" Alicia screeched and pointed at Cho—who had been hit by the bludger and had fallen off her broom. The twins were hovering in place, frozen in shock, as the girl fell toward the ground.

"She's a good fifty feet off the ground! She's not going to live to stalk you if we don't catch her—Oi! You blithering idiots! Come off it and catch her!" Angelina screamed as the five of them stood just below where Cho was falling and tangled their arms together to form a net so as to break her fall.

At the sound of Angelina's voice, the twins snapped out of their daze and in an instant, were zooming toward Cho. They caught her a good twenty feet above the ground—each gasping her by an arm—and everyone cheered as they slowly lowered the unconscious girl to the ground.

"Slowly now—easy does it," Oliver was saying, as though he was Madam Hooch teaching first years to fly, but no one was paying attention to him—or the twins, for that matter.

They were all staring at the bludger that was hurtling straight toward the trio, nothing stopping it in its usual fit of madness. "Watch out!" Harry shouted, but he was too late. Just as the twins looked over their shoulder, the bludger connected with Cho's back and forced her out of the boys' grips and toward the ground.

"Arresto Momentum!" Oliver hollered—just in time too, he only just managed to stop the girl from hitting the ground face first.

They ran toward the girl as the bludger zoomed off, Fred and George in hot pursuit. Katie knelt beside Cho and winced. "She's broken half her ribs, in the least. Hopefully she didn't injure her spine permanently and isn't paralyzed for life."

Oliver looked like he had been the one to be hit twice by a bludger in less than five minutes and Angelina lay a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder and went, "Well, at least they were true to their word and took care of her."

"…yeah, let's not tell anyone else that."

A/n: I think I've given a whole new literal meaning to 'character bashing'. Sorry folks, but I really do not like her and this was meant to be a story on a pairing I absolutely hate, so there you have it.

Let me know what you think. Oh, and if you plan on yelling at me for what I did with Cho, don't bother, because it's all in good fun and I really don't care for flames :D

Love~