Derek

Dear Derek,

You are cordially invited to attend Seattle Grace's 10 Year Reunion! This is an opportunity to catch up with old friends, piers, and colleagues from the past 10 years. Please RSVP to the invitation by September 31stt. The event will be held at Seattle Grace Hospital in the lower level nurses' station from 5:00 – 11:00 PM on November 1st. Hope you can make it!

Respectfully yours,

Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery of SGH

"Hunny, you have mail," Amy said as she finished reading the tiny, thin business letter.

"What is it?" I asked as I ran a brush through my messy hair. Lately it had been extra curly, but for some reason I couldn't cut it.

"It's a reunion thingy from Seattle?"

This immediately got my attention. "Huh?"

"Look." She handed me the letter then picked up an issue of People.

"Wow," I breathed as I tucked the letter in my back pocket. "That must be new."

"Are you going?"

I hesitated. Seattle? Again? I couldn't do it. Could I? "I don't know, it might be nice…seeing all my old friends."

"Have you told them about me?" she questioned as she stuck a lolli pop in her mouth. I smiled. Amy was everything you would want in a girl. Smart, funny, pretty…everything. She was the same age as Meredith and just as bossy. I proposed to her a year after we met and everything seemed to be perfect, but for the past couple months, Meredith invaded my mind. It was weird, I hadn't seen her in over 6 years yet I still thought about her. I couldn't help but wonder if she still thought about me.

"No, I lost touch."

She grinned. "Then you should go! I'll go with you…it could be our pre-marriage thing."

I raised an eye brow. "To Seattle?"

"Why not? Carpe Diem Derek…seize the day."

I laughed then wrapped my arms around her. "Alright, we can go."

"YES!" she squealed. "Should I pack?"

"Relax," I laughed. "It's not till November."

"Well it's never too early to plan ahead. What kind of weather do they have there?"

I shrugged. "It will be cold."

"Then I need to go shopping," she giggled. "Sorry, I'm usually not this excited but I haven't been on a trip in ages!"

I grinned. "Well then it's good we're going."

"Chief?" I asked as I stepped into Doctor Wilkins wide office.

He looked up from his paper work and smiled. "Oh Derek, please take a seat."

I gingerly sat down in the huge leather chair and folded my hands. "I was wondering if I could have some time off. I have a hospital reunion on the 1st in November. I just need that day off."

The smile on his face vanished. "Your not leaving me again are you?"

I let out a nervous laugh. "Of course not. It's a reunion."

He leaned back against his chair. "A reunion? Never heard of that before…"

"Neither have I," I mumbled to myself.

After a couple seconds, he finally spoke. "Alright, that's fine. You can have the day off."

"Thank you sir," I replied.

As I walked out of the office I bumped into Mark.

"Hey did you get that invite?" he asked.

I nodded. Mark followed me back to New York and we grew even closer, but there was still something missing. I wasn't myself, not my whole self.

"You are? I thought you wouldn't because of you know who…"

"What?"

"Meredith man!"

I stopped. Oh crap. "She's going to be there?"

"Of course she's going to be there. She works there!"

I felt my throat close up, all of a sudden my mouth tasted bitter and dry. "Oh God, I, I can't go."

"Hey, you can. All you need to do is avoid her."

I shook my head, itching at the collar of my shirt. "Is it hotter in here?"

Mark grabbed my arm and screamed, "DEREK! Quit stressing."

"I CAN'T!" I yelled back, "I haven't seen her in 6 years! 6 years! What if she's seeing someone, what if she's married, what if she fell in love with someone else!"

"YOU fell in love with someone else Derek!"

And that's when it hit me. After 6 years…I still loved her.

"Mark…I have to let her go."

He put his hands up and sighed, "I thought you already did."

"I thought I did…"

He groaned then ran his hands through his hair. "You have one messy love life man…what are you going to do about Amy?"

"I'm not saying I don't love Amy. I probably do. But I can't love Meredith while I'm loving Amy. It can't work that way."

"So what do you want me to do?" he asked forcefully.

"I need you to help me let go of her. That way, when I see her at the reunion, I won't have any desire to…reconnect."

"Oh God," he rolled his eyes and after pausing, reluctantly said, "Fine, I'll help."

"Thank you," I sighed. "Now what do I do?"

He scratched his chin. "I don't know. For starters, stop comparing Amy and every other female to Meredith. That's a big no no. Second, when you see her at the reunion she will most likely look really sexy, so don't fall for that. Uh, third, avoid her, both mentally and physically. And uhm…if something reminds you of her, burn it."

I laughed in a mocking manner then said, "Burn it? Mark that is ridiculous."

"What? It helped me!"

"Well I'm not you! I need a saner way to eradicate her from my mind. Do you even know what the word sane means?"

He shrugged. "Well I don't go around falling in love with people then leaving them for 6 years. Derek, you knew you could never let go of Meredith, you knew that! So don't go dumping this on me because this is your fault, you are to blame."

This immediately shut me up because it was so damn true. I was to blame. I left.

I was a coward.