Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This storyline is mine. This chapter picks up where Chapter One left off. I got a little wordy this chapter and some parts are really weird, but trust me, it all comes together in the long run! Reviews are love!
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Chapter Twelve: Nightmares and Philosophy
I don't know how I got home that afternoon. I don't remember how long Sora and I stood staring through the glass. I don't remember Dr. Young talking to us afterwards, only Sora's arm gently taking mine and guiding me back to where our parents were.
The hours after seeing Riku were hazy and slipped like dry sand through my fingers. I wasn't aware of putting my coat back on or braving the storm to my mom's truck. There were voices in the hallways, but their forms were distant and slurred. The world seemed to have moved in slow motion, time had slowed for this occasion.
I couldn't recall going into my house or sitting on the couch. I was only aware of two things. Sora was one of them, never letting me go the entire trip. He was my lifeline, my last shred of reality, and my only remaining piece of what my life had been. If I had been in any state to form sensible words, I would have told him so. As it was, it was left to speculation. Either he knew how much I was depending on him now, and was holding me now because I needed him, or he needed me too, and was holding onto me for dear life because he was just as terrified as I was. Either way, he was there.
The only other thing I was aware of was that Riku was gone. I didn't want to believe it, think it, or even acknowledge it, but there it was. I had seen him with my own eyes. When his eyes had looked in our direction, there had been nothing there. The fire in his eyes was gone, leaving them vacant and defeated. I had given up trying to fight it. The truth was standing in front of me, blocking my path to blissful denial, spreading her arms and barring me from ignoring her.
I don't remember how long I was out of it, several hours at least. I didn't want to leave this hazy dimension I'd slipped into, where reality was so far away and with it all the pains and torments of life. I was reluctant to return to my body, in my house, in Sora's arms, where everything hurt and I couldn't stand on legs made of jelly.
We had to have sat on my mom's couch for three hours, not saying a word, not moving an inch, just wallowing in shock and sorrow, when my body just gave out and I fell asleep.
My dreams were more nightmarish than consciousness. I was alone on the island, in an invisible cage, stuck on the shore as the tide rolled in. I kept beating against the cage, fighting and fighting to escape, but all in vain. Finally, exhausted, I just collapsed inside, giving up as the tide began to cover me and drag me out into the ocean.
When I looked up, everyone was there: Sora, Riku, Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka. They were all running around, laughing and ignoring me completely. I screamed and tried to get their attention. I was trapped, couldn't they see?! I needed help, why were they ignoring me!?
"Help! Help me! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!" My voice came out like Riku's, repeating itself over and over.
I gasped and the cage diminished, throwing me out on the sand. By the time I'd scrambled to my feet, everyone was gone and it had started snowing. Faces moved through the falling snow and the wind wrapped around my legs, dragging me away from the shore and deeper into the island.
I was being dragged towards the Secret Place at the base of the Great Tree. The thought terrified me and I thrashed, writhed, and fought, but the grip was too strong. I was dragged into the tunnel, and I was spat out in front of the door with no handle.
Shaking, sick, and panicking, I ran at the door, pounding on the wood.
"Let me out! Help! I'm not crazy!" I grabbed at my throat.
Then cold, the deepest, most penetratingly painful cold I'd ever experienced, cut through the air and pierced straight to my heart, stopping my breath. I fell to the floor, which undulated under me, pushing me against the wall.
My lungs burning, I looked up and saw him. Xehanort. He was standing in front of the door, smiling at me with malicious, glowing eyes. No, it wasn't Xehanort. Well, it was Xehanort, but he looked like Riku. Before my eyes, the figure seemed to keep changing between Xehanort and Riku, laughing and screaming, proclaiming doom and calling out for help.
"I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!"
"Kairi!" Sora's voice slid into the cacophony, so close, and yet so far away.
Someone had seized my shoulders and was shaking me. I thrashed, grabbing at the arms holding me until my eyes flew open. Xehanort, Riku, and the Secret Place slurred in my waking dream and Sora's face swam through the images, repeating my name.
With a jerk, I snapped awake. Panting, I looked around, "Wh-Where—What—"
"Shh, shh. It's all right. You're okay." Sora soothed, rubbing my arm.
We were still on the couch at my house. The clock on the wall read a quarter past six in the afternoon. My dad ran in, looking haggard and wild.
"What happened?" He asked.
"She had a nightmare." Sora answered, then looking at me, "It was just a dream."
I was shaking, breathing heavily. Nausea swept through my body.
"Oh!" Sora dove sideways, snatching up a trashcan and shoving it in front me.
This was perfect timing as I heaved, retching into the trashcan. My dad pulled my hair back with sweaty hands and I clutched at the can as I emptied my stomach contents.
"Get some water." My dad said.
Sora scrambled up, squeezing my shoulder and darting into the kitchen. After a few seconds, he returned with a glass of water. My dad took it and rubbed my back.
"I'm okay." I managed, when there was nothing left to throw up, "That was just—horrible."
Dad handed me the water. I rinsed my mouth out and he took the can away.
"Hey," Sora sank down beside me, "It was a nightmare, nothing more. It's okay."
He looked exhausted, and the bruise on the side of his head was more pronounced than ever. What had happened? Then I remembered: Riku. Tears welled unwillingly in my eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sora asked gently.
I shook my head, curling up next to him like a child. "I hate this." I whimpered.
"Yeah, me too." He said softly.
My mom walked in then, "Kairi, are you all right, sweetie? I was upstairs, I didn't hear you."
I looked at her, how could I be all right after what I'd just seen? Instead of yelling at her, I just sighed, "I'm fine, Mom."
She wasn't convinced, but didn't press me, "Sora, are you sure you don't want any ice for that? It looks nasty."
"Nah, it's okay." Sora waved her off.
I looked at him, at the purple and black bruises rising all over the side of his face, where Riku had struck him. "Sora, put some ice on it." I murmured.
Sora looked at me, exhaled, and looked at my mom, "I guess."
Mom nodded, satisfied, "I'll even throw in a few Tylenol. That headache's got to be horrid."
As she walked into the kitchen, I sat up, wiping my eyes stubbornly, "Sheesh, I need to pull it together."
"It's okay to cry sometimes." Sora offered.
"Yeah, well, you guys don't." I sniffed.
"Here we go." Mom walked in with a bag of ice and a bottle of headache medicine. "I talked to your dad, Sora, and we agreed you'd stay here for tonight."
We both blinked. My parents had never allowed any boys to stay the night, not even Sora and Riku when we were little kids. Now they were fine with it, and we were dating? Our astonished faces must have been obvious, because Mom chuckled, handing Sora the ice.
"I think you guys have been through enough today. It's not going to become an every day thing, either, so don't get used to it." She shook her head and walked off.
Sora threw back the Tylenol and swallowed without water before gingerly applying the ice to the bruise.
"Better?" I offered, smirking at the relieved look on his face.
The week passed in a haze, like molasses on a snowy winter day. Well, maybe the better term would be a snowy summer day, but that just sounded wrong.
Every day seemed to last a year, but time didn't seem to be taking affect on my mind. In a warped way, I had convinced myself that this wasn't really happening. It couldn't be happening. If there was a God out there, there was no way he'd punish us like this. Riku had fallen to darkness, sure, but he'd come out of it of his own will, right? He'd repented, hadn't he? What else did the cosmos want from him?
The blizzards had stopped and it hadn't snowed in the week following Riku's break. Sora and I made sure to visit him every day, for hours at a time. We were never able to properly see him; he was still being kept in that terrible padded room. We could only see him through the window-glass, and he couldn't even see us if he looked at us.
Given that he was oblivious to our presence, we still felt the need to go. It hurt to see him, but it was a healthy pain. I'd realized something over the last year and a half. Pain was undesired and rarely good, but it was healthy. It was a human reaction that shouldn't be ignored or pushed aside.
When my parents asked about the tribulation of Kingdom Hearts, I didn't grace them with the fluffy, watered down version of events. Not only was that disrespectful and degrading to the memory of those who had fought and died to restore the worlds, it just wasn't right.
If people continued to ignore the horror of the past, and just create their own cutesy account, they would only be building weak forts of protection: huts of straw when brick was required. Embrace that pain, and you better protected yourself against the agony the future held.
I stopped walking towards the Indigo Center, shaking my head. It was too early to be thinking so philosophical. My mind always wandered deep when I was going to visit Riku though. He had been my philosophy confidante. I could be complex and difficult with him. With Sora, everything was simple and easy going.
I had long given up trying to reason away my feelings towards my two best friends. Riku was the serious one, the sinner and the guilty. He was one of my best friends and the one who thought deep and would give up everything in a second to spare his friends from whatever evil he'd encountered. Sure, he was attractive and strong and if he was shirtless, I WAS going to stare, but that was COMPLETELY out of my control.
Sora…Sora was the love of my life, the pure one and the one who could brighten the pits of Hades with just one smile. He was the one who held me close until I could smell the sand and fruit on him. He was the goof and I loved him. He had looked darkness in the face and stuck his tongue out at it.
I reached the Indigo and spotted Sora's car. At first I tilted my head because I knew his birthday wasn't for another week so he couldn't have his license, but then I saw Chris inside talking to that horrible woman, Myrtle. I walked inside and said hello. Chris informed me that Sora was already 'there'.
The walk down the white halls was intimidating and depressing. I never looked into the other rooms anymore, too afraid that one day I would see Riku, completely given in to the illness.
Outside the last corridor I stopped to clear my head again. It was definitely too early for this.