This one is SUPER long, much longer and more angst than I intended—when I first started writing this one I wasn't sure if I should make it a college AU or not so make of it what you will, I suppose. I also wanted to point out that any of these can be imagined as ot3/ot4 friendly since some of these are intended to give that vibe. (ﾉ `･∀･)ﾉﾞ Again, sorry for any OOCness.
"I wish I could give you my love and my soul,
but inside my chest there is nobody home."
-"Animal", The Cab
Sheena Fujibayashi had seen many emotional and distressing things in her life, but one of the few things she had very rarely seen on someone was genuine heartbreak, and the display in front of her was all the proof she needed of this fact. Especially when it came from someone who was proclaimed as not having much of a heart to start with.
Her redheaded roommate was plastered all over the couch in their small living room, several beer cans scattered on the floor beside the ends of the couch and looking disheveled and worn out. His long, curly hair was a mess and it looked like he hadn't brushed it in days, sprawled over the back of the armrest his head currently lay against, dark circles under his eyes. It was rather startling for her to see him in this condition, the man was normally so attentive to how he looked, and he only drank this much on two occasions: when there was a party, or he was trying to forget something.
She had entered the apartment with a few groceries in hand and quietly shut the door behind her, but whether or not he heard her, he didn't show that he cared. She walked in and sat the bags on the kitchenette counter and walked back over to where he lay on their couch, hand on hip and looking down at him with a stern expression. He looked absolutely pathetic.
He had been like this for almost a week. She remembered coming home one day to find him in their cramped bathroom, his fist bloodied after he had smashed it against their mirror. She remembered going to Lloyd to find out what happened, to try and console him, only to be told that he had walked in on Zelos and one of his many flings and things spun out of control for him and he had to run. He had left, ignoring Zelos calling for him to stop, and didn't look back. She'd done her best to try and comfort him, while she and Colette both sandwiched him in between them as they hugged him close and tightly, while all he could do is cry. None of them had ever seen him cry.
'I don't know why it hurt so much,' She recalled him saying through hiccups. 'I mean, I knew he slept around but I...why this time? Why did it hurt this time?'
Her free hand at her side twitched as if to clench at the memory, but she resisted. She knew why. Colette knew why. And right now, Zelos was probably pondering why. The two girls had known for a while that their friend had a small crush on the womanizer lying across the couch in front of her, but after some time it had grown into something more, something that had the poor boy unsure of what to do with himself. It had made Sheena nervous, because everyone knew of Zelos' reputation, everyone knew how he was. She had warned Lloyd about him, wanted to spare him the pain that would come if he got involved with Zelos past their friendship. A strong friendship, at that.
The two had been very close for almost three years now, and the way they had turned out allowed Sheena to calm her worries. She had grown used to seeing them pass friendly banter at each other, atop wrestling over videogames and poking fun at one another. It had grown natural. It was comfortable. Right up until Lloyd had confronted the girls one day, all fidgety and nervous, and came out about his feelings for the redhead.
He had begged them not to say anything, that he was still trying to figure it out, but what had struck Sheena the most was how he had said that he didn't want to ruin his friendship with Zelos. He had been so frightened that something would slip through, every time Zelos would playfully drape himself over Lloyd's shoulders like he always did, or whenever he'd look at Lloyd, nudge him on the arm, to the tiniest thing about him that Lloyd had known he was done for. And Sheena agreed. The brunette was definitely done for. She knew just as well as he did that he was head-over-heels and he couldn't stop it if he wanted to.
'What do I do? What can I do about this?' He had asked helplessly one day. She hadn't known, then.
But matters had been made worse when she had suspected that the feelings might have been mutual. The surprising thing was, it hadn't been something huge or obvious. It was something small, insignificant, something that nobody would have noticed even if they did a double take.
She caught him staring at Lloyd.
The four of them had been out at a lake for a barbecue with several of their friends on the weekend; and Lloyd had been cheering on some of them shoulder-wrestling in the water, huge grin plastered on his face and beaming with happiness, for once seemingly free of stress and his anxiousness towards their redheaded friend. She had averted her attention to Zelos, who was watching him with an expression suspiciously close to being smitten. He wore a rather affectionate, soft smile and the way he was looking at the boy made it seem like nothing around them was as important as the tanned brunette in front of him.
Then he had spotted her staring at him, and immediately averted his eyes and his face fell, looking away and sipping on his drink in a bored manner. He knew he had been caught. She knew that he knew. And he was doing a terrible job at hiding it from her. She had actually attempted to confront him about it, but he had played it off as nonsense, avoiding her prodding, much to her annoyance. But, for her, it was all that she needed. She knew something was going on in that head of his, and it was only blocked by his inability to express himself or open up to anyone, not even her. Maybe Lloyd, but not on a matter like this.
But then it had started to happen more often. She would notice that sometimes the interactions between the two had been strained, not obvious—like the nervous laughter and aversion of the eyes and awkwardly shuffling away from each other. But Lloyd's declining behavior around Zelos had led him to believe something was wrong, and he had outright questioned if something had happened, if he had done something to upset the boy. The two of them never fought, and she was surprised to see how well they had actually held up their charades over one another for so long.
She brought herself back to the present and focused back on the redhead's face. He looked tired and worn out from lack of sleep. The TV had been left on in the background but the volume was turned down low enough to almost be silent in the room, it was like static to his ears.
"Look at you," She began quietly. He refused to make eye contact with her and continued staring off into space. "You deserve this, you know."
A few seconds passed before he responded, his voice somewhat rough. "I know." Was all he said. He absentmindedly reached down to pick up another can and crack it open, drawing it to his lips and taking a huge gulp from it. Sheena shook her head.
"Why aren't you doing anything? It's been almost a week." She asked.
"What is there to do?" He replied, resting the can on his abdomen. "You know he doesn't want to see me right now."
"Do I really? And do you know that for sure?" She tilted her head. "For all you know, he could be waiting for you to call and try to mend things."
"Since when did you become my babysitter?" He glared up at her. "And why do I need to be the one to go to him?"
Sheena gaped at him, in shock of this admittance and not buying it for a second. She reached down and yanked him up by the collar and delivered a hard slap across his face. He looked somewhat surprised—she didn't know why, he was used to being slapped by almost everyone.
"How dare you?" She snapped, still gripping the collar of his loose shirt. "You have the gall to say that, after everything that's happened? After how Lloyd reacted, after what you've been doing? What do you think?"
"What am I supposed to think?" He countered, "What am I supposed to know when he doesn't even call me or talk to me?"
Sheena scoffed. "Oh, that's rich, coming from you. His reaction should have been enough for you, and the way you two have been acting towards each other should be a good addition to that. Don't act stupid and oblivious, when you aren't."
He didn't look at her, but his face had fallen back into its empty state and he merely sat there under her hard gaze and didn't move. Neither of them had told one another how they had felt. Sheena and Colette had tried to get Lloyd to open up, but after he had pleaded with them to not pry into it, the situation had been avoided. The two boys had both been led up to believe that they were in unrequited love, and Sheena didn't know if that was worse given what had happened.
They had been afraid. They had been afraid to lose their friendship, and Zelos had gone and unintentionally screwed everything up; it had to have been one or the other, he supposed, but that was all done now and there was no going back. The fragile space between them and their hidden feelings were so close to brimming and breaking through the surface, and yet they were both trying to avoid it so hard that it was drowning them. It was starting to aggravate Sheena, and she knew that it was most likely stressing Colette out as well to see them like this.
Zelos remained silent, and she waited. She waited, and his brows had slowly knit together and twisted upwards, squinting his eyes a little as if he wanted to burst, as if he wanted to so badly let everything off his chest. It was startling seeing him like this, because he had never, not once, shown Sheena this side of himself. It made her believe that things were much worse off than they were if he acted like this, especially in front of her. Then his face hardened.
"I'm not talking about this with you. I don't have to confirm or deny anything to anyone. It's not your business anyway."
Sheena raised a brow at him. "It becomes my business when it's tearing apart two important people in my life." She saw a crack in his resolve, and she ran with it. "Zelos, you know, I don't care about this cold, nonchalant and narcissistic exterior of yours and your desire to keep everyone believing that's how you really are," She began, loosening her fist on his shirt and she slowly began to kneel onto the floor in front of him as she spoke. "But, you know, you are my friend, whether you want to believe that or not is up to you, because I'm not going to leave this alone until there's closure. Look at me."
She was kneeling in front of him now, and he hesitatingly turned his head just barely enough to glance at her face. She believed in her words; she would always be the first to admit that Zelos was an absolute prick at times, but she knew that he wasn't rotten to the core. She knew there was more to him than what he let on. No matter how angry he made her or how he had offended her in the past, he had changed. He had changed so much from who he originally was when she first met him, and she wasn't sure how to deal with it initially. Sure, he still retained bits of his terrible personality, he still acted like a sleaze and flirted with everyone he saw, but she had noticed that his lack of care for the world and people around him had nearly disappeared. She watched him change, and it was because of Lloyd. Everything had always led back to Lloyd.
There was a long, dreadful silence between them as they held each other's gazes. She was waiting for him to say something, anything. Until the silence became unbearable, her expression softened at him a little and she moved to take the bandaged hand he used to smash their bathroom mirror into her own, the contact immediately making him flinch, shockingly. Normally he'd be all for it.
"I know what's going on, Zelos. Just because you're refusing to say it, doesn't mean it isn't there." She said.
"And what do you think is going on?" He countered, still retaining his defensive composure.
"That you like Lloyd a lot more than most people think, a lot more than you yourself think, and you don't want to admit to it out of fear of destroying the bond you and Lloyd have."
The moment she saw the look on his face at that, being laid out on the table like that, she knew she had gotten through to him. He had tensed up at her words, but his faint, hollow grin came back into place as he looked at her fully.
"And what do you want me to do, huh?" He spoke quietly. "Should I walk up to him and say 'hey, I'm really sorry for hurting you, it's just that for like a year now I've realized I may like you more than a friend and whenever I'd try to find someone to sleep with I'd look for people that reminded me of you because I was too much of a coward to confess to you'? Is that what I should do?"
Sheena didn't move, but she felt somewhat proud of herself for getting Zelos to admit out loud that he was actually bothered by this and that he fully admitted to having feelings for their friend. It was a first, and a start.
She shook her head gently. "Lloyd deserves the truth, no matter what." Then, she bore a stern look and glared at him a little. "You, of all people, should know this. You, especially, Zelos."
She saw his teeth clench and his jaw shift at that. Yes, I went there, she thought to herself. Reminding him of his past mistakes and grievances was enough to put him in his place. She looked back down at her hands encompassing Zelos' own, and allowed a little more silence to pass before speaking back up, gently running one of her thumbs over the gauze across his knuckles.
"You know what he's probably doing right now?" She inquired gently. "He's probably at home, still very upset, obviously. But he's probably wondering if he can look at you again. He's probably wondering if you're going to even call him or show up on his doorstep to try and mend what you two are about to lose. You two have been so close for nearly three years now, are you going to just throw all that away, all that built up trust that was so hard to achieve, just because of a misunderstanding and failure to communicate?"
When she finally looked back up at him, she knew immediately that she had gotten through to him. It may not have shown much, but she knew. He was looking at her fully, his attention all on her, and his face a mixture between helplessness and a defensive glare. His eyes then fell to her hands on his.
"Zelos?" He redirected his eyes back to hers at the call of his name. "Do you actually love Lloyd?"
He stared at her for a good, long while. He had already given up, but that didn't stop his reluctance. Finally, he let out a soft sigh of defeat, nodding faintly. "...Yeah. I do."
She nodded. "Then tell him. Explain things to him. Go to his place, call him on the phone, do something. You know Lloyd. He'll talk to you. You two can sort things out."
He sighed again, his face twisting into minor annoyance. "Can't believe I'm letting you tell me how to go about this."
She pursed her lips and clenched his knuckles a little, startling him at the sharp pain from the wounds that hadn't healed yet. "Just because I think you're an ass doesn't mean I'm going to let both of you suffer for it."
He gave her an exasperated look. "Gee, thanks."
"I do care, you know." Her voice had gone soft again, and she kept her eyes averted. "Even through things like this. I may not show it often, but I do."
He watched her for a moment, looking back at their hands. He squeezed her hand gently and brushed his thumb over her knuckles, which brought her surprised expression up to him. "I know."
And, for once, Sheena actually smiled at him.
"Lloyd? Hey...Lloyd?"
The brunette shifted under the blankets on his bed, his wild hair popped out from under the covers as he wriggled through to groggily look up at the blonde sitting on the edge of his bed. He yawned widely and felt his bones and muscles ache from sleeping in for so long, it was still bright outside but with it came the cold of winter, making him more reluctant to move out of the covers. He blinked a few times, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as she reached over to rub circles on his back affectionately.
"'M awake." He muttered sleepily.
She smiled sympathetically at him, still rubbing his back to try and coax him out of the covers. "I brought home some lunch. You should eat something." She said, her voice soft and reassuring like it always was.
He grunted and tried to sit up a little, propping himself on his elbow and groaning a little. "Sheena here?"
She shook her head. "No, she had to leave to get groceries, but she said she'd call later. It's just us. Come on, I got your favorite. Nice and warm."
He sighed and nodded, sitting up fully on the bed and pushing the blankets off, much as he hated to. He hesitated, though, staring down at the bed thoughtfully, and Colette automatically knew. There was no telling how much was running through his mind at the sight of it; he could have been thinking of seeing Zelos tangled with someone else in his bed, someone who wasn't him. He could be thinking about declining her offer and slipping back under the covers to sleep some more. There wasn't much she could do about this, but Lloyd understood. Having her there helped. She always helped, in any way she could.
Regardless, he grumpily stood and nodded at her as she left him to go set out the food. He retrieved a pair of lounge pants and went to put on a thin, plain long sleeve shirt before leaving the solitude of his bedroom and followed Colette out.
They both entered the main room and sat on the couch, watching TV and eating in silence. Colette would occasionally try to start a conversation, trying to ease him out of the shell he had packed himself in. He was always so earnest, so set on helping others that when it came to himself, it was a little difficult to deal with. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, and seeing him in this kind of reclusive state was very unlike him, and made Colette worry far too much.
"Lloyd..." She piped up again after a bit of quiet. "You know, you were always there for me when I was upset...you know you can talk to me, too."
Lloyd stopped slurping a batch of noodles into his mouth to look at her, his mouth half full of them. He blinked but then swallowed the noodles so he could smile at her, waving one of his hands. "I know. I appreciate it." He said, looking down into his bowl. "I just...well, what else is there to say? I've already told you and Sheena most about what's been bothering me..." He sighed. "It's been nearly a week. I don't know what I should do."
Colette idly sat down her soda while looking back at her food, trying to think of something that might help ease his mind. "Well, maybe you two could talk things out. You two care about each other so much, I feel like this is the wrong way to go about something like this..." She offered, shyly glancing back to him as if she wasn't sure how to put her thoughts into words. "I'm sure he's thinking the same thing."
Lloyd fidgeted with the chopsticks in his hands, waiting a moment before responding. "...I know. I...feel like I should talk to him too, but...what if I chicken out? What if I panic and screw everything up because I don't know what to say? What if he just...shrugs me off, like it was nothing?" The last part was uttered with a visible amount of hurt and reluctance.
Colette did nothing but smile at him, and laid a hand atop one of his own, gently rubbing her thumb across his knuckles. "Lloyd, you may think you don't always know how to say things, but you always say them right and how you feel. It's part of why you're such a wonderful person, you're precious to us all, and to Zelos most, I bet."
The brunette looked back at her and had a faint red tint to his cheeks, somewhat embarrassed but greatly appreciative all the same; god bless Colette and him being able to have her as such a good friend. He didn't know what he'd do without her. His eyes fell to her hand on his, and he moved his thumb to brush over her slender fingers in response. Lloyd never thought much of himself, but having friends like Colette, and Sheena, and even Zelos, among the others in their group, they helped him to never stop believing in himself. It was why he always had such good faith in people. Even through backstabbing, losing friends and family, he always kept his heart of gold.
And for him to be best friends with someone like Zelos was...remarkable, as Sheena had said once. Someone who is as unselfish and kind as Lloyd, befriending a conceited and pretentious person such as Zelos, was confusing to most people who were outside of their friend group and couldn't understand it. But the truth was that the two of them had been through a lot together, both good and bad, and the friendship they formed through it was something to behold.
Colette had watched it all. She had seen Lloyd turn Zelos from an egotistical, uncaring man, into someone who was much kinder and thoughtful than he used to be. He still retained bits of his old personality, despite this, but she had noticed his attitude had grown to be far less cold.
His smile faltered, however, only a little, into something more insecure and thoughtful. "You really think so? You really think I mean that much to him?" He inquired, almost a whisper.
She nodded, her soft blonde hair bobbing with her head as she did, her blue eyes bright enough to warm him to the core. "I believe it. I mean...Zelos is kind of complicated, but I think that there's more to this than you think." She said, a hint of something that sounded like she knew more than he did. "I think you two should talk."
Lloyd bit his lip, still staring down at their intertwined hands, thinking of what to do. Before he could offer a response, the soft sound of their doorbell rung through the living room, diverting their attention to the front door.
"I'll get it!" Colette said, retrieving her hand and setting her food aside, bouncing up off the couch and brushing down her sweater dress, freeing it of crumbs.
Her house-shoes were heard shuffling across the floor as she made her way to the front door, while he went back to eating his noodles and moved to change channels on the TV. Behind him, he heard the door open, and there was a startled 'oh!' from Colette, and what he thought was the sudden sound of harsh breathing. He turned around to look at the front door and he immediately froze as soon as he made eye contact with their 'visitor'.
There stood Zelos, a complete mess, it looked like—his hair was frayed and scattered along his shoulders, he wore a thick hoodie and looked like he was plastered with snow, most notably around the hard winter boots he was wearing. His cheeks, nose and ears were red as an apple, probably from the cold and not wearing a proper jacket like the idiot should have been, and he was heaving like he'd just run a marathon. Colette shifted her gaze between the two anxiously, drawing both her hands to her chest and fidgeting, unsure of what to do.
"Um," Was all she could say.
It took the redhead a moment before he turned to the girl in front of him. "I...can I come in? I need to...I want to talk with Lloyd. If that's okay?" His voice was unusually quiet.
"Uh," Colette said again, looking back to Lloyd, her face bearing an expression that meant numerous things; are you okay to do this? And, this is sudden, do you want to do this now? And, I'm here for whatever you choose.
Lloyd was glad that the two of them were able to share thoughts so easily, it didn't take him long to get the message, but he was too startled, afraid, he almost couldn't respond. He could either talk now, or wait until later so he could compose himself, he didn't know which one to pick.
"I, uh," He stammered a little, trying to look away from Zelos but he could only repeatedly avert his gaze, only to glance back to the redhead at the door. "Uh...yeah. Yeah, sure. I guess." Suddenly feeling his appetite drop, he sat his bowl and chopsticks on the coffee table and stood up from the couch.
Colette nodded at him and offered a sympathetic smile, "Okay, I'll actually move my laptop into my bedroom." she said, before giving Zelos a small kind of smile as well, but a cautious one, at least, and he returned it to her with an apologetic one of his own.
The redhead stepped inside and the door was shut behind him, as Colette moved to gather her things and exit the living room, leaving the two boys alone. Lloyd had turned the TV off and moved around the couch so he could properly face Zelos, the two of them standing far apart enough at each end of the couch to awkwardly stare at the floor.
Lloyd cleared his throat a little, "Hi." Was all he managed, wringing his hands together.
"Hey." Zelos responded, his voice matching the quietness of the boy across from him.
A moment of silence passed as they stood there, both unaware of what to do, what to say or where to even start. Lloyd could feel himself clenching his teeth and grinding them to calm his nerves, no matter how much it wasn't helping.
"You, uh...look like you had to plow through a lot of snow."
"Yeah. It's horrible outside. I hate winter." At that, Lloyd was briefly brought back to when Zelos had told him why he hated it so much, the memory of his mother standing out in the snow with him, saying unforgivable things, things that stuck with him for the rest of his life, and then it was gone in an instant when Zelos spoke back up. "I was in too much of a hurry to care, though."
"Oh." He replied. "I, uh...I'm sorry that I...haven't talked to you or...answered your calls."
Another moment of silence passed. Lloyd didn't know what to do. He was so apprehensive and afraid that he didn't know where to start. He was too busy scolding himself for being unable to respond that he almost missed the call of his name. He looked up, and they made eye contact again.
He saw Zelos visibly tense up, he looked far too out of sorts for the kind of man that Lloyd knew him as. He was still breathing a little heavy, probably both from exhaustion and frayed nerves. But he watched him, and he couldn't look away as soon as he saw Zelos swallow nervously.
"Lloyd, I..." The redhead tried, and Lloyd felt his shoulders squaring as if he was already preparing himself for rejection. "Lloyd...this isn't your fault."
The brunette blinked at him, confused chocolate eyes staring at him incredulously. Lloyd had spent a great deal of time blaming himself for being unable to confront Zelos that he hadn't expected that, of all things.
"This is...mostly my fault. I...shit, this is really hard to do, I'm not used to this." Zelos huffed and rubbed his forehead—Lloyd noticed his fingers were pink from the cold too. What a damn idiot, running out in the snow with such little put on for warmth. He'd scold him about it later.
"It's okay."
Zelos shook his head. "No, it isn't. I shouldn't have avoided you this whole time, or sat at home attending my own pity-party. I should have talked with you about this a long time ago, instead of putting it off and letting it...backfire on us, like this."
Lloyd felt a dreadful mixture of hope and alarm build up in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad just yet, but whatever it was, he wanted to get to the point instead of having to let his nerves bundle up and get tangled.
"I...well like I said, this isn't your fault. I have a hard time dealing with certain things, you know that." Lloyd nodded, trying to urge him on. "And when...whatever this is, between us, popped up...I didn't know what to do with it. It scared the hell out of me."
This time it was Lloyd's turn to swallow nervously, only now having a hard time trying to look away from him. Their eyes were locked on each other as Zelos spoke, and for all Lloyd wanted to say, to get off his chest and lay everything out in the open for him, he waited. He knew Zelos had far more difficulty dealing with his own internal problems than he did, so he remained silent and allowed him to continue.
"I just..." Zelos shook his head and lifted an arm to rub the back of his neck, his free arm gesturing aggravatingly. "You're my best friend, Lloyd. And I've never really had any close friends in my life. You were a first, honestly. Well...you already know that, I mean. I just...I think that's why I held back. Why I avoided you. " His eyes fell to the floor. "This doesn't mean I don't care about you, you know."
Lloyd's gaze followed his down to the carpet, and he nodded softly. "I know." He replied quietly. "And I...knew that...nothing was really out of the ordinary," He attempted, trying to avoid blurting out something like 'yeah I know that sleeping around is normal for you' because that just sounded even worse. "but I...I don't know. This time it was just different, for some reason. When I saw you with..." Lloyd cut himself off and felt his throat dry up and tighten, couldn't bring himself to look at the man in front of him and trying to keep tears at bay.
He heard Zelos sigh, and it sounded like one of resignation. "You're gonna hate me for this." He murmured. The brunette glanced up at him curiously at that statement. "I was...pretty messed up about this through last year—" Lloyd quirked a brow at that, did that mean that he—? "—and when I realized it wasn't going to stop, I just...tried to find ways to deal with it. You were the only one who...truly trusted me, who put so much faith in me, that I didn't want to screw that up. I didn't want to freak you out. Though, I...the way I dealt with it was probably worse."
Lloyd watched him as he continued, and saw the redhead visibly become more nervous and uncomfortable, something that was so out of character for him that he knew it was probably something bad if it got him worked up like this.
There was another bit of silence before he seemed to find the courage to go on. "Yeah...I still slept around. I'm not gonna lie about that. It wasn't, like, every night that I did it, but every now and then. Before all this, it was just me, just how I was. But it changed. It changed, and that was when it became a problem." He nodded as he said it, as if trying to confirm to himself as much as Lloyd in admitting that it was a problem. "But...after a while—and it took me quite a while to see it, I'll say—I noticed that...the ones that I'd try to get with really...well, they'd..." He looked around frustratingly as if the rest of his confession was running around the room, and he went back to rubbing his neck out of nervousness. "They reminded me of you."
Lloyd blinked at him and suddenly his face grew hot. Zelos finally made eye contact with him and he felt like he couldn't look at him anymore, darting his wide eyes to the floor, clutching his shaky hands together tightly, unsure of how to feel about this. It wasn't good, he knew that, but there was something bubbling inside of him—because Zelos had basically just confessed that he felt something for the boy, something that was enough to scare him away and tried to drown it out in other warm bodies that were close enough to satiate him.
Learning this definitely had Lloyd feeling a bit angry, even though he didn't know why because that's just who Zelos was, and always had been. But it probably had to do with the fact that this time, Zelos wasn't just looking for an easy fling, but someone who looked like him, who was his best friend and that he was too much of a coward to have just said it to start with instead of screwing them both over like this in the end. It was one way for Zelos to cope, he had imagined, but that didn't excuse it and the hurt Lloyd felt at it.
"You were..." Lloyd attempted, clearing his throat. "You were too afraid to talk to me about it. So you..."
"I thought you wouldn't want me." Zelos cut him off, causing shocked brown eyes to dart back up and stare at him. A faint, tired smile came across the man's face. "C'mon, Lloyd, you know I'm a pretty messed up piece of baggage. Too often I'd wonder how you even put up with me, or stayed friends with me." His smile faltered and his eyes looked down, somewhere onto Lloyd's collarbone. "And knowing what kind of person I am, knowing that sleeping around was just normal for me? Why would you want to risk anything with someone like that?"
Lloyd's brows furrowed in disbelief, "Zelos," He tried to stop him, tried to keep him from cutting himself down again, he had heard him talk like this before those few years ago and he hated it, but Zelos had interrupted him again, his eyes looking back into firm brown ones, and Lloyd could see that he'd surrendered himself for this moment, like he had been holding back but couldn't anymore.
"I really do love you, Lloyd." He finally said, quietly, but there it was, unable to be hidden anymore. Lloyd felt like he'd just been slapped, his eyes widening, sparks lighting inside him. "I think...I think you're probably the first one I've ever genuinely felt this way about." Zelos shook his head gently. He was completely unaware of how fast Lloyd's heart began to beat now with every time he spoke. "But I don't...it wouldn't work. I'd mess you up. I've already messed up, I messed up as soon as I realized what I was seeing in the last few people I tried to get with. I care about you as a friend far too much to let myself screw up what we already have. I don't want to lose you to that, Lloyd."
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, as Lloyd's temper seemed to flare and he untangled his hands to step forward and grasp Zelos' shoulder, glaring into cornflower-blue eyes. "You're just gonna say that like it's not a big deal? Without letting me say my part on the matter? How many times have we been through this crap, Zelos?" He demanded. Zelos merely blinked in confusion. "How many times have I had to knock some sense into you about this 'I'm too messed up nobody would want me' bullcrap? I thought we were past that. I thought we were done trying to run away from everything."
Zelos found himself unable to respond, and usually when someone got Lloyd going like this it was impossible to stop him.
"Why am I friends with you? Why have I stuck around you for so long? I thought you would've known this by now. I told you before: I trust you, and I can see you for who you really are and I know that you're a good person, deep down. Most of the time I can see right through you, you seem to forget that." He saw Zelos gulp again, apparently having struck a nerve. "You were always so wrapped up in your own masked hatred of yourself that you couldn't see the good things around you, all because of that god-awful mother of yours."
The redhead couldn't look away, could never look away when his friend got riled up like this, it was something that always drove an inspiring force in the people around him whenever he'd try to knock some sense into them when they'd find themselves in a state of uncertainty. As he watched the brunette speak, it made him realize exactly why he had fallen for him in the first place, why he held such a warm spot in his heart for the idealist and, regardless of what would happen, would never let that spot go. He felt nothing but genuine care and love for the boy, and probably always would.
"Zelos, I...I want you to feel like you can trust me, always. I know that these past few years haven't been easy, that it was never easy for you to put your trust in someone, but I've...really tried, and really wanted to be that person for you," Lloyd briefly bit his lip and looked back into his pale blue eyes with a newfound determination. "It's like what you told me before, right? 'Whatever will be, will be'. That's what you told me before. It's got a nice sound to it."
Lloyd smiled fully this time, and there it was; what brought in the warm summer sun and melted away the ice that encased the redhead, was how he beamed at him with nothing but honesty. Lloyd was so real, so sincere in his words, everything that he was, it overwhelmed Zelos sometimes. It renewed his faith in a lot of things, however small, and Lloyd had done so for him throughout these last three years. He wanted more of that.
"And I..." Lloyd attempted to continue, suddenly feeling his face heat up again when he watched Zelos slowly lift his hand to remove Lloyd's own on his shoulder to pull it up to his face, tilting Lloyd's hand back so his palm met Zelos' freezing cold cheek, pressed against the creamy white and flushed skin. Zelos never took his eyes off Lloyd. Even Lloyd could tell that he was looking at him with utmost care and admiration. He met his eyes and swallowed again. "I...think I love you too. No...I'm pretty sure I do. Otherwise, that...what I saw the other day wouldn't have hurt me so bad."
Zelos's face looked a little strained when he said that, but he still bore an expression of tenderness towards the brunette that made it all the more difficult to look away this time. Zelos gently shook his head, "I'm so sorry." Lloyd looked like he wanted to protest, but Zelos stopped him. "I've never been good at this—" He saw the brunette's face harden at that, "but...I want to get better, to get out of the bad habits I've had before. I want to try, at least. For you."
Lloyd's face lightened and he gently ran his thumb over Zelos' cheek, smiling contentedly and adjusting himself to stand a little closer, both of them entering each other's personal bubbles even though the uncomfortable atmosphere had left and was replaced with something much warmer, something much more solid now that they had gotten everything they needed to off their chests, their paranoia and worries put at ease.
"Then I'm willing to do the same." Lloyd said, lifting his free arm to brush the bangs out of Zelos' face. "As long as you want it too. No more running, from either of us." He said, and Zelos was smiling fully now, and they bumped their foreheads together to revel in each others' presence. Though, Lloyd's brows furrowed suddenly, and he looked at Zelos sternly. "This means no more flirting with everyone you see. Or sleeping with them, for that matter."
Zelos suppressed a chuckle, and nodded, "I know. Besides, I've got you now, don't I?" He said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Lloyd flushed a that and gave him a mildly irritated pout, sticking his chin up a little. "Yeah. Good."
And then their lips met.
Meanwhile, with a wide grin plastered across her face, Colette excitedly scrambled to her nightstand and grabbed her phone to send a text message.
'hey sheena, it looks like one of us is gonna have to negotiate a sleepover at some point'
'what? why? what happened did zelos say something stupid'
'nope, i mean for their soon-to-be private time'
'oh'