Yup; I've decided to replace the finding Tsunade arch with this sadness bomb. I think it's an improvement, but let me know what you think. And I know it's kind of corny, but I was crying a bit while writing it. So I hope it's not that tasteless or sad (And I mean pathetic sad). ; )
VampireSiren! I have to make this shout out to you. You have been supporting me and reviewing like crazy and I can't tell you how much that means to me. You're support has been a driving force behind how hard I've been working on this.
Thank you all for the views and comments throughout the story. I can't call out to all of you, which sucks, but PlaidPajamas01, 0, ZabuzasGirl and Akatsuki Is Epic; thank you. Comments keep me going, and constructive criticism is always welcome. I've just finished going through the whole story: it is updated and the spelling has been checked to the best of my abilities (And I know my spelling is shit).
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Again, thank you very much and enjoy the final chapter of the first part of my sad little fantasy!
Hideko smiled and gripped Kirika's hand gently. Her smile was as pale and weak as it had been when Kirika left, but her eyes were calm. "Thank you, Kirika."
Kirika saw it as a defeat, "I'm sorry. I couldn't get him to come..."
Hideko shook her head, smiling gently. "I've been waiting for ten years... I can wait a few more days." She cupped the side of Kirika's face. Her hand shook as she reached from the bed. "I'm not going to die yet." She coughed, but her smile soon retuned. "I can't wait to see Jiraya and Tsunade."
"No thank you, Anko."
"Hideko, you ought to eat something..." Anko set the plate dango on the table. Untouched by anyone.
Ten days had past. Hideko grew weaker... her eyes glassier, her eyelids sunk, she shook and coughed more and more violently. At first she talked to them until the coughing forced her to stop. But every day she talked a little bit less. Every day her appetite slowly diminished.
Kirika and Anko remained at her side. They had the nurses bring them food. Both were afraid to leave the room.
Hideko looked at Kirika, Anko, the dango. They were Anko's favourite. No one would eat unless she did. "Mm... You know, I think I would like some dango."
Anko gave her a little smile and passed the plate.
"You girls eat some, too."
Though she wasn't the slightest bit hungry, she ate. And she smiled when Kirika and Anko did the same. She was ever the mother hen.
Her anxiety had been high and the day... no, the past ten years had gone by painfully slowly, but she was feeling good now. She'd done a lot of contemplating the past ten days. She thought about her life; things she's struggled to not think about. Now, they left her with a fluttering stomach and a helpless longing, but they didn't to bother her nearly as much as they once had. She though of Lord Hiruzen. He kept her going for a long time. After Orochimaru fled the leaf, she'd never been the same. Hideko was weak in her mind. She knew this. Orochimaru had been her rock. She built her life around him. When he left, he asked her to go with him. She begged him to stay. His betrayal was the final push to an emotional break down. It broke her. And she soon found herself alone.
It had been Lord Hiruzen who saved her from total depression. 'But you're not alone. You have your child. You are a mother. You must be her rock. You must be strong for her. No, Hideko, not Kirika. Though I swear you'll have her back some day, but your other daughter needs you.' Anko. It shamed her that in her despair she'd ignored Anko, even if it was only for a short time. Hideko found that as a person, she was weak. But as a mother, even she could be strong.
When Hideko met her husband's first student for the first time she fell in love with her. At the time, she didn't believe she would ever have children of her own. By all rights, Kirika should never have been born alive. Hideko had been pregnant six times before Kirika. And six times she miscarried. Hideko thought it was a sick joke of fate. The doctors warned them not to try again after the sixth miscarriage. Orochimaru convinced her otherwise, but she was jaded throughout her pregnancy. And then, after she'd given up; grieved six times for six children, was her baby born. Small and weak and pitiful, but she lived. And she grew up strong.
Then there was Jiraiya and Tsunade. She had been angry with them for leaving, it still saddened her, but the anger had dissipated. She was too weak for anger. Tsunade had always been her closest friend, since the were children. It was Tsunade who introduced Hideko to Jiraiya and Orochimaru. On the day Tsunade graduated the ninja academy and became a genin. The day she met her squad... fourty-four years ago. Hideko was a shy person. She was even shyer as a child. Jiraiya was a difficult person for her to be around at first. He was loud and energetic and always making passes at her. But she liked him anyway. Orochimaru, on the other hand, had been a quite, thoughtful child. He was easy to be with, and she liked him most, so she was always around him. The pain he left her in was still there, but now it was only emptiness. Hideko lived her entire life within the confines of Konoha's walls. Here she felt safe. Here was home. Here was supposed to be where her family was supposed to be.
Anko was the only one still there. Hideko wasn't lying to herself, Kirika was only passing through, she was no Konoha girl. Not before Hideko was in her life, and it was unlikely she would remain after. Kirika, no matter how much Hideko loved her; no matter how hard she tried for her, was Orochimaru's. Not Konoha's. Not her's. And it broke her heart to know what her daughter had become; what Orochimaru made her. He found ways to hurt her even when he was keeping his promises.
Hideko suddenly felt sadness. Sadness, for everything left undone and everything left unsaid, opposed to the slightest inkling of peace for everything else. She took Anko's hand in her left. Her adopted daughter, who gave her something to hold onto. Hideko though, she was not strong enough to live on her own strength. She had to hold Tsunade's hand. Then she had to hold Orochimaru's. Then Anko's. But holding Anko's hand now put her just a bit more at peace. She took Kirika's hand in her right. Her sweet child that she couldn't save.
"How is Sasuke doing...?"
"He's alright. He's recovering from a fight."
"Hnn... I hope he's eating properly... I heaven't been there to... make his food or... make sure he eats..."
Kirika did not respond.
"And Naruto? Kakashi and... Sakura. How are your friends?"
They weren't really her friends. "They're all okay."
"Good..." Hideko coughed and took a breath. Her words were barely a whisper. "Do you think Jiraiya and Tsunade will be here soon?" She wanted to see them. All of them.
"Yes." Kirika squeezed her hand.
Hideko pulled her hand away from Kirika's, she pressed at the back of Kirika's head, pushing it down, and kissed her forehead. She smiled and hummed. "My sweet girls..."
Kirika grabbed her hand again. "Mother..."
Anko lowered her head.
Kirika... do you still have my pocket watch?"
"Yes." Kitika took it from her pocket, and pressed it into Hideko's hand. She opened it.
"I'm glad... It's a beautiful song."
"It is."
"That story... about the autumn crocus..."
"I remember."
Hideko looked at her. Her eyes like calm pools. "What a sad story it was..."
Hideko sat up suddenly, convulsing and coughing in a fit. She threw her head down and threw up. Red splattered on her sheets like paint thrown on canvas.
Anko bolted up. "Hideko! Hold on, I'm gonna get a doctor!" The door slammed behind her.
Kirika was frozen. Hideko's coughing turned into wheezing, then light panting and she sunk back into her bed.
"M-mother..." Kirika wrapped her arms around Hideko, leaning over the bed, her in her mother's chest, blood smearing on her side.
Hideko smiled. She found that she was too weak to hug Kirika back.
But Hideko smiled. She wanted to tell Kirika that the past three years together had made up for everything. Even if they broke her heart. She wanted to hear Anko to brag about her grades. She wanted to embrace Tsunade and laugh at Jiraiya's flirtations. She wanted Lord Hiruzen to lecture her with his proverbs. She wanted to watch Kirika grow up and to be finally free of Orochimaru. She wanted to tell Kirika that this was not the end, that she still had a home in Konoha and people who cared about her. She wanted to tell her that she could be saved. She wanted to tell her something.
A sudden fear and self loathing gripped Hideko. She still had a bitter taste in her mouth. Too much was unsaid. She knew she wouldn't get to see Jiraiya or Tsunade again, and it hurt. But what hurt her the most was knowing that given the opportunity; she would come to terms with nothing; she would stand passively and kindly in the background, as she always had. What was it all for...?
Kirika was breathing heavy on Hideko's chest.
...At least I have her now.
A tear roll down from Hideko's cheek. She would have liked to see Tsunade and Jiraiya again...
Hideko's chest ceased to rise and fall. Kirika looked at her mother a blank face and wide, bloodshot eyes. Jiraiya promised. Tsunade would save her. It was... dread.
The door swung open. Anko dashed in, followed by Jiraiya and a blond woman. Tsunade.
Kirika sat up straight, her hands still gripped. Her mouth open ever so slightly. A moment too late. A tear fell from Kirika's eye. An unfamiliar, burning sensation. Kirika's eyes flickered about them. Her mind focused on the tiny details. Anko had a stain from the dango's sauce on her jacket. There was a spot in Tsunade's right short leg. Jiraya was leaning on his right leg...
Tsunade took a step.
"You lied." Kirika's voice was cracking. Adrenaline hummed in her veins. Her ears rang. Her breath was caught in her throat. "You failed her."
Jiraiya was shaking. His eyes wide, turning red. Shock was written on his face.
"She waited almost ten years for both of you." Her fingers trailed her own cheek absentmindedly. Dry. "And you failed her."
Tsunade fell to her knees. "Oh god..."
Jiraiya took a step. His arm raised ever so slightly. "Hi-"
"Get out! Stay away from her!" Snakes shot out from Kirika's sleeve. Jiraiya grabbed Tsunade and jumped back into the hall. Anko remained where she was. The snakes did not touch her.
"K-Kirika..." Anko whispered.
Kirika covered her face with her hands. Her body roared alight with purple flames. She screamed through her sobs.
Kirika stood on tip-toes to see over the edge of the table. She cocked her head.
Orochimaru sat at the other side, leafing through books. From where he sat all he could see of her were her eyes and the top of her head. He regarded her briefly with an amused smile before returning hid gaze to the text.
A few minutes passed before Kirika broke the silence. "Father?"
"Hmm?"
"Do I have a mother?"
Orochimaru's hand froze midway through turning the page. His expression was unreadable. "How else would you be here?"
"Kabuto said you grew me out of a test tube."
Orochimaru stifled a laughing breath.
"It's her, right?" Kirika held out her pocket watch, she strained to reach it out over the table with her young arm. Orochimaru took it from her: the picture of himself, Kirika and Kirika's mother from before he fled the Leaf in the small, circular frame. "She's pretty."
He clicked it shut and passed it back to her. "No. Not pretty." He sighed. "Beautiful."
Kirika cocked her head, smiling innocently. "Is she nice?"
"Yes."
"Do you think she misses us? Do you think she'll come and live with us!?"
"I have no doubt she misses you." Orochimaru ruffled her hair. "But she'll never leave that village."
"Mmm." Kirika clicked the watch open again and stared at the picture.
Orochimaru scooped Kirika up and set her on his lap. "This song is yours now. But it was her's once. It had a story she used to tell..."
Kirika looked up at him curiously.
"Her name is Hideko."
"Our number one priority is finding Kirika." Tsunade bit her thumb. "There will be no missions, and no access in or out of the village until we do."
Kakashi touched his chin. This was turning into a royal mess. He'd just broken up Naruto and Sasuke on the roof of the hospital. Now Kirika was AWAL. "It sounds like grief is making her irrational. She prides herself on her composure."
Tsunade frowned. "She made an attempt on our lives. And she burned down half the hospital wing and killed four workers and a patient on her way out."
"There's a chance she might resurface in her own time. I did get her out of custody." Jiraiya closed his eyes. "She threatened that if I fail to return on time Sasuke's condition would look like paradise. I should have come back when she came to me."
Tsunade's eyes glistened. "I should have been there. Hideko was my best friend... I should never have left in the first place..." She slammed her fist onto her desk. "And now I can't even mourn her because I have to hunt down her daughter."
"Lady Hokage," Kakashi said "I know you don't want to hear it, but as Kirika's sensei, I have to advise you to handle this situation with care." He looked back and forth between Jiraya and Tsunade. "I know you knew her as a child, but you've both only just met her now. She's dangerous, she's cruel and now she's not thinking straight. The only person who could ever keep a handle on her was Hideko." Kakashi sighed. "If I'd known about her condition I would have posted ambu to take Kirika into custody immediately..."
"I had the opportunity of meeting her recently." Jiraya said. His eyes were serious. "She's more like Orochimaru than Hideko."
"I knew..." Anko whispered. "I knew."
"I see." Kirika nodded. The sound four: Sakon, Tayuya, Kidomaru and Jirobo kneelt in front of her. "You're making your move on Sasuke tonight."
"Yes." Tayuya nodded.
"We have a massage for you from Lord Orochimaru." Sakon said "You are to return with us as well."
Kirika fingers twitched. "What timing..."
"We plan to approach him tonight. We ask that you would please refrain from interfering. If all goes as planned We'll leave before dawn."
"Very well. I'll find you. You are dismissed."
They disappeared.
Slowly I sunk to her knees. She hugged herself. She'd taken shelter in one of the abandoned labritories her father had scattered around the village. A few had not been discovered, they were carefully booby trapped, but Orochimaru had given her their details before she'd entered the village. It was old and stuffy and everything was blanketed in a thick layer of dust.
She'd kept her head turned and the lights dim so the sound four wouldn't be able to see how red her eyes were. Was this grief? Kirika touched her face. Dry. She was nearly hyperventilating. Again.
Your tears will do nothing.
And yet... she should be crying. She knew it.
There was a ghost of a breath. Kirika jumped, swore the Hokage was being her, preparing to ramble on some lecture, or gently reprehend some behaviour he deemed inappropriate for Konoha life-but no. There was nothing. Her back was to a wall.
She should be crying!
The idea hung in her mind furtively, like a shameful but fierce desire. Like a child trying to sneak a doodle in class from disapproving teacher. Like she might be struck with a ruler just for thing it.
Kirika let out a sad laugh. It was ironic, really! She was so good at not feeling sadness. She was so skilled in the art of detachment. And even better at forgetting the dead. She could never forget her mother. She burned down her mother's room when she left the hospital. She could not take Hideko's body, it was too heavy. But Kirika would be damned if she let Jaraiya or Tsunade have her body. Cremation it was.
Kirika cradled her pocket watch in her hands. She opened it and stared at the picture through burning tears before clutching it to her chest. If Kirika believed in fate, this might have been some cosmic punishment. Karma. Kirika heaved with a sob, but there were still no tears, only breaths. She was not so pious, nor honourable to believe she had no right to cry. And the grief was too overwhelming to damage her pride.
The song of the autumn crocus drowned out her pained, confused moans. It was a lullaby. Her mother's soothing hush; her sweet voice. And Kirika was in Hideko's arms. And the Sarutobi was waiting, calm and understanding as always, just behind the door.
Sasuke clutched his side. He staggered to his door. The sound four...
"Playing family games with your comrades will only make you rot." the girl had said. "Come with us. If you do Lord Orochimaru will give you strength."
"This village is just a hindrance for you. Cut ties with your useless acquaintances. This is the only way for you to become stronger."
"Don't forget your purpose!"
Sasuke clenched his eyes shut. He slumped against his door. He glared, clenched his teeth and pushed the door open. The beating he took wasn't as bad as he first though. He was able to get up the stairs to his room without limping. He flipped the lights on and reeled back. "What are you doing here?"
Kirika kneeled at the table in the middle of the room. A tea pot, still steaming; two cups and her pocket watch were lined up neatly in front of her on the table.
"I made tea. I knew you wouldn't mind."
Sasuke sighed and sat down across the table from her. She passed him a cup, which he accepted with a nod and 'thanks'.
Sasuke cocked his head and stared at Kirka. Her eyes were blood shot "What happened?" His eyes widened when her eyes. They were tired, bagged, and heartbroken. "K-Kirika?"
Her head lowered. The shadow of her hair like obscured her eyes. "My mother's dead."
It hit him like a ton of bricks. Hideko... "She... she was a good woman..." What else could he say?
"I know."
They were silent for a while.
"Tsunade healed you first..."
Sasuke looked up at her.
"She healed Kakash...i and you... and by the time she got to her, she was already dead." Kirika clenched her fists.
Sasuke said nothing. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm angry with Tsunade. Not you."
Sasuke glared and clenched his eyes shut. "She shouldn't have died."
Kirika looked at Sasuke with wide, imploring eyes.
Your tears will do nothing.
No. No tears. She felt hollow inside. This grieving was to be done with dry eyes, it seemed. "No. She shouldn't have." Kirika stood up, she moved to the space between the foot of the bed and the window.
"I heard the ambu and jonin are looking for you. Konoha's on lockdown."
"Let them look." Kirika gazed out the window before drawing the shades. "I'm done playing genin." She looked back at him. "Are you?"
Sasuke looked down and did not speak. When he met her eyes they were... almost gentle. Gentleness was something Kirika was capable of, he decided. But it was probably more because of how shaken her mother's death had left her.
She closed her eyes. "It's alright. You don't have to say it."
"I'm done." Sasuke was in front of Kirika. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.
She returned his embrace, jerked herself sideways, taking Sasuke with her as she went down. They fell onto his bed with a womph and bounced on the mattress once before settling.
"I... I just..." She burred her head un the crook of his neck. "Just stay here for a little while..."
Sasuke's arms were still around her. He readjusted them and relaxed. He thought about when he saw his own family dead... She probably never felt a loss like her mother before. And Kirika was pretty twisted, Sasuke doubted death had ever shaken her before.
It seemed that now, in his arms, Kirika was frightfully human. Frightfully delicate. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through her hair.
He wasn't quite sure how he knew the words... Hideko? A dream? Kirika herself? Whatever the case Sasuke started singing softly. Kirika's song.
"Your time has come
Sweet crocus of autumn
When all is done
Only you shall remain
And you wait
Sweet crocus
You wait for the rains
And among all the carnage
You are all that remains
In the blackest of nights
In the forests
On the mountains
Sweet crocus
Now you've grown strong
And your time has come
Your love has been forgotten
Your hatred holds reign
And of you your poison
Is all that remains
From an innocents lost
From a lifetime of pain
When you've razed all before you
You alone shall remain."
Your tears will do nothing.
In a quiet, tired voice she whispered. "I haven't cried, Sasuke. I don't think I will..."
Sasuke sat up in bed. Kirika lay next to him. It was still dark. The moon was full and hanging right between the gap in the buildings. The light shone in though the window, illuminating the spot where they lay. Sasuke brushed a piece of hair out of Kirika's face.
"Wake up. We're leaving."
"Go on." She whispered, her eyes remained closed. "We can't go together. I'll join you in a bit."
On her first night in Konoha, Kirika slept in Hideko's arms. Together, in a futon in the corner of the interrogation room. It was dark, and the floor dirty and hard, but Hideko held her to gently. So protectively. And wore such a loving smile that Kirika thought it couldn't be real.
Hideko warped the arm above her around Kirika. Their lower hands both held the empty pocket watch between them. They whispered though their smiles.
"My mother gave me this watch when I was your age. Did you know that?"
Kirika shook her head.
"This is a very important song."
Kirika nodded.
"Did you know there are words and a story about it."
Kirika did know. Orochimaru told her the story. He never sang the song. "Will you sing it?"
"Yes. But you need to hear the story to understand first."
Kirika nodded smiling.
"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a little village..."
The dawn had not yet broken when Kirika opened her eyes. The sheets around her were neatly folded. Her pocket watch lay next to her forehead on the pillow. She took it in her hand. Her Konoha headband had slipped off in her sleep. She left it on the pillow.
Kirika remained hidden and close to Konoha for several hours, until a while after the search party was sent out. The sound four would pick them off. She had to re-booby-trap the Konoha laboratories. She passed through the forest easily, every so often she came across sprung traps and the bodies of the sound four. She passed a fight between Rock Lee, Gaara and Kimimaro. Kirika remained beyond the scope of the battle, in the woods, but she stopped and locked eyes with Kimimaro for a moment. He would die here. Another death of another loved one. As she ran from the area, her eyes became hot. She had been fond of him. The wind ripped at her eye. When she rubbed it, there was the slightest dampness form irritation. Something at least close to a tear for Kimimaro and her mother; for everyone her presents seemed to poison.
When Kirika reached the Valley of the End it had begun to rain. There was the aftermath of a battle; Naruto lay unconscious on the river bank. She ran passed him without stopping.
She found Sasuke staggering solemnly through the woods.
He stopped and turned his head slowly. "I was wondering when you'd get here."
Kirika took his arm and draped it around his shoulder. She said nothing.
Sasuke frowned as they started walking. He suspected she would be melancholy for a while.
"Sasuke, I... must apologise. For my behaviour in your room. My emotions got the better of me. It won't happen again."
His lip twitched. "Forget it."
She nodded, wordlessly.
"Did you always know Orochimaru wanted me?"
"Not always. But it's not as if he kept it a secret."
"Hnn." Sasuke nodded
"For the record, I wanted you first."
Sasuke smiled. No matter how jaded, Kirika was Kirika. "Does that mean our deal still stands?"
"Did I ever call it off?"
"Good."
"I'll stay at your side as long as it takes." She eyed his eyes. "And when your brother lays dead at your feet and you lay dead at mine, I'll unlock the secrets behind your eyes."
"It might take a while. I don't intend to die anytime soon."
"I can wait."
His grip on her shoulder tightened. As did hers on his waist.
Yes, she would stand by him. She would make him strong. Though her prize seemed less appealing now... She would have Itachi to satisfy her curiosity soon enough and that suited her fine. She wouldn't mind keeping Sasuke around for a while. Kirika tried not to think about her father taking Sasuke as a vessel. Her thoughts turned to her mother; the watch in her pocket; and Sasuke leaning on her shoulder. She hurt, but having him with her hurt just a bit less.
Now, with Konoha behind them and Kirika at his side, Sasuke felt determined. He sped up his walk. He would have his revenge. As Kirika supported him, Sasuke though of her in the hospital at his bedside; teasing him; and of holding her close in his bed. He couldn't deny, in his own mind at least, that he was happy she'd come to him then. Her apology about it almost felt like rejection.
Sasuke turned his head to look at her and he realised he loved her. His lips parted, but chose not to say anything. Now was not the right time. But someday. Someday.