Very heavy chapter, so... prepare yourselves (;

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It's well after two in the morning when I hear someone pounding on my front door. My mother is on yet another business trip, this time to Chicago, so I'm alone in the house. I search around frantically for anything to use as a weapon, an umbrella being the best option. The pounding persists as I descend the stairs. I stand on the backside of the door as I open it, hoping that it will serve as some sort of shield if the person attacks. The door flies open due to the fact that the person on the other side had been leaning against it. They fall to the floor of the porch. I peek around the edge of the door and my eyes widen in shock.

"Emily!" I rush over to help her up but it's no use, she's practically dead weight. The stench of alcohol is radiating off of her body.

"I'm... sorry... Hanna," she slurs out between quiet sobs.

"It's okay. Come on, let's get you inside."

"No, it's not okay!" she screams. I'm startled by her outburst. "You don't deserve this, I'm sorry."

"Em, it's fine. I've had to take care of drunk friends all the time," I say, not understanding what she's talking about.

"No, that's not-"

"Let's go inside and we can talk in there. It's freezing out here," I cut her off.

Emily just nods her head and takes my hand that's held out to help her up. With a little difficulty I manage to pull her up and get her balanced on her own two feet. I pull her arm over my shoulder and wrap mine around her waist to keep her supported as we cross the threshold and hobble into the living room, Emily choking out apologies the whole time. I sit her on the couch and tell her to stay put. I go to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. When I return to the living room, Emily sitting forward, her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands.

"Here," I say handing her the water. She takes it gratefully and drinks it all in one go.

"I'm sorry," she says again, sounding a little more coherent now.

"For what?" I ask sitting on my knees on the floor in front of her.

"God, I'm so fucked up," she looks up and laughs lowly and bitterly. "You don't deserve this. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here," she says as she tries to get up to leave. I grab her hand and pull her back in front of me before lightly pushing her back down on the couch.

"Em, talk to me," I whisper as I try to catch her eye.

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? You keep saying you're sorry and that I don't deserve this, but I have no idea what you're talking about? Emily, you can talk to me. I'm not going to judge you, you know that."

Emily heaves a big sigh, "I like you," she barely whispers.

"What?" I ask because I didn't understand her due to her talking so quietly.

"I like you! I like you a lot, a really fucking lot, but I'm so beyond fucked up and you shouldn't have to deal with all the shit I carry around with me. You deserve so much better than me, but I'm fucking selfish and I can't help but want to be around you, to want you. You're so different from everyone else, from every other girl, and it scares the shit out of me. I haven't felt like this, hell, I haven't felt anything, in so fucking long and it terrifies me. I'm fucking crazy about you, but I can't do anything about it," she rants, flying off the couch and pacing the room.

My eyes follow her every move, but she doesn't look at me. By the time she finishes she's at the window, peeking through the curtains and watching the newly falling rain splash onto the ground. I slowly approach her and see that she has tears running down her flushed cheeks.

"Emily? Emily, look at me," I say softly. She shakes her head and buries her face in her hands, forehead now resting against the cool glass of the window. I reach out for her shoulder and gently turn her towards me, my other hand going up in the process to prod her hands away from her face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Hanna."

"Em, stop. Stop apologizing and just talk to me." I take her hand and lead her back over to the couch. "Talk," I encourage her.

"I don't even know where to start," she shrugs.

"Why can't you do anything about how you feel about me?" I sigh.

"Because I don't want to hurt you."

"Why do you think you'll hurt me?"

"Because I'm beyond fucked up," she chokes out as she looks up to the ceiling, blinking back more tears.

"Em, look at me. Please?" I reach up and cup her cheek in my hand, pulling her face down and tilt it towards me. "Why do you believe that you're so messed up and will hurt me because of it? Help me understand. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't let me in and just keep giving me the same answers or running away."

"The summer before freshman year, I met this girl, Maya. She moved in next door and we instantly connected. She knew I was gay before I did. I always knew there was something different about me. My friends, they would always talk about boys they were crushing on and all that stuff and I always felt so out of it because boys never interested me as anything more than friends. I thought something was wrong with me. Then, with Maya, it was different. I felt different, I acted different. My insides would always churn, I was always nervous around her at first but in a good way, I tripped over my words, blushed whenever she said anything sweet or flirty. I was really shy before I met her, but after we became friends I started to come out of my shell more. One day, she kissed me out of nowhere and it all made sense. Why I was never into guys, why I acted the way I did around her when we first met, everything finally made sense. She helped me accept that I was gay. She stood by my side and was my support system when I was freaking out about telling my parents. She was my first kiss, my first time, my first love..." Emily trails off.

"What happened?" I ask, tears welling up in my eyes because I'm fearing the worst.

"I was completely and totally in love with her... and she broke me. On our one and a half year anniversary I went over to her house to surprise her and I found her fucking some guy in her bed. Turns out that they had been 'together' for six months. She had been cheating on me with him, and, when the whole truth came out, I learned that she had been with four other people besides him as well. She was cheating on me the entire relationship. I gave her everything, I trusted her with my life, and she broke my heart into a billion little pieces," she finishes with a hollow look on her face and distance in her eyes. Tears are full on streaming down my face as I pull her into a tight hug.

"I am so sorry, Emily," I cry.

She wraps her arms around me tightly and buries her face in my neck. I can feel her hot tears falling onto my skin rapidly and vibrations pulse through her body as she tries to breathe through her sobs. I pull back and take her face in my hands, gently wiping away her tears with my thumbs.

"She's the reason I'm so messed up. She's the reason that I fell apart. She's the reason that I am who I am. The girl that nobody thinks is good for anything. The girl that is around and willing for whenever you need a good fuck. The girl who has made them all believe that her sole purpose in life is to fuck every girl she sees. She's the reason that I'm like this. She's the reason that I don't believe in love anymore. That's why it's so easy to be the 'player' that everyone believes I am. All sex and no feelings is the only way I know how to live because of her. I'm incapable of anything more than that."

"Emily, stop. None of that is true."

"Yes, it is," she laughs bitterly. "Tell me you didn't think the exact same thing those first few weeks after meeting me."

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

"Exactly," she says with a disgusted look on her face.

"Em," I pause, choosing my words carefully, "That is true. I did think that at first, but then you showed me those little glimpses of the real you. You would drop the act for just a little bit more during every tutoring session and every time we worked on the history project, and I saw you. Not the person that everyone else has made you out to be, but who you really are. You told me about your parents, things you like to do, and I saw the person behind the mask... But you can't keep living like this. You're never going to be happy if you don't let go of the past. Yes, she hurt you badly, but if you think that every girl you start to feel something more for is going to do the same thing to you then you're going to miss out on something amazing. I know for a fact that there is someone out there who is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, someone who is going to love you more than you ever thought was possible, but you have to let go of the past and open your eyes so you can find her."

"I want to change, I do. But... I've been like this for so long I don't know how to. I want to be happy. I want to know what it's like to be complete, to have someone that completes me like I complete them, but I don't know how," she cries softly.

"Then, I'll show you."

-x-x-x-

Whew, that was an emotional rollercoaster to write, but it has definitely been my favorite one to write so far. I wish I could say that everything is butterflies and rainbows from here, but that'd be a lie. Emily has a long journey ahead of her and it won't be easy for her or Hanna.

So, I owe a few shoutouts! Shoutout to shamika grandberry and HanilyBabe; you were partially right in your guesses for Emily's backstory. And shoutout to the guest reviewer from chapter two (you know who you are) for 100% correctly guessing Emily's entire situation! That Emily loved too much in the past and sleeps around because she's scared to get hurt again. You guys are awesome. Thanks for sharing your theories!

As always, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading loves!