It has been forever since I last posted an update for this story. I'm not sure when and if there will be another update anytime soon, I just really wanted to write and felt the need to add another chapter to this story. This chapter turned out very differently from what I originally had in mind, but I really like it this way a lot better.

I know a lot of you may not even remember what happened in this story and you may not even care anymore but that's not the reason why I posted this. I just needed to write and this chapter served as my creative outlet.

If you are still out there and you are still reading this then thank you, you are an amazing person :)

Chapter 6

We're Still Here

Ali's POV

I woke up to darkness. Everything was black, everything was invisible. It was freezing, so cold that my lips were wobbling and my body was convulsing at an intense rate. I could feel my hair sticking to the back of my neck and my shirt sticking to my chest.

I knew what this was.

I pulled the covers up to my chin and clutched onto the fabric with as much force as I could manage. My eyes darted to the clock residing on the table beside my bed. It was a little after two in the morning, nearly the same time this had happened all those years ago.

I was too afraid to move from my place in bed, too scared to leave the beautiful dreams behind and enter into this living nightmare. For me, having a fever would be a nightmare. Fevers meant that something inside of my body was not right. Fevers meant cancer.

I closed my eyes and prayed that I would go back to sleep and that this would pass as quickly as it came. My teeth dug into my lip so hard that I could nearly taste the blood trickling out of it. A wave of nausea came over me and I held my breath as I waited for it to pass.

This cannot happen. This will not happen. Not again. Not to me.

I repeated these words in my head, fighting the mutated cells inside of my body with them, trying to rid myself of them before they could kill me.

It was around two thirty when the nausea had become too much and the vomit made its way up my throat. I had barely managed to sit upright before it poured out of me and onto the floor. I examined the contents after my heaving was through, feeling a bit relieved that there was no redness in the mix. No blood was a good sign.

I stood up and stepped over the vomit, my vision becoming dominated by black spots almost instantly. I shouted for mom and dad as loud as I could, knowing that the probability of me making it to their room before passing out was slim to none at this point. My knees buckled as soon as I tried to take another step, and I somehow ended up on the floor with my head bathing in my own vomit without realizing it.

The last thing I saw was my mother's face before I had gone unconscious, her eyes full of worry and fear, looking the same as they did that day when everything had changed.

Everything had changed. Everything was changing again. My life was no longer my own. My life belonged to cancer.

"I don't think death is all that scary anymore. In a way, dying is better than living. Easier. It's just one or two minutes of pain and then it's all over. And if anyone can handle pain it's us, right?"

I nodded, even though I didn't entirely agree with him. Caleb had been talking about death a lot lately. He was at the point where he knew it was coming and was trying to convince himself that it wasn't going to be so bad. Even though he may believe it, I still couldn't grasp the idea of death ever being a good thing. I still held onto this tiny sliver of hope that he could live through this even though the cancer had spread to nearly every organ in his body.

But I nodded anyways. I sucked up the tears and nodded, because he needed to believe that dying was okay, that letting go was okay.

"We're still here," he whispered to me, squeezing my fingers in his.

I kissed his neck and took in his scent, "We're still here."

I watched as his chest rose and fell, his breathing seemingly shallow from its pace. I tried to ignore the coldness of his skin as I snuggled up closer to him, biting my lip so that he couldn't tell that my teeth were chattering from the cold.

It was getting closer.

"I'm the," he gasped for air, coughing viciously, "luckiest guy in the world."

"Shut up," I replied, grinning despite these terrible circumstances.

He attempted to laugh but began coughing again, "You love me…don't deny it."

The tears fought with a vengeance, causing my view of him to become blurry, "I do."

"and..I love you."

"We're still here," I repeated.

He kissed my forehead before kissing me on the lips, our cannulas colliding like they always did when we kissed. Our lips stayed connected for only a minute or two before he pulled away, gasping for breath as if we had been kissing for ten minutes straight.

"We're still here."

Call me for details on how to properly prepare for our date later ;)

I read over the text message again before shutting off my phone and putting it on the toilet seat. I didn't know how to reply to Embry at this point. I was tempted to just go on this date with him even if I was puking every other second, because not going would be a sign of defeat. Cancelling our plans would be equivalent to raising the white flag and giving into cancer's demands. That is if this turns out to be cancer popping its cruel face back into my life again. We wouldn't know for sure until the results of the MRI and blood tests came back.

As if I wasn't already anxious enough, now I had to wait to see if this fever and nausea was a result of cancer or if it was just the flu. The only thing that was keeping me from having a meltdown was the fact that Dr. Burke said he was ninety percent sure it wasn't cancerous given the fact that my blood cell counts were pretty much normal. There was still a ten percent chance it was cancerous though, which was as unsettling as it would have been to hear that it was the other way around.

I stripped off my clothes and slowly stepped into the steaming hot bath, settling into the water quickly, "I'm fine, you can back off the door now," I said, my voice sounding shaky and hoarse.

"Call us if you need anything honey. Keep the door unlocked."

"I know," I sighed and sunk down into the tub so that the water reached my neck, leaning my head back against the cold tile. I still smelled like vomit and antiseptic, which only tempted me to throw up again from how horrible it was.

I desperately wished that it would all go away on its own. I was too weak to scrub, too mentally and physically drained to clean myself off. All I wanted to do was sit here and forget about these past twelve hours. Forget that I fell into a pile of my own throw up, forget that I scared the shit out of my parents, forget that I was stuck in a hospital bed for nearly nine hours, and forget that I might have cancer again.

I clamped my mouth shut as the sobs forced their way out of my system and the tears trickled their way down my cheeks. It had been building up to this. I needed to cry. I needed to let this out. After hours of being strong and telling my parents I was fine and everything was okay I needed to be honest with myself.

I am not okay. I am not fine. I am not strong. I am terrified.

I sunk down even further into the water, giving myself a few minutes to lose my cool and cry as much as I possibly could. If I took too long my parents would come to the door and then they would hear me crying, which could only lead to bad things in the end. I didn't want them to feel burdened again. I wanted them to believe that I believed I wasn't sick. If they were hopeful then maybe that would be enough. Maybe God would spare me.

I took a few deep breaths after letting out as much as I could, gaining my composure and putting on my 'I'm as tough as nails' façade again before I started to clean myself off. I used all of the energy I had left inside of me to scrub away the bad smells and invite in the good ones. After I nearly scrubbed my skin raw I got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around myself before sitting on the toilet seat, turning my phone on again and reading over Embry's text once more.

Call me for details on how to properly prepare for our date later ;)

There was no way I was going to be able to go on this date. It was a difficult thing to admit, but logically it would make more sense to stay in bed and try to get better instead of going out. If there were ever a time where I would have to put my needs before my wants it would be now. I needed to rest. I needed to get better. There was no denying that.

If things went my way and life were perfect, then I would call him right now and ask him where we were going and what I should wear. Then Dominica would come over and help me get ready and I would look beautiful for once. I would actually accept the fact that I could be beautiful. I would go and enjoy my date with Embry and let go of any doubts I had about my feelings for him. I would embrace the fact that I wanted to be more than friends with him. I would be bold and kiss him on the lips and he would kiss me back.

The cold hard truth is that life is not perfect and shit usually doesn't happen this way. Not for me, not for anyone. Curve balls are thrown our way every single day. My curve ball just happens to be cancer.

Before I could back down and chicken out I dialed Embry's number and put the phone up to my ear. The phone only rang twice before he picked up.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to call-,"

"I can't go out with you, Embry."

I waited patiently for him to reply, my leg bouncing a mile a minute as the air remained quiet. I was tempted to cry again, but I tried my best to keep my composure. The silence wasn't really helping the matter, and the longer I waited the more I wanted to just tell him everything. The more I wanted to pour my heart out to him no matter what the consequences were. I didn't want to lie anymore. I couldn't do it.

"I don't understand. I thought you wanted to."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose, "I do. I really do. I just," I paused to try to regain my strength. It seemed to slip away more and more the longer I sat there for, "I'm sick. I've been throwing up and I have a fever and I went to the hospital and I'm just…" the tears made their unwanted appearance and I cursed myself for allowing them to gain control, "I'm just….I don't know….I'm scared."

"I'm coming over there."

"No," I protested, "no you don't need to see me like this-,"

"Ali, shut up," he sounded worried, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

The line went dead.

I closed my phone and buried my face in my hands, my façade dwindling and all of my strength leaving me. There was no point in trying to keep this bottled up any longer. I needed to put it all out on the table. I don't want to be a liar.

I changed quickly into fresh clothes and walked out of the bathroom, not even surprised to see my parents waiting there with worried looks on their faces. They must've heard me. There goes my plan to not be a burden to them anymore.

"Embry's coming over," I stated, not even bothering to ask if it was alright. I knew mom wasn't going to like it, but I really didn't care. Just because she thinks he's not good for me doesn't mean it's true.

"Only for a little while," mom said as she grabbed my arm and led me to my room. I clenched my jaw and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. There was no point in arguing right now so I kept my mouth shut.

Once I managed to get to my room, dad pulled back the covers and helped me into bed, and the two of them hovered over me for a few minutes. As mom left the room to check on Kevin dad stayed behind and hovered a little longer, "He can stay as long as he wants."

"Thanks," I smiled up at him.

"You're going to be okay, Ali. Just stay positive. That's what's always gotten us through in the past."

"I know," I didn't exactly believe any of that was true though. Not at this point.

"All you need is some good rest."

I nodded in agreement, looking down at the spot beside the bed where I had vomited last night. My parents must've cleaned it like crazy while I was in the tub.

"I'll bring Embry up when he gets here," he kissed me on the forehead before retreating. Once he was gone I turned on my side and faced the window, closing my eyes to try to get away from this endless nightmare. If I could sleep then I could dream.

Dreams were much more inviting than reality could ever be.

"I started puking up blood again," he glanced at my face before focusing on our intertwined fingers, "I can't keep any food down, and it feels like someone's constantly stabbing me in the gut."

"Chemo isn't helping?" I rubbed circles on the back of his hand, staring down at the vein that always popped out on his wrist.

"No," he sighed, "shit's just making it worse."

"So they're just going to take it out? How does that even work?"

Caleb shrugged and dropped my hand to grab the remote for his bed. I closed my eyes as the bed moved, "I don't know, they said something about bowel connections that I really didn't even understand."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah, well if this doesn't work then I'm as good as dead."

His serious tone scared me, and I tensed up as soon as the word dead left his lips. I shook my head from side to side, denying that that could ever be a possibility, "You're not dying. This will work. You're going to live a long and healthy life."

He chuckled and removed the scarf on my head, kissing my hairless scalp, "Okay, well you can be optimistic while I'll be realistic."

"You're not dying, not anytime soon at least. We will both make it through this and live to tell the tale."

"You will. In my case, cancer just might win this round."

I didn't want to believe him. I couldn't. There was no possible way a world could ever function without him in it. He was an amazing human being, and cancer could not take a person like him away. It could not take him away from me. I wouldn't allow it, "We're still here, Caleb. That has to count for something."

"Yeah," he sighed and grabbed my hand again, "We're still here."

I woke up to the sound of an eraser moving furiously against a sheet of paper. When I opened my eyes I was greeted by the sight of Embry sitting in a chair next to my bed and concentrating on the sketch book in his hands. He didn't notice that I had opened my eyes yet, and I spent a couple minutes just watching him as he drew whatever he was drawing. It was a surprisingly good distraction.

He mumbled a bit to himself and furrowed his brows as he erased things here and there with the pencil in his mouth, and I grinned at the sight. When he finally looked up from his sketch book and realized I was awake he stopped what he was doing immediately, his drawing completely forgotten.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," my voice sounded like it hadn't been used it years, "What are you drawing?"

A small grin spread across his face, "None of your business."

I smiled and turned my body so I was facing him more, "How long was I out for?"

He shrugged, "A little over an hour I would say."

I looked out the window over his shoulder, realizing that the sun was nearly gone and the sky was beginning to turn dark. We would probably be going on our date soon if the odds would've worked in our favor. Unfortunately, this was the hand that we were dealt.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, leaning in closer to the bed.

I had to think for a moment before I answered the question. His drawing had distracted me to the point where I didn't even acknowledge anything that had happened prior to him being here. Now that I had a minute to process everything again I felt the worry begin to settle within me and the weight begin to weigh me down again.

"Cold," I admitted, "and a bit nauseous, but mostly disappointed."

He stared me in the eye for a long moment, taking in everything I had just told him. He scooted his chair even closer to the bed and grabbed my hand, his skin instantly warming mine, "Disappointed?"

I broke eye contact with him and stared down at the blanket that was covering me, using all of the strength I had in me to sit up a bit more, "There's a lot I want to say to you, the first of them being that I'm sorry."

He looked at me incredulously, "Sorry? For what?"

"Screwing up our date, making you come over here, sounding like a mess on the phone…all of it."

He shook his head and rubbed his thumb back and forth over my palm, "That's not something you need to apologize for. You're sick, that's not your fault."

If only it were that simple, "You shouldn't even be here right now, Embry."

"Well I am, and you're just going to have to deal with seeing my handsome face all night."

I chuckled, "I was already planning on it. Definitely not in this way though."

He nodded, his eyes looking around the room for a moment before settling on me again, "You wanted to go with me…right?"

His question surprised me. I thought that I had made my answer to that clear before, but the way he was looking at me and the way he said it told me differently, "Of course I did. I was looking forward to it. I was even tempted to just go anyways, even if I was throwing up all over the place."

He laughed, "Well that would've certainly made things interesting."

"Interesting? More like disgusting," I adjusted my pillow with my free hand and sat up even more so that the two of us were now eye level with each other, "You don't have to worry though, I still managed to ruin everything."

"You didn't ruin anything," He scoffed.

"Okay, that's a lie."

"No, not really. We might not be able to go on a date now, but that doesn't mean we can't go another time. Besides, I'd rather be sitting here with you sick in bed than somewhere without you."

I didn't exactly know what to say in response to that. All I knew was that his words made my heart feel even heavier than before. It caused me to realize that this barrier that I had formed around myself to keep others from knowing exactly who I was needed to be destroyed. I couldn't keep things going with Embry this way. It wasn't fair to either of us. I needed to let him know what he was getting himself into. He needed to make his choice and I needed to be okay with whatever that may be.

I threw the covers off of me and put my feet on the ground, sitting that way for a few seconds in order to gather as much energy as I could to stand.

"What are you doing?" Embry flung out of his seat in a flash and grabbed my arm for support as I rose up out of bed.

I shook off his hand when I was steady on my own two feet, ignoring his question and moving towards my dresser across the room. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time I searched through the top drawer, which caused my heart to quicken its pace. I felt like I was about to puke, and the spots began to block my vision as soon as the feeling came on. Embry moved across the room so that he was directly behind me, to catch me in case I fell over I assumed. When I found the bracelet and various other trinkets I was looking for I took them out and spread them across the top of the dresser for him to see. Each thing was something I had received from friends and family while I was in the hospital. A shirt with an orange ribbon on the front that my aunt and uncle had made, an orange bracelet from the benefit, and a button that Amaya had bought for me when I went into remission, it was all there for him to see. I allowed him to absorb all of the information I had just provided him with and went over to the cork board on my wall, ripping off one of the pictures of me and Caleb and bringing it over to where Embry stood.

"Stage three acute myeloid leukemia," I placed the picture down in front of him, "I was in and out of the hospital for about two years and I've been in remission since last November. So that makes it about ten months of being cancer free," I watched him carefully as his eyes darted back and forth between each item. His face was completely blank the whole time, which made it difficult to determine whether or not I had just screwed any chance I had with him. I went on to explain more anyways, "It all started when I woke up with a fever of a hundred and four. I've had ten months of freedom and normalcy and now…." He looked over at me, "another fever of a hundred and four."

I wrapped my arms around my torso to try to stop the tremors that were moving throughout my entire body. I couldn't tell if their presence was due to the fact that I was cold or to the fact that I was scared shitless. There was more I needed to say, more that he had to hear before anything else could happen. It didn't seem like he was prepared to say anything, which made it all even more horrifying. What did he think of me now?

"I'm terrified," I admitted, "it could be cancer or it could be nothing at all. People like to think that going into remission means that you're done with cancer, but that's not true. Once you get cancer you're never really done with it. It's always going to be there looming over you, waiting to strike again and finish the job. Cancer has ruled my life for years. It's taken Caleb, it's taking Amaya, and now it wants to take me. I'm a ticking time bomb that's eventually going to detonate and destroy everything around me."

I took a deep breath and met his gaze, wanting nothing more than for him to try to understand everything I was telling him, "You need to know all of this, to know what you're getting yourself into with me. Fear and pain and uncertainty are all you're going to get with someone like me. It's a shitty choice, but a choice nonetheless. Take it or leave it."

He still wouldn't speak, and it felt like I was standing there for hours just waiting for him to say something. My eyes were glued to the floor because I was too much of a coward to look directly at his face while I waited. I started feeling dizzy, so I eventually sat down on the edge of the bed, a layer of sweat beginning to take form on my forehead. The floor started spinning beneath my feet, and I closed my eyes to try to make the nausea go away.

A minute later I felt the bed sink to my left and I was suddenly surrounded by warmth, which sent shivers down my spine. Embry wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side, rubbing his palm up and down my arm to settle the bumps along my skin. He moved his free arm underneath my knees and pulled me onto his lap, my body melding into his automatically. I finally opened my eyes and glanced up at his face, wondering what all of this meant.

"I'll take it," he whispered, answering my unspoken question.

I let out a long sigh and shook my head at him, "Idiot."

He chuckled and wiped the sweat away from my forehead with the back of his hand, "Oh so now I'm an idiot huh?"

"Yeah, you are. You just made a really shitty choice."

"I don't see it that way," he said.

I grinned in spite of myself, "Then how do you see it? 'Cause to me it looks like you just willingly threw yourself on top of a ticking time bomb."

"You're not an explosive device, so stop referring to yourself as one."

"It's a metaphor," I replied.

"Metaphor or not it's not true," he cupped my cheek in his palm and met my gaze, "According to that button you kicked cancer's ass," I laughed, "and I'm not going to believe for a second that your time is going to be up anytime soon. You're in remission and the cancer is gone. Those are the facts. From here on out whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to abandon you."

I placed my hand over his palm that was resting on my cheek and leaned into him further, "You're so stupid."

"No I'm not."

"You are. I'm giving you a get out of jail free card and you won't even take it."

"Screw your get out of jail free cards. If this is what prison is like then I don't ever want to leave."

I smiled at him, my stomach filling with butterflies from his words, "You did not just say that."

"I did," he grinned and inched his face closer to mine, "Deal with it."

I opened my mouth to speak again but was cut off when his lips met mine. To say I was shocked by the gesture was an understatement. To say that I didn't enjoy the feeling was an even bigger understatement. There was something about the kiss that just felt like it was meant to happen, like it should always be this way. If I had any doubts about him before this kiss just crushed each and every one of them and proved that being just friends was not a possibility for us. I placed my hand on the back of his neck and deepened the kiss, wanting to feel more of these paralyzing sparks, wanting to get lost in this moment and never leave it.

After what felt like hours of kissing, my stomach could no longer handle the butterflies and groaned in protest. I reluctantly pulled away from Embry before disaster could strike and hopped out of his lap, running for the bathroom. With barely any time to spare, all of the fluid left within my body ended up in the toilet. Embry came into the bathroom and sat beside me on the floor until it was all over, pulling me into his lap as soon as I had finished heaving.

"Damn I didn't think I was that bad of a kisser."

I burst out into a fit of laughter, grabbing his hand and squeezing it in mine as I leaned back into him, "Pretty soon you'll be puking right along with me."

"Exactly how it should be," he kissed the top of my head before burying his face in my neck, "This is honestly the best date I've ever been on."

"How pathetic," I said.

"Sitting on the bathroom floor with the girl who just puked after I kissed her and who also single handedly kicked cancer's ass? That's practically the definition of the perfect date."

I chuckled and shook my head at him, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Keep me forever I hope," he clutched me tighter against him.

"We'll see about forever," I said, "for right now you're mine and that's really all that matters."

This chapter may seem a bit jumpy to you and if it does then I'm sorry. I haven't written in a while and this is just what came of me trying to get into the jist of things again. Well, if you're still there then leave a review and let me know what you thought of this! :)

Reviews are always greatly appreciated ;)