Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The storyline of Tangled Hearts is all mine.

WARNING: This story is M+ rated so if you are not over the age of 18+ please do not read any further.

I would like to thank both Kasi (TeamAllTwilight) and Liz (momma2fan) my pre-readers and betas that have graciously offered to help me with my story.

Michele (PeopleLikeUs or JustGinger), I would like to think you for all your encouragement on getting this story off the ground and posted.

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Tangled Hearts – Chapter 3

There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going.

December 2009

BPOV

I stormed into the room, guns blazing.

"What the fuck is going on here," I screamed. "Actually, don't answer, I can fucking see what's going on!"

Felix turned around and the girl shot up off the bed and I heard Felix scream in pain.

Serves you right asshole! I thought.

"Bella, baby, I know what this looks like and I know it is not good but she means nothing to me."

"Don't give me your pathetic excuses," I stated, rolling my eyes at Felix. "Who are you?" I said turning my glare to the girl that was standing near the bed.

"I… I'm Heidi. I'm one of his students," the girl said as she was trying to pull covers off the bed to cover her.

"I would advise you get dressed, and get the fuck out of my house before I do some damage to that pretty… How old you? Twenty?" I spat at her.

"I'm twenty-two, why how old are you?" She squared her shoulders and put her hands on her hips, staring me down.

"Old enough to know that you are sleeping with not only my fiancé, but also your professor, which, I believe, is against school regulations at NYU. So I suggest you get your ass dressed and out of my sight before I come over there and remove you from my house naked, without that sheet covering you and throwing you out onto the street."

"This is Felix's house and he invited me to stay the night!" Heidi huffed at me. "Why don't you leave his house?" she then yelled at me.

"You stupid ignorant little girl, this is not, let me repeat, not Felix's house, this is my house. Felix moved in a month ago with me and now he's moving the fuck back out because of this." I said waving my arms at her. "So get your obnoxious ass moving and get the fuck out of my house!" My anger was starting to take over.

Heidi's eyes nearly bugged out of her head and she collected her clothes and started walking towards me, as I was blocking her only exit. Heidi still had the sheet wrapped around her. She stood in front of me, waiting for me to move so she could pass. I moved aside and as she passed me, I ripped the sheet off from around her forcefully.

"You seem to have no problem fucking my fiancé in my bed, but I'll be damned if you take my sheet with you. Now you can do the fucking walk of shame down my stairs naked. I expect you to be dressed and gone within five minutes," I growled at her.

Heidi took off running down the stairs as I turned around to Felix, he was next on my list and if he thought he could get away with this unscathed he was dreaming. What I had just done to Heidi was nothing compared to what I was going to do to him.

I glared at him waiting for any sort of excuse, apology, or reason, for what I had just witnessed in my house, in our… my bed. Felix just seemed to be looking at me as if I had something interesting on my face or that it could give him the answer. Was he serious, he'd said nothing for what seemed like hours, but had actually only been minutes. My blood was starting to boil?

"You have nothing to say? You're looking at me as if I have the answers written all over my face, well guess again dipshit," I seethed at him.

Felix continued to stare at me, like I wasn't even standing in the room.

"Felix what do you have to say for yourself? Never mind let me tell you what I think of you. You're a fucking pathetic excuse for a man. We were getting married next year and this is how you treat the 'supposed' woman of your dreams. Well fuck you and your proposal! I don't want to marry someone that can throw away eight years over some twenty-two year old student," I seethed.

"Bella, please listen to me," Felix pleaded from the bed, still sitting there naked.

"Put some clothes on your fucking imbecile. I really don't want to look at you like that!" Waving my hand at him and moving it up and down. "I'm going downstairs to make sure Heidi has left my house. You have exactly two minutes to get your ass dressed and downstairs and don't even think you can talk your way out of this." I turned my back on him and made my way down to the kitchen, to put the kettle on.

I know most people would turn to drinking, but as it was, I would not be sleeping anytime soon. I need some chamomile to calm my nerves a little. None of this was good for my health – no one needs to be this stressed.

As I put the kettle on the stove, all I could see every time I closed my eyes was Felix and Heidi going at it. He had her legs up around his head and was driving into her with force, her moaning and calling his name. Not what I really wanted to remember, I wish I could poor acid into my brain and burn the memory out. I heard Felix's footsteps on the stairs and I took another calming breath as the kettle started to whistle.

I concentrated on getting my chamomile organized and I turned with it in hand. I noticed Felix sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen. I moved over a bit and perched myself up on the counter of the kitchen, I needed space between us.

"Please explain to me how long has this been going on? Is she the first? When were you going to grow a pair and tell me?" I stared into his eyes.

"First, I did not mean for this to happen!"

"Which part, sleeping with her or for getting caught?" I scoffed at him.

"Both. Heidi is the first person I have ever cheated on you with and it started eight months ago when you went to Chicago for the book signing. I asked her to stay behind in class because she was falling behind and I offered to help her a little with catching up. I didn't mean it to ever cross the line from professor and student, but when we started talking and getting to know each other..." he stopped and rubbed his hands over his face. "I felt so free with her. I could see the world in a new light when we were together. I felt so young and care free again. I know this is not what you want to hear Bella and I know I should have told you, but…"

"I thought you said upstairs that she meant nothing to you, now you tell me she makes you feel young and care-free. Which one is it Felix? Yes, you should have told me. You definitely shouldn't have asked me to marry you." I said slamming my fist on to the kitchen bench.

I watched Felix jump and look at me.

"Did you ask me to marry you out of guilt Felix? You asked me to marry you only six months ago! So what was it? Pity Bella! Guilt over cheating? Tell me you gutless wonder! Tell me the fucking truth for once in your life, because you have been lying to me for the past eight months. Why did you accept when I asked you to move in to the house with me if it is not what you wanted?" I was starting to get really angry again and I didn't want to.

"Bella I wanted to tell you so many times… I just did not know what to say to you."

"Here is one way you could have used. Bella guess what I found someone else, so instead of cheating on you and stringing you along thinking I want to marry you and have kids with you – I am going to bow out now. At least you know that I don't love you anymore, but you don't have to walk in on me up to my nuts in guts, and playing peek-a-boo with a twenty-two year old student!" I said, trying to hold back the tears. I was not going to let him see me cry.

"Bella, I know I shouldn't have asked you to marry me. That's why it took so long to commit to a date. I knew I was lying to you and myself, but I just didn't know how to tell you. I took the easy way out and asked you to marry me because I'm not getting any younger. Neither are you. I knew you wanted to start a family and…"

I could tell that he wanted to say more but he was holding back. He had come this far, why hold back now.

"It was pity from the sounds of it. Oh, poor Bella is getting old. Watch out, her biological clock is ticking. Better save her, she might not find anyone else. She might end up a crazy old spinster," I rattled off sarcastically. "Felix, the least you can do before I kick you out of my house – is to tell me the truth. Don't hold back, you have already shattered my heart, with what I walked in on upstairs. The least you can do is be honest. You owe me that much," I sighed, resigned.

"Bella, I know I have hurt you and I don't want to cause you more pain."

"You not telling me what you were and are thinking, is causing me pain. What really happened is going to cause me pain Felix. I already feel like I am inadequate enough not to be able to keep you interested in this relationship. I feel like I have cornered you into a marriage, which you don't seem to want. You seem to have fallen in love with someone ten years younger. So please don't tell me you don't want to cause any more pain, you daft prick. If I don't know the truth, I am going to be sitting here in this house thinking of 'what if's'? I don't want to do that to myself. I gave you my all! Not just part of me over the past eight years. The least you could do is give me what I am asking for now."

The room was quiet as we stared at each other. Neither one of us wanting to give in first, I was done asking. I was going to make sure he told me what was going on before he walked out of my life.

"Looks like you are just going to sit there! Felix am I really asking too much from you to explain this to me. After eight year…" I was on the verge of tears. I could feel my chin tremble. I was trying to stay strong, but I was failing. "I just want know how it all happened Felix. I just need to have some sort of closure. You owe me that much," I said with conviction.

"As I said, I met Heidi in one of my classes, she was falling behind in her work so I offered to help her. What I didn't know at the time was that she was dating an abusive guy so I helped her to get away from him. From there I started helping her catch up on the work that she had missed and in the process we started to get to know each other. We started sleeping together after she passed my class and about six weeks after I helped her with her boyfriend situation." Felix looked at me sorrow in his eyes before he started again.

"I only asked you to marry me because it was the natural progression of our relationship, I had realized that I really cared for Heidi, but I owed it to you not to go that path. I really wanted you and me to work out. I told Heidi that I was getting engaged and that nothing would happen between us anymore, we could only be friends. I thought I would be able to handle it, just being her friend. Then she came to me for help with another subject she was having trouble with. One thing led to another and I was in too deep. It was getting to the point of I either had to shit or get off the pot. I was going to tell you after your birthday what was going on. I know that I should have done it before I moved in with you. Heidi, she is my soul mate Bella. I can't live without her. I know you don't want to hear that but it is true." By the time he finished his speech, I had traitor tears running down my face.

Felix looked up at me and he noticed I was pushing the tears off my face.

"Bella, I am…"

I cut him off there, "Felix, please for my sanity; don't say you're sorry. I know that you are but I can't hear you say it. It means that I have to forgive you and I don't have it in me to even start."

"I understand Bella, I really do. I am going to pack a few things and get out of here. I'll go and stay with Caius. I know he'll be up at this late hour. Bella, I know I can't take any of this back. When you are able to talk to me again, please let me know, I would really like to apologize for treating you this way. I also understand why you can't hear it yet. I know I have hurt you, lost your trust, and ruined your life at the moment. For what it is worth I never deserved your love, even when we first started dating, I was never good enough for you. You have a promising future ahead of you, even though you can't see it now, but you'll be better off without me. I would have just hurt you in the end. Even if you never found us tonight, I still would have hurt you."

I watched Felix walk up the stairs to pack. I walked into his study and starting packing his computer and personal items, I don't think I could have them sitting in plain view. Looks like I would be getting the builders in. I always wanted to redecorate this old beauty. First though, I needed to change one of the other rooms into my bedroom. There is no way I could stay in that room.

As I moved around the house collecting Felix's belongings, I wanted to scream, cry and throw whatever I could get my hands on, but I knew it wouldn't stop the movie going on in my head.

I sat in the kitchen staring at the box I had packed. I was off in my own little world, thinking about what to do next when I heard Felix clear his throat. I looked up at him not realizing that I had tears rolling down my cheeks, I wiped them away and heard Felix's muttered 'sorry'.

"Don't say sorry!" I looked at him sternly.

"Just don't, if you were sorry you would have told about this when it started. You didn't. So don't say it now," I seethed

"Okay. I'll collect the rest of my furniture and belongings this weekend, once I've found a place to stay. I don't have much here so it won't take long. I'll leave the keys then, if that is all right with you or would you prefer me to leave them now?"

"No, just leave them on the kitchen counter when you've finished. I'll make sure I am not here; just send me a text telling me what time you will be here. I'll go out. Then send me one when you've left," I said.

"Okay then I shall be going. I don't think there is anything left to say Bella. I wish you all the best for the future and I wish this ended differently." I could hear regret in his voice, but I couldn't look at him.

I heard him start to walk away toward the front door when I looked down and noticed my engagement ring.

"Felix," I said as I got up and started walking after him.

He turned around and looked at me.

"Here," I said pulling the ring from my finger. "It was your grandmothers, I couldn't keep a family heirloom, nor do I want to look at it and be reminded of this."

I placed the ring into Felix's palm and the pain in his eyes when he looked at me was too much to bear and I couldn't look at him any longer. I turn around and started to walk away but stopped at his next words.

"Bella, thank you, my mother was right about you. You are an exceptional woman and always do the right thing even if it breaks you in half. You are so strong and I know you will be a better person after I leave tonight. I know I am a bastard and a million other despicable words I could come up with, but thank you again for giving me back the ring. I didn't expect it and I am grateful." With that I heard him turn and the door latch click into place and my world fell apart.

I crumpled to the floor in a ball and let go of all the hurt, betrayal, pain, anger and every other emotion I was feeling in that moment. I am not sure how long I laid there for. When the tears dried up, I got up and went to the phone. I called the one person I could trust and needed right now. My best friend Charlotte!

I knew it was late but I also knew she would be up. As I listened to the phone, waiting for her to pick up, I had started crying again.

"Hey beautiful, how is your trip going?" I heard on the other end.

"Char, I need you!" I sobbed into the phone.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"No Char, I need you, I know it's late, but can you please come to me, I'm at home."

"Bella, what's happened? Are your parents okay, is Felix okay?"

"Caught Felix cheating, can't talk right now, just need you here please."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Let me just save this brief I am working on and I'll be there. Hold on Bella. I'll call Kate; she'll be able to reach you before me. I'll make sure she has her key with her. I love you, Bella."

"Thanks Char." I didn't have it in me at the moment for I love you – I didn't have a heart anymore. It was shattered into a million pieces, lying on the floor for people to walk all over. My soul was nonexistent. I was a shell. I knew I would be able to get past this, but for now I just wanted to live in this misery. How could I not know? Where were the signs?

I moved toward the stairs and went up to the bedroom, the scene of the transgression that took place over an hour ago. As I walked up to the third level, I walked into the one of the spare bedrooms and made sure that the bed had sheets on it. There was no way I could sleep in that bed ever again, first thing in the morning I was calling Salvation Army and they could come and collect the whole bedroom set, everything in that room could go. I wanted no reminder of him at all.

As I started walking up to the fourth floor, I heard Kate calling out to me.

"Bella, where are you? Char just called and told me to get over here quick!" I heard her yell.

"I'm heading up the fourth level Kate."

I heard her running up the stairs and I was standing on the landing looking at my door, debating what I should do next. Do I pack him up? Do I strip the sheets and burn them? Do I throw his clothes out the window and make him pick them up and hope that at some point in time a dog does his business on them? I felt Kate surround my body in a hug and I lost it again, I started sobbing, saying why me?

"Bella, baby I can't understand you, take some deep breaths." Kate moved me to sit on the top step and cradled my head in her arms while lightly rubbing my back, hair and face.

I started to calm down and sat up. I looked at one of my best friends from college and said through my tears, "I came home early and found Felix in bed with a student!"

"No way, what was he fucking thinking? That evil, two-faced, vile, loathsome, foul, nasty, appalling, dumb motherfucker, immoral, obnoxious ass..." Kate started to seethe.

"Kate," I looked at her pleadingly, "I don't want to talk about it right now. I want to rid him from my life and once that is done, I promise you and Char, I will tell you what happened and answer any questions. But right now I need you to help me to purge him from my house."

"Right, then let's start! We will start in your bedroom and work our way down. We will put everything in the basement and he can collect it from there." I smiled my gratification at her and she helped me off the stairs.

I squared my shoulders, enough with tears still running down my face, let's get this show on the road, so I can start healing and move on from this relationship, it wasn't going to happen in the next hour, night or day; it was going to take time to heal from this debacle that was created tonight.

How am I going to tell my parents what has gone on here tonight, my mother has been working on the wedding since she found out we got engaged. She has organized nearly all of it and this weekend we were supposed to go wedding dress shopping. She is going to be devastated; I will have to take all the information off her and start calling everyone and see who I can get our deposits back from. The ones that won't refund her money, I will just reimburse her for.

I stepped into the room and looked at the bed and my anger surged through my body and I leaped at the bed and started gripping at the sheets removing them off the bed with so much force that I am sure I ripped them, but I didn't care they were going in the bin anyway. Once that was done, I felt better. I took a deep calming breath, looked at Kate with a small smile.

"Feeling better, Darling? You look better!" She smiled at me.

"Oh, I'm just starting Kate. By the time my head hits the pillow, I will feel cleansed and I will be able to heal and move of from the chaos that has landed at my feet." I said, as I started moving into the walk-in, Kate hot on my heels.

We heard Charlotte yell out to us and Kate and I walked out of the bedroom to the landing telling her where we were. As soon as I saw her I lost it again. I felt both of my friend arms surround me. I could feel the love vibrating from them, so I basked in the feeling for a while, letting go over my inhabitations. Once I calmed down we made our way back into the bedroom and started removing Felix from every surface.

We spent a couple of hours packing Felix's belongings and cleaning as we went, I was going to move some of my clothes to the next room but decided just to leave them for now. By the time we had finished in the library, we were all feeling exhausted, so we made our way down to the kitchen. It was time to face the truth of what happened and explain to the girls. They had helped me when I needed them and now I owed them for their patience.

I pulled out three wine glasses and pulled out a bottle of Brunello di Montalcino from the wine fridge. I found the corkscrew, opened the wine and started pouring us each a glass, I then went over to the fridge and got some cheese and crackers to go with our wine. I sat down lifted my glass to my lips, took a sip of wine, as soon as the wine was swallowed, I started to relax.

I looked a Charlotte, and then Kate, smiled, and then started tell them how I finished up early, drove home, and then proceeded to tell them what I found when I walked into our bedroom. I watched their facial express go from placated to mad, to anger, to absolutely furious by the time I finished. I was proud of myself that I didn't shed one tear though out the whole spiel and I was still holding it together in the silence of the kitchen.

Kate was the first to break it.

"Bella, I am so sorry that you had to go through this, I know you were looking forward to spending the rest of your life with Felix, but I have to say it is a Godsend that it happened now and not after you were married." She leaned over squeezed my hand.

"I agree with you on that one, but it doesn't help with the fact that I thought he was the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, start a family with, grow old with."

"Sweetie, when you least expect it, the right man will turn up, and who said you needed a man to start your family. You could always do IVF if you want, or you could adopt, there are a lot of needy kids out there that need the love of a mother. We both know that you would make a wonderful mother and you have so much love to give Bella. You just need some time to get past this and you will be stronger once you come through it," Charlotte said.

"I know you're both right, but for now I am going to remodel this house the way I want it and always saw it when I bought it years ago. I will make it into the home I see for my family and then I will consider my options. That will keep me busy for a while. Then I have to finish the two new books for both of my series. So I have a lot to look forward to," I said smiling at my girls. They always knew how to cheer me up.

I proceeded to tell them about my plans for the house and I was going to start contacting contractors in the morning. I wanted it started as soon as possible and hopefully have it finished in five months. I was going to change everything about this house, and as I was filling in Kate and Char, I starting to get excited. Char told me that in the morning she would send me the name of her contractor that worked with her husband Garrett. I told her to let Garrett know that I would call him in the morning as well to get him to come over and start drawings up for approvals. The faster I could get this done the faster I would heal.

I walked my girls out and thanked them for coming to my rescue and for cheering me up. I told Kate that I would call her once I heard from Felix about Saturday. We gave each other hugs and kisses goodbye and I locked up after them.

Walking back through the house I started thinking about everything I wanted to do. I went into the kitchen to get a notebook and pen and went from room to room jotting down everything I wanted. By the time I finished I walked into one of the spare rooms on the third level and had a hot shower, letting it relax my tired body. I crawled into bed and looked at the clock it was nearing five in the morning. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

Later that morning I woke up to the house phone ringing. Feeling I could sleep more, I moved to the other side of the bed and pick up the phone.

"Hello," I said groggily.

"Baby, what's the matter?" My mother asked.

"Hey, Mom. How did you know? I was going to call you when I woke up." I moved and got comfortable in bed.

"I've had a bad feeling all morning and I couldn't put my finger on it. I was talking to your father and he told me to just call you."

"Mom it was so horrible, last night I got in early and I caught Felix in our bed, with one of his students!" I could hear her gasp on the other end of the phone. "He told me he had been seeing her for eight months. I never suspected anything at all!"

I went on to tell her the whole story. She put me on speaker so my father could hear, I'm sure in that moment if my father could hunt Felix down and shoot him, he would. My mother told me that they were on their way over and would stay the night with me and that on Friday I was going to go stay with them for the weekend.

I wasn't going to fight it; I needed my mother and father, even if I knew I would probably go crazy staying with them. I hung up and made my way downstairs and in to the kitchen, I had about an hour before they would get here, so I cleaned up after last night. I started the coffee and sat down to start a list of people to call. Once that was done and I had two cups of coffee in me, I went and had a quick shower, and then got dressed.

I called Garrett first about what I wanted to do to the house and he told me he would be over later in the afternoon, I told him to stay for dinner and to let Char know to come as well. I needed my friends and family at the moment, even if I went overboard. They were the only ones who are going to get me though this. Just as I was hanging up from him, I heard the front door open and my mother yell out for me.

I ran to the front door and straight into her arms. I was safe and home, I felt my father wrap his arms around both of us, now I was protected as well.

~~~***~~~T H~~~***~~~

May 2010

A lot has happened since the night I found Felix and Heidi in our bed. That weekend was the only weekend I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. I needed to get it all out, I knew that I would break every now and then but I was hoping the pain would never be as bad as that weekend. About three weeks later I did have another breakdown, although not as bad as I allowed that first weekend. I have to say that Char and Kate where my rescue the last breakdown I have ever had over Felix.

My mother and father came to stay Thursday night, it was nice to know that they were there with me, even if it was only to make sure I had water and a little bit of food I would eat. My mother the angel she is went and got all my favorite junk foods for me, while I sat on the couch crying. One minute that is all I would do and then the tides would change and I would be raging like a lunatic the next. She would sit and listen to what I had to say, even if she couldn't understand me. She only commented when she felt like I needed it.

On Friday my father dropped off my rental for me, as I was not in any state to be leaving the house. He also contacted The Salvation Army and told them we had furniture for them to collect, I was lucky they had a job cancellation that day. I would not be responsible for the damage I could cause if I had to look at it any longer. My father dismantled the bed and brought all the furniture down from Felix and my bedroom. I was going to give him a hand with the heavy items but he would not allow it and roped my next door neighbor, Jacob, into helping. Sometimes I would yell from my position on the lounge to throw the crap down the stairs, My father would placate me, by telling me that someone less fortunate than us would be able to use the furniture. In then end this little bit of information always made me a little bit happier.

At least I was blessed with understanding parents, I am sure that Jacob thought I was a bit of a nutcase and had lost my mind. Once all of the furniture was gone from the room, I ventured up to take a look; I wished I hadn't, it looked stark, cold and unwelcoming. I removed all my clothes from the wardrobe and moved them into the spare room. My mother packed my bag for the weekend; I was moving from this now depressing house and moving in with them for the week. Once this was done, my mother told me that Char and Kate were coming over with their family and that we better get something on for them for dinner. It was a good excuse to empty the fridge out.

Garrett turned up around four in the afternoon, so we could go through my house and see what I wanted changed. This brought a little bit of hope back into my life day, it was the starting point for me to move on, to try and forget Felix, to forget what had happened and what we had both been through since college. As I walk around the house today I remember that day clearly. That day was life changing and got me to where I am now.

Existing on the ground level already was the entry to the house, dining room, kitchen and pantry. I didn't want to change much here except modernize it. I knew what I wanted; it had to be as open as much as possible. I wanted the rooms to flow from kitchen to dining room. I had to contend with an elevator and stairs going down to the basement, but I was lucky and could incorporate those into the design.

New counters, new appliances and repositioning of the sink so that I had a nice view while washing the dishes made up my kitchen. I was tired of the bland look, so new cabinetry and flooring was brought in to lighten the area.

Just before you go into the dining room was a set of stairs. Garrett suggested we get rid of the railing all together and hide this stair case behind a hatch door that would embed itself into the mixed grain brown timber floor. Also in the kitchen floor we put another one but this one lead down to the wine cellar. I still needed to support the house so I put in extra steel bracing in the roof and a large column in line with the elevator. This opened the room up even more once I got rid of the small bathroom. The dining room led out into the backyard-garden. I kept the French doors, took the curtains away and left it all open also in the dining room, and I updated the fire place to a gas.

On the second level where the lounge room and library is located, was timber all throughout. All I needed to do here was a repaint in light colors and change the lighting. I changed the fire place in here to gas as well. I kept the French doors and took all the curtains down and added in blinds. I wasn't sure what to do with the wall next to the elevator, so Garrett suggested I put in shelving for my DVDs and CDs. This turned out to be a wonderful open storage area. I changed the library into both a library and home office, adding big book cases that ran along the right hand wall. I had a desk made to fit the bay window. It over looked the front yard and the street. I also added a small couch and a couple of wing back chairs to room as well, trying to make it as welcoming as possible.

On the third level, I wanted to renovate the existing master bedroom. Seeing as I was looking to start a family with or without a man, I wanted the nursery to be on the same level with the master bedroom. I kept the master bedroom overlooking the garden and where the existing bath suite was I changed that into the nursery. I was going to close off the bathroom, but Garrett suggested that I keep it open into the nursery making it easier than putting in another bathroom. I updated the walk in wardrobe to how I wanted it. I pulled the carpet off the floor and added the same rose color timber in here, as well as the nursery

I was proud of my house, the work I had put in to it with picking out new furniture, bathrooms, lighting, and colors. I knew there was something missing, which was the family I really wanted. I really did think that by the age of thirty-two, I would be settled and starting my family, hence the reason for the house.

In the months during the restoration to my now beautiful and spectacular brownstone, I focused on transforming me. I went to counseling, to get through the hurt and pain from the break up, and with the help of my therapist I realized I was not to blame.

I would sit for hours wondering why me? What had I done to make him stray, was I not good enough? What could I have changed? And probably a million more questions. It was not until three weeks later Char and Kate turned up at my door pulled me off the sofa and helped me to get my life back together.

They booked a weekend away for us; then that day we went out for lunch and the movies, I can't even remember what I saw, all I know it was girly and I cried my eyes out. That afternoon when we got home, Kate went out and got ice-cream, popcorn, chips, chocolate and any other junk food she could and we had a sleep over. The next morning we talked about the steps I should take to start forgetting about Felix. The girls were my saviors, they helped me turn my life around that fateful weekend and since then I've never looked back.

I grew closer to my friends Kate and Char and their families, sometimes spending weeks on end with them. I also spent weeks with my mother and father; I would go fishing with my father just to spend time with him. I would work on my books while he fished. We never did talk a lot but I just needed to have his presence around me. I also taught my mother to cook, she only ever knew a few easy things to make in the kitchen and she always wanted to learn how to bake. We spent hours upon hours in the kitchen baking and cooking different foods, and my father was her guinea pig. I'm sure he put on weight, I had noticed he started taking up running again.

Once the basement, kitchen and my bedrooms were finished, I moved back in to the house. I started putting my touches on to it. As each level was then finished, I kept adding, I took my furniture out of storage and placed it around the house. I bought a new timber bedroom set and all new linen and towels. I was going to go for girly flowers, but changed my mind and went for colors instead. I left the nursery blank; I didn't want to jinx myself. I bought big Persian rugs to go under furniture in the bed rooms, lounge room, library, and the dining room, and I picked different colors from these rugs to add to texture to the rooms. I didn't want to go over the top and clutter rooms, so I kept it simple.

Five months after that horrid night I had my house to myself again and this coming weekend, I had planned a house warming with all my friends, family, and a few colleagues. I couldn't wait to show them the finished product of what I had been working so hard to achieve. New house and life in one and I was enjoying living it.

Not only had my personal life taken leaps and bounds so had my professional life. I had an upcoming national tour for both of my new newly released books, I was also doing a few readings at different schools for my children's book. I was also asked by my university to come back and do a question and answer for one of the creative writing class. I was looking forward to doing it. I had come up with new ideas for a new story away from fantasy and into real life, and I had decided at this stage this book would not be a series of books, just the one off, left opened to expand if I so choose.

I could say my life had fallen into place; the only thing that was absent was a husband and children. I was more desperate for the latter, and was thinking about the alternatives. I had spoken to Char and Kate about it on numerous occasions and they told me to hold off, just in case Mr. Right comes along. They kept repeating the age-old saying "Good things come to those who wait" and I've been patient, but it just seems that it wasn't going to happen for me.

Over the last past month I have decided that I am going to start my family. It seems my biological clock is ticking thunderously and rapidly and I am reading it loud and clear. One good thing that came out of the break-up with Felix, I made friends with my neighbor, Jacob and his wife Leah. I invited them over for dinner one evening and we got to talking about IVF, they were telling me that they had found it hard to conceive. I told them of my wish to start my family and Leah started telling me about their doctor and where she worked. How good she was and how they found her. They gave me sites to look up and books they had for me to read. They were welcoming twins girls into the world around Thanksgiving and they couldn't be happier. I was glad that I had them to talk to over the last couple of months; they gave me so much information and answered any questions they could.

I did some of my own research and called around a couple of different clinics that Jacob and Leah had told me about. They said that I should look around, because I might not get what I needed from their doctor or her practice. In the end I have decided to go with the clinic that Jacob and Leah went with but chose a different doctor, I had chosen Dr. Carlisle Cullen at New York-Presbyterian. I was reading the different bios on all the doctors there and from the moment I read his, I didn't want to look any further. I had my doctor if I chose this path.

I haven't come to this decision lightly. I wanted to be prepared as much as I could, so I talked in-depth to my councilor. She gave me more information to look at on top of what Jacob and Leah had and what I had researched myself. She told me when making a decision this life changing it is best to have too much, rather than not enough information and I couldn't disagree with her on that. Once she was happy, I was in the right place and the right frame of mind to contact Dr. Cullen; she let me know and wrote me a referral explaining about my knowledge and therapy. I know that it will be hard to be a single mom, but a lot of women do it, whether by choice or not, I could be just as good as them.

So today after the house warming lunch, I have asked my mom and dad and friends to stay behind so I can let them know about what I have chosen to do. I know that they will support me in any decisions I make and they will stand by me with this one as well.