Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The storyline of Tangled Hearts is all mine.
WARNING: This story is M+ rated so if you are not over the age of 18+ please do not read any further.
I would like to thank both Kasi (TeamAllTwilight) and Liz (momma2fan) my pre-readers and betas that have graciously offered to help me with my story.
Michele (PeopleLikeUs or JustGinger), I would like to think you for all your encouragement on getting this story off the ground and posted.
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Please be aware you will need tissues for this chapter.
Tangled Hearts – Chapter 4
Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
June 2010
EPOV
I never knew my life would change so dramatically!
Today was so far up on the shit list that I am sure it come to equal to my mothers and fathers funeral?
Today I bury my brother, Alec and his wife, Jane.
I have lost everything! My whole family has left me here alone, on this God-forsaken earth!
All I have left is Benjamin and Tia and how do you tell two three year olds that their parents aren't coming home. They won't be there to tuck them into bed, home to pick them up from school, take them on holiday, or take them fucking anywhere anymore.
How hell do you tell them that mommy and daddy have gone to heaven, when they don't even understand what heaven is.
I have no fucking clue what so fucking ever!
I know I have my aunt, uncle and cousins to help, but I am so lost. I don't know what to do with these two. I have never looked after them on my own. Hell, I wasn't even looking after them when Alec and Jane's plane crashed for fucks sake.
Flashback:
June 5, 2010
Thank heavens I was done for the day having just fished my rounds for the afternoon. Alec had surprised Jane with a two-week vacation in Kauai, Hawaii, for their wedding anniversary. Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme were looking after the two rug-rats. I was pitching in on weekends and going over after work to help out. Today was my day to pick them up from pre-school and that is where I was headed now.
Benjamin and Tia went to Smarter Toddler Preschool; they were enrolled into this preschool from birth. They were doing the Young Preschool Program, Jane had always wanted her kids to attend this school, and it was one of the best in New York. The school was located closely between Alec's home and my place. Esme and Carlisle lived on the Upper East Side, so the rug-rats and I had were catching a lift with Stefan in the town car.
I was actually early picking up the kids, so I waited outside and listened to my messages. Once I had them collected, and buckled them into their seats and when the town car started moving, they started telling me all about their day. I enjoying listening to them, and ooh'ed and ah'ed at the stories they were telling me.
My phone started ringing and broke my laughter when I looked at the number; I noticed that it was from Esme.
"Hey, Esme, I just picked up the kids. We should be there in about fifteen to twenty minutes."
"Hello, Edward, I am glad you aren't far. Carlisle has come home from the hospital and we're waiting for you, Alice is on her way over as well to take the kids out for ice-cream. We have something to tell you when you get here."
"Esme, is everything alright?" I asked now starting to get worried.
"I tell you once you get hear, Sweetie, I was just making sure that you had the kids," Esme said sweetly.
"Okay, well we'll see you soon."
"Bye Edward, see you when you get here." And Esme was gone.
I hoped everything was all right, I was so caught up with the phone call, I hadn't realized that Tia had started her story again. The ride took a little longer than expected with afternoon traffic, but when we got there, Benjamin and Tia crashed into Esme's legs almost tackling her.
I knew something was wrong when Esme looked up at me and looked like she had been crying and was just holding herself together for the kids. I figured my hunch was correct when Carlisle came into the kitchen from his study. He too had been crying and looked a little pale.
I was staring at both of them when Carlisle shook his head and looked over and Tia and Ben sitting at the table telling Esme all about their day. I took the seat next to Ben and grabbed a cookie and stared off into the distance wondering what was going on. I just wanted someone to tell me now!
I heard Emmett call out from the front of the house letting everyone know he had arrived. All I heard after that was kids screaming and laughing, and even saw a streak of black hair come flying at me.
"Uncle Eddie, Uncle Eddie, guess what I did today?" I heard as I looked down and saw Sophia trying to crawl onto my lap.
"What Princess, tell Uncle Eddie everything you did today." I replied smiling down at her.
She was so much like her mother, I was grateful in this moment to be staring down into two very excited bright blue eyes. I was listening intently as Sophia told me about her day of dress up with her mother, when I felt Alice come over and put her arms around my neck and kiss my temple.
I waited for Sophia to take a breath and I turned and smiled up at Alice and mouthed hello. As I was still trying to listen to Sophia's day, once she was finished, I kissed her cheek and told her that it sounds like I missed out on playing with her. She giggled at my pathetic facial expression, kissed me, and scramble off my lap to see her Nana, where she started her story all over again.
Jayden and Luciana came over and got cuddles from Uncle Eddie, and then Luciana left to go and sit on her daddy's knee while Jayden climbed up on mine. The kitchen was crowded with everyone, and I realized that I really had been missing a lot of family time lately; work had been kicking my ass with the amount of overtime I was doing.
Jasper was the first to pipe up. "Mom? Dad? Why the urgency for all of us to come here? I was about ready to go into surgery when I got your 911."
"Jasper let me talk to Rose and Alice before they take the kids for ice-cream, then I will be back to let you all know what is going on." Esme ushered Alice and Rose out of the room.
I was looking at Carlisle trying to see if I could read the situation at all, but he was standing emotionlessly in the corner of the kitchen, looking over all of us protectively.
After about ten minutes Esme came back into the kitchen and ushered all the kids to the hallway toward the front door. We didn't see Alice or Rose again, we only heard them talking to all the kids and telling them where they were headed. I could tell by Alice's voice that she was not okay, and was forcing her happy voice. You could always tell when Alice was doing her "happy voice' her pitch is ten times higher than it was normally. Jasper and I exchanged looks and we knew that something bad had happened.
Esme walked back into the room and sat in her usual seat at the table. She looked over at Carlisle and he walked over to sit at the head of the table. They both looked at me and all I could see was pain, melancholy, and mourning in their eyes. They were starting to freak me out and I didn't like it.
"If I don't get the truth out from one you soon, I'm going to freak the fuck out. You are both scaring me." I looked at both of them not knowing which one would give me the information I needed.
I looked at Jasper and Emmett to see if they knew what was going on, but they lifted their shoulders as if to say 'don't look at me for answers'. I then heard Carlisle move his chair and rounded the table and took the seat next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder and I knew then the news was bad. I remembered him doing this when he told us the story about mom and dad, when he got back from Lake Michigan with my parents. Dread over took my brain and I knew straight away it was Alec and Jane.
I looked into he's eyes begging and pleading him for it not to be real!
I knew as soon as the tear left one of his eyes, I knew that I was completely alone.
"NO, Carlisle! NO – I am not losing him too. This can't be happening. I refuse for this to happen!" I stood knocking my chair over and started pacing the floor.
"No, no, no, no. This is not fucking happening to me AGAIN! I refuse to lose any more of my family." I looked into Esme's eyes. "Please, tell me it's not true, I can't be alone, I can't be the only one left. Please, I am begging you, tell me it isn't true," I pleaded, as my legs went out from under me and I was sank to the floor crying.
I felt arms go around me but all I could hear was Emmett.
"Can someone please tell us what is going on?"
I heard Carlisle then.
"Emmett, help me move Edward into the living room and then I will explain it all to the both of you."
I felt myself being lifted; when I looked up I saw Emmett's blue eyes. "It's okay Edward lean on me."
After that it all got a little hazy, until I heard Carlisle again.
"Emmett, Jasper, this afternoon I got a call from the police department informing me that Jane and Alec have died in a Helicopter accident. Apparently, they were on a sightseeing tour over the island when the pilot lost control and crashed. They are trying to recover the bodies as we speak and will keep us informed of what is going on. They are positive that there are no survivors. From what the eye-witnesses have said no-one jumped out either."
I don't remember much after that, only that when Benjamin and Tia came home, I wouldn't let them out of my sight. I hovered over them as Esme and Carlisle explained what had happened, but I wondered if a three year old really could grasp the fact they were essentially orphans.
The next couple of days were a blur, they had retrieved the bodies from the wreck, and Carlisle, Emmett, and I flew down to Kauai, to collect the remains of my brother and his wife. Jane's parents were too distraught to make the trip, so I offered to go on their behalf, seeing as she was an only child.
I remember walking into the morgue to identify my brother. Carlisle offered to do it, but I told him that I needed to do it. I needed the make sure this wasn't a dream. When I saw my brother lying on the metal slab, I lost it. I hugged what was left of his body close to mine, and then I let go, telling him that I loved him and I was going to miss him. How could this be happening to me again? Was our family cursed? When I went to over to where Jane was laid out, I just nodded to the medical examiner that was with me. I kissed her cheek, told her I loved her, and then turned to go.
As I walked out of the morgue, and I thought I was going to be sick. It was not until I was half way down the corridor that I realize I realized I couldn't fight it anymore. I found the nearest trashcan and let go. I heaved until there was nothing left. The only thought I had when I joined Carlisle and Emmett in the waiting room was with this flight home I was bringing back the last of my family. I was it!
Yes there was Ben and Tia, but I was the last of my generation. I knew that if I wanted or needed to call my brother, I couldn't do that anymore. Mom and Dad had been gone a long time, but now I felt truly alone.
Flashback End.
So today is the tenth of June and possibly the second worst day of my life.
"Edward, are you ready to go, Dear?" I hear Esme call from behind me.
"Coming Esme, how are Ben and Tia doing this morning?" I ask her.
"As good as you are I suspect, Edward. I know they don't understand everything, but when they wake up in the middle of the night wanting their mother, I think that's when it will really hit home. We've been lucky so far," Esme said as tears started to spill from her eyes.
I walked over to her and enveloped her into my arms. "We will get through this, Mom. You know we will."
Esme looked up at me with shock in her eyes. "You called me, Mom."
"That's what you are. Ever since my own mothers death, you've taken her place, and I feel the same way about Carlisle. You two and the children are all I have left. So, for the love of God, please don't do anything that will take any you away from me. I can't go through this again," I pleaded with her.
"Oh, Edward. Son, I promise you that I will try to stay here as long as I possibly can," she said holding onto my face with both of her hands. "I will do my best. I promise you that. Now come on, let's go get those two beautiful children and get this day over with so we can move on and help you all get through this."
I held out my arm for her, took her hand, and looped her arm with mine. She patted my hand, looking up at me smiling. I had a feeling I had made her day, by calling her Mom. There was no fighting it now. Carlisle and Esme were all I had as parental figures, now that my older brother was no there to do it. Alec was really gone; my mind did not comprehend this fact. I had to take every opportunity to show them, that I considered them that now.
Carlisle left earlier than all of us to pick up Jane's parents from their friends home. We were meeting them at the church. Esme had organized five town cars for the day, so the rest of us piled into the four remaining cars I sat with Tia and Ben in the back seat of one car, with Emmett up front as we made our way to St. Francis of Assisi Church, the same church where my parent's funeral was held.
As we walked into the church, I noticed a lot of Alec and Jane's colleagues and friends. Some I knew and some I didn't. Some of Benjamin and Tia's classmates from pre-school were they're with their parents. It was lovely to see that they had friends there for them, even at this age. I personally didn't want to put three year olds though this, but Esme said she would give the school the option if they wanted to come.
As I walked up the aisle with both of the kids each holding one of my hands, I was struck with the finality of what was happening. This would be the last time I really saw my brother. I let the grief take over; I needed to let it out. I was trying hard to be strong for everyone, but seeing my brother coffin sitting at the head of the church, I lost it. I felt Alice and Rose on either side of me as Emmett took Ben and Tia up to our seats.
Alice was whispering in my ear that it would be okay, that I had family here. They started leading me to the pew, but that wasn't where I wanted to go. I had some final words to say to my brother and Jane.
I grabbed Rose's hand and looked at her pleading for her, to come with me. Alice needed to be with Ben and Tia.
"Alice, I need to do something, can you look after Ben and Tia for me, please?"
Alice nodded her head in understanding of what I was asking her to do.
Still holding onto Rose's hand, we walked up to Jane's coffin first; I put my hand on top and leaned my head down close to the coffin.
"Jane, I am sorry your life was cut short, I wish it was me and not you. Ben and Tia need their mother so much more than they need me. I can't make any promises, but I promise to try and be strong for them. I am sure between all of us we can make their life happy. I will try my hardest to do the right thing by them, that I can promise you. I love you and I am going to miss you, my sister." I kissed to top of the coffin after I said my special good-bye.
I knew what I had to do next was going to be harder and that's the reason I left Alec for last. I turned, took the two steps to my brother's coffin, and then just looked at it for a minute.
I put my hands on his coffin and rested my cheek on it looking away from the congregation toward the marble alter. Then I whispered my last words to my brother.
"Alec, I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm sorry that you have to leave your kids behind, but at least you have your Jane by your side to take this journey with you." I watched as my tears fell onto the coffin; I had to let the sadness out. "I'll make this promise to you Alec; I promise that I will do what is always best for Benjamin and Tia. I will make sure they are always happy. Take care of Jane, wherever you may be. If you happen to see mom and dad..." I had to stop and take a couple of shaky breaths to calm down a bit. "If you see mom and dad, tell them I love them and miss them. God I miss you Alec, how am I going to make it through..."
I didn't realize, until I felt Jasper and Emmett on either side of me, that I was on the floor next to Alec's coffin. Rose was in front of me, her hands holding on to my face, trying hard to get me to focus on her. Jasper and Emmett helped me to stand and held me up while I said a final farewell.
"Alec, I love you and will miss you dearly brother, please look over us. You will always be in my heart." I kissed the top of the coffin, laid my forehead against it, and then said one last I love you as I let the tears fall freely.
Jasper stayed beside me, as Emmett helped his wife to our seats. I sat in pew with Esme on one side of me, and Benjamin on the other. Tia not wanting to be left out came and sat on my lap. I held on to both of them tightly.
After the service, the pallbearers made their way up to the coffins. I had asked some of my family and friends to help, including Jasper, Emmett, Mike, and James. Alec's best friends, Liam, Sam, and Chris were there, too. Alice tapped me on the shoulder. "Edward, they left a spot for you if you'd like to carry your brother out, but they weren't sure if you wanted to. If not Royce said he would do it for you."
I got up from my seat, passed Tia into Rose's arms, since Alice had Ben, and then walked up to the Alec's coffin and looked at my brothers, my mates. "Lets' make him proud." I took the left hand side at the front – I knew the significance to this; I was close to his heart.
Alice and Rose followed with Ben and Tia. Esme and Carlisle had Rose and Alice's children.
Once I had my brother safely in the back of the hearse, I walked over to the town cars and got in with the rest of my family, while we headed to St. John Cemetery. We have a family crypt where my parents and grandparents were. Carlisle and I had decided that this would be the final resting place for Alec and Jane.
The ride itself took about half an hour, and Ben and Tia were asking me all different kind of questions of what was going to happen now.
"Uncle Eddie, why are you so sad?" Tia was the first to open the line of questioning.
"Well, Baby, today we are going to bury your Mommy and Daddy. Do you understand what that means?"
"No?"
I had no idea how to explain it to them. I looked questioningly at Jasper when he turned around. He just shrugged his shoulders.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what I was about to say. "Mummy and Daddy have gone to live with the angels in Heaven. I know that you don't understand right now, but Mommy and Daddy are watching over you and will always be in your hearts. Do you understand?"
Ben was the first to say something "Why, dats no good?"
"Ben, baby, I would love for your mommy and daddy to still be here with all of us, but God needed them more than we did."
"Uncle Eddie?" I looked toward Tia. "So mys Mommy and Faddy is like Rocky da fish. Da one sick, at da top of da tank? We putted him in the gwound in da park. Is dat like mommy and daddy? We's don't sees Rocky no more."
"Yes, Princess, Mommy and Daddy are like Rocky. They will be there with Nana and Poppy." I looked at both of them and they just nodded their head.
I looked up and met Jasper's eyes. He nodded, "Edward, I am sure they grasp what you are explaining, I am sure that if they have any questions, they will ask someone."
I hope so, I don't know if I could handle them waking in the middle of the night asking me where their mommy and daddy where. "I hope so Jasper, I really do hope so," I sighed.
I stared out the window and noticed we were turning into St. John Cemetery. The car came to a complete stop in front of the family crypt and the back door opened. I shuffled the kids out first and we walked up to the area they had been set up for the service. I looked toward one side of the crypt and saw the names of my parents and grandparents. Turning my head to the other side I saw that it now bore Alec and Jane's names. I had never wanted to see them there until we were both old and grey, but it was not meant to be.
I took a seat at the front, and waited for the priest to go through the last words before burial. We had Tia and Ben do pictures to be placed inside the crypt with their parents and I had a letter for both of them.
Once the blessing was finished, I had pink lilies for Jane and white ones for Alec to go on top of their coffins. We were all to place a stem on each coffin, I helped the kids first; I had them place their pictures on top of the coffin and their lilies on top. I then placed my letter on each appropriate coffin and then my lilies. I watched as my family left a little something for each of them on top of their coffins as well as their lilies.
Watching Jane's mother and father was the hardest part. No parent should have to bury their child. I was grateful my parents were no longer here. This was already difficult enough. Her mother just hugged the coffin, asking God why her, while her father tried to sooth her and help her to move to sit back down. Justin was not having any luck moving his wife Sandy, so I got up and walked over to them. I leant down and kissed Sandy on the temple, told her that it was not Jane anymore, that Jane was in our memories and heart. It was just her shell, nothing more. Sandy and Justin looked at me and they both crushed me in the tightest hug, we just stood there crying.
I helped Justin get Sandy back to her chair, I told them that I loved them gave them a kiss on the cheek each and went back to my seat. Gathering both Ben and Tia onto my lap, I needed to feel them in my arms.
I could not bring myself to place my brother in his final resting place, so Royce stepped in for me. I watched Jane's coffin being moved first and placed; then I watched my brother's coffin being laid into the crypt. The door close and heard the clunking of the lock; I felt shivers run down my spine. I got up and placed the left over lilies on either side of the crypt. Placing my hand on the door, I whispered my final good-bye.
A small gathering was held at Flute on West 54th Street. We would only be there for two hours, since Esme had made it possible for the family lawyer, Demetri, to meet us at their place for the reading of the will. Justin and Sandy were going to stay with us until the weekend and then head back home. We all needed to be there for Ben and Tia. Even though Justin and Sandy lived in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, we thought it would be nice for everyone to stay together.
I was bought out of my musing when I noticed Momma E thanking people for coming to the funeral and the wake. I made my way over to her, kissed her cheek to thank her.
"What was that for Edward?"
"Just because, Mom, just because."
"Come now this is a party, let's say good-bye to everyone and get the little ones home. They have to be exhausted after the day they've had." Esme said, as she looped her arm through mine.
As we made our way around the room, thanking everyone for coming, by the time the last people left, it was just our family. We thanked Hervé for closing down for the few hours we were there, and for helping get everything organized with minimal fuss. I looked around the room and saw that Benjamin and Tia had pulled chairs up in front of their parent's pictures and were just staring at them.
I thought my heart would break all over again.
I walked up to where they were and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I knelt in front of them. "Ben? Tia? Are you ready to go to Nana and Pop's place?"
They looked at me with tears stained faces and nodded. I gathered both of them up in my arms and told them to hang on. Once I felt their little arms wrap around my neck and their head on my shoulders, I lifted them up and started walking to the exit. Papa C came up to take one of them, but I shook my head no, I couldn't let either of them go.
Together, with my extended family following, we walked out to the waiting cars and headed for home.
~~~***~~~T H~~~***~~~
Once we got the twins in the door, it was now five in the evening. Alice and Rose took them from me to get them bathed and changed into their pajamas. A half an hour after we put them down to nap, the doorbell rang. Demetri was on time for the reading of both the wills.
Carlisle answered the door and Esme ushered everyone upstairs into the library–study.
Once everyone was settled in to a chair, Dametri started by giving us his personal condolences, he's been the family lawyer for as long as I could remember. He even attended the funeral earlier, which is how close he was to our family. For him this wasn't just business, it was personal.
"Okay, we all know why we're here. We gathered for the reading of Jane's and Alec's wills. I will read Jane's will first as it is simple." Demetri moved papers around in front of him.
"Jane left a little personal note. Is everyone ready?" Demetri looked around the room. Getting no objection, he began.
"If Demetri is reading this to you, it means I am not longer amongst my family. Firstly if Alec is with you still, sorry you all miss out, everything goes to the love of my life. Honey, just remember that I love you and I know that you will be a wonderful father to our children. Please tell them that I love them every day..." Demetri stopped. "How about I just skip that bit, you can all read it later." Not waiting for an answer he continued, "If Alec has passed with me, I am sorry to burden you Edward with looking after our children and getting them through this troubled time. I hope the children are old enough to understand what is happening, but we are not in charge of our destinies and cannot choose when we leave this earth.
Edward, it's with a heavy heart that I write this, I choose you to look after my children. I know that Alec has agreed with me on this matter. I know that you are sitting there with a stunned look on your face. I'd bet you're thinking that there has to be a mistake, there has to be someone better than you. There is not, I know you love the rug-rats just as much as Alec and I do. You are the only family we have Edward. Ben and Tia will need you, they know you. So please look after my beautiful children as if they were your own. If they are too young to understand now, when they get older, please explain I did not want to leave them, but that the choice was out of my hands.
I have written letters for them; for each of their birthdays and special events that I might miss out on. I have thought of everything. You know how I am, always prepared. Demetri will deliver the letters every year to them from the day I have died. Alec will go into more detail in his will if he happened to part this earth by my side.
Mom, Dad, if you are there in the room with Edward, please know that I would have given you the children but I know how your health has been, there is no way you two could possibly keep up with them. What I ask of you is to sit with them and tell them stories if they ask. Look at it as reminiscing, and not as missing me. They need to know what sort of a person I was growing up and I could not think of two better people to tell them.
On a more personal note mom and dad, I am sorry you had to bury me today, I was hoping that I would be burying you two. No parent should have to bury his or her child and I am sorry for your pain and suffering. Remember always that I love you and I will be looking down from heaven, I will be that angel in the room, making sure you are all okay.
Esme and Carlisle, thanks you for all the help you have given Alec and I over the years, especially after Edward Sr. and Elizabeth passed away. You do not know how much you helped Alec in his time of need back then, you also help shaped him in to the man that I married and the father he was to his children. He believed in true love because of his parents and the both of you.
Esme between you and my mother, I'm not sure which one to thank the most when we had the twins. You both stepped in and helped me out immensely. So for this I thank you and I ask both of you to do the same now for Edward, he really has no idea what responsibility I have put on his shoulders, but with both of your help, he will make it through.
Lastly, I have written everyone a personal letter. In these letters are tid-bits of information I would like you to remember me by and to tell my children. Just remember that I love each and every one of you and I wish this was not happening, but as I have said it is out of my hands. Edward one last note, Demetri has two letters, one for each Ben and Tia. Please read it to them, when you feel they are ready for it.
Remember me in only the good times.
I love you all.
Jane."
Once he was finished, Demetri cleared his throat. "One more to go, but can you give me a minute to get my emotions in check, I am sorry." Demetri got up from Papa C's winged back chair and walked out of the room.
As I looked around the room there wasn't a dry eye. I was wondering what everyone was thinking. Sandy came over to me and just hugged me from behind. I did not realize that had been what I needed, until right then. Like I was there for her at the cemetery she was here for me now in my uncle's library.
I heard Demetri come back into the room and resume his seat, "I will give you all the letters at the end of reading Alec's will. Let get started once again Alec did his will in a letter form to you all."
"Babe, as you know if you are sitting with Demetri in front of you reading this out, you know that I am not there." Demetri stopped again, "Let me just scan this one as well."
"Edward, my brother, my heart. If neither my beautiful wife Jane, nor I are not sitting with you right now; then an unfortunate tragedy as happened and I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart that I have left you. I know how terrible things were for you after mom and dad's death and I only hope you have Papa C and Mamma E there with you.
Jane and I spoke at great length about who should be Tia and Benjamin's guardians, and every time we spoke about it, you were the name that was constant. I ask that you become their legal guardian. I have already drawn up all the papers with Demetri in case this day ever happened. Jane and I trust you with all of our hearts. I know you are worried, that you don't know what you're doing, but you have a great support system around you, just like we did.
Trust me when I say, you have a big heart and Benjamin and Tia will only make it bigger. Edward, you've always thought that you're selfish, but you aren't! I know that you are set in your ways and routine and I understand this will change your life, but I think it will be for the better. You know if you had children and you were in my position right now, you wouldn't hesitate in the slightest to do this same thing. You will be a good father to my children; they will feel safe, protected, and loved. I know that you will treat them like they are your own and they will never want for anything with you Edward.
You will make mistakes, but don't beat yourself up about it. Jane and I've made mistakes on a daily basis with the two rug-rats, as you so eloquently put it – all the time. Know I am there looking over you and helping where I can. I love you Edward, always! Remember that, if all else fails my love for you never will, not even in death.
Edward, I leave you mom and dad's house, I hope in time you will move into it and make it your own like we did. Ben and Tia feel safe there and at the present time, I know it will be too much for you, but I am hoping that in time it will change. I have also set up trust funds for both of my children, one they will get when they turn eighteen for them to do as they wish. I am hoping you will guide them into spending the money wisely like you and I did. The other they will get when they turn thirty. This one will set them up for their future for their own families, just like dad did for us. I have also set up a college fund for both, whether they choose to go to University or take a different path in life and follow the arts. You will know when to give it to them…
Like Jane, I have also left my children letters. Edward they are for birthday and special occasions. Demetri will give them to you, a few days before as per my instructions. Edward, I would like you to walk Tia down the aisle on her wedding day.
Demetri has separate letters for you all, separating all my other assets.
Love you all
Alec.
The room was silent once Demetri had finished reading Alec's will.
I was starting to feel the walls close in on me and needed to get out of the room.
"Demetri, I'll call you tomorrow if you don't need me for anything else. I can't sit in this room any longer," I said as I got up to leave.
"Not a problem Edward, I will leave the guardianship papers with Carlisle and I will call you tomorrow, just to..."
I nodded and exited the room. I wanted to make sure the Ben and Tia were okay, so I walked into Carlisle and Esme's room.
I broke down at the sight before me. Ben and Tia were cuddled into each other; Ben had his arm around his sister, as she lay with her head on his shoulder. I was now these two precious children's guardian. What was my brother thinking? Did he and Jane have rocks in their heads when they made that decision?
I am still shocked that they chose me!
I am not a fit father for these two. I don't even own a pet for the simple reason, MY JOB! It owns me, how the hell am I going to do this. Have two humans; two kids for that matter, relying on me. ME!
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around. My mother's bright green eyes were staring at me.
"Edward, are you alright dear? Esme asked.
"I don't know if I can do this, Mom. These children need a stable home," I whispered. "I am not that! I work long hours, how am I going to give them what they need?"
"Edward, being a parent is never easy, even as they get older and leave to live their own life. Don't rush into any decisions yet. You have us for support, we will be here for you and those children, in whatever way you need us."
I'm not sure how long I stood there after Esme left, as I thought. I finally walked down stairs and told everyone I was going for a walk, I needed to get out of the house. I needed air, room to walk and more importantly… to think.
As I walked to Central Park I thought about what I needed to do for Ben and Tia.
Could I be a father two these beautiful children?
Could I work them into my life?
Could I help them mould their lives to help them become decent and honest adults?
Would they be better off if I found them a better home?
Is there someone else that could give them what they needed, better than I could?
I knew without a doubt that I loved them with my whole heart, but was that enough to be a good father? They needed a mother not a father, someone nurturing? I was not that. So many questions, no answers! How and why my brother and his wife would think of me to look after them, I just didn't understand.
There was only one thing left to do. I knew I wasn't good enough for them. I needed to find someone that could give them a home, someone that could love them unconditionally. Not a selfish, uncaring, womanizer for a father and mother. I would have to look at my options: placing them with either Alice or Rose, Esme and Sandy were out of the question; they had already raised their own families. If Rose or Alice couldn't do it, then the only other options I have is adoption or foster care.
It won't be easy to say good-bye to Tia and Ben but they need more than I could give them!
Author's Note:
Thank you readers for hanging in with me. The last couple of weeks have been a little bit overwhelming for me. I have had a beta that is unable to help me anymore, Liz (momma2fan), I hope that everything goes well and I hope your husband is getting better. Please go and read her stories they are wonderful. I have also had a second scare of flooding and they are forecasting more rain this week… fingers crossed everyone, I don't think I could cope with another round of flooding.
For those of you that leave review's you will get a little something, something in return, this week, you get a look into the future of Bella and Edward.
Take care everyone; please stay safe wherever you are, my prays and thoughts are with you all. Those in the USA that are going through the wild and woolly weather there. Those of you in Europe, stay safe as well. The weather all around the world is a little crazy at the moment. Those here at home everyone in Australia that are going through fire, flooding, rain and cyclone's, those that are cleaning up and battering down for what's is to come, thoughts and prays are with you also.
Fiorella.