AN: ECK- I'm so happy to get to finish this chapter. I've been so frigg'n busy. I can't handle it. I hate being too busy. Ok so a reminder-
Bold- is stage direction.
Italic- song lyrics
Anything else is all in Olivia's POV
Also, there is a lot of smut in this story. I think I may have to break a record with this story. How many smutty ideas can I work into this story without forcing the issue? I don't know- but we'll find out!
Drums
Olivia sits in the doctor's office next to Elliot, who is rubbing her knee and playing with his phone at the same time. His attention is not focused on this meeting.
Olivia: "Yes, but we've been trying for three months, don't you think something would have happened by now?"
My thumb started to nervously rub the tips of my manicured middle and fore finger as Dr. Cox, my seriously over chipper doctor, not to mention awfully young doctor, assured me that I was jumping the gun….it wouldn't be the first time. No pun intended.
Dr. Cox: "This is typical for a woman your age."
And you would know because….you were born yesterday? Stop! Stop, Liv. That's mean. I'm sure his degree is worthy of my uterus.
Dr. Cox: "I recommend that you give it more time before moving onto other options. You at least have to give it six months. You've read the books, you're doing all the right steps with the temperature journal and the positions, you're a healthy woman, and let's face it, forty is the new thirty am I right?"
He laughed. I didn't. I certainly didn't feel like I was thirty. And again he smiled. I think it was irritating me, the smile. Something was irritating me. I couldn't place my finger on it.
Elliot strums his fingers on her knee.
Was it his teeth?
Close up on Dr. Cox's chiclit like teeth.
His baby like skin?
Elliot's hand rubs her knee as she tries to squint the vision of Dr. Cox's perfect skin into a blurry complexion. Again the blackberry clicked as Elliot types one handed.
I honestly, didn't care about this guy's dental work nor his birth date, I just needed to know he could get me through pregnancy, and he came highly recommended. Yet, I couldn't concentrate on him at the moment. Something was holding me back.
Strum, strum, rub.
Dr. Cox: "This is really quite common and I feel….as…"
His lips were moving but my mind was elsewhere. What was it?
Click click click…vibrating.
Dr Cox: " Ahem…Olivia?"
Olivia: "Hm? Oh. Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm…just a little …out of it this morning. Tense. Sorry. Maybe we should come back another day? Maybe I'm not ready for this?"
Click click click, strum.
Dr. Cox: "Olivia, if you want results, my best advice is to give it three more months and most importantly---Relax!"
His smile was that of a young skinny white guy Buddha. I wanted to relax. Relax sounded so…rainbows and lollipops, coming off of his tongue. Why wasn't I relaxed? I took a look at his sunshine face and the rubber ducky perched on his computer monitor, but the brightness of relaxation wasn't…Elliot.
Click click click.
I touched the hand that was on my knee and squeezed it.
Elliot: "One second, Hun. Keep talking."
Relax. How could I relax with all the click, click, clicking. Elliot's constant blackberry typing was starting to double click my feng shui. My tension just found its perp. How was anybody supposed to relax with that going on in the background twenty-four hours a day? With each moment that his eyes stayed fixed on the tiny screen in his left hand I wanted to scream. Dr. Cox noticed my discomfort.
Dr. Cox: "Um. Hemmm. Excuse me. Elliot? Mr. Benson?"
Elliot's eyebrows lifted but his focus remained on the phone. "Stabler."
Dr Cox: "Stabler? Stabler. I couldn't help but notice you're…what is that text messaging?"
Elliot: "Yeah, I apologize. Sorry, I'm supposed to be in court right now and my ADA is needing me….but you don't need to know that. Ah…there…and….I'm done."
Elliot clicks the last buttons and places the phone in his pocket.
Elliot: "Here. I'm here. Let's do what ever we gotta do to ….do this."
If Elliot hadn't been such a wonderful husband 98 percent of the time I might have been worried by the way he was treating this doctors visit, instead of worry, I was infuriated. Go figure, he was acting like a dick. Pun intended! He squeezed my knee and smiled at Dr. Cox, who was already smiling back. Because….well, that's what Dr. Cox did. Cheese!
Dr. Cox: "That's quite alright. I'm not the one offended."
Again he smiled. I was beginning to think that his general peachy keen reaction was actually sarcasm. I think I might like this guy after all.
Dr. Cox: "Mr. Elliot, how often do you work?"
Elliot: "A lot, but I've cut back since Olivia got the women's help facility started. Listen, I know work is an issue with stress and stress doesn't a baby make. But I find time for the necessities of baby making, if that's what you're getting at."
Dr. Cox: "Well, that was a point I was going to throw out, but how often would you say the stress of work is brought into the bedroom?"
Elliot: "Ahhh…stress of work? I deal with rape victims and child molesters all day, you do the math. Look, Liv and I have an understanding. She gets the stress, so it doesn't stress her out. We're not stressed. Now if you're talking about other things, I can still get it up if that's what you mean?"
Dr. Cox: (gives a jolly laugh) Good to hear. Not what I meant, but good to know. Elliot, have you ever had sex counseling?"
Elliot: "Huh?"
The look on his face was priceless. I had to mentally laugh. Can we do a retake on that reaction?
Dr. Cox: "Have you ever had sex counseling?"
Elliot: "Huh?"
Rewind
Dr. Cox: "sex counseling?"
Elliot: "Huh?"
Rewind
Dr. Cox: "sex?"
Elliot's eye pop. His bottom lip falls into a limp mess of shock.
Slow motion
Elliot: "HHHhhhhhhhUUUuuuuuHHhhhhhh?"
Back to the scene
LOL! I'll relish in that face of dumbfounded, ego-breaking reaction for a long while. Sigh, moving on.
Dr. Cox: " You both seem so …wrapped up in agendas. Olivia just started a new job, she'll be a first time mom, you're starting a new family, and let's face it, the spring chicken has flown the coop. It's not unheard of to be frustrated sexually in these situations."
His all-knowing doctor eyes took a glimpse of my nervous finger twirling and I practically jammed my hand under my knee. It was the only bad habit I refused to let go of. I tended to indulge in the comfort of my frustrated twirl…yet; nobody had ever told me it was a sexually frustrated twirl. Was I sexually frustrated? Was he? I looked over at Elliot who leaned over real close to my face as he searched his pocket for a toothpick. I could tell he was being forced out of his comfort zone by the crease between his eyes. The thin stick of wood came to the tip of his mouth. Between the teeth, cutting the saliva, resting on the tongue. He gave me that gruff brow lift of his and sucked on the wood like a binky.
Elliot: "I'm not sexually frustrated."
Dr. Cox: "Even if you didn't feel that you were frustrated, sometimes exploring sex in a relaxed state can be helpful for conception. I know a wonderful sex counselor-"
Elliot: "Naw! Doc, se..x- THAT- we can do. We're good at 'that', right Hun?"
As he answered he slapped my thigh and then lifted the vibrating phone back out of his pocket. Again the mobile workstation had interfered with my needs…our needs.
Elliot: "If that's her issue…sex- 'that', I mean. I guess, we could try it, but she's pretty great in bed. I don't think that's why she's not making the baby."
My eyes fell out of their sockets and did a summer-salt onto the floor. Dr. Cox was equally at a loss of facial expressions. When the silence brought more silence, Elliot looked up from his phone.
Elliot: "Did I say something?"
Dr. Cox: "Well, when I made the suggestion I was really thinking that this was a team effort. Olivia is not the only...how would you say it- Culprit. Did I make a funny?"
No. We both gave him the annoyed eye.
Dr. Cox: "Anyway. As I was saying, counseling would be for both of you, Mr. Elliot."
Elliot: "No. We don't need that. Counseling for--Sex- 'THAT' kind of counseling…that just seems like something I would have done with my ex-wife, not…Olivia…my… non-ex-wife...Olivia, my wife…my wife now, in the flesh- future- present- wife."
Yeah, keep digging out of that one, Stabler. At least, I know he's satisfied. I'll allow him to continue.
Elliot: "Liv and I are good at the…sex…'that', Dr. Cock—COX…cocks? Cock…Dr. Cox. (Pause) Hell, Liv's perfect. A goddess of the sheets. Touching…communication- boobs….the whole thing. We have toys, vibrating ones, and all that. Orgasms are always…I give'm to her. I thought I did…do…anyway. No complaints. Right, Liv? Right?"
I couldn't speak let alone answer him. He'd been in and out of the conversation from the moment we walked into the office and now his only contribution to the meeting was tactless, yet highly detailed, information about our sex lives. I think I just saw the rubber ducky hide his face in shame for me. I shook my head in embarrassed disappointment as he fumbled his way around Dr. Cox's suggestion. His phone vibrated a fourth time and I had to leave the room before I lost my cool and my sex tape in front of Buddha's younger Caucasian brother.
I headed for the door.
Olivia: "Doctor.….thank you…you've been great. I need air."
Elliot: "Liv?"
I closed the office door behind me and scurried for the quickest way out. Elliot was soon to follow.
Elliot: "Olivia, wait! I know, I'm an idiot! Stop!"
Olivia: "Don't!"
Elliot: "Olivia, I was paying attention."
Olivia: "Elliot, do not even talk to me right now."
Elliot: "Liv, it came out all wrong!"
Olivia: "Maybe if you were listening to anything being said, I could have handled the foot eating being made, but I can't seem to get you to realize how disgusted I am that I can't conceive and you're treating this like a night at the opera."
Elliot: "God, you will not let that night go, will you?"
Olivia: "You were snoring!"
Elliot: "I was tired! Beside the point! I was listening! Back there- and at the Opera. And I do realize your turmoil. He wasn't saying anything I haven't already told you-"
Olivia "I swear to god, Elliot Stabler, if you say I told you so, I will hit you with that phone."
Elliot: "Liv, we just need time and patience. Will you hold up just a second?"
As we reached the elevators I had to withhold myself from causing a scene, but I would not give his behavior acknowledgement. In a mad rush I slammed my hand in the closing doors and pushed my way into the crowed elevator.
Olivia: "It doesn't matter if you knew what he was going to say. I needed you to be there for me and instead you tinkered with e-mails and …MY Knee! I can't believe what you just did in there!"
Elliot: " Sweetheart, I- okay- it was bad of me to bring work to the meeting, but I had to e-mail Casey about being late to court."
Olivia: "Why didn't you do that last night?"
Elliot: "I…I forgot. It was late after the game."
Olivia: "I feel like you're not taking this as seriously as I am. Do you want a baby?"
Elliot: "Yes. YES! Come on now, I want to give you a baby more than anything in the world, but going to the doctors every month isn't going to make you pregnant."
The elevator doors closed and our heated argument fell to a whisper amongst the presence of confined elevator strangers.
Olivia: "Can you hit one please?"
Several people were having their own conversations and the woman in front of the buttons looked back at me as the doors sealed shut. "Oh, this elevator is going up."
Our elevator car started to go up and I seethed with annoyance.
Olivia: "Great!"
Elliot: "We both need to relax. He said that. I heard that! Look at you- us! This is not relaxed."
The numbers increased as Elliot fought to win my affections over and around the innocent bystanders who were unfortunately now a part of our conversation, whether they wanted it or not.
Elliot: "Liv, look at me. If you think the sex –the councilor thing will help us with this—we can try it, but the whole thing sounds like a waste of money."
Olivia: "Elliot!"
Elliot "I'm just saying I don't think that's our problem."
He went to touch me and I pushed him away.
Olivia: "The last time we had sex just to have sex was months ago."
Elliot: "Hello- TMI! Public place. And that's not true!"
Olivia: "God, I can't even remember the last time we had sex for fun. You used to surprise me. Now I can't even do it without the pressure of you lingering over my uterus for an hour!"
Elliot catches the eyes of the other people surrounding him and turns a bright shade of red.
Elliot: "Okay! That's pretty graphic!"
Olivia: "Not as graphic as the pressure you've been adding to the situation. 'Do you think it worked?', 'How about now?', 'I'm gonna make you a mama! Mama!"
Elliot: "Jesus! Olivia! Elevator." He looked at the man next to him. "Hi."
Public or not all I could see was the disappointment in his face every time that pink line appeared on the pee stick. Negative. I closed my eyes and took in a six count of air. He pushed his way over to my side of the elevator and touched my arm.
Elliot: "I just wanted you to know how excited I am. That's the only reason why I brought up the baby idea when we were…you know," he whispered.
Olivia: "Elliot, I know how excited you are. You don't have to bone me in the belly to show me that!"
Elliot: "I've… (mumbled) never boned you in the belly!"
Olivia: "You have! And quiet frankly, its' cuteness factor has worn off. Just once I'd like our sex to be spontaneous and unpredictable again."
The elevator stopped and all went silent. The people, who had been talking before we entered the elevator, were now awkwardly standing at attention. Every eye was glued to the floor. Several men in white hospital coats cleared their throats and pushed through us to exit the car. Elliot dodged his head around them trying to hold my attention.
Elliot: "Liv, I love you. If you want spontaneity then you got it. I'll ravish you. I'll pull your hair. Hell, I'll do you right here!"
The woman standing next to the buttons whipped her head around and gasped. The last three people standing around us fidgeted. You could tell that they had wanted to get out of our way, but Elliot had blocked their path to the now closing door and it was to late. One of the men next to me coughed and Elliot gave him the evil eye.
Elliot: "What you never had a fight in an elevator before? Come on, added effect people, give me a break."
When nobody answered him he turned his back on the small crowd and rubbed the center of his forehead. In the eye of the storm one always searches for their comfort zone. Elliot fell into his. One step and he'd found that place beside me. As he looked down at our feet, he matched his up with mine and slowly lifted his face to the metal elevator doors. I gave him a quick glare but he ignored me. He just put himself in that place. He did it on purpose. He meticulously placed himself an inch from my side. The place of near touching. I don't know why our passion always seemed to stem from a disagreement and titillating non-touching, but it did. And more often than not it ended with a silent understanding and the place of non-touching.
There we stood shoulder to shoulder. I remember a time when he was oblivious to the tingling I got when he absently nestled next to my arm. And that was the ticket right there. This stance. This position. It was our first position. We held this kind of tingle near and dear to our hearts. It was our one lovesick memory. And sick it was. We even had an anniversary for it. October 20, 1999. The day of mistaken arm touching. Oh, how I missed those days. The days when Elliot would have taken my tingling for a caffeine high. The days when all he had to do was brush up against me and I had to take a cold shower to ease the pain. Now that he knew better, he used the stance against me. But I have to admit we were good at this position. Near touching. That non-touch was an electricity, an energy that holds auras and grabs at the inner part of your gut. His hand brushed up against mine and I instantly warmed up to his subtle flirtation. Am I actually allowing him to get away with this?
Elliot moves a half an inch closer to her and she brushes his hand with her fingertips.
I am. The suit coat he wore pressed against my arm and I could tell by the way he remained silent that he knew I had given in. My sideways glance to his smirk sent my thoughts all a flutter. I did my best to concentrate on anything but him. I would not let him win on a non-touch.
My eyes fell to the woman by the buttons. "The Button Presser." She caught me starring, and her focus spastically moved around the 4x6 elevator. She impatiently waited for the doors to open again, so she could escape the wrath of our sexual frustration. Don't worry honey, if it were up to me you'd be gone by now. My fingers started to twirl again as I watched the woman move her eyes from the buttons to the numbers to the emergency fire button, and then back to the lit numbers. She started to remind me of one of those cat clocks with the big ticking eyes. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
My thumb picked at the nail beside it with the same rhythm.
Twirl and pick, twirl and pick, twirl and pick.
This invasive elevator ride suddenly became an orchestra of tiny sounds harmoniously exaggerated.
The man behind me popped a cough drop into his mouth.
Cough, suck, and click, Cough, such and click, and suck, twirl and pick, back and forth.
Up we went higher and higher. With the suck and click, twirl and pick, back and forth.
Elliot played with the coins in his pant pockets.
Clinck, suck, twirl, tick, clinck. The numbers were reaching their destinations and my insides were pulsating with relentless anticipation.
Pick, suck, Clinck, fidget, rustle, back, and forth-----AHHHHHHHHH! If you could hear my silent thoughts…. If ANYBODY could hear my thoughts of explosive need—
DING
FINALLY!
"Button Presser" squeezed through the half opened doors and the rest of the joy riders pushed around us. We held our positions. Arm and arm. Hand just close enough to be held. Feet shoulder width apart. The frisk was on. As the heel of cough drop man peeled itself from the elevator floor, Elliot pulled me into him and smothered my urge with kissing and grabbing. Touching and pushing. We didn't even wait for the doors to close. I had him by the chest, by the face, okay- fine- BY THE BALLS, as we wrestled each other right there in the hospital elevator.
Elliot: "God, you're amazing. If you don't twirl those frustrated fingers around me right now I'm going to burst."
Olivia: "You promise!"
He couldn't answer. Before I could register what was happening he pulled the emergency stop button and finished our dirty thoughts. Thank god, there were no cameras. Trust me, I looked.
And that's how the rest of the week went. As the workday dragged on we playfully found ways to council ourselves into sex. Elliot found himself fingering through my case files at the women's shelter, and I found myself under his desk….over his desk…on top of the desk…I liked me a desk!
Todd Rundgren starts playing in the background as we find Elliot and Olivia in all kinds of compromising positions.
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day
Close up of Elliot's ass as he presses himself into Olivia on Munch's desk.
Olivia: "You sure we're alone?"
Elliot: "Positive."
Olivia: "And Munch?"
Elliot: "OH my god! Don't you ever say that name when my pants are down again!"
I scrunched my face and laughed. Before he could take me any further I pushed him off of me and threw him into his swivel chair. There was nothing more satisfying than being on top, while he swiveled beneath me in the middle of the 16th Precinct.
Elliot's chair swivels into Munch's desk and several files and a stapler fall through the crack of the desks.
Ever since I was a tiny boy
I don't want no candy
I don't need no toy
I took a stick and an old coffee can
I bang on that thing til I got
Blisters on my hand because
Elliot drops his briefcase as he enters his kitchen and finds Olivia making coffee in his button down work shirt and a pair of lacy underwear.
Olivia: "The kids are at school and I thought you needed a coffee break."
Elliot: (gulp) "How'd you know Fin burnt the coffee again?"
Olivia: "I got that closeness with you that nobody understands."
I loved when his jaw dropped like that.
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
Elliot unbuttons his shirt and heads straight for Olivia's neck. The coffee mug slips out of her hand and breaks on the floor. They don't take notice of it, though. Elliot lifts her bare feet from the ground and continues to kiss her neck and collarbone. The coffee is left to steam in the aftermath of Olivia's moan.
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day
When I get older they think I'm a fool
The teacher told me I should stay after school
She caught me pounding on the desk with my hands
But my licks was so hot
I made the teacher wanna dance
Olivia sits at her desk in the Women's Manhattan Help Facility.
Olivia: "You want detention, Elliot Stabler? I've got the classroom all to myself. You have ten minutes to get you're ass-"
Elliot pushed open the classroom door. Olivia stood up from her desk. She was in a tight sweater and a pencil skirt. She removed her reading glasses in surprise.
Olivia: "That was fast."
Elliot: "I saw you in that skirt this morning and I've been thinking about you all day."
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Who'd a thought pencil skirts would make such a come back.
The classroom was meant for teaching women on the streets how to better themselves in society. It was adorned with all the necessities to cook a meal, raise a family, listen to problems, and get a job. In the middle of the half diapered baby dolls and mushy beanbag chairs, Elliot and Olivia rolled around like kids in a flower patch.
And thats why
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
Olivia: "Mmm, kiss me there again."
Elliot: "Here?"
Elliot nuzzled her breast and she lifted the length of her skirt over his bulge. When all of the rapid grinding and groaning climaxed to orgasmic volumes, they lay breathless amongst the rubbery babies. Elliot pulled a plastic doll out from under his back and made a funny baby voice as the smashed head grew back to its' normal shape.
Elliot: "Mwweee my head! I've been smooshed!"
Olivia let out one of her contagious laughs and Elliot threw the baby doll in a rush to capture the scrunch of her nose. He leaned over her and smiled.
Elliot: "Do that again."
Olivia: "What? Laugh?"
Elliot: "Yeah."
She laughed at his hormonal excitement over such a thing as her laughter and before she could come up for air he was ready for a second go.
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day
Listen to this
Every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated
The boss is a jerk
And I get my sticks and go out to the shed
And I pound on that drum like it was the boss' head
Cragen's potted plant hits the floor in the middle of their partially clothed after-hours romp.
Olivia: "oops!"
Elliot: "Fuck it, he owes me!"
They go back to dangerously passionate lovemaking.
Flash to squad car. All we can see are Olivia's spread-eagled legs and Elliot's bobbing head.
Cragen's voice on the portable: "Stabler, we need you to pull a double z."
They both freeze and Elliot shrugs his bare shoulder.
Elliot: "Fuck it, he can wait."
Olivia: "A double Z?"
Elliot: "Twizzler run."
Olivia: "Right."
They give each other a look and then continue like they'd never been interrupted.
Cragen's voice on the portable: "Do you copy? Stabler? Elliot…"
I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
Benson/Stabler bedroom. Elliot is on top of Olivia giving it to her like he's running a race. His pants are around his ankles and he's still wearing his leather jacket, like he's just stopped in to screw and leave.
Cragen on Elliot's answering machine: "Elliot…Liv, you home? Elliot, I need that file from forensics. Where are you?"
Olivia pulls the file from under her bottom and wraps her arms around his neck. She releases the file as he continues to ravish her.
Olivia: "Fuck it. Now he owes me."
The pages of the file fall all over the floor behind them.
I don't want to play
Munch in the background: "Has anybody seen my stapler?"
I just want to bang on the drum all day
Fade out to Elliot and Olivia sleeping in their bed. Both of them lay blissfully in a mess of sheets and arms craddling.
AN: I have a whole new respect for the "Bang on the Drum" song now. Mmmmm EOO! I told you I could turn any song into EO. It's disgusting really. Drop me some lines.