Tangled Hearts

by Flora Mile

Bella life was everything she had dreamed it to be, a successful writer, a fiancé and everything is going the way she wants it. Until one unfaithful night changed it all. Edward has seen enough tragedy, the loss of his parents, now his brother. When their paths cross, will either of them be left standing or will they truly heal?

11. I had nothing to offer anybody

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The storyline of Tangled Hearts is all mine.

WARNING: This story is M+ rated so if you are not over the age of 18+ please do not read any further.

I would like to thank TeamAllTwilight, horseandbooklover, and A fan of Many Stuffs my pre-readers and betas that have graciously offered to help me with my story.

Michele (PeopleLikeUs or JustGinger), I would like to think you for all your encouragement on getting this story off the ground and posted.

Go check out their stories!

Tangled Hearts – Chapter 10

I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

June 2010

EPOV

Everyone came over for breakfast and I was worried about what was happening today. My father had found a person to adopt the twins. I had lots of questions for her before I would even consider her. I would not give my brother's kids to just anyone, even if I did not want to keep them myself.

I knew no-one understood my reasons for not keeping the twins and I would probably feel better if one of my family members would take them, but it seemed like everyone had too much on their plates.

I didn't want to separate them either; that wasn't an option!

Most people would call me a callous person but you have to understand what I have been though, to get where I am today, why I am doing what I am doing.

I didn't make this choice lightly; they are my brother's kids for heavens' sake. But I wasn't the best person to look after them. I wasn't the best person to guide their future, or be the person they looked up to. I couldn't even look myself in the mirror, how could I expect two impressionable lives to be able to do it.

When I lost my parents, I lost my faith in God. I lost myself in the pain. I was not as fortunate as my brother to find love the way he did. I struggled to find someone that wanted to be with me. I kept finding the girls that wanted to date the name not the person behind the name.

In the end I stayed away from relationships all together, I knew that if I just didn't date, no one could hurt me and I could not hurt anyone. My ultimate goal was to have companionship, not relationships, but somewhere along the way it was screwed up. In the end I wanted what my brother had, I wanted what my cousins and aunt and uncle had.

I wanted my other half, the one person that understood where I came from, not the money or the name behind it. I wanted my soul mate! I just couldn't seem to find her and until I did, I knew I couldn't look after my brother's kids. I was damaged goods and I would not force those ideas, feelings and emotions on those kids–that is why they deserved a better father than I could be.

I said it once and I would say it again, they needed love, happiness, and excitement in their lives–not someone like me, who was scared of his own shadow and had been since college.

I was a shadow of the man I used to be. I used to enjoy life. I was part of every club, and I did my parents proud. There is no way they would be proud of whom I turned out to be. I used to be an involved member of my family, now I was only involved in my work. I used to enjoy playing the piano. I loved playing it for my mother, now I played morose songs and that was only when I felt the need takeover me.

I wanted to start playing for me again, to actually let my fingers ghost over the keys free of guilt.

Why should I have been able to live a happy eventful life, while the rest of my family was all rotting in the ground? I saw no reason for me to keep up a happy facade anymore. People needed to see the hurt I was feeling–the pain I was suffering and guilt I carried with me every day.

It was bearable when my brother was alive, I was treading water and able to keep going. Since I had lost him, what was the point of carrying on? What was the point of being happy? What was the point of living a lie?

I got a rude awakening the other night!

I had been holding in all my emotions for so long, that I was a ticking time bomb. I had let go of all my emotions that night. I had sat down at my piano for my nightly 'woe is me' fest, that I did not even realize I was playing the songs my mother loved. I was so lost in the emotions that I finally cracked under all the pressure, all the feeling and to top it off all of my self-convictions.

I did not realize that I had been sobbing, actually sobbing would be the incorrect word, I was all out bawling. I had not even realized that I had stopped playing. I had not realized that my family had turned up. I didn't even realize I had been moved away from the piano by Emmett, until I was sitting on the couch.

That is when I knew the family thought it was time for an intervention. They laid all their own emotions on the line, one by one. To say it was hard to hear would be a lie. I had no idea that this was how they were feeling. I had been so focused on myself, on my emotions that I did not take into account how the rest of the family was feeling.

The next day I went and saw Doctor Laurent, one of Carlisle's friends. I started with a two hour session. I was on my way to fixing the broken parts of me, and that day was another day for making me whole again. I still had mixed emotions on what I was doing, but at that moment I still believed what I was doing was benefiting the twins. I had made peace with myself over that matter.

Yes, I was hoping that I would be happy with my decision in the long run. When the time came to actually giving up the twins, I hoped I could do it–but that was a long way off. Unless this person was like Alex and Jane, then there was no way I would be handing those kids over.

I knew that I was contradicting myself, but those were my brother's kids and you would have to be a special couple or person to get those kids. Also there was the money that had been left to the twins. The person or people that took the twins on would have to have financial stability without the twin's money.

Now I was going along with Carlisle's idea of meeting this young lady that wanted a large family. Carlisle gave me very little information on her. All I knew was that she was in her thirties, just came out of a long-term relationship, and would like to start her family. Kudos to her for stepping out on her own, she knew what she wanted and was not stopping from getting it.

We were meeting her and her family near the Carousel for a picnic and then taking the twins to the zoo. I have to say, when Carlisle told me it was all her idea, I was floored. How could someone that had never had kids know what they would like? I'd had the twins for nearly a month and I had never thought of doing that with them–then again I had not really been thinking the past month. My eyes were slowly being opened, it was no wonder the twins really did not want to get to know me.

I would not want to know me either!

We were heading out in about five minutes; we had packed everything we needed and cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast. The twins were played the Wii with their cousins while the adults sat around the table talking. I was telling Esme and Carlisle about what Laurent had me focusing on. I would never have gone and seen Laurent if I had not had my breakdown, but seeing as I did; I had to get better if I wanted a future of any kind.

"We are going to be late if we don't head out now. Come on kids, turn off the game, put your shoes and coats on," Alice started yelling from the kitchen.

I watched the power she had over all of them. As soon as the words came out of her mouth they started saving the game and moving at a fast pace.

By the time I had placed my coffee cup in the dishwasher they were all lined up near the door. I looked at the pixie in shock.

"Pick up your jaw Edward, you too can have this kind of power. All you have to do is harness your inner parent," Alice said with a giggle.

"Do all of you have this kind of power? I wish I could harness this, and use it on the interns–they are hopeless at taking orders."

My father and brothers started laughing at me. "We all wish the kids took notice the way they take notice to their mothers," Jasper said. "I think it is just mothers that get them to jump that fast. I think it is all in the tone, and let me tell you Edward there is no way in hell you can do it–Emmett and I have tried and the kids just laugh at us."

I believed every word that was coming out of Jasper's mouth. There was no way in hell I would be able to do that, that was the reason the twins needed a mother.

All the adults grabbed their coats and shoes and we headed out the door. Yes, I was that anal that I make my family take their shoes off.

I had to say that the day had turned out to be sunny and fresh, they were forecasting showers. Thank goodness. I had my light jacket on; otherwise I would have had to go back home and change.

We arrived at the park early and dad said he could not see her, so everyone started playing different games to keep the kids entertained. The last thing we needed were bored kids on our hands. We started a game of Red Rover and when the boys had won twice the girls wanted to play Simon Says. I knew that Sophia was very good at this game and would beat all the boys. Alice must have drummed it into her when she was younger or she was just very good at listening–either way she had all the boys beat in twenty minutes. The adults had decided to change the game after that, to "What's the time Mr. Wolf?" I loved playing this game, it would make them all giggle when it was dinner time and they were all trying to run away. I was first up as Mr. Wolf and I loved chasing Luciana, she would always try and hide behind Emmett and I would always give her a head start. She always giggled the hardest out of all the kids and that is why I chased her first. I would end up falling over laughing before I caught her. The reason for that is she would run behind Emmett and poke her head in-between his legs. It was a funny sight.

We were still playing when I noticed someone talking to Carlisle. When I actually stopped playing and took a closer look, there was no way this woman was over thirty. She looked barely twenty-five, how could someone looking like her want to have a family so young. Maybe this was not her after all. She seemed to be pointing to a group of people with kids, so maybe she was lost, looking for something. I went back to playing the game with everyone.

After a while, we were all pulled out of the game when we noticed Carlisle come over with the young lady he was talking to before.

Everyone seemed to have noticed at the same time and we all seemed to huddle together, they always say there is safety in numbers, we must have been an intimidating sight, and I would have been frightened if I did not know my family.

I had not realized that Carlisle had spoken. All I saw was the woman who got down to the twins' level slowly and carefully and introduce herself. This time I caught her name, it was Bella and I did have to say that her name suited her. She was beautiful, her deep brown eyes sparkled as she spoke with the twins. She was trying hard to put them at ease. Her only mistake was going to Ben first, he was the shy one and unless Tia spoke to you first he would not talk.

It seemed she got Tia's approval, I saw her shake Bella's hand and she had a mega-watt smile across her face. I watched as Tia talked with Bella and it was not until I saw Ben look up at me for approval to talk to the stranger, that I realized they were already seeing me as some sort of parental figure. Dr. Laurent was correct, it had happened without me noticing it.

I smiled at Ben to let him know it was okay for him to talk with Bella. He asked her about lions, and I knew they did not have them at the zoo, but I did not know they had red panda's either. Bella was very efficient; she knew what was at the zoo. Ben then turned and looked up at me again and asked if we could leave now.

I could see how excited he was and there was no way I wanted to turn him down but we had to have lunch first so I had to tell him.

"Ben, we have to have to take the ladies on the horses first and then we will have a picnic. After that I promise I shall take you to go and see the slimy, slithery snakes, but you have to remember that we also have to see what everyone else wants to see. Got it buddy?"

I introduced myself and I heard Emmett say something to Ben about being a gentleman. He still had not grasped the concept that you don't hit a girl, lady, or woman. We were getting there slowly but he was going through the stage of girl germs that he had picked up at preschool. Everyone was laughing until Tia put Ben in his place and that just made it funnier, but she had a point, she was a little lady.

Once everyone quieted down, Carlisle started introducing the family. He decided that we should all go over and meet her family. I was inquisitive about where she came from and what she did, but before we even had a chance to move Bella had asked Carlisle if she could give us all a bit of background herself. It made me understand why she chose her path and what led her to our family. I knew that she had to be doing some sort of fertility treatment to know and meet Carlisle, but I did not know why she was still going ahead with it. I thought she would have stopped after Carlisle had asked her about the twins.

Would she really understand what it took to look after the twins, double trouble and all? They started talking about some books that she wrote and I had tuned out by this stage. I was too hung up on the fact that she was doing AI as well as looking at taking on the twins. I was going to have to keep this at the back of my mind, as I watched her with the twins today.

As the morning progressed, I watched Bella's and my family interact. I have to say that they were very down to earth people and even though her father was a bit hard to get to know at first. Once you found the right topic of conversation it got easier. It was always about sports with us guys and once you picked the right one, which seemed to be baseball–we were like old friends. I found out that Charlie has been the Police Chief in a town called Forks in Washington and Renee was a teacher.

Bella had home values and I was sure that she never had a speeding ticket, being a cop's daughter. I was always under the impression anyone that had parents that were priests, police, or any kind of authority, their children were misfits. It is cliqued but most seemed to rebel against the laws their parents fought hard to protect. Bella seemed to be the exception and while I was sure that there were more like her, I had just seen the opposite living here in New York.

Us men decided that we would take the kids over to the Carousel and keep them entertained while the ladies set up the picnic and got to know each other better. I was carrying Tia and had Ben's hand as we walked across the park. They were asking Peter and Garrett heaps of questions on what they did and what they did with their kids on weekends. I felt like a failure all over again. I had not done much with the twins since I'd had them and them asking questions – these questions – brought out my inadequacies.

I helped Ben and then Tia on to the horses. Christian and Lucca asked if Ben could sit on the free one next to them. So I moved him and Garrett said he would stand next to him while I looked after Tia. I soon found out why the boys wanted Ben to join them. Peter told me the only way to get the boys onto the Carousel was to make a game out of it. He would have the boy's race, he would call the commentary and Garrett would be the judge of who won.

They had Ben watch the first race between them so he understood what was happening, and the joy in his eyes floored me. I had not seen him look like that in weeks. I was pleased that I saw the spark alight in his eyes again. No three year-old should look like they had no life in their eyes.

Tia and I watch the second race. She was happy to cheer her brother on, as were the rest of the girls. When they were ready to start the third race, Tia wanted to join in. The response she got from Lucca sent tears streaming down her face, even though Garrett said she could.

I explained as best I could to her but I understood that at her age she did not quite understand that it was a boy's thing. She saw that it looked like fun and wanted to join in. In the end I could not console or slow her tears, so I decided that she just needed to cry and I was happy to hold her.

As I was watching the Carousel going around with Ben on it, I was still holding and whispering into Tia's ear, when I felt a presence beside me. I looked down and saw Bella standing next to me with a sad look on her face.

"Hey Edward, what happened to her? Sweetie, are you okay?"

"The boys did not want to include her into their race. Apparently it is a boy's only race," I explained to Bella.

"Oh, I see. Tia would you like me to tell you a secret?"

I was about to tell Bella that I explained but Tia answered for herself with a head nod.

"The reason the boys had their race, was because it was the only way we could get them on the Carousel. They thought the Carousel was for girls because of all the lights and music. So we came up with this game to get them to enjoy it."

I was shocked that her simple answer had pleased Tia, but what took my breath away was the way she was leaning into my body. It was like there was an invisible pull between us. I had never felt this before and I was not sure I understood it, either.

I heard Bella say she was sorry and I was not sure what she was apologized for until she moved off my body. I felt her heat move from my body and all I could think about in that moment was I wanted it back again. It felt soothing, actually I felt relaxed, like I did not have a care in the world and I wanted that feeling back again.

"No that is okay. Thank you for that, I was not sure of the reason why, but now it makes sense why they were adamant not to let her join in, even when Peter and Garrett said she could. Boys can be set in their ways."

"Especially those two, they are so used to tagging along to all the girl things as both Peter and Garrett have to work on weekends sometimes. It was a little thing to make them feel special." I nodded that I understood what Bella was saying.

"Sweetie, do you want to come with me while your Uncle Edward gets the rest gathered up for lunch? You and I can come up with a girlie thing to do at the Zoo."

I placed Tia on the ground, content that she had calmed down and went to let everyone know that lunch was ready. Ben came running towards me, telling me that they had all won the same amount of times and that he wanted to do it again. I let him know that we would talk with Garrett and Peter and see what we could set up. I did not want to let him know that he could be doing it every weekend if Bella decided to adopt the kids.

As we walked back to the picnic area with the kids, they were all getting excited about going to the zoo and were rattling off what they wanted to go and see and do there.

I watched Bella hand Ben a plate of food with a little bit of everything on it. I was grateful that she was helping out with them, it showed me that she had a big heart. As we ate I watched everyone getting along and laughing. The kids were all talking more about the zoo and asking questions about where we would start.

I noticed that Tia was still quiet after what happened this morning and I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. "Tia, are you okay?"

She nodded her head at me while she was chewing on her sandwich.

"Would you like some juice or water?" I asked her.

"Water, Unc Eddie, please," she said.

I reached over and grabbed a bottle of water for her. I opened the pop-top for her and did the same for Ben. I noticed he always drank what she did, so he always made my job easier.

As we were finishing up, I collected the plates from the twins and put it into the rubbish bags that mum brought it with her. I was about to walk back to the twins, when Bella walked up to me.

"Edward, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure Bella, what is on your mind?"

"As I was walking back with Tia, I promised her something and I just wanted to run it by you. I know that I should have consulted you first, but after what happened, I thought she could use some cheering up."

"Well why don't you tell me what you promised her and I can tell you if we can keep that promise."

"I promised to take her to go and see the Miniature Goats. Just Tia, you and I. I understand if you want the whole family to come along, but seeing as the boy's had their thing this morning on the Carousel, this could be something that you and I could do for her. I am sorry if I over-stepped, but she just seemed so excited when I told her…"

Bella stopped talking by this stage. I understood why she did it but I also knew that Ben would want to come with us.

"Bella, I understand why you did it but we'll have to include one little boy to come and see the goats with us. They do everything together and I don't want to single one out, if you understand where I am coming from. They really only have each other left."

"I understand that Edward and I would not exclude Ben out purposely. I was just thinking maybe I could get Tia to invite him along with us that way she feels like it was her idea. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a fantastic idea to me." I smiled down at Bella.

I watched as she walked over to Tia and talked to her. I heard her squeal, just like Alice. So I was guess that was a yes and Bella confirmed that with a nod to me.

Everyone helped to pack up the picnic and we headed off to the zoo.

When we got there I told dad that I was going to pay everyone's admission seeing as everyone was doing this for me. Since I got to the admission's window before everyone else, I was able to do this. With fourteen adults and nine kids, it was expensive but I was ecstatic to do it.

We started with the big animals first as they were farthest away. As we walked towards them, Bella held onto Tia's hand and I had a hold of Ben. It seemed that Tia really liked Bella, which was tremendous. It meant that asking her to dinner with the twins would make it easier on me. Getting the backbone to actually ask was the difficult part.

As we were walking along, I noticed that the Red Pandas were before the Snow Leopards so I made the suggestion of stopping there first. It meant that we did not have to double back and make the walk longer for the kids.

When we arrived at the enclosure for the Red Pandas, Ben started to get truly excited. He started pulling on my hand to move faster, and in the end I found it easier to pick him up and carry him over to where they were.

"Unk Eddie, you tell me all 'bout them?"

"Sure buddy," I said as I moved over to the information board. "The Red Panda 'shining-cat' is a small arboreal mammal native to the eastern Himalayas and southwestern China. It is the only species of the genus Ailurus. Slightly larger than a domestic cat, it has reddish-brown fur, a long, shaggy tail, and a waddling gait due to its shorter front legs. It feeds mainly on bamboo, but is omnivorous and may also eat eggs, birds, insects, and small mammals. It is a solitary animal, mainly active from dusk to dawn, and is largely sedentary during the day."

"What that omn word mean, Unk Eddie?"

I was just about to answer when I heard a small voice beside me. "Sweetie it means that the panda eats many different foods or it likes a range of different food."

"Why not just say dat, why use dat big word?"

"Because there are lots of adults that come to the zoo as well, they like to look smart!" Bella looked proud of her answer. I had to agree with her.

I started to show Ben where the pandas were sitting though out the enclosure, when noticed that one of the Pandas had three cubs with her and then all the kids got really excited about it. We had spent around twenty minutes there so we decided to move on to the Snow Leopards.

Tia and Ben were still asking questions about the pandas as we walked along the path. Bella had done a lot more study on the animals than I had done, and knew more information than I did and was able to answer most of the questions.

I could not believe how pleasurable the day was turning out to be. I was having fun today; I really did not expect to enjoy myself with everyone that was there, especially Bella and her family. I thought I was going to be constantly reminded about my decision, but that was the furthest thing from my mind.

We all reached the snow leopard enclosure and the kids were all excited. They were all talking over each other to make sure they all say the leopards. Tia was the one to ask Bella to read the information this time.

"The snow leopard is a moderately large cat native to the mountain ranges of South Asia and Central Asia. Snow leopards live between 9,800 and 18,000 ft. above sea level in the rocky mountain ranges of Central Asia. Their secretive nature means that their exact numbers are unknown, but it has been estimated that between 3,500 and 7,000 snow leopards exist in the wild and between 600 and 700 in zoos worldwide.

"Snow leopards are smaller than the other big cats but, like them, exhibit a range of sizes, generally weighing between 60 and 120 lb. Snow leopards have long thick fur, and their base color varies from smoky grey to yellowish tan, with whitish under-parts. They have dark grey to black open rosettes on their body with small spots of the same color on their heads and larger spots on their legs and tail. Unusually among cats, their eyes are pale green or grey in color. Snow leopards show several adaptations for living in a cold mountainous environment. Their bodies are stocky, their fur is thick, and their ears are small and rounded, all of which help to minimize heat loss. Their paws are wide, which distributes their weight better for walking on snow, and have fur on their undersides to increase their grip on steep and unstable surfaces; it also helps to minimize heat loss. Snow leopards' tails are long and flexible, helping them to maintain their balance, which is very important in the rocky terrain they inhabit. Their tails are also very thick due to storage of fats and are covered with fur, which allows them to be used like a blanket to protect their faces when asleep.

The snow leopard has a short muzzle and domed forehead, containing unusual large nasal cavities that help the animal breathe the thin, cold air of their mountainous environment

Snow leopards cannot roar, despite possessing some ossification of the hyoid bone. This ossification was previously thought to be essential for allowing the big cats to roar, but new studies show that the ability to roar is due to other morphological features, especially of the larynx, which are absent in the snow leopard. Snow leopard vocalizations include hisses, chuffing, mews, growls, and wailing."

"Wow, so much more information on these animals." Emmett piped up.

I had to agree, the pandas could have used a boost to their informational board. We mulled around the enclosure taking pictures and enjoyed watching them play. They really were graceful creatures, with the way they jumped, ran and played with each other.

After the kids had, had their fill of the leopards we took them off to see the polar bears and the penguins. I think Tia was the most excited to see the penguins. She loved the movie Happy Feet and loved to watch documentaries on them as well. I knew for a fact she did not understand everything they were talking about on those documentaries, but she loved them all the same.

At this stage we decided to split from the rest of the families. We had made a promise to go and see the baby goat and they were in another section of the zoo. The rest of the family went to see the Tropic Zone while Bella, Tia, Ben and I went to see the Children's zoo. I knew that Ben really wanted to see the snakes and frogs, so I told him that he could go with Esme and Carlisle, but he declined and said he wanted to stay with Tia.

I could understand where he was coming from, if she was all I had left in the world I would be attached to her as well.

Once we got to the Children's Zoo, we headed straight to the goats and I watched Tia and Ben have a great time with Bella. I stood back because I wanted to observe how she interacted with them. They seemed to enjoy her presence and I could not blame them. She had made my day brighter!

I had not realised that we had been in the Children's zoo for three hours looking at all the different animals, until I received a phone call from Jasper letting us know they were outside waiting for us. I was shocked that the time had gone by so quickly. I wanted to ask Bella to dinner before we met up with everyone else and I was running out of time fast, no better time like now to ask her.

"Bella, that was Jasper, he just wanted to let me know that they are waiting out the front for us and not to hurry."

Bella looked at her watch and realized like I had how long we had been. "Okay, well we better go and meet everyone."

"Before we do, I would like to ask you a question, if that is all right with you?"

"Sure Edward."

"Um, I was wondering, um, if you would like to, um, come for dinner at my place, um, tonight?" I don't think I had ever said that many um's in one sentence and I was embarrassed. The look on her face was of caution and I wanted her to be clear on what the purpose was. "Bella, I just want you to spend some more time with the twins and I do have some questions for you. There really was no time to ask them today with everyone around and I thought you might be more comfortable, if it was just us with the twins…" I trailed off there, I was not sure what else to say to her and I was starting to ramble.

"Edward, I would love to spend more time with you and the twins, but are you really sure they will be up to it after everything that has happened today? It has been a big day for them and they must be tired."

"Either way, Bella, I have to feed them and myself tonight. I just thought you might enjoy some time without everyone watching, but it is okay if you don't want to. "

"It's not that I don't want to Edward. I just…" The twin's cut off Bella, they were my back up and they had pulled though in the end. They must have been listening to our conversation because both of them started begging and in a very unflattering manner as well.

"Alright, alright," Bella said laughing at the twins, "I now understand why parents give in so much. I am going to have to toughen my skin when I become a mother, you two are diabolical."

I was laughed along with Bella on this one; it was not the first time I had given into them.

"I shall come to dinner, but first what are we going to have to eat?"

"I made my mother's lasagne this morning while I waited for everyone to come over, so it should take about forty minutes to cook. I was going to make a salad to go with and then if the twins are still hungry, we'll have ice-cream for desert." I was glad that I made that this morning, there was no way I would want to cook something tonight, and this was an easy dinner for me.

"Sounds mouth-watering, I love homemade lasagne, I can do some garlic bread to go with it. Just to round off the meal" she offered.

"That sounds wonderful to me, what about you two?" I knelt down in front of the twins; I really wanted them to be included in the decision for dinner.

They both clapped and cheered about what was for dinner, I had a feeling they were more excited about the ice cream than the food.

I took a hold of one of each of the twin's hands and started to lead them out to where our family was waiting for us. Bella had a hold of the other one of Ben's hands and we were all chatting away about which part was our favourite thing at the zoo.

I made a promise to myself today that I would make sure I would do more with the twins, even if I still choose to give them up. Why should I have to make their life a living hell like mine? I just truly hoped that I was making the correct decision. Only time would tell which one I went for and if it was right, but for now, I was going to be the best guardian I could to Ben and Tia, they deserved that much from me.

~~~***~~~T H~~~***~~~

The day was coming to an end and I wanted to get to know Bella without the family around. I wanted to understand why she wanted the twins, as well as go through with AI. I knew my father well and he would not take anyone on unless he was able to check all the boxes on his list and she seemed to have passed. So now it was just a matter of figuring out why she would want to do both.

I kept an eye on Tia and Ben while they were running around with the other children. I started to remember times like this with Alec, Emmett and Jasper, when life was so carefree and nothing in the world really mattered apart from girl germs… it is amazing how life changes so fast and you are forced to grow up. I still wish I could run around without a care in the world.

I was brought back to reality when I felt someone bump into my hip. I looked down and I saw the pixie smiling back up at me.

"That must have been some la-la land you were visiting? I have been calling your name for a while now."

"I was thinking back to the days when girl germs were the least of my problems and how life has changed so much since then. How we are forced to grow up so much quicker than when our parents were that young. Childhood is not what is used to be and I see it every day at the hospital. When children are coming into have children; when those children have defects because the child that had them did not really realize the affects certain alcohol and drugs might have on their babies. What is this world coming to? Does it not frighten you, Alice, because it sure scares the shit out of me. I look at Tia and Ben and I think what will they have to face when they turn sixteen. How will they perceive the world and what is ahead of them? It is a scary place Alice."

"Edward, every parent worries about their children, what they will grow up to be. You just have to instil good values and examples and hope they will follow in your footsteps. I know that we give you a hard time about the women that you date, or should I say sleep with, but as long as you are safe doing it, that is a good example to set. I am not saying bring different ladies up to your place while you have the twins, but you have experience to help them out when they get to that chapter in their life." Alice let what she said to me sink in before she went on.

"All you can do, Edward, is show them the difference between what is right and wrong. They understand at this age and they learn quickly. Have set rules and stick to them. Don't ever go back on a threat, if you say something, stick to it and follow through. This will save confusion in the long run. So for example you put them in a time out and they move from that spot, you put them back in place and walk away. Even if you have to put them back there ten times Edward, you have to stay strong. I don't believe in hitting children but everyone is different. Rose thinks one tap on the ass is enough to scare them into doing as you want. But then again look at her, would you really want to ignore her or upset her? You have to find what works for you and what does not. If you can't handle something we are only a phone call away," Alice said, as she hugged into my side.

"Thanks Alice I needed to hear that. I'm still not one hundred per cent sure what I am going to do, but I needed to hear that. I am sure I can do it until I've decided." I noticed Alice was frowning at what I had said. "Alice I understand you all think I am capable of looking after these two, but I am barely holding myself together at the moment. I will only do what is best for those twins and if someone like Bella looking after them is better for them, well I'm sure as hell going to make sure she does. I don't want to fuck their life up like mine. I told you all I would get help before I made the decision and I will do it. Just give me time and don't hate me if I choose wrong in the families eyes." I looked to see what Bella was doing. I needed to get away from this conversation before I headed into angry town. That would not be good for any of us.

"I am going to have a word with Bella, I love you Ali, just remember that please, when you judge me." I was about to walk off when I felt small strong arms around my waist.

"I would never judge you Edward, I will understand why, but for the sake of those two please just choose them. They do need you even if you think you are not worth it. I love you too big brother." With that she let go of me and walked over to Jasper. I watched them for a moment when he looked down at her and she was smiling up at him. I was glad I did not upset or ruin her day with our conversation.

I walked over to Bella who was standing alone and realized the reason she was away from everyone was because she was on the phone. I caught the ending of her conversation.

"Really, it going to be featured in the New York Times Best Sellers list?"

"But it is only a children's book?"

"Really, I am so excited, when does the list go out?"

"Okay I shall make sure I get a copy."

"Okay Zafrina, I shall call you later once I have read the article. Can you make sure that Senna knows as well?"

"You take care also. Speak to you soon."

"Bye."

I walked closer once she hung up the phone. "That sounds like good news."

"Yeah, it is. My children's book is number one on the New York Times Best Sellers list and they want to do a feature article on me, with photo shoot included. I can't believe that it is at number one!"

"That is good to hear, congratulations. So when does it come out?"

"In two weeks. They will call me tomorrow to set up a time and place for the photo-shoot and interview. I never thought this would happen to me. I just started writing those books because I wanted to give my children something to read. I am in shock I think!"

I could not help but laugh at her stunned reaction to making it to number one. Most people would be jumping around and screaming it out at the top of their lungs. This was an achievement she should be proud of. I actually don't think she has fully grasped what an honour it was to be number one.

"Bella are you sure you are okay? I can get someone for you."

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Would you like me to get someone for you? You seem to have shut down."

"No, no that is okay. I was just thinking what this is going to do to my life. No one really knows who I am and I like it that way, this is sort of going to turn my life upside down. I did not start writing for that reason." Bella seemed to space off again, I was just going to turn around and tell her to forget about dinner, when I heard her talk again. "Was there something you came over to talk to me about Edward?"

"Um… yeah there was, I was going to see if you sure about having dinner with the twins and I, at my place. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"No, I think it is a great idea Edward, I would really like that. Do you mind if I go home and freshen up a bit and then come over, though? If you just give me you address I will be there by 5:30, or is that too early?"

"That sounds good, I will have the twins showered by then and you can talk to them while I get dinner ready. So that gives me just over an hour if we head off now. Do you have paper and a pen so I can write my address down?"

"I shall do one better, here is my iPhone. Just set yourself up as a new contact and put all your details in there."

I handed Bella my phone so she could do the same and since we had the same phones it was easy to navigate. Once I was finished I waited for her to do so as well. She handed it back to me with a bit of a smirk. I could not help but wonder what she had done.

We headed back to our families and started to get them moving so I could get the twins bathed and ready for their visit with Bella. I hoped that Bella like to play Wii, because once I had them on that, it took forever to get them off.

I hugged my family good-bye, and said good-bye to Bella's family with promises of meeting again real soon; which no doubt my aunt would set it up. The twins and I headed for home.

~~~***~~~T H~~~***~~~

I had just finished helping the twins get dressed and ready for Bella's arrival and had just set them in front of the TV. I had put on The Sandlot Kids, which was, and still is, one of my favourite movies and I thought they would enjoy it.

I think the reason my family believed that I would keep the twins, was because one day last week after work, I went out and bought a range of items for them: from games, movies, and books. I had spoken to both Rose and Alice about it what to get and they guided me nicely.

So there I was, standing in my kitchen getting the ingredients for dinner ready. I had asked both Ben and Tia what they would like this morning and they both agreed to pasta, so my mother's famous ragu was on the menu still.

I had pulled out the sauce that I always kept in the freezer and all I had to do was the salad and bruschetta. I bought a fresh ciabatta on the way home so all I needed to do was pop it into the oven to lightly toast it.

I was halfway through washing all the ingredients for the salad when the phone started ringing. I knew that it was the porter ringing to let me know that he had Bella downstairs waiting to come up. I answered and let Seth know that it was okay to let her up.

I dried my hands and interrupted the movie to let the twins know that Bella would be here soon. No sooner had I told them, the doorbell started chiming and the twins had taken off towards the door.

I unlocked the dead bolt and let the twins opened the door. I had never seen them this excited about a visitor before. They were bouncing on the spot and trying to open the door at the same time, it was funny to watch. They were not getting anywhere with opening the door and I could tell they were getting frustrated. I put a hand on each of their shoulders to try and get them to stop bouncing. Once they calmed down I opened the door and Tia squealed out Bella's name.

I think I have gone deaf!

"Hi Bella, I have a funny feeling that someone – make that two someone's – are a little excited that you are joining us for dinner," I said lightly, laughing by the time I had finished.

"I can see that, did you miss me Tia?"

Tia did not answer and was just standing there nodding her head up and down, it was Ben that actually answered Bella.

"We bof miss you, Miss Bella. We watchin Sandlot Kids, you come too?"

"Ooo I have not seen that movie in years, I would love to join you." Bella said and looked up to me to see if that was okay, I just nodded. I took the covered dish she handed me, before she reached out to hold hands with the twins.

The twins pulled Bella in through the hallway and lead her to the lounge room. I was going to show her around but that could wait until later. As long as the twins were happy, I was as well. All I had to do was keep reminding myself of that and I knew I could make the right decision in the end. I headed back to the kitchen and kept going with dinner.

I offered everyone a drink, more so for Bella than the twins. Once everyone was settled again and the movie was going, I concentrated on the salad and put the garlic bread in the warmer oven. I would listen in from time to time to the conversations they were having and Bella would explain certain parts of the movie to the twins.

Listening to Bella made me realize that she would make a wonderful mother; she really did break down everything to their level. I knew the move would be a bit old for the nearly four year olds, but when I told them it had baseball in it, that was the one they wanted to watch. I think it brought back memories of their father and how much he loved taking them to ball games. So I could understand why they both wanted to watch it.

It was coming up to 6:30 p.m. and I nearly had everything ready. The movie was nearly finished, so I quickly set the table and had the salad and garlic bread on the table with drinks for the kids and a bottle of Kaesler Old Bastard Shiraz 2005. I had found this wine by mistake and laughed at the name, I thought I would give it a go and surprisingly found the grapes from this wine to taste like black cherry, plum fruits, black pepper and believe it or not, a hint of leather. I did some research on the wine maker, Keasler, and found out they used American Oak barrels to store this particular grape and that is what also helped give the distinct note or smell of vanilla within the wine.

I have to say that I would buy a case of it every year and I also found as many bottles I could get of previous years. There was only so many bottles produced a year as the reason it is called Old Bastard, was because the grapes that make the wine were the oldest they had on their property. I knew the wine would go well with the pork, lamb and beef that made the ragu sauce.

I was empting the water from the pasta when I heard the rolling credits and knew that the twins would ask how long until dinner was ready. So I moved a little quicker to have everything read before they asked.

"Ben, Tia please go was your hands before we sit at the table."

I heard them run off down the corridor.

"Remember you two no running in the house, you don't know what could happen."

"You know I have watched you all day with those two and you not only make a wonderful uncle but also an excellent guardian for them. Are you sure this is what you want to do, do you really want to give them to a total stranger?"

I was a bit taken back by Bella's question, but it looked like there was no holding back this evening.

"To tell you the truth Bella, I don't know what I want! But I do know what I want for Tia and Ben. I want them to live in a stable environment, with someone that loves them. I want to protect them with every fibre of their being and I know at the moment that is not me. Yes I love them. I would protect them like a lion over his food, but I can't give them a stable environment at the moment. I can't even do it for myself. Hell I don't even know myself anymore, especially after everything that has happened."

"Edward, I am not going to say I understand what you are going through, but before I even consider doing this, you and I need to clear the air and open up. You need to know me and I need to understand you. This is not going to take a few days or even weeks, this could take a few months. Are you sure you are ready to fully open up and be honest with me? And by doing that you realize you'll need to be honest with yourself."

"Bella, I will be open to a point, I know there are skeletons in my closet I didn't even realize I put there. That is the reason I have also decided to go to counselling. To overcome my fears, pain and most of all suffering that I have inflicted, and withstood, not only to myself but my family as well. The last thing I want to do is let it touch the lives of those two precious souls."

"Well Edward, than I think that we are going to be embarking on a new journey together. We can talk more after we put the twins to bed, if that is okay with you?"

"Fine with me Bella. That is the main reason I asked you to dinner. One was to see you with the twins, without the family pressure around and the other was to talk to you and get to know you as a person. I wanted to see you through my eyes, not uncle Carlisle's or any other member of my family or yours. My father always told us 'The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing' and I have always tried to live by it."

"Edward if we are going to quote here I have a few for you to mull over during dinner. I have a feeling that all of them pertain to the way you are feeling; 'To confess a fault freely is the next thing to being innocent of it.' This one here Edward you really need to stop doing; 'Pain forces even the innocent to lie.' That's not only for you but also for those two angels in the bathroom washing their hands. You also have to realize you are not in this alone. Here is the last one for you; 'Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm.' Think about all of them, you might not be able to live by them Edward, but just remember them from time to time."

I was about to answer her when we heard giggles coming down the corridor and I really did not want to discuss this in front of Tia and Ben. That would not make for a happy dinner at all. So I put everything Bella had said aside for now, my focus at the moment was getting the twins fed and then settled for the evening. They usually got tired around 7:30 p.m. and I would think about everything Bella said after that. I understood where she was coming from but as she said, she had no idea what I was going through and what I have been through since my parents died.

I took the bowl of pasta to the table and dished everyone a plate. I cut the twins into smaller bite size pieces and sat next to Tia. Bella was seated next to Ben. For a change it was a nice and interesting dinner. I had never seen the twins so animated before. Usually when it was just the three of us, they were quiet and I had to pull answers to questions from them. I hoped dinner was the same as this tomorrow the next night.

As dinner was nearing the end I could tell that the twins were starting to get tired. I wanted to play a board game with them before they went to bed, but Bella had a different idea. She asked them if they wanted to play cards instead and the game she chose, was 'Go Fish'. I can't remember the last time I played that game and I was more than happy to play it. I just had to remember to leave my competitive side out of it.

We decided to play in teams; I was with Tia and Bella was paired with Ben. I told Tia I would hold the cards and she could pick out the cards she wanted to call out. It started out very serious and by the end, everyone was laughing trying to outsmart the other. I did cheat a little to try and get Tia as many cards as possible and whenever she would get stuck on a name of the card, she would look up at me with this goofy grin and I would be in fits of laughter again. I would whisper it loudly into her ear, just in case she got it wrong or could not say it properly. I had a funny feeling Bella was doing the same… cheating that is!

By the time we had played three times, the twins were well and truly worn out and Bella helped me put them to bed. I had started reading them the Dr. Seuss books and tonight I had started Dr. Seuss' On the Loose. They seemed to enjoy them and I enjoyed reading them. I always let them choose the books that I read and I always made sure we took it in turns. Tia favourite was Hairy Maclary and Ben's was Dr. Seuss.

I had only made it to page four by the time both of them were passed out. I tucked them in and kissed their foreheads and turned out the light. I always left the light on in the bathroom for them just in case. They only woke up about once a week, crying and looking for their mommy or daddy. I was happy it was getting less frequent. It was hard to comfort them when they were crying. It was harder that they would not even sleep in their own beds, but with the help of Carlisle, we found a really good children's therapist and she seemed to be working and I was grateful for her.

Bella said good night to them as well and followed me out of their room. I was walking back to the kitchen to clean the dishes and get to know Bella better. I had been thinking about what she had said to me before dinner, mainly saying she told me. I agreed with them and what they stood for, but I was not sure that I was a person that was living by any of them. I had to say that I did have many faults, actually I had a crap load of them and I would have loved to be free from most of them. I started believing in them after my parents died. Somewhere in there I didn't believe I should ever be free of them. I had a bad feeling that when I lost Alec, I was the cause of those faults and a lot more. Maybe God was punishing me for not be the man I should have been and a good brother as well. Maybe that was the reason everyone I love was taken from me. Only time will tell.

I was bought out of my judgment with Bella waving a hand in front of my face as she called out my name.

"What? Oh I am sorry Bella, what did you ask me?"

"Edward, you were a million miles away, are you sure you are okay? I called your name a few times and you just ignored me."

"Sorry Bella, I was just thinking about what you said before dinner, I did not mean to ignore you."

"It is okay, I was just asking where some of these pots go. That way you don't have to do them after you have washed."

"Bella, you don't have to dry, just leave them on the rack to air dry. I can put them away in the morning."

"I am more than happy to dry after the dinner you cooked, I would have done the washing up as well, but you beat me to it. So just tell me where everything goes and I will put it away as well."

We worked away together in the kitchen making small talk while we washed and dried the dishes. It was nice to have someone to talk to while I did the dishes. Usually I was alone with my thoughts, and whatever I decided on that evening, I either had music from my stereo or turned on the TV and caught up on the news.

Seeing as it was still nice outside, I offered Bella coffee or tea and thought we could have it out on the balcony. Bella said it was too late for her to have coffee or tea and wondered if I had and green or jasmine tea. I had both, as Esme was an herbal tea drinker and kept my cupboards stocked for her.

I made a pot of jasmine tea and got the cups ready on a tray to take out with us. Once everything was set up on the tray I followed Bella out to the balcony.

"Oh my, the view from here is amazing Edward. How do you not sit out here all day?"

"Before the twins and on my days off, I would live out on this balcony, Bella. I have wireless, so I would come out here and just enjoy the sun and fresh air. It is only a small balcony but it keeps me happy. It beat being cooped up inside all day, I have enough of that at work."

I watched Bella settle down on one of the chairs and get comfortable, it seemed this was where we were going to have our conversation. I sat in the chair beside her and looked out over the city below.

It was a while before either one of us talked.

"Edward, I would like to know what you are thinking. Your facial expressions the last couple of minutes have changed so many times. I would like to know what is going on in that head of yours."

"Hmm, a bit of everything Bella. From why you would do something like this all the way to why I would do something like this. It is the question my family keeps asking me, and I have no answer for them or myself." I knew I was bringing the mood down, but these were my constant thoughts.

"I have a thought, why don't you ask me a question and when I have answered it to your satisfaction, then I get to ask you one. We both know why we are here tonight. I had a feeling before walking in the door, that this was sort of an interview on how I would interact with the kids. I can also assure you that I am here to find out more about you and why you would want to give them up. So let's stop beating around the bush and get to it. What do you think?"

"I have to say Bella, I never figured you for a straight shooter, but I have to say I am impressed."

"Edward, I never was before, but in recent months I have found that I need to be. With everything that has happened to me, well let's just say, I don't have the time or the patience for procrastination."

I knew what Bella was talking about but when it came to the twins, I really hoped that she could allow me time to work though my thoughts and feelings when it came to them. I knew I had an obligation to be their guardian; I just had to sort out in my head - if I could do it that was what it really boiled down to. Yeah I knew I was self-centred and egotistical, that was who I was.

"Okay Bella, seeing as you came up with this, I shall let you go first, I promise to be as forthright as I can be, and answer all your questions the best I can."

"Alright Edward, I shall start with and easy one. When did you start thinking that all you had to care about in the world was yourself?" I could see Bella smirking behind her cup.

"That is an easy one, when I became the most sought after Heart Surgeon," I smirked when I looked at her. "You see, that allowed me to pin tickets to myself, I am that good."

"Well I have to say you are definitely sure of yourself Edward!"

"I have to be Bella. I work in an area where if you don't think you're the best at what you do, you will be left behind. I did not study hard and loose countless hours of sleep to be second grade. I pushed myself to be the best in every course I took in college. I was the best in my resident years from the beginning to the end and when I took my specialty I studied and worked hard to make sure I stood out from the crowd. I was not going to let my father and mother down, nor my uncle or aunt."

I let my comment sit in the air for a while, but I knew I was not finished with why all I cared about was myself.

"It might look like all I care about is me, but I do care for my family very much. I might not show it like normal people, but when they have needed me I have always been there. If I were in surgery, I would finish it and cancel the rest of my patients. My family comes first in a crisis Bella; I have never done anything different. Yes I have been fortunate with my life and my up-brining, but I never pushed it on anyone and I never flaunted it until I started making my own money."

"What do you mean by your last comment, you never flaunted it until you started making your own?"

"When I went away to college, my aunt and uncle always thought it was fair that we learn what it was like for students that were there on scholarships or having to work their way through college. They were happy to pay for our accommodations, but if we wanted to party we had to work, so all of us had to get jobs. So for the first three years of college I had to work as well as study, like most students. I have to say it gave me a good work ethic, yes don't get me wrong, I partied on the weekend with the best of them, but I also had to make sure my grades never dropped. If they did my aunt would make me work around the hospital as a volunteer for the summer. She thought me cleaning out bed pans would make me see sense and trust me, it only happened once and my grades never slipped again. After that lesson I was top of my class every year and graduated with honours and I was Valedictorian."

I knew I was giving Bella my best attributes but I needed her to understand where I was coming from. Yes I was cocky, intelligent and paramount but there was also a dark side to me that was solemn and gloomy. The cocky part was more me than the other side I had been showing her.

"My turn. What makes up who you are today Bella, what makes you the person you are today? What happened to change you?"

"Wow, straight for the jugular. Seeing as I did it, I can understand why you are. Where to start? What brought about my change is as good as any I suppose. It's been happening for a while now - however the main contributing factor happened about six months ago. I walked in on my fiancé screwing one of his students in my bed. I found out that night the man I had been seeing for eight years and was engaged to for nearly a year – wasn't who I thought he was. He had only asked me because he felt it was his duty. I felt like a charity case once he told me that and I vowed to myself to never put myself into that position again. Once I cried, screamed, and let the hurt out, I went to my parents for the weekend. I talked to my mom and dad about everything that had happened, and what I wanted from my life. I made some tough decisions and figured out I don't need a man to have what I want. I renovated my brownstone and made it into the house I have always wanted. I went to a therapist to get over the anger and self-loathing, and now I have decided that I want to start my family. If I happened to find someone to share it with, well that will be an additional benefit, but as it stands, all I need is my family and friends to make me happy. I have worked hard to get where I am now and I am not going to let anyone take it away from me. The person I meet will have to fit into my ideas of life and happiness."

I was a little shocked at what had happened to Bella, I could not see anyone cheating on a person like her. What sort of ass was this ex-fiancé of hers? To me, Bella seemed too good to be true. She was very different from the women I dated. Hell, I could not find anyone like her in our social circle.

"Thanks for your honesty Bella, but you said you don't need a man to have what you want, what happens if you find the man for you and he does not want a family?"

"Then… he is not the man for me. I have been talking to Kate and Char about this and they asked me the same questions. My answer to them was I am not compromising any more, and I won't. I did it with Felix and look where it got me. I was in a false relationship, where he felt the need to 'shit or get off the pot'. Instead of being truthful and honest and saying that he had meet the right person for him, he created this facade of wanting to do right by me. All because we had been together for seven years and the next progression for us was marriage and have a family. Little did I know that the whole time we were engaged he was screwing one of his students! I understand that he found his soul mate, his other half, his Yin to his Yang, but all he had to do was be honest with me. To tell me what was going on, but he chose the cowardly way out, and for that I can't forgive him. He gave me a false sense of hope and he has ruined that for every other man that comes my way."

"I understand where you are coming from and though I have never been in that position…" Bella cut me off.

"I don't think you have ever allowed yourself to get into that position Edward. Even now you are still a closed book and I am sure you have thrown away the key so no one can ever find the real you. I understand, not only have you lost your mother and father – which I could not even fathom – but you have now lost your brother and his wife. I don't know any specifics, but Carlisle did give me a little run down on what you have been though. I don't know if I could have handled what you have been through and I am sure you're not the only one in this world to go through this, but Edward if you ever want to talk and just get anything off your chest, I am here for you as a friend."

I looked at Bella totally stunned with what she was saying to me. I could not get any words to come out of my mouth. I really wanted to put her in her place and tell her, that there was no way in hell she could imagine what I had been through and while I understood that I was not the only one to ever go through it. But we all handle situations differently and when I lost my parents I fell apart, my world fell apart.

I got up, excused myself and went inside. I really felt the need to play the piano. I needed to get all these feelings out. Bella had opened Pandora's box without even knowing it and I needed to close it shut again before I fell apart, before I started screaming and yelling at her. She would not know why I was angry and I was not ready to tell her. I made my way up the stairs to the landing where my piano sat. I knew it was rude to leave her sitting there, but if I hadstayed any longer… well who knows what would have happened.

I closed the lid on my grand and opened the fall. I took the seat behind the keys and ghosted my hands lightly over them. I pushed down the una corda pedal and started playing. I lost myself with in the fast passed notes of the Toccata by Debussy, I needed to keep moving and this was the only way I knew how.

I had not noticed Bella had come up stairs until I had nearly finished; she had taken a seat beside me on the stool. Once I had finished the last cord, the silence in the room was palpable. I wanted to know what she was thinking but I was too terrified to ask.

Bella was the first to speak. "Do you know how to play Gymnopédies 1, Lent Et Douloureux?"

"I do, would you like me to play it for you?" I asked.

"That would be lovely, whenever I am feeling the way you are now, I always put it on, it seems to calm me." I had a feeling she knew me well, I better than I thought possible. I needed to center myself and I could not think of a better way to do it.

As I play through the song for Bella, I could see a wash of emotions wash through her eyes as she watched me. I could feel myself relax and focus on what I was doing; I could not believe that she had calmed me down. I had a feeling that we were going to end up being good friends at the end of this.

Once I played the last note, I turned to Bella. "Thank you, that is just what I needed."

"Edward I had no idea you could play like that. I noticed the piano up here but I thought it belonged to your mother or another family member, I did not realize you actually played."

"It is the only thing I took from my parent's house. It was a present from my parents on my sixteenth birthday. I always wanted a Steinway & Sons Piano. I can remember it like it was yesterday, the day my mom and dad took me to the factory, to look at how they were made. I sat down at this beautiful mahogany stained black piano, and I could see my reflection in it. I so badly wanted to play it. One of the staff came over and told me it was for a music room and she then showed me all the different types there were. Little did I know at the time I was actually picking out my own piano! When I woke up on my birthday there it was sitting in my music room. The same mahogany stained black piano; that now sits here before you. I love this like she is my own child, I could not take anything else from that house, and as far as I was concerned it belonged to my brother. The only thing I ever wanted was Selah."

"You named her Selah, don't you think that is a little strange?" she giggled.

"Yes I named her Selah, it means pause or reflect in Hebrew. That is what I come to do when I sit with her and play her, and stop giggling, it is not funny. People name dogs and cats and treat them like their babies. Well she is mine and she deserved a name. Because she brings serenity and me calms whenever I sit with her, she had to have a name that fit, and I feel it does." There take that Bella!

"I did not mean to offend you Edward, I just could not believe you named a piece of furniture. But I can see your point and it is a valid one, I shall give you that. I have to say it is better than naming a car."

"I would not let Emmett hear you say that, he has names for every single one of his cars. How he remembers them I have no idea, but he does and he dotes on them just like he does his children. Actually come to think of it, I think he loves one of the two the just a little bit more… I mean his children over his cars of course." I said, as I laughed.

"It is nice to see you smiling again Edward, I did not mean for our conversation to go to a dark place for you. I am sorry."

"There is no need to apologize. If we are going to get to know each other we are gong to have to have these hard conversations. But I honestly can't do anymore tonight. How about we get together again sometime during this week? I have Wednesday off but I have an appointment in the morning. However we could catch up for lunch take the kids to the park again, or we can take them to the park and then have dinner and finish of this chat."

"Park and dinner sound good Edward. I would really like to talk more about this, and hopefully by Wednesday, everything will be looking up for you."

"I am sure it will be Bella, I will have had my second appointment with a therapist, so fingers crossed."

We walked down the stairs and I helped Bella in the jacket she brought. As much as the day was beautiful, it could still get cold and tonight was still a little fresh. I walked her to the door, and just before I opened it she turned around and looked at me with her big brown doe eyes.

"Just be open and honest with yourself when you go Edward, if you don't do that it is not going to work. It will be painful; I have no doubt, but remember whom you are doing it for. Only you!" With that she opened the door said goodnight and left.

No truer words could have escaped her lips and I was grateful she reminded me, that it is all about me when I walk into that room. The world could be falling apart on the outside but once I was in that room, I need to focus on me.

I walked back out to the balcony, picked up our cups and put them in the dishwasher. As I moved though my home I turned off the lights as I went. I checked in on the twins, covered them up again, kissed their foreheads and partially close their door. I left a gap in case they woke up and needed me.

I was exhausted by the time I walked into my room. I'd had such an emotional weekend, it had drained me completely and I had not realized it until now. I took a quick shower, changed into my black sleep pants and crawled into bed.

Before I drifted off to sleep I went back over the day and how much fun I had. It had been a while since I had laughed so much. Maybe this was the turning point in my life as Bella pointed out. I just had to make sure I navigated it properly.