My beloved readers … I apologize for how long it's taken me to get you this chapter. As I stated in my update for 'A Four Year Secret' life has been insane, and I've been having major issues with my laptop as of late so while I may want to update regularly it may not always be possible, so please be patient with me, I do promise the stories will be completed this time around!

Angelnlove52, what can I say, you are truly my lifesaver. Without you I don't know that these new and improved chapters would be possible, so again, thank you!

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CHAPTER 12

BPOV ~

Friday, February 2nd, 2007 ~

It was just after six in the evening when the phone rang, signaling someone was requesting to be let into the building. I exhaled the breath I'd probably been holding since I woke up that morning and picked up the phone, pressing the # button to grant him entrance. I knew who was requesting entrance—and to tell you the truth, I wasn't at all surprised he was there. I'd promised him I would see him while he was in town, so when I ignored his call earlier, followed by not calling him back, I knew he'd eventually come looking for me—or I'd hoped he would, rather, at least show some initiative when it came to our relationship.

There was a quick rap at the door, since I was already heading in that direction, I was standing in front of it when he knocked. Quickly, I brushed the remnants of dried tears off my cheeks before I reached forward and pulled the door open. I wasn't really expecting the emotions that flooded me when I saw him standing there looking fuckhot. He was dressed in a black Armani suit, with a deep blue shirt under his jacket. He wasn't wearing a tie, which was probably a good thing, considering the spring that sprung between my legs. I'm certain I would have wrapped my hands around it, and pulled him to me, had he been wearing one.

"Bella?" My eyes snapped up to his, and he smirked.

Bastard! I thought, stepping to the side as I gestured for him to enter, which he did.

"You look good," he stated confidently, walking into the apartment.

So do you, I thought closing the door behind him.

"Thank you," I replied nervously, ducking my head, diverting my sight. "Would you like something to drink?" I quickly stepped around him and headed for the kitchen, not waiting for a response—I needed to get away from him. Too many emotions and hormones were racing through me, and I didn't trust myself at all.

When he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush against his body, it took me by surprise, but I didn't move to stop him, nor did I complain. In fact, I believe I may have sighed in contentment and let my body relax against his—my head falling back and landing against his shoulder. I hated the way my body responded to him. It always deceived me where Edward was concerned—it refused to allow me to stay mad at him for any period of time—it was getting tiresome to say the least. I needed to be strong, but any strength I may have had before he arrived went flying out the door the moment I saw him.

"I missed you," he groaned, tightening his hold on me. "So much."

"I missed you, too," I whispered truthfully, feeling his hot breath fan over my neck before he pressed a chaste kiss against my pulse point and slid his hands down to caress the exposed skin of my hips, eliciting a moan from me.

Stop this, Bella! my subconscious screamed when his hands slowly slipped under my tank top, caressing the skin there as his mouth went from placing chaste kisses, to full on nipping and sucking. I was a withering mess of need by the time his hands reached the bottom edge of my bra.

Edward stilled both his hands and his mouth. "Do you want me to stop?" he breathed hesitantly against my neck.

"I should," I whimpered. "But I don't." I knew it was wrong. The man ignored me for the past several weeks, telling me he would come, then last minute canceling on me. Strategically, he waited until it was safe for me to be intimate again, both mentally and physically. With every kiss, it only drove home the fact that he was more to me than I was to him. He came across as my boyfriend—the person I was really starting to fall for, but to him, I was just an easy Vegas lay. Correction, a free Vegas lay.

Yeah, free for him, considering I was still waiting on the bills from the hospital. That shit scared me—how the fuck was I supposed to afford that, school, and living expenses? Damn, this man has screwed me in more ways than one.

Edward groaned, attaching his lips back onto my neck as he slipped his hands under my bra to cup my breasts. "Where is everyone?" he asked, pinching my nipple.

I moaned like some fucking dog in heat—what in the hell is wrong with me? "G-gone …."

"When are they coming back?" he whispered, groping the shit out my fun bags.

"Oh …. Not for awhile …." Edward wasted no time pulling my shirt over my head, discarding that and my bra somewhere to the side.

What the fuck, Bella? my subconscious bellowed. Stop this shit, now!

Edward thrust his cloth-covered erection against my ass, making me moan like some two-bit hooker. I, in turn, thrust my ass back, grinding it on his raging hard on.

You're not going to stop this, are you?

Nope!

"Edward," I whimpered, turning around in his arms.

He crashed his lips against mine, trailing his hands down my ass. I gasped when he gripped it in his hands, and lifted me to sit on the kitchen table.

"I'm gonna fuck you right here," he groaned breaking the kiss, moving to remove my shorts. I moaned, lying back on the table.

Once my shorts and underwear were off, Edward made quick work of removing his clothes. I watched intently, memorizing his body—burning it into my brain for later … after he'd left me once again.

"Are you still on birth control?" he asked, crawling back on top of me. I nodded, while his lips descended on mine.

Of course. Why would I allow you to 'accidentally' impregnate me and leave me again? Fool me once …. my conscious scowled.

"Good," he retorted, his lips brushing against mine lightly, before he pulled my bottom lip between his, gently sucking.

I whimpered, wrapping both arms and legs around him, my fingers lacing in his hair, while the kiss deepened. Before we knew it, we were both breaking away, gasping for air. He placed one last chaste kiss on my lips, and then he pulled back.

Maintaining eye contact, he slowly entered me. I gasped, arching my back, relishing in the way he was stretching me. It'd been way to long since I'd felt him inside me, and damn did I miss it.

"God, I missed you," he groaned, lowering his head to the junction between my neck and shoulder. He placed a chaste kiss there, and then began nipping and sucking his way up my neck, while his cock moved fluently inside of me.

I moaned, tightening the hold both my arms and legs had, holding him to me. "I missed you, too … so much … oh, Edward …."

"Shit, baby girl," he grunted, pulling back a bit. "You feel so good … Fuck!" He brought his finger down, and started rubbing frantically on my clit. "I'm gonna come, baby girl ..."

"Ed-ward!" I screamed, achieving my release just as he found his.

You stupid, stupid, girl! my subconscious screamed, finally getting my attention when Edward collapsed on top of me.

What in the hell did I just do? How could I have been so damn stupid? I let him back into my pants, and not a damn thing had changed. In fact, we weren't even together anymore. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"I … I gotta get up," I stuttered, pushing on his shoulders. I felt like I was suffocating, and luckily, Edward was quick to scramble off me.

"Everything okay?" he asked hesitantly, pulling his pants back on. I mean we just finished fucking, why wouldn't he be pulling his pants back on right away? Fuck and run … yup that sounded a lot like Edward. The worst part—I was the whore to let him do it again and again.

With tears filling my eyes, I shook my head, scrambling off the table as well. "This … this shouldn't have happened … we're—"

"Please don't regret this, Bella," he interrupted, pulling me into his arms. "We'll talk, we'll figure this out. I promise, but please don't regret this."

I whimpered, burying my face in his chest. "I don't want to, Edward. I just …" A sob ripped through my chest. I didn't want to regret what we'd done, but after all the empty promises, it was hard not to.

"I know, baby," Edward soothed, rubbing his hand up and down my back. "Let's get dressed …. We'll talk."

My back straightened and I took a step back. As good as it felt being in his arms again, I knew I couldn't continue on the way we were. I needed more and I wasn't entirely sure he was willing to give it. I was terrified of what our conversation would bring, what it would mean for our relationship in the end—I just couldn't do it.

"I can't," I cried, shaking my head. "I gotta go. I'm sorry, I can't do this." I ran from the room. I knew I had minimal time before he would come after me, so I grabbed my shorts and pulled them on as quickly as I could without tripping. I pulled my tank on just as I slammed the door behind me.

God I was so fucking stupid! How could I let him in, literally? I was proving to him—as well as myself—that I was nothing more than a continental booty call. Someone he could just fuck then leave, no feelings, no emotions—just sex. But I did have feelings, I did have emotions, and I didn't want to be some slut he called whenever he was in town. I loved it when he called me baby, or his ever so famous baby girl, but when he called me his girlfriend in San Diego, the night our relationship changed so drastically, I was over the moon with excitement. I wanted nothing more than to be his girlfriend. I'd give anything to be his girlfriend … but I had to realize it was never going to happen. I ruined any chance of that happening by letting him have the milk for free all these months. All I was ever going to be was a Vegas hook up, and I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't shut off my emotions, my feelings. I needed more. I needed him.

I tried calling Alice the moment I closed the cab door behind me—I needed a friendly ear, someone to let me cry on their shoulder without the sardonic "I told you so" tone in their voice. Alice didn't answer, and when I remembered her telling me her husband was going to be home for the weekend, I was glad she didn't pick up. I'd hate to interrupt their time together with my trivial problems.

I decided to go to the club. I needed the distraction, and I figured what better way of distracting myself then shaking my ta-ta's with Ang and Victoria. It was a win win if you asked me, it'd keep my mind off the epic sized mistake I'd just made as well as put some extra—though well needed—cash in my pocket. After all, wasn't that all I was—some stripper turned hooker? At least to Edward I was.

When the cab pulled up in front of the club, I paid the driver and exited the car. I sighed, glancing at the building, sorrow suddenly invading me. I met Edward at the club. The club was what brought him to me in the first place. Had I not been on stage that night, I never would have met Edward—I wouldn't be dreading walking into the building that'd overall given me a nice life thus far—my heart wouldn't be nearly broken.

My eyes filled with tears and I quickly looked away. The pub across the street caught my attention, and I cocked my head to the side slightly as I glanced back at the club. Without another thought, I hauled ass across the street and entered the tiny establishment.

Funny, I'd worked at After Twilight for over three years and I had no idea the little pub existed. It wasn't very big and not at all busy, probably because of the strip club right across the street, but it was exactly what I needed. I wasn't much of a drinker, but I walked to the bar anyway, deciding it didn't matter what I was in the past, because as of that moment, I was changing it all up and becoming a different person—someone that didn't sleep with men they met in strip clubs. A person who didn't accept anything less than extraordinary, and most importantly, someone who didn't allow anyone to walk all over them. I quickly ordered a vodka cranberry on the rocks and then found myself a seat at the sticky bar …. Three and half-hours, and God only knows how many drinks later, I stumbled back across the street.

"Hey, Izzy," Felix, the bouncer greeted, a flirtatious smile on his face. "I didn't think you were working tonight."

I shook my head, placing my hand on his bicep. "I'm not," I slurred, squeezing the very firm muscle under my hand. "I'm here to get drunk …. Ang and Vic go on yet?"

Felix shook his head, opening the door for me to enter. "Not yet," he supplied. "But it doesn't sound like you really need anything more to drink, my dear."

I shrugged, entering the building. "Felix, my friend, I need something much stiffer than a drink," I answered, not fully realizing what I said until it was too late. His cheeks blushed slightly and he winked at me as I walked toward the bar.

Sam, the part time bartender/floor bouncer was running the bar when I approached. His hands immediately went toward the soda dispenser but I shook my head. I didn't want my usual, I wanted to live on the other side of the fence for once.

"I want something fruity, Sammy?" I asked sweetly, blinking my eyes a few times, trying to be cute. Sam had always flirted with me more than the other girls, to the point Leah, one of the other dancers, was insanely jealous. He always walked me to my car, or escorted me with his hand securely on the small of my back. Maybe someone like him was just what I needed to get over Edward. After all, didn't the saying go, the best way to get over someone was to get under another?

Maybe by moving on, I could forget all about Edward and find someone here—someone that could give me what I needed. I mean really, what was it that attracted me to Edward in the first place? Yes, he was good looking, and yes, when he was there, he was attentive, but it only lasted while he was there. The rest of the time, he inadvertently made me feel like shit—ignoring me, not coming to see me when he was supposed to …. Maybe ignoring me while he was away was his way of making me feel more special when he was there. Maybe it was his way of making it so I was more willing for sex. Less of an emotional connection meant more of a sexual one or something like that. Maybe I was going crazy for trying to rationalize the actions of a player.

However the cookie crumbled, I was over it. I needed someone who would actually pay attention to me and care about me all the time, not just when it was convenient for him—and if Edward wasn't up for the task, I was damn certain I could find someone that would be.

Sam and I sat at the bar, innocently flirting back and forth for God knows how long before a strong hand came and housed itself on my back. Blinking to get acclimated to the light that shone over his head, my face lit up when I noticed it was Ben, Angela's fiancé. As odd as it sounded, he and I had always been kind of a brother-sister mentality. He was one of the first people we met when we arrived in Vegas. He and I instantly formed an everlasting friendship, while he took to Angela like … well, like I'd taken to Edward. He was her knight in shining armor, her prince charming …. He was constantly trying to get her to date him, but Angela was as cold to men as her sister was. Seeing them as nothing more than a means to an end, a meal ticket—someone to keep you warm on a cool winters nights, but never someone worth keeping around for any period of time. It was sad really, but I totally understood. If I were being completely honest, I kind of felt the same way, considering what we'd went through during our stay in the foster home, but I tried real hard to remember the stories my father told me growing up. The stories of how much he'd loved my mother, how strong their love for each other was that I was determined not to be an old shrew. I refused to grow old alone—I wasn't going to be the cat lady, and that meant believing in the fairytales my dad had told me. I was going to find love and it hurt to think I might have found it in a player.

"Bella, what's going on? I hear you're quite drunk?" Ben asked, slightly raising his chin to Sam, nicely dismissing him from my care.

"Mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm, yups I am," I answered with a wide, drunk smile.

"And why is that?" he asked with a chuckle. "I've never actually seen you drunk."

"Because I am starting a new life starting tonight. You're meeting the new Bella," I giggled, shoving my hand out in his direction for a handshake.

"I see …." He nodded, a boyish smile covering his face. "And what does that mean, exactly?"

"It means, no more stupid boys in my life that only want to hurt me and use me for sex." I didn't realize how childish I actually sounded until the words replayed in my mind. My tone sounded like a petulant child. Hell, I probably looked like one too with my eyes narrowed and my mouth pursed.

Ben sat on the barstool next to me, turning slightly so he was looking me straight in the eye. "Do I need to kick this sorry excuse of a man's ass?" he asked. "Cause any man that only wants you for sex is downright stupid." I nodded once, but he didn't give me a chance to respond. "You know he's not worth all this, right …? You're one hell of a girl, Isabella Swan, and one day, you will find someone that's smart enough to recognize it."

I smiled a sad smile, tears filling my eyes. "I just wish …. I … I think … I think I've fallen love in with him, Benny …. Why doesn't he love me back?" Ben wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. "I'm so stupid, Ben … so stupid …."

"No you're not," he quickly opposed. "You're probably—"

I shook my head, pulling away from him so I could see his face, again. "Trust me," I interrupted. "I'm stupid …. I did something …. God, how could I be so stupid?"

Ben looked at me curiously. "What happened?" he questioned.

I shook my head, again, not sure if I should, or wanted to tell him about what had happened with Edward. Ben knew about Edward, though I wasn't sure just how much he knew. I assumed Angela and Victoria had probably told him something, considering he'd been over a few of the nights I'd woke up screaming, but I'd never asked or volunteered anything when I was talking to him.

"You don't have to tell me anything," he finally said, I'm sure sensing my hesitation. "But know, if you do want to talk, I will listen …. I won't repeat anything you tell me either."

I stared at Ben, silently contemplating whether I wanted to discuss the major stupidness I'd engaged in that evening when I decided he was really killing my buzz. I came out with the intentions of forgetting the errors of my ways, and sitting there wallowing in my sorrows was most definitely not forgetting. I needed to drink—to shake my fucking ass damnit.

"Actually, Ben," I exclaimed standing up. A bit too fast too, because I stumbled forward. Thankfully, Ben was there to catch me before I fell face first onto the floor. "I'd much rather be dancing and getting my drink on!"

"Easy girl," Ben laughed, grabbing a hold of my waist as an attempt to stabilize me. I was swaying all over the place, and to be completely honest, the room was starting to spin. "I think you've had enough to drink …. You can barely stand up straight, let alone dance. How bout I take you home?"

"But, Benny," I whined. I really didn't want to go home. I knew as soon as I was alone I'd start to think again and I really didn't want to think—I wanted to forget. "I don't wanna …. I wanna dance … come dance with me!"

"I'll take it from here," Edward hissed, pulling me away from Ben and into his arms. To say I was taken off guard would have been a drastic understatement. He literally came out of nowhere. One minute I was standing there with Ben's hands attempting to hold me up, and the next I was wrapped in Edward's embrace.

My body betrayed me the moment his arms encased me. It was almost as though I was home and my body knew it, allowing me to relax into his embrace. The feelings of confusion and loneliness I was feeling earlier were no longer there. I felt safe, and above all, I felt loved—I knew in that moment, that despite it all, no matter the difficulties we'd faced to that point, or may face in the future, we were going to be okay. Edward and I would be okay.

I turned in his arms, whispering, "Ed-ward" as I burrowed my face into his chest. I felt his arms tighten around me, reinforcing the feeling of security that surrounded me. I didn't ever want him to let me go, and at that moment, I honestly felt as though he'd never let it happen.

"And you are?" I heard Ben ask Edward, his voice coming out a bit territorial. I didn't like it, I knew Ben was just looking out for my best interest, but this was my Edward … my Edward wouldn't hurt me.

Delusional much, Bella? my subconscious asked, but I squashed her down. I wasn't having any of it. I knew in my heart Edward was meant for me and me for him. No matter what trials and tribulations we had to face, in the end it would be he and I—there was no convincing me otherwise.

"Her boyfriend," Edward announced. "You are?"

I lifted my head slightly. "Mmm … boyfriend. I like that," I murmured, smiling softly as I met his eyes. He glanced at me, gracing me with his gorgeous smile before it quickly transformed back into a glare and landed back on Ben.

Ben's expression softened considerably when his eyes met mine, and I watched as he relaxed and extended his hand to Edward in offering, but when I looked back up to Edward, he was narrowing his eyes, silently shooting daggers into him—I laughed, I couldn't help myself, it was quite funny to be completely honest. Edward wasn't backing down, and he sure as hell wasn't about to shake the hand of the man he thought me to be fornicating with.

"Oh, Edward." I laughed. "This is Ben," I informed. "Angela's finance."

Ben nodded, gesturing toward me. "She's in good hands?" he asked. Edward looked to me as I nestled my face back into his chest—my hands holding onto his jacket as if I were stranded in the middle of the ocean and it was my life preserver.

"Take good care of her," Ben continued, pulling both of our attention back to him. "She was pretty messed up when she got here, and she's pretty intoxicated if you haven't gathered that yet."

Edward nodded, his hold tightening considerably, as he answered, "I did, and yes, she is …. Thanks, Ben. For keeping her safe."

Ben nodded once. "She's the sister I never had. I'd never let anything happen to her …. Go home with Edward, Bella. Talk to him." I'm pretty sure I missed some of the conversation since both men were looking down at me, but Angela and Victoria being called to stage distracted me from listening to the entire conversation, only being pulled back at the sound of my name.

I nodded, my head not leaving the comforts of Edward's chest. "Thanks, Bennie … for listening."

Ben smiled, turning his attention to the stage. "Well, I'm gonna go get a lap dance from my girl …. You two have a good night …. And talk." I watched as Ben turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Edward and I all alone.

Edward's hold on me tightened immensely, pulling my attention back to him. His eyes were trained on the stage, his jaw tight and his nostrils flared. "Bella, you are never getting on that stage with Angela and Vic again. You're not subjecting yourself like a whore like that … you're better than that. You deserve better than that," Edward muttered.

"Edward," I cried, not knowing what else to say. His eyes immediately met mine and his facial expressions seemed to have softened. "I'm sorry I left you …."

My eyes zeroed in on his lips and the possibility of what they could do for me once we got home, causing my mind to go to bed automatically. I vaguely remembered running into some guy as Edward and I tried to make a hasty exit, leaving nothing but a bad taste in my wonderful daydream of Edward's hands all over my body.

Once we were in Edward's car, my hands and lips immediately went to the zipper on his pants, not able to wait any longer. I needed him in me in some shape or form and I didn't care how I was going to get it.

The next morning, I awoke to a loud buzzing in my ear, a throbbing in my stomach, and an ache all over my body I'd never felt before. My mind was hazy and dizzy as I tried to sit up. Eyes half open, I looked around the room, wondering why the bed around me was in such disarray, and why there was a male humming coming from the bathroom. I allowed my hand to wander to the other side of the bed, feeling the slight warmth in the sheets caused a dry panic to flush through my system as my mind raked through what happened yesterday … what I possibly did last night.

Edward came … or was that a dream? No, he had to have came, we had sex on the kitchen table and I ran. I remembered drinking at the bar across the street from the club, going to the club, talking to Ben. Then nothing.

My breath caught when the humming stopped and Edward came back into my room, allowing me to exhale in relief.

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?" he asked his voice quiet and reserved.

"Like I was hit with the flu," I answered, my hand going to my head, hoping to stop the swishing of the room around me.

"When you feel better, we need to talk," he informed, carefully sitting on the side of the bed, handing me a cup of water and a few brown pills.

I nodded slightly, looking to the bed in shame. "I … I am happy you came …. I know my actions last night didn't really say that, but I missed you something terrible …." I didn't even feel Edward shift on the bed, in fact, it kind of took me off guard when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap.

"Bella …" he whispered, but didn't say anything else. In fact, we sat there for I don't even know how long in complete silence, his hand aimlessly rubbing my back soothingly until his phone started to vibrate on my nightstand again.

I cringed at the painful throb it induced in my head, my hands simultaneously clutching at my aching head.

"Shit!" Edward cursed, quickly grabbing and silencing his phone. He glanced at it briefly and then shoved it into his pocket. "Sorry …."

I shook my head. "If you need to take it—"

"I don't," he quickly interjected, gesturing between the two of us. "This is the only thing of importance today." I smiled, turning in his lap a bit to face him.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that …. I haven't exactly felt it … lately …." Edward lifted my chin, my eyes meeting his immediately.

"Bella …" he breathed, his eyes showing nothing but pain and sorrow—that I was sure of. "I have so much to say … to tell you …. Just not here. I'd really rather we have this conversation in complete privacy."

I swallowed, hard. "Okay …." Edward smiled at me then brought his lips to mine, kissing me with more passion than I'd ever felt. I will say it made my blood run cold, the way he was kissing me with such despair made the hair on my arms stand on end.

I dreaded what was to come.

**Author's Note**

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