A/N: Please R & R

Not so different after all

Ryan went to Marissa's and rang the bell standing there nervously. Thinking of all the things he could possibly say to her.

There was no answer. He looked around and figured she wasn't home so obviously this had to wait.

He was kind of disappointed and started walking back towards his car and so consumed In his thoughts of telling her that he didn't even notice that when he turned to walk back down the driveway that he collided with "Marissa" He said looking up the women of his thoughts was now suddenly standing right there in front of him.

"Ryan" She said looking surprised to see him. "So what are you doing here?" She said trying to break the tension. He chickened out. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to Boston tomorrow" He said.

She looked at him. "Okay" she said. "Okay" He said turning to leave. Marissa turned to walk away.

"Wait that's not what I came here to say" He said. She stopped and turned to him. "I'm listening" She said.

"I didn't tell you about the job because I didn't want you to know why I had decided to stay" Ryan said. "But I know why it's because of Sandy" Marissa said.

"No. Well I mean now it plays a factor in my decision obviously but it wasn't originally because I had decided before this thing with Sandy that I was going to take the job. Ironically I was going to the New Port group the morning Sandy collapsed" He said thinking about it.

"So why didn't you tell me?" She wondered why he would hold back on her like that.

"Because I didn't want you to think that I was staying so that we could be friends" Ryan said looking at her. She looked at him sadly.

"I mean we were never friends you said so yourself" He said. She looked up at him. "Okay so you don't want to be friends. So why start this whole thing to begin with?" She asked.

"Because at first I convinced myself that we could be friends if I tried hard enough and the more time I spent with you the less I felt we could be friends" He explained.

She nodded. "Because no matter what we've gone through or what we did to each other" he paused

"I'm always going to be drawn to you and after nine years of this back and forth relationship that we have here I've come to realize that I'm okay with that" He said looking at her.

She looked at him surprised at honest he was being. "I started this whole friend's thing because I figured it was an easy way to get you back into my life. However I never stopped to think what I might find when we got there" He said.

She stared at him listening. "So you were right when you said we were different now because this is how I'm able to be completely honest with you and say that what I found was you" Ryan said looking at her.

She nodded and sat on the porch step. "Marissa I can't just be your friend because it's not enough for me and it never has been" He said being honest. "I want more" He added.

Marissa looked at him surprised. "What?" She said not believing that she was hearing this.

"I want more. I've always wanted more but at the same time I don't want to push you which is how this thing started in the first place because I thought if I tried that it could be enough for me but it's just not possible" He said.

"I know" She said. "You do?" He asked wondering if it was something she had thought about.

"Like you said I was the one who originally said that we could never be friends. I still stand by that today" Marissa said. "So we can't be friends we figured that much out now comes the complicated part" He said.

"To see if what we actually want is enough to be together" she said looking at him. He looked at her. "We?" Ryan said. "Well why'd you think I said everything the other night at the Cohen's?" She said.

"Because you were pissed at me for not telling you" he said.

"No because Ryan the only thing that I've ever wanted in my whole life was you and I figured if I had you everything else didn't matter. But then I thought of the possibility of you not wanting the same thing and what I would do in that situation and I just thought it would be better to go back to not talking to you. It couldn't be any harder then seeing you everyday and not being able to tell you how I feel" Marissa said.

He smiled. "So we were both scared to admit how we feel and yet all along we've wanted the same thing. How's that possible?" Ryan said.

"Because I guess there's a part of us that isn't so different after all" She said smiling at him. "I guess not" He said. "So you're going to Boston tomorrow?" She said.

"Yeah but then I'm coming home, back to New Port, back to my life, and everything else that comes along with it". He said. "So do I factor into that somewhere?" She said teasing him. He smiled. "You always have" He said sitting next to her.

She leaned into his shoulder and smiled. "I should go I have an early flight" He said.

"Yeah of course" She said they stood up together. She looked at him. "So I guess I'll see you" He said.

"Call me when you get back" she said with a smile. "Yeah of course" He said. She nodded.

This was awkward. She laughed at how awkward it actually was. "Okay so night Ryan" she said kissing his cheek. "Night Marissa" He said with a smile and turned and walked away.

By the time Ryan got home it was late. He walked through the kitchen Kirsten was there. "Hey" she said.

"Hey" He said. "You want me to fix you something?" She said. "No thanks I'm just tired there's a lot to do tomorrow" He said. "What times your flight?" She said.

"Seven" He said. "Okay so I could take you" She said. "No that's okay Seth already offered and besides someone should be with Sandy" He said. She smiled.

"Yeah your right. She paused. "Ryan" she said and then paused staring at him "I want to come home Kirsten. It's just time" He said knowing that's what she was trying to say.

Kirsten nodded. "Besides I was going to talk to you about staying for the job before this happened so there's a lot of things that factor into my decision" He said.

"Things with Marissa?" She said. He laughed. "Are complicated but I'm trying to figure it all out" He said. "So you're coming home for her?" She asked.

He nodded. "I'm coming home for me it's just something that I need to do for myself" He said hoping she would understand.

She hugged him. "Get some rest and come see me before you leave tomorrow" Kirsten said. "Of course. Night" He said. "Good night Ryan" She said leaving him alone in the kitchen.

Early the next morning Ryan was grabbing his bag from the pool house and then he went to find Seth.

He knocked on his bedroom door. "Seth" He said coming in. Seth looked up. "Hey you ready?" He said. "Yeah" Ryan said. "Okay come on" He said.

The drive to the airport was sort of quiet. "So how long are you staying?" Seth said keeping his eyes on the road.

"I figure a week possible, a week in a half tops. Is that going to work for you?" Ryan said. "Yeah I don't have to be in L.A. for awhile. No new cases so yeah you know its fine" He said.

"Good I just figured I go now so you had a chance to go back to L.A. do what you have to do" He said.

"So does Marissa know?" Seth said. "Yeah" He said. "So you guys figure things out?" Seth said. "Eventually we will" He said. "Good" Seth said pulling over.

"So I'll see you when I get back" Ryan said. "Yeah you know call lets us know you got back safe alright" Seth said.

"Alright man" He said giving him a pound. "Later" Seth said. "Don't drive Summer crazy" He said with a smile walking away from the car with his carryon in one hand. Seth smiled and pulled away.

It had been a few days Summer was at lunch with Marissa. "So you hear from Ryan yet?" Summer said walking out of the restaurant Marissa following.

"No but I didn't expect to" She said. "Why not? I thought you said you guys talked?" Summer said. "We did and I told him to just call me when he got back" She said.

"I would have figured you guys would have talked already it has been a few days Summer said.

"Well I think we just need time you know. We left things in a nice place and I guess we don't want to ruin that with more words. It's better to just leave things as is for awhile" she said hoping Summer would understand.

"You believe that?" She said. "I do" Marissa said. "Okay" Summer said. "So you should get back to work and I will call you later" She said.

"Yeah you know maybe we'll do something" Summer said. Marissa laughed. "I'm gonna be fine besides I don't feel like playing third wheel to you and Seth" She said.

"Call me okay" Summer said. "I will Sum I'll talk to you later" she said walking off leaving a worried Summer behind watching her go.

Meanwhile Ryan was back at his office finishing up some stuff. His phone rang. "Ryan Atwood" he said.

"Mr. Atwood how's it going?" He said. He smiled recognizing the callers voice. "It's going alright Sandy how's everything at home?" He said.

"Oh you know the same as you left it. I just wanted to check up on you. It's been a few days" He said.

"Yeah I know it's just there's a lot to do here and I kind of got swept up in it but I promise I'll call Kirsten later" Ryan said. "Smart guy you know the reason for the call" He said.

"Well she was always quite the worrier" He said with a laugh. "That's true. Marissa stopped by the other day" Sandy said. "That was nice of her" He said.

"You get a chance to talk to her" Sandy asked. "No I just figured I'll see how things go when I get home" Ryan said. Ryan's secretary walked in. "Mr. Atwood" She said.

He signaled to wait a minute. "So I'm gonna let you go kid since you got a lot to do so call us later alright" Sandy said. "Alright take care Sandy" He said hanging up.

"I'm sorry" She said. "No that's okay" He said. She handing him some files and walked out.

Looking at all of this work he wanted to be home but he knew he had to get all of this done first.